dumb creatures?

dis is what i learnt, first hand real life experience....girls are either super cunning and a great liar or they can be extremely dumb.

scenario one, a fren of mine was flashing a foto of herself n her new bf....well ok la, id b proud too if i had someone...but hey tt guy looks familiar and true enuff it was him, after a short conversation we found out tt he's a predator, who hunts for girls at the usual lame site anak melayu...believe me lepak sak how a girl can actually hook up with these fakes...ive been there out of curiousity and hell, i didnt like it...its(the website) like an electronic pimp....although it did help me reunite with my poly frens whom i lost contact long time ago....back to the story....so okay she found out who he was, she continued seeing him, well tts fine, it has got nothing to do with me and its ur choice n life anyways....but then just now she was pissed at him cos she learnt he had another woman and indeed gave another stupid excuse, "oh its jus a plot to see if ure jealous and if u really love me..." hehehe crap.....and guess wat she told me, sid, i dunno la but i love him....i choose to believe him than the girl......hehe well ur choice....i can just smile...

scenario 2, the extremely cunning and a great liar....hmmm need i tell u meh? jus the other way round lor......and naive guys tend to be the victims lor...thinking tt she loves him, cos she cries crocodile tears and her hugs made him feel the warmth of love...hehehehe

enuff of the L-O-V-E shit....i dun believe it until i found one, a real one for now, i guess its crap, even those lovers can cheat each other and guess wat knowingly....
so i dun see a point, might as well be a swinger......i even have frens who fell in 'love' with a married man probably old enough to be her father.....and believe me i use to think she was hot until now....theres too many living example tt 80% of love stories are actually fakes.....only probably 10% are real and the 10% are just there to exist, get wat i mean?

-----------------------------------------------------
todae,
went to go-sport wif ma bb bud, shahreil....brings back memories of those skateboarding years....those times wen we stink as hell and shred costly shoes like nobodies business, it was cool back then, no worries, no nothing, save up for complete set, and skate till we are dead tired....running away from cops and residents who got annoyed with the noise...the memories made me wanna skate again... probably itll provide an escape from the adult life now.....id love to do that big spin again, that fakie ollie, etc...but then again like tt auntie said, remember uve put on weight...hehehehe

soccer was a little boring todae....i dunno why but having strangers in ur team sure took away the fun and excitement...
alif---i was still paranoid over yest incident, i kept looking if any pig was coming.
i went home still hungry, grabbed tt grapefruit juice i bought and poured a full cup, it was horrible cos its raw and no sugar added....uggghhh....then i added the drink i got the other day...hmm better...but makin me drowsy..heheheh....ooops

friday....
the bbq im looking forward to, i hope itll be fun...just chill out, eat some unhealthy food, no wait, i bet itll be fun....vespa frens gone, now gilera frens...
too bad the vespa ppls' passion didnt last....and i was left alone.....

okla until then peeps, ive wrote long enough.....cya ard peeps

sigh

there am i, after my prata, enjoying my teh o halia.......when suddenly..."tp!, tp! saman...sapa tak sayang duit tinggalkan kereta....!" i was wtf.....went to my bike, try to move it as quick as possible but the fucken pig in white is already taking down everyones vehicle number....bloody pig!.....we're moving off already wont u give us some face...mutha fucka.....ok, so my 70bucks will make up ur pay, i hope u bloat with the money u use to buy food, feed ur family and so on....at least give us some grace but u muthafuck decide to take down the numbers, if i do get any summons from tp, ill curse u down 7 generations(ceh macam cerita langkawi jer) mutha fucka, u must be having ur pms tt u have to take down the number...

enough...now i only pray tt he never did get a chance to take down mine....i hope so, 70 bucks i can do alot with it...pay bills, season parking, etc....fuckyall pigs... asswipes...

MONDAY(N)

eat alot, slack alot, fart alot, listened to rock alot, suddenly i feel 512mb is not sufficient, humans, never satisfied with what they have, thats why they left to hunt for better or worse have both or more at the same time, i wanted a bigger space mp3 but i dun think its necessary, might as well delete the songs ive been listening to for like 3 months and put in the ol skool rock im so into todae i dunno why. black sabbath, acdc,jimi, ozzy all suddenly sounded so sweet.....sweet leaf, i love ya...hehehe...

had a fun day......coolness....i wait for another day of fun...

heres this years goal....abit too late but better than neva....
since we are going to get some money from the big G, id like to make use of it to obtain class 3, my aim to bring round mom n the 2 younger ones round during hari raya..
and of course the class 3 aids me in my future......really...my other goal to save up at least 5k tis year if i dun get to study nursing....i dunno if its ambitious but tts my target.....id do my best, its better if i go way beyond it....

my vision, still, to live my dream no matter how long it takes, i wanna be my own boss....mebbe not now, mebbe not in the next 10 or 20years.....but the dream still carries on....

boy, good luck for tt biathlon....shahreil go get tt gilly....mankey dun waste anymore money, start saving up, wanna see u n lin settle down like shahreil n yakti..

watever it is, i wish the best for my frens....cos they were there for me when i was left alone....thnks dudes.....

helloween playing future world now.....gnite peepz.....gotta catch some sleep.

why

up till today, some things are still unexplainable....

im sorri razi, i have to disappoint u with the word no, i want that pipe but i guess id put my money to better use....how bout class 2 or class 3?

im gonna miss my hair in may...i have to snip it off for reservist.......suck right....

its that time wen i feel so lazy....my ass so heavy, and gravity pulling my eyes...

its tt time when i wonder wats wrong with me......

pls i want tt fonecall from either one, moe or wda...pls la..pls....

summary of the many days

emotional, materialistic, lusty on monday.....
i had a 'fling' well u can call it that....
i indulged in so unneccessary stuffs that made me happy while it last...
i spend, finally.....
im going to spend again...
im not so bad, so vicious, so evil after all
i am growing, oh no....not again...
i worked my ass off to keep that from happening...
im becoming more and more of a money making idiot and yet im spending more....it doesnt fit, id like to have more money but i end up spending...
i can get egoistic at times...
oh shit its becoming more like a profile on frenster...well its not
im beginning to think writing in fragments suck.
i bought 2 new games, nfsmw black list & def jam fight, i wish i was like my character in defjam fight so i can whoop those asses without a problem.
im listening to peterpan again, its making me hummm and its makin me emotional at times.
im weak, im a freak, so go fuck off....
i lost again at obtaining another....i screwed up....i shouldnt have...
my boss pisses me off, i just told him off and i have just put my job on the line..
he's such an asshole, he dunno wat he's talking and he thinks my job is so fuckin simple, mebbe cos im fat?
sega wants me to write a review for their latest game but i guess they wont let me have a free play of the game, so sorry, i cant do it then...
if i get to be a teacher, ill be the coolest one, well at least in sg....
if i get to be a nurse, ill get those broken legs dancing and those broken arms boxing.
im a believer, im a capricon, i believe in myself...
the chants at my void deck is driving me crazy...
i dun care anymore, im going to do wat i want and i dun give a fuck wat u say.... cos ure nobody to be saying anythin bout me...
im tired, yet i want to play soccer....
i dont want to worry and im not(well thats a lie)...
i dont lie, u do...idiot
i want to cheat and get the feel of it but im single now, im dangerous and an idiot to be writing this in public but then again like i said, i dont lie..
i envy other ppl alot...but i know i have my own life...
im not a walking time bomb, im calm and mellow, i scream six feet under.
last but not least, you n You n you SUCK.....u pissed off great deal..

late

such an idiot, im late n i missed 1 chance....nvr mind...still plenty more, cmmon sid buck up....

was at the usual kopi session with ma pals....talking bout the cost of a wedding... it scares me alright.....25K ouh...yeah tts right 25K estimated......im not getting married soon alright tts for sure.....even if i put aside 1k per mth, ttll take at least 2 years....

i think if i found someone, id just do the basic, no grand lavish wedding, unless insyah'allah i get a job tt earns me more than 2k......but for now id think minimal.
i understand its a once in alife time thingy....but if u cant afford it why kill urself. like shahreil's nick, if u work for a living why kill urself working....
but im lucky im single now....at least i got time to save, to plan, etc and wats best for me....i can at least do wats best for me...

wats important is i do well in life...tts all i want now...

gnite peepz

choices

o levels, b3 for english, b3 for malay, distinction for malay oral, the rest dont ask, cos i never study....but an improvement by 3 grades in my languages means i stand a better chance for a place in NIE.....and probably the accelerated 2 year dip in nursing at nyp.....wish me luck brudders.....i can see clearly that the rain is gone....

WASSUP?

wassup with me?....dengar sini aku katakan dengan jelas.....pangkah...delete...reformat
paham?....bodoh punye biskut......

oh korang miss akunye entry yng aku banggakan aku score kerana aku bukan orang yng gemar main bola, akhirnya terjerumus dalam permainan laknat nie...hehehe.... sori guys, no more...hehehe....bukan, aku tak segan di perli, di kutuk tapi dah malas...heheh...

why no entry for the past week? this is why, discovered my PS2 can work...im hooked on need for speed.... 2, ive got a buddy from work that i bitch with about life every night on msn.... 3, care-giving to 2 scooters is time consuming.... 4, im trying to reach my goal... so see, mr vicious is keeping himself bz....so tts why the silence. i cant be bothered anymore, id do anything tt pleases me, fuck yall out there...heheh
lame sak tt last sentence....

listen up, wen i said it, i mean it kay....so wat are u? dumbfuck?

sorri

sorri if i appeared rude....didnt mean to....

she smsed but she doesnt seem interested in sunday.....well watever....

im having a whale of a time with my frens....i love my frens......i hope sunday will be a great day, its my off day.....i hate boring off days....1 day of the week, tts all the fun i can have for a full 24hours so please i do not want to be disappointed....

ive been reading super-street(a street race car mag) almost everyday now....not real reading just browsing thru the parts, accesories and wicked body-kits and decals.... i got a feeling id get a car in the next few years, once i get my license tt is....i got a feeling i cant afford any of my dream car and would settle for something like GETz and fully mod it with body kits and accessories.....doing up the engine is not worth it, cos its illegal in sg, probably just a turbo-charger cos tts the safest and probably a phat exhaust and maybe lightweight transmissions....ooops....

if u see a wicked getz or mini-cooper with wicked body kits n decals, tts probably mine, with boba fett on its sides....

ok guys wanna bitch abt life with my online buddy...adios....

god put on a smile upon ur face...

i think ive found someone who can talk to me n bitch bout stuffs every night...tonight ill be smiling in my dreams, like she said.....gnite peepz.....

lazy daeeee....

yest night was need for speed underground marathon for me n mankey n shahreil's house. in the day was his engagement...congrats shahreil, and yati was the prettiest yest. anyways, i wish id own the car i drove in nfsu.....a lime green fully mod evo7 with graffiti on its doors and wicked body kits....coolness...imagine lime green zommin past u.... it was until 6am that we then slept.....only to be woken up at 9am by mankey...it s time to go back....

slept at home....all the way till 2pm....woke up, went online, slept, went online again, police academy, cannonball race 2, showdown in little tokyo, the medallion, teevee marathon......the guys, they going mos, well i dun feel like it.....next time mebbe.......wanted to go out....but i realised its CNY and most freakin shops are closed....so there am i mister couch potato for todae.... wanted to wash my caramella, wanna go out for a ride but my lazy ass just wouldnt lift off the comfy bed i had......

the rest of my frens, haiz...holidays, on duty, out with gf......hehehehe....anyways i am too lazy to go out todae.....february approaching soon....yeay.....i hope so much id get in.....heheh and adil's mom i hope ur mulut masin...hehehehe....

kla i wanna watch teevee again....neon, a malay film....seems interesting....adios...

down

down with cough n blocked nose....
down 300g....tt makes me 77.9kg....

i still miss u.....(i still hate u)

2 days of break....lets partay....

shahreil getting engaged tumoro....congrats...

2kg and counting

78.2 tt was my weight...hope to loose more...but i just ate a burger at midnight, sheesh sure itll be a long way to my target.....

horoscopes

sometimes horoscopes do fit in place, im not sayin i believe them but coincidentally they fit in place....i was indeed yest shopping alone, yes alone...looking for a new shirt for certain occassions.....check out the horoscope i just read just now....
--->>>
"Here we go again! You're in the mood to shop, big time, and to buy whatever it is that you're absolutely sure no one else has -- or, at the very least, no one you know. Before you whip out that plastic, though, think about this one thing: If you really want to be different, why not put your credit cards and your checkbook away and redo something you own -- in your very own way. Invest in some paint and a couple of stencils. You might end up with a profitable part-time business."

and i do like makin money part time, been selling vespa rare parts off the net, clothings, toys and knick-knacks over the past few years just for the extra cash, even shahreil got into it after learning you could actually earn a little out of this part-time business......

anyway, i was in the mood for shopping cos i was sick of trying and trying on something tt probably id never get....anyways nice knowing ya.....cheers...id rather party on from now....oh bangkok's cancel, i was not going anyways, too soon, not enough time to save up.....remy's going bali probably in march, adil will get his bonus then, shahreil too, me hopefully if boss decide to give me(performance bonus). if i do get, id love to tag along...ive grown to like bali after the 4 or 5 trips there with sisha...see how la ar....heee.....

my body still warm and i hate the way i feel, weak and easily exhausted....the flu is certainly a dreadful virus.....it drags......i need energy to work these few days, theres so much to be done but im so weak.....

and i miss soccer wednesdays soccer sessions, the boys like have no time anymore as everyones busy with work n family...i wish we'd start playing again soon, our regular wednesday football sessions....miss the kicks..

short one

no mood, no mood at all to write... i mean like, wadda fuck....wad did i do? well fuck ya, u can say it st8 to my face, need not be so arrogant....

wat was i thinking man..

frankly, im not the party kind, my way of unwinding is chilling and talking rot at the neighbourhood coffee shop and wat i used to do with my ex, laze by the beach.... but yest was sumthing different...i went to MOS with my buddies....cool...happening but still i cant let loose...

i think out of all of us, its boy and me who cant really let loose a 100% somehow we are still stiff.....adil, whoah he got the moves i must say......and certainly he can flirt alright....shahreil....hehehe can see he's not a clubber but he did enjoy himself. raimie...the abg2 clubber type....leo, like as if he's in his world of his own, me & boy just wanna have fun but not totally comfortable....hehehe

anyway MOS is a place to be....believe me, ive never seen a club so huge before.... theres even an escalator inside....zahidah, u dunno wat u just missed, shouldnt have gone to take the car....i told ya...heheheh

i dunno wat it is but im single and some ppl are like treating me like one criminal, like as if i did a major crime, cmmon, im single.......i did not lie, at least...

sorri boys i cant join for bangkok...its cos i dun wanna take the risk....id love to join, frankly i do....but i dun wanna be broke wen i come back, cos i dunno how much id be getting for my next pay and bike maintainance coming up, belting, tyres, insurance etc.....if we were to stick to going in april, maybe i could make it...

next time maybe yeah?....seriously....

anyways have fun guys.....tell me bout it when u come back.....cheers...

oh i learnt one thing, boy, booze does not bring ur fever down...hahaha...

just notice something-facts

k first of all this has got nothing to do with my frens....

facts, frens will be on ur side no matter how guilty u are and the other party will always appear the criminal, shunned off and untrue gossips spreads and slowly reaches u back.im so sorri if tt happened to u....but it did to me....anyways ive told off one particular person....and im waiting for another to reach my ears...teehee....u know life is so interesting....remember this, frens will always be by ur side even if ure the guilty one, trust me, i know...heee.......so dun loose ur frens.....

but then again, u might not know.....wen ur frens will turn ard and backstab u, rex just experienced that...and it suck alright coming from a fren of 20years or more... anyways, rex u still got the rest of us, ditch him dude.......its difficult to tell, who will remain true thru out....some actually have demons inside waiting to be unleashed.......so becareful with the not-so-true facts u spread around cos one day it might just backfire.....retribution, heard of it anyone?......well i did...

my advise

my advise to some ppl out there, dun fucken provoke me, dun be a kaypo..... u never cared, so dun be a kaypo.....understood?.....

things wouldnt happen if u claimed what u are.....ure just full of shit...

heee....fierce sak abg nie....well, sometimes need to let out wats inside... wat i feel, wat comes to my mind....

i hate pressure....but tts wats keeping me alive......last minute decisions..urggh...
im not a real risk-taker anymore.....i would evaluate, consider the consequences and think ahead....maybe thats bcos paranoia is consuming me......at the same time, i feel im a little more wayward crazier....how is that possible i do not know....

girls, why cant u ppl be more predictable?....ur kind is like a mind-boggling puzzle..
one minute ure this, the next ure not, then back again...well, watever....

bangkok or not.....sheesh.....on such a short notice, its hard to decide, bangkok is well deserved considering ive been a good boy for more than a year, ive never left singapore(except to jb of course)....ill wait till tonight......looks like ill have to survive on free loafs and rejected goods again...heee......

in life i learned one thing......its ok to fail, but to not try is a big regret....
its all thru experience....believe me.....

hmmm......

i dun think im going to partay...this fridae tt is.....im not feeling comfortable for it...we'll see how wen the day comes......cos id rather be chilling out or sumthin... u know....but a change could be fun....anyways...we'll see....

im seeing, inches lost....wooohooo fucken coolness...more work, more work sid....

u know wat im feelin now overall in life....i wanna kick ass....tts tt....in everythin, i wanna kick ass....n i will do wat i want, wat i will n i dun fucken care wat any of u will say, i will go ahead with wat i want even if any of u try to stop me...get tt str8....
in your face, tts wat i say....

sleep now in the fire...

as ignorance became a part of everyones life......its like as if, we are sleeping in a fire blazing so furiously....

not being a mind-reading freak doesnt help one bit in life.....so many ppl, so unpredictable....be it colleagues, my boss, frens, etc.......a fren just got backstabbed by another....wadda fuck happened to civilization? civilization only exists, it does not occur.....watever that means.....

the rubble that use to be library has now become a mind-cemetary.......similar to tt of life....once useful, once demolised, destroyed, derailed, it becomes useless and to build tt up again, it takes forever....

enjoyment/entertainment is just a toy in life to comfort us from the pain, the toture, the stress and every negativity we go thru in life everyday....

irony....aint it beautiful....

im anxiously waiting for my belated bdae prezzie from nini...gee...thnx...

im anxiously waiting for my hp to recieve an sms or call from.....

im anxiously waiting for fridae to come, cos its my off dae and....its partay day...

im anxiously waiting for february to be present, cos tts when i can see the route..

im anxiously waiting for my next pay day....

im anxiously waiting for CNY, 2 off days....cool...

im anxiously waiting for chris to close the deal....

im anxiously waiting for simon to bring in more accessories...

im anxiously............ZZzzzzzzzZZZZzzzzzZZZZzzz

skin n bones...

i knew there was something, wen i started talkin with my colleague abt the stall tt i usually ask the boys to buy me food.....but i just took it as a flashback....teehee..
my collegue, said probably i was lousy...heeehehe...well, watever....

anyways, congrats...for privacy's sake i shall not mention to whom im congratulating but im happy for ya....

heartaches, there will always be...cos in my 26 years of age, tt was the only one ive ever had....seriously...

before i end this entry, id like to apologise to miss nursey, cos i feel a little guilty, cos i never told the whole truth.....and ive never kept anything from ppl i love before...but this time i did...but my frens told me its ok, im not doing anything wrong....:) i hope not....

well guys, i just hope tt the path im following thru this 2006, will bring me there.. and i hope oh chris, pls dun go back on ur words...cos im looking forward to the april trip....

will update ya guys later...

oh i forgot to mention one big fat joke....ramli said to me, sidek takmo bukak balik spuloh inci....i said im old, i mellowed down, i enjoy scooters butid rather be an individual, he said but ten inch was there even before sog......i said, nuthin to be proud off....everyone left already and wats left is the founder who never move along with time but decide to stay put on his interests, passion, watever u call it....

k gtg guys...c ya...

football hooligans

caca , zul-enjul got engaged yest.....went to the engagement....i arrived, just as wen the couples are talking bout registering for a new flat.....the singles have yet to arrive.....urrgh......

yani smsed me earlier, if i wanted to watch a movie....of cos i would...hee...but i least expect tt shed want to watch football hooligans.......believe me, if u have yet to catch it, go quick......its great....i was glued the whole time....this year, its the 2nd good movie ive watched...the first was narnia....and im reading the books now, she just loaned me the first one...theres 7 of it....i shant spoil the fun, go n watch football hooligans...if ure into the warriors, this movie would be it.....seriously.

plans for trips has been postponed again.....i want to go but im not sure im able to in april....cos of money matters mainly.....

whose line is it anyway? has just entertained me for the past 1/2 hour.....

life, has never been cooler......i dunno, tts wat i felt this week....mebbe not next week...but hey lets be optimistic...

single cylinder....

more than a year singlehood....im doing ok...except i miss being loved n cuddled...
anyways...im tired of trying...id rather enjoy myself for now......no point putting in all the effort......too sleepy to write further...anyways...went toiletries shopping just now, were suppose to wander ard town or sumthin...but the rain made me lazy... k la until then adios....and my new frens, thnks for being frens with me....nites....

alot of phews

smart decisions ended up with alot of phews....actually fate help me decide... i so need a pair of shoes....my budget was a little tight so have to settle for those below a hundred.....88 was my choice and it was priced at 99bucks...hahaha...anyways, no size for me....then the minah tudung who was so sweet showed me osiris sample which they are selling of for 119 cos its the only piece and its a sample before the real stock comes in....but had to forgo tt cos the camo was a little too much, so i ended with a chocolate osiris louie barletta signature model....I LIKE...heee.........n im glad i fixed tt ice mudguard cos its the last piece!!!......sori guys i came first...anyways. looks like i have to eat a little less till 4th of next mth....hee....paid everything, bills, instalments, parking, gave mum, gave nyai, paid sisha some....it was a big PHEW for me finally today, i feel at ease....all settled....though theres not much left, but im fucken relieved.....coolness....

oh,this mth gotta bantai on more OTs this mth...i hope i can tag along leo n the rest of the boys to bangkok's rockfest, 2dae event i guess 300bucks is sufficient...we'll see.....im starting my trade again......trading items for cash....gonna try to korek2 tt shop at waterloo for rare items for sale to rich brats....adios...until then, my mission continues....oh btw im nuts about u ......u know who u are.....

stupidity

aiyah left my tracks behind....
it was waxing night as usual, i have to stay behind and supervise the contractors wax the floor...while they are at it, i grabbed(GRABBED) a cup noodle and gobble it down....the thing is i forgot to throw the bowl away cos as i was in a rush to go home, so i locked and armed the store and forgot to check.......haizz....sure enough the supervisor opening tumoro will know....well, watever...im hungry...i dont care, they made me stay alone....

tired

this entry will be made up of words.
tired.exhausted.yearning.love.unloved.missing.ambitious.dreams.hope.efforts.boredom.sick.nites.

who cares?

who cares...ive been bloggin i think since 2002...i dun care wat they say, im comfortable letting out here.....

anyways...im the happiest at the last few hours of 2005 & the first few hours of 2006. i want it to happen believe me.....i think this is it, id give it my best shot, im glad i did not give up a couple of days ago.....im giving all of us chances....

budget is tight, wants n needs have to be considered...theres equally of both n its fucken hard to manage this month's budget though i had some OTs last month. anyway ill manage as always without assistance....chris' fren would be of great help if he decide sooner...perhaps i should oblige a little instead of keeping firm to my 'standards' wat i wanted.

im too fucken nuts about bikes....i guess tts boys' toys after all....its like a never ending hobby....i can foresee me owning a wicked harley or a 540motard in a couple of years time.....i bet ya i will...unless of course i can afford a mini and mod it up, airbrush and cool interiors etc....then ud see a mini zoomin past the road with the iamvicious decal on its windscreen....hehehhe...

i have visions, i am not without dreams so for those fuckers who judged me earlier on, too bad...drool on i must say...i must keep my head up, keep on trying and be stubborn like capricons should be, never look back and never look down once you are on the way there....but at the same time, i gotta be humble in case i fall from the big climb itd be a fucken great fall....

two-double-O-six.... a fucken new chapter opens up, i guess im more daring and bold than ever, i think, at least..... a fist in the air is wat its gonna be, i hope id get what i want this year, seriously....im really relying on that path i lay for myself, that particular one....before the big 30 is my target to achieve most of my goals tt is...i might be late than most ppl but its better than never....the drive to be there is flaming in myself roaring, heating up to get going....

some have been looking down on me, criticising me, and always have negative vibes towards me, im no good, im a bad boy, im rowdy, im selekeh, watever but i will gain their respect, soon nuff....i know wats in your mind....i know it might be my paranoia....but then again, some is fucken true....

paranoia, its something tt i cant totally remove from me because of my bad experiences in life....ive been cheated, lied, duped, conned, name it, im a fool, i trust too easily.....i love too easily....but tts gonna change a little but then i hate the paranoia....i really do.....it might just lead to my own destruction.... im just a victim of the in-house drive by....

my choice of life for two-double-O-six.....enjoy while not forgetting my goals, life is short, too short for frowns.......frens...my closest of frens, ill choose them above anything else, they've been there for me for 2005....im pretty sure they'll be there this awesome year too...

until then, chill out, best wishes for my frens and my familia in general...good luck
and believe in god.cheers.

.....

i think im vain, i love my hair, i love my face, i look in the mirror after baths.

no direction

im lost, i have no direction....i want to achieve but then im lost, no direction at all... urrghhh......february come quick so u can make my life a little easier... thnks.
wda dun disappoint me aight?.....i hate this feeling of pressured under the age factor. as age catches up, i worry more.....as wat ive yet to achieve....capricons...sigh..

-----

i hate this very day every year....

.....

i wanna sleep till the sun is bright....the rainbows above my head and every fuck thing is beautiful.....

26 in a few hours time

again im behind time, 26 in a few hours time and i didnt manage to reach my goal...

i dun want any gifts from anyone, i want all of my frens to wish the best for me, tt i might suceed one day in wat ever i do and i hope to achieve tts all. remembering when is good enough for me, im happy enough. last year nobody at all remembered....except some of the new frens i made and of course mom. this year im happy enough and satisfied tt some of my frens do remember...

hehehe....the gilera boys asked me to go marine parade...i guess rex too know of my bdae...but sori boys, bb first, cos they are frens with me longer...meet u guys tumoro or something....kay? no hard feelings.....

met a couple of the bb scooter boys just now, the vespa clan...its the new kids, not the old ones i use to hang out with, nope not independent yishun or eightinch sc. they have all switched bikes...i will remain faithfull until my dream to ride a ktm540 or a harley has become a reality...but then i guess id still be reluctant to sell then....looking at chris' harley makes me drool....can imagine the thumping twin engine between my legs and the noise....foooohooo....im crazy about bikes and cars.. i just saw this lovely minibus(volkswagen) as i headed home just now from waterloo street.....it was so fucken cool....

love yourself first, heheh well tts wat im gonna do, im gonna love myself, pamper myself and spoil me....heee....it sure is fun to be single sometimes.....bali, here i come in april....w900i, im waiting for the starhub voucher...cos ill be ending my contract soon...ipod nano, next bonus,....audio system for boba in june....wooohooo..

lies....

a job interview is where u tell lies to cover facts and lie again for the sake of making urself look good....and fucken hell todae i sure lie ok.....

anyway, i wasnt serious bout the job interview just now. i mean i dont mind if i dun get the job, it was just for the sake of attending an invitation...harharhahr....but at the end of it, she pisses me off....she asked if i would take a position lower than wat im applying....in my heart was like fuck ya...im capable...although i guess im the most 'bochup' dressed but i think im more capable than those nerdy idiotic morons waiting outside...but hell yeah i lied again...yes i will.....i felt so sinful after tt knowingly tt was the greatest lie...hahahaah NOT......

bored, i rode home...boba's leaking as if he's bleeding thru the coolant tank...sigh gotta check on him but ive been sleeping...heheh suddenly i felt shagged out, dunno why and suddenly i feel fat and a need to run....will i? nah....

anyways....gonna go down check out on boba and wax caramella showroom shine..... c ya ard pals.....who lives in a pineapple under the sea?....

radiohead in my head

radiohead....gee i didnt realise tt theres still ppl listening to it, rexx played it on his engage yest while all of us were restin at mount fabre.....cool place, ive never been to tt part before...wasted....

hmm....i feel the change....i actually turned down someone to be with my frens today.. id rather be at queensway with my frens....c ya guys there aight.....

hmm why isnt rex online yet....gimme tt pic now..heheh i want to see myself 4 feet in the air....hehehe......

money running out, i told pen online, wish i had a job now tt pays me today so i can shop tumoro...she said, join the banquet...i said, i want it now....sell drugs she said
hahahha....i dun do things tt destroy others even if it meant big bucks, sorri..hehe

i wanna see my fren happy someday, i know she's troubled, as a fren, i pity her at times, she might be enjoying life but i know actually she's not ok. wish u all the best and may u find tt dream guy of urs who would marry u and finally give u a happy life......looking at things, i think im much fortunate than u are.....

gotta go, get ready...meeting the boys, my 2nd family, next to mom & the 2 kids.

finally

its been a long time since i tag along with T.A.G.S(twist n go scoots) the group formed recently a couple of months ago....a group of gilera fanatics....the fun bike i call it.i crashed n i still kickin strong n the rumours about SMA(sg motosport ass.) bringin auto scoots to a new level racing at kallang is getting me all excited.

anyways, it was fun, the ride, theres more than 10 gileras just now, i lost count n im too tired to recall n the shit part, i didnt bring my camera....so id have to wait for rexx to pass me the pics....but first he have to upload it....and oh its the 2nd day, a fren blanja me(us,the group) makan...this time adi46 gave us a treat cos, he's getting married in 6 months time and just now was their 1st year getting together...it amazes me actually at ppl who get hitched n after a year they want to tie the knot, i mean like are they sure?...or they are just taking the gamble or the feel they have no time and cant afford to make choices cos time is running out....(getting old) mebbe i would do the same if i found someone cos im 26 liao...heheh ...well i dunno but i wont until im very sure....cos ive had 3 failed relationships so far....n its difficult to be in another tt easily, especially when all 3 breaks ups, i was not the fucken reason...

shit i got carried away again....all in all it was fun, i only got home just now, im tired shit but i enjoyed myself....the rides, the laughters and the pictures they took, u should see the one we all jumped at the same time....hee.....hangin out.... thnks guys...

shahreil & yati, adi46 & gf(i dunno her), aisha & ard congrats. n the TAGS, keep the spirit going. im disappointed with the vespa ppl....but i am still keeping it alive n i dun think i will sell caramella....i love her too much, my vespa, my love for now.. and of course boba, my gilera....i will fit u with the finest parts....

6days of leave, 6days of soul-searching and realising my dream...i need to work something out...plans for two double O six.

ive got an interview!

ive got an interview, ive got an interview!......hope i get better pay....

u know wat?

u know wat, i hate u.....u ruined my life....a year passed and i still hate wat u did.

tt definitely made me stronger.....but i wish everything could just disappear, i wish there was such thing like the one in the movie, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind or something like that...i wish it existed....cos i hate u, really...no grudges but i hate u...pheww lega skit after letting out those....thnks blogspot, u do wonders..... self-theraphy....hehehehe....

1 week, leave, 1 week leave.....yeeeeeeehaaaaaaaa.....plans n plans n plans..... hmm i feel like i wanna loan osman's 1:10 Buggy.....hmm i dun think he'll let me, tt thing cost a bomb....hmmm...whole week to ride caramella....beware pedestrian for the golden monster...hahaha....hear it roar at 50km/h hahahaha.....syed is giving me the single-seaters, thnks dude....hehehe...who needs a second seat anyway....cant wait for 2006.....2006, 26, 4 more years ill be half way thru life...aint that fast....

still havent got tt 540....or a mini or even a class 3...sheesh im way behind schedule.....shahreil was talking bout learning to play the sax....sounds interesting, since im bored of strumming away alone at home.....and not getting better at it...hehehe....my violin already been adopted by my fren...if only i had a keyboard...hehe but a sax is cool....but for now, the computer speakers are fine..
hahaha....im bored....so tis is wat i do, talk to myself....tumoro's my off day... so the boring, cant shop, hmmm library? everyday been to the library....nope i dun read books, i read mags, my regular reads at the library, transworld surf, bike, black belt and of course the daily papers....hehehe....i think the librarian is so familiar with this long haired fat boy plugged on to his music reading the same mag everyday... ehehhehe

hmm gonna surf ard, some internet window shopping...heheh vespa accessories.....

sweet one...

she was sweet, caught my eyes but beside her sat a guy whom i believe is her bf, oh wat lucky fucker he is. tt girl look so sweet, my type, would be perfect with me...hahaha but im not perfect...thats the shitty part....her smile still remains vivid in my mind, i can picture her sitting opposite of me, giving the same smile i saw just now....

hahaha.....too bad sid, u could only admire her, like many, she's taken....the few good ones are taken sid....the sluts are out there waiting...the sweet n goody ones are already booked, taken or not interested in your scruffy self....heeee....

anyway im fine on my own, tts all i know, i only get lonely at times....tts all... gnite peepz....and the one, why are u shutting urself away from me? did i do anything wrong? or did i disgust u recently?....or is it just work tts keeping u away from me? i do not know and i dare not ask.....gnite....everyone...

sigh

i stood up, yes...i did....asking me back to work for a stupid feedback meeting, i simply stood up and said...im on leave, i wont be in sg(of course i lied) its my birthday somemore......hahaha muthaf***** are u dumb or wat, give me a break ar, its the only time i take leave and the stupid meeting falls on my birthday, have u got no brains? idiot....or should i say IDIOT.

music has been my frens

ny real life human frens has been providing me with laughters and a little unwinding from the hectic lifestyle we all singaporean have.....but music relaxes me most, to n fro work.....break times, at home.....the soothing voices and at times the screaming ones....just ease me up a little.....recently ive been listening to sad songs and at times its nice to listen to bringing back memories as the lyrics bears similarities to my life.....

im brave enough to admit wat i feel and i dun think that makes me a pussy or an emotional person....im just not hiding anything here.....

i just hope 1 day there'd be someone out there...tts all....

one thing for sure, nyonyas at my workplace gotta stop play matchmaking me with the malay cashier....sometimes it does get irritating....

im thinking of ways to earn bucks so tt on my bdae i can give myself a treat, spent some of the cash oredi on a pair of jeans and the 2 large pizzas for fathi.... hmmm. thinking of temp factory job, daily paid ones, so that i can earn some bucks while on leave, cold hard cash and on the 29th i can pig out, or shop.....all i know is, i dont need anyone...cheers, getting sleepy and drowsy with ariel's voice...nighty nights....

still love my torn pair

it seems tt wen u love something, its hard not to not love it anymore...hehe watever la.. like i love my vespa....and my torn 501....came across a sale, 505 for 50-odd dollars......its 2 size bigger, i wear a 34 but i bought a 36 since no 34s were in sight n i tot 50+bucks is a steal....and i can tahan about 10 days of meals for tt pair, tried at home, like the colour n all.....but then i still love my 501 tough its torn and the 34 has actually worn out to a 36 and its loose oredi like the new one i bought....but hey 50+bucks for a levi's is a steal...and i guess its only my 3rd or 4th levis....n i still feel levis made the best jeans....ive had volcom, droors, and other loads of jeans but i wear levis till its rag-torn. see, im faithful...hehehe....watever

sigh, just as i tot, i was totally ignored...bling! an sms came in...phew(relief) and at the same time...what?!(u want?)...u know tt kinda feeling.....24hours i waited... for a simple reply....nvm its ok....not my first experience anyways....:)....nite peepz
hmmm wen i can wear my new levis...hahahaha n wat goes with it?

the silent killer

many things u can relate with the phrase 'the silent killer' it could also be a noun. in matters of the heart, the silent killer is the most painful of all.....why ignore, why deny the truth, why lie? this form of rejection is the worst kind ever. its better to be frank right? like me? im frank mebbe tts why a fren of mine told me, when im nice, im real nice but when im nasty, im horrible.....i told her, im not nasty, im frank. my names not frank but im frank....hahah lame....

anyways, im immune to hurt, umpteen times...ive been thru its ok, i can deal with it. anger is just a waste of energy so why not laugh it off? there are frens who care, ppl ard me who care.....im just picky...id rather be with....

i turned down the peterpan concert for many reasons....frankly(again) i do want to go and i could if i dun eat at work anymore like wat ive been doing i survive on a bottle of heaven and earth jasmine green tea and rejected products for the past few days... but then again, theres many factors tt still stops me from going.....1, i want to get my brother a bdae present tt is meaningful or mebbe bring him out...2, cos tt someone doesnt want to go, 3. cos i might need to borrow money in the end, 4. cos i want to finish up paying caramella, 5. cos i dun feel comfortable with ppl i dunno, 6. if all the points sums up to pull me back from telling gum, yes i wanna go book for me a tix as well...

sacrifices yet again, tis is life for me....sacrifices yet and yet again.......many might not see...the things i buy mightve blinded them from the sacrifices i made.. but i couldve sacrificed more....right? surely all of u would ask....why indulge then if u say so...the answer is, i have a life too, life is short, i already compromised i already gave in where i could so just give me some face....

another matter in life is, help.....do expect anything in return when u help? no? good, i dun too....but i dun expect to be shut out so suddenly....wat telah happen?
nevermind its ok....

today im faced with another test...of how strong n determined i am to pursue what i really want...again, ppl are nice to me....i was late for work...everyones waiting for me the keyholder to open the shutters....then the chief cashier struck a conversation which i tot was abt me being late but i misinterpreted, it was abt a cashier....then my boss' voice came from his office, siddiq....i tot i was going to be reprimanded yet again at my daring and risky attempt to achieve sales target but he offered me 2 'kuehs' instead "siddiq u makan already? eat ar this, halal one..." he made me feel guilty.....i said thank you politely, accepting the 'kuehs'. i know if i were to leave the store because of a new job i have no choice but if i were to leave without notice, id feel bad...i know the store needs me but if i have to leave, i will.....i dunno how i wanna tell them.....ive gained everyone's trust and ive actually made them think that i can work there and i can perform...and they least expect me to leave.....but im sorry, i have to, if i have better opportunities...

its been a while....

updates of me life...oh so viciously.....

been better, been a lil more bz.....with abg aman retiring.....the ol man gone, my workload certainly doubled......with one of my staff on medical leave for her operation, that adds on even more.....but im enduring while i can, till i get a better one, meanwhile i cant let go of this job i need it......for many reasons....

i certainly need to organize my playlist....its haywire in there, one minute integrity is playing and the next track is jamal abdillah's ghazal untuk rabiah....can u imagine? certainly music changes moods but not in such a sudden manner......

my previous post was full of angst....this one, im a little more relaxed...i think love is in the air but wat worries me if its one-sided....but anyway, i miss her up right there in the north.....i actually blurted out the truth tt ive been hiding...i like going out with her....i didnt want to say tt to avoid frightening her off but on wednesday i blurted out.....anyways, it did not scare her off, so tts a little blessing, means i still get to go out with her..... a lil different from previous girls that i date, im calm when im with her, she brings out the calmness in me.... and i like it....even if she would stay a friend, id appreciate that.....

shahreil is getting a gilera, heeee i guess after all he likes the bike and wats more, yati likes it too......i envy those two, six years is definitely a long time. and its about time guys, u two tie the know....:)

so looks like 1 more gilly fren on the list...more rides it seems but everyones getting older, getting busier....everyones going home earlier.....:)...time not to be wasted, age catching up, in a couple of days ill be 26....im not holding back anymore.....gotta go all out, really....my week long leave, ive got no cash for a holidae but tts a blessing in disguise, its the time i can hunt for jobs, its the time i can seek opportunity and its the time certainly to loose weight...hahahaha.. oh n its abt time for me to sketch another graf n put my thoughts on the walls of tt sk8 park again....gotta keep my mark going...seriously, its a stress reliever when im adding colours to those walls.....

tumoro, afternoon shift....a drag...but more relaxing....weekends, i like cos my work load is a lot lighter as i do less manual but more planning and paper work...speaking of work, i almost quarreled with my boss in the office, i was fuming mad when he reprimanded me for ordering excess stocks...he said i was new, etc....but im a risk taker, i know that stock is limited, so i ordered the bulk of it not so much only 10cartons each, i know its high value and adds to cost....but on the first day ive already sold almost 2 cartons...doesnt that bring in sales......he stopped me from arguing and asked me to listen to him, i shut my mouth, controled myself as i breathe heavily...but at the end of the day, all i know is i did it for the good of the store and at the end of the day i know i brought in sales....in business if u dare not take risks, then ure not fit to be in the business....a well calculated risk, brings in a handsome profit and even if it doesnt work, loss is minimal....that was wat i tot but i guess my boss, being old & rather conservative and not that adventurous....

will write again some more.......gotta check out a link.....adios pals...yani, i miss u...:)

u & u & u..

the imaginations so real, tt i actually feel it, i feel the joy of pushing that wooden 2b pencil thru ur ears.......the tot of it piercing ur delicate eardrums is beyond description, i cant imagine the joy i would feel.....you, YOU are so damn talented, god gave u a talent that u abused......i agree i have misused mine too....but mine does not harm anyone......the evil within u, is masked by the external, superficial material called skin......if i had giant palms, i wouldve squashed u, crushed u with my barehands to stop u from inflicting pain.....humanity is indeed the devil, the devil is just a figment of everyone's imagination....in actual fact, the devil is within u, u made urself do evil things, not the devil.....u enjoyed the misdeeds while it lasted only to regret in the latter part of ur life when u realised uve been bad.....u are actually aiding urself in self-destruction.why put on a mask, reveal urself, bukalah topeng mu....why when u are so arrogant, so confident, so strong. i have been accessorized in performing an act, an act tt devil condones.....

life has indeed been wonderful but not wonderful enough, humans are never satisfied with wat they have, i admit to that.....i always wished for more & more.... in the transition between birth to death comes life....and in life i learn alot not at school not from twisted teachers but from individuals who unknowingly imparted their knowledge and skills to me most willingly. im glad. real glad. if only theres someone who couldve read my mind, they'd be shocked, amazed at the sight at the information they obtained without my permission.

disbelief, a word that has appeared in my vocabulary like a virus multiplying against time. disbelief of many things.....but in the end i accepted it as facts and reality that have been thrown to me in my face.im living for a reason, and that is one of them to accept watever is given, either i rectify or i leave it pulling me down thru the hole smaller that the pores on ur skin to bring me down.

do i appear sick to u? or am i just too honest with wat i feel? i believe some of us have similar tots like mine. im not sick, its just occassional hatred engulfing me...

one of the couldve

i couldve been a few hundred richer today but its just a couldve....

was bored, so i checked out creative's sale.....i could only drool...i wish i have 500 odd dolars to spend....then id get that zen, the comparison with ipods, its alot better only thing i dun have the cash....next year's bonus perhaps....hunted birthdae prezzies for shahreil n adil....alyn was bored so i asked her to tag along.....fun being out with her...like ma sister, joked and i could behave the way i am....like with the guys, tts the coolest part....n sg is so small, tt she knows the frens i know as well...nice knowing u girl...n i havent had some real nice food lately until just now, tt eel was certainly nice......gotta come back next mth...teeeheee....but i still miss tt softshell crab...was supposed to eat with nini but both of us bz....and the rest dun quite like seafood.........hmmmppfftt.....

gotta sleep, gotta work tumoro, so dreadful, working on a sunday...oh SIA or NUS pls call me up for an interview......:)........adil, hepi bdae...n shahreil i hope u like tt sheer skin colour undies for ur bdae prezzie...hehehehehe....adil was lucky enough to get the white one, i bought the same one for them except the colours and both wrapped identically and made them choose.....:)......and warriors was a cool movie to watch...the cake was superb, the sushi filled my tummy....i must say, these is one of the few days i fully utilised and enjoyed myself doing it.....cheers, gnite mates..

and so it continues

and so the pissin off continues....but tis time followed by a good news, so i guess it ends right there....teeehheeee....a colleague couldnt work tumoro so i have to replace her shift but in return, i got a saturday for my off day! YEAYNESS a day of boring weekend on my own....gee was tt suppose to be good? hehehehehe pathetic....

so many pissin off

pissed off, is the repetitive phrase for today......if id list down, since 645am, i touch down at queenstown, some ppls start pissin me off, till now im typing to u my dear blog.....sure i did control myself but it was sure damn hard......at 11am, i almost blew my top off wen the kanchiong spider boss start to piss me off with his stupid mindless nagging again....its been umpteen times tt i told him, explain to him tt i know wat im doing.......idiot.......and then along the way, diff ppl piss me off, i guess its my cranky day or im real suay today....even buying food tt mama piss me off.....then wen i submit my leave form, tt boss of mine try to be funny, he pisses me off by saying, so many days ar? for wat? in my heart was fuming mad to blurt out, its my leave, my problem ar and i need to clear it anyways....but on the surface i maintain my smile, laugh along his stupid jokes....IDIOT....tt doesnt end there....

anyways....spoils my mood for the rest of the day, the frens asked me out today but the me doesnt feel like it....id rather listen to sepultura scream n squeal.....brings back ol times wen the band was hot among us.......a change for the moment....ive been looking for my sick of it all cd.....damn it....where is it... miss lou keller's voice....anyways for the meantime, snapcase will feed my hunger...

bali, bali i miss u......

nurulgum jus came back from bali.....and she had fun....shopping, girls fav past time. diana, still in bali till new year.....she like it there too.........
me, i miss bali.....4 times there is not enough, gotta keep coming back....i know theres nuthin much there, no sight seeing, except shopping and the beach....but if u want sight seeing u can actually rent a vehicle or take the paid tour thingy... but who cares, i like it there though some might say theres nothing there and its boring... its the lifestyle there, laidback, enjoy the sun,sand n sea.....then as evening approaches, shopping, shopping never ends........i remembered how we walk from one end to another end of kuta shopping. and then when ure hungry, its the only time u can afford a restaurant with live music playing by ur table......tt was fucken cool....and they know almost any song u requested fucken cool......if u have a gf, tt restaurant is where to impress her...hehehe of course at a fraction of the cost of the ones in sg. but one sad thing, the raja restaurant, where we ate half the time was blown to pieces few months back. damn terrorist......

fuck! gotta stay focus got things to do, blog later ya...cya...

a big joke

i was lured back into lottery when i threw a couple of bucks at my fav number n i missed by ONE number....it was stupid of me to be hoping on something that have such a small probability of winning.....anyways, i knew i wouldnt strike it was just for fun but i do hope i did....hehehe.....

she smsed me when she reached hm from KL, i didnt expect it...but anyway it means alot to me....heee....looking forward to take a look at the fotos.....:) another reason to meet up....heee.....i think i like her, well, i know i do...

my off day....uggh boring....was suppose to sing our hearts out but then again someone had to cancel.....so there i am in my bedroom, in my bed till abt 6pm before i left home to ride ard on my scoot n hunt for a possible new shoe...but im attracted to none. i hope i find something on my next off day, and maybe buy it on the 11th IF I have no plans for the holidays and IF i paid off all my bills n debts till then......it seems like my whole week of leave will be wasted....the guys not like before anymore, all have to work, have lives, getting married, OTs, yada, yada, yada...... guess my whole week of leave will be spent like just now, laze ard till evening, ride ard, window shopping all on my own...i think i need an mp3 player...or a new skateboard.....heeee....or cans and cans of paint.....actually an ipod nano of tt sony-ericsson walkman fone would be nice, at least i can blast ratm, rancid, etc as i wonder ard alone.....not so quiet n boring....:)
i think my next off day im gonna graf my new sketch on the walls of bb skatepark again....

SIA, no calls up till now, im starting to loose hope on them....so my next hope, WDA. if that i got no luck too, i think ill be with fairprice until june at least... complete a year, then try for elsewhere......NTUC, no future...seriously....

i think ive gained my 1kg back....harharhar.....as long as i dun touch the digit 80 and i can fit in 34 im happy enough...heee.....now i guess im 79 oredi....gotta stop eating...gotta start running......

before i sleep i wanna wish tt id be seeing my nurse this week again...teeheee.... miss her....her innocent sweet smile......:)

sob, sob

just as a fren was telling me of a great company, wen i visited their website, it just dampen my spirits, cos there were no vacancy....hmmmphh.....and as another fren got a job so damn easily, it looks like as if i havent tried to many.....well, i dont care for all i know, i did and god knows that, i will not lie to myself, i know i didnt try hard maybe but i did and my efforts was on going, even as we speak....like i said dun judge, know me.

urrghhh

frustations....tts wat i feel....

my wrist, my left one, hasnt recovered.....i cant do my regular 100 a day routine.... urrghh.....feeling flabby....temptations...my mind is weak....fried chickens, so tasty, spaghetti....the tomato sauce mmm so enticing.....arrrgghghhh.....

boredom.....unsure, indecisive.....unclear.....why isnt life like reading a book?...

penniless....making means and ways to scrimp and save......overspent, a little...as a result, no holiday for me........as result, in sunny singapore i am for my bdae..... need a new travelling buddy.....anyone?....hehehe...prolly next year....

decisions galore....if i were to start on a traineeship program or a 2year diploma thingy or a part time degree, i have to sacrifice one of my treasures....but if possible id rather not.....i wont pawn anymore treasures of mine.....

wishes after wishes......of course everyone wants to be rich but i wanna be happy rich...not just rich....get it? but im neither now....:(....oh SIA pls gimme a call again and tell me im in!....speaking of which if im in, i might be moving in with my uncle either in tampines or bedok.......so, goodbye it is westside, hello eastside. frankly speaking, i never liked eastside.....i dunno why but ive grown up in the west and the west ppl are very different from ppl of the east...seriously....its like being in another country......but for the sake of my future sacrifices again.....:) if i do shift, id miss the boys the most, the regular hang out at alif's...the talking cock session n kopi alif.....sob, sob.......ill be having no frens in the east!.......but im very sure id be coming back to the west at least once a week....:)
the boys were there wen im at my rock bottom down.......cheers....new years approaching all the best....

another thing, i dunno how to break the news to my fellow colleagues, i feel bad, suddenly they are like nice to me....my boss jokes with me now.....my colleague actually offered me a slice of bread with planta.......suddenly, everyones being nice to me,joke with me....its like they know wats coming...uggh shit.....but i gotta do what i gotta do, remember canadian pizza? i wasted more than a year of my life for waiting for my boss to open a new store, i actually waited for things to happen back then cos he said, he will put me in charge, me being money minded as always thought it was a business opportunity for me, i could gain experience and start my own.... up till now, he still hasnt got anything kick started.....so see, theres a reason i stayed at 6th avenue for tt long.....

look at the stars...

if the stars were to shine at me........

anyways, good news, sia-engineering called me up, they need my educational certificates but the catch is, im not being called up for an engineering position but rather a trainee tech with them.....im doing some research on the company with a fren of mine whom has been there for quite sometime, ill decide if i were to be offered a position that is similar to his. cos im thinking of nursing....but then again, whichever comes first and as long as theres a future for me, ill grab it. as they say, time and tide waits for no man......

its been a long time since ive missed someone and i actually am missing someone right now.....she'll be going KL for 4 days.....i remembered the last time when i miss someone that was when i was in taiwan....we would be on the fone for almost everyday which cost me $700 but i did not care much back then....

i feel that ive grown smarter and wiser....well isnt that the same? watever it means but i feel that way.....though i feel, i do not totally....give my trust that easily.
its not that i dun trust but i just dun wanna hurt myself again, like i did....until im certain, im 101% sure, then ill give 101% effort and what ive got....till then, ill just let time or rather nature takes its course......cheers pals...

yeay

hmm working aftnn shift aint so bad after all, cos no one bothers u, nobody's ard, pratically ure the boss...hahaha.... anyways, i manage to meddle with the huge weighing machine for weighing fruits n meat when the recieve from suppliers....tts where i check my weight weekly....this week ive lost 1kg.....last week i was 79kg, this week 78kg! phew, at least i lost some of what ive gained after fasting month....need to continue loosing...i want to loose at least 5kg more before my bdae...hehehe.....

hmm nazrul just got a car......me i can just drool...but when things get better, wen i get a better job, i want one too....so tt i can bring mom, fathi n ayun ard.....and probably i can still go out on rainy days....:)......

gotta sleep, morning shift tumoro.......i hope this sat's seminar gives me some hope...
a paramedic with the civil defence.........hopefully.....im still sending out resumes.... im hoping to get that trainee tech with sia, ratnor has just graduated.. i hope i get in either one....if not tt nursing course by wda in june next year.....then ill be a staff nurse in 2years time.....alot of paths for me to choose but the thing is whether i get chosen or not....

i think i wanna graf yani on my next project at the sk8 park...:)

gimme a lil' smile

tts all i ask of u, gimme a lil smile.....:) miss tt smile.....

anyways, i dun think id be goin anywhere on my whole week of leave, ive got responsibility and i have to take it like a full grown adult....anyways the truth is the cash....so here i am lovely singapore...id be here....but ill apply for exit permit just to play safe....i dun want them to call me back while im on holidays....that would suck big time...in sg, theres no real freedom until ure old and haggard where ure of no use to anyone...tts when u get real freedom, when everyones abandoned u, when nobody will bother a fuck abt u, until u really cant support urself, they'd drag u to the old folks where u feed urself with food tts just barely to keep u alive, lengthening ur misery. tis is life indeed, painful, harsh but true....hahaha siak ar sid, so full of negativity, .......without negativity, positiveness wouldnt been alive...am i right?

ask bob marley.....

all smiles

i think today, after a long time, i felt something genuine again....well, at least i feel its genuine...i hope it is...i can feel it, i had a great time and i felt natural just now, the laughters, the jokes, the conversations, etc......but then again, i feel pressured.. pressured to get a better job, a better paying one......i think this will be it, the final one...i hope...:)...im all smiles all the way, see ya soon....:)

gotta work tumoro morn....i hope my hp rings again tumoro....

a msg to someone

u know wat, u SUCK!

she told me to walk this way.

bored, single, nothing to do.....frens at work...or out with their other half..... me ive picked up a hobby i left a couple of years ago after i fully commit to a someone. those who are close to me would've remembered warstylez 'graffitized' on my bedroom walls and my name 'sid' on my bedroom door.....ive painted my walls eversince but now i guess its going to be filled up again as it becomes a practising canvas for me.... another canvas is the bukit batok skatepark....ill put my sketches to life when i got bucks to spare to indulge in yet another hobby that needs money. im spraying out my cash into fumes that makes the walls colourful....im not good as those freaks out there who can actually paint a potrait by just using mere spray cans in shades of black and white. they are freaks....i admire them...their skills...but they've been at it for years...me, wats important is im keeping myself occupied and enjoying myself..... i 'write' alone, ppl watch, ppl smile, ppl comment....im shy cos im not good and my pieces are not 'clean'.....

currently im sourcing out for cheap but good paints....so that i can practise more and im investing in a face mask, ask i do not want to harm my health.....

a hobby is wat u need, when ure alone.....me ive got a couple now and im fucken happy, cos some of them do not require anyone else to tag along...u can do it yourself.....its like some form of soul searching when ure expressing yourself on that concrete canvas.(u can view my pieces @ myfotopages)

new year approaching.....i see ppl prospering, i see ppl progressing....am i gonna jump on to the bandwagon, certainly..... as we speak, im thinking of ways...and ways.
but im being difficult, cos i wanna be succesful doing the things i like. imagine uncle eddie from GOSPORT and tt fellow from MIZ29.......they are somewhere and they are doing things they love.....oh ya another great example, imagine AHJOO and ABGJAS. you wont get sick and tired of tt kind of jobs....firstly you are doing wat u like, secondly ure bringing in the dough home.....

it could be endless, if i speak on about tt aspect of life......i just want the best for myself. some might judge me, thinking im not concerned at all about my future, it is bcos they do not see my efforts, do they see what i do behind closed doors? like my banner, im nobody, dun judge, know me.

fucken weird

today, i was sleepy tired n more....but it seems that i enjoy my work today, cos i did more of reorganizing, making sure the displays are satisfactory or nice or even better excellent, i kept reshuffling the xmas goodies to ensure it attracts customers to buy. suddenly i sorta enjoy my job....i ensured i have enough stocks, i ordered items and i even stayed a lil later to ensure everythings ok before rushing to keep everything before i prepare to head home, somehow working today gave me a sense of satisfaction to what i did.

its sad though that i dun quite enjoy this job most of the time and i drag myself to work counting hours to knock off time but at times like today, i enjoyed myself and im satisfied. im looking for another job meanwhile...theres openings in the engineering sector, something i wish to do....if else fail, i will try for nursing. i realised i need to be independent and prepare myself in the event if i were to be alone when i grow up from young to middle-age to the golden years....i gotta be prepared. there are relatives who are left alone when they are old but being independent and having alot of savings, surviving alone is a breeze, though i do not know how lonely it can get when you're at that ripe age.

the reality is, i dont wanna be alone, being almost 26 years old, ive been thru a quater of a century....seeing my frens & cousins my age getting hitched, shopping for wedding rings doesnt worry me for the present but for the future instead. loneliness doesnt bother me now much cos i have loads of frens....im only worried about the future, thats all....

anyways, im more concerned about my future right now, being financially abled and to have the spending power....thats where im aiming for...

have i grown up?

sometimes i feel im not yet independent, i mean totally independent....i still rely on others....i still sometimes take things for granted. being totally independent would require alot of effort........sheesh i dunno wat to say.....

and i dunno why ppl still think im the same? still think i merajok? cmmon la.....im home oredi, i lazy to go out one....and i bought food bungkus oredi, u dun expect me to sit along with u guys n eat my packed food in my work uniform rite?....aiyer guys, i can fall from my bike, pick it up and ride again n u guys think tt way?....hehehe farnie.....

looks like tumoro ill have to bring down my notebook, jot down the jobs available for me at the library, wanted to do that just now but i took for granted tt shahreil have a copy of saturday's paper......but anything could happen like the misunderstanding tt id go back shit than come back to alif, while i was waiting there for sometime until i call, nobody picks up so i decided to go back and ppl tot i merajuk.....of cos i go back la, wen no one answers and no one turns up.......anyway, to the library it is.......hope i meet tt cute poly(i think)girl again...hehehehe...

hmm i dunno how to break the news to my manager that im looking for a new job n i think he should request for an extra supervisor to cover aman's place cos i might be off pretty soon......and i dare not tell him cos i might not land myself a job so soon too....haiz everytime sure got this kind of decision to make one....urrghhh...

anyway the jobs i apply will decide whether i will be a nurse or not.....watever it is, i hope id get something good, if not i hope i get into nursing....

gtg peepz, gnite....

WTF!

just got TWO disappointing email...here it goes.....

email no 1.
Hi Guys,

I have some bad news to tell you all. It's been a terrible 2 weeks for me. To cut it short, SANA has decided to pull out of the project. Hence, we will not be able to continue with the anti-drug theme. We have decided to postpone the graffiti work till next year when we have found another partner to work with.

Life is such that things do not always happen the way we planned it to be. I'm quite upset that this happened as I feel that I've let down all of you who have put in your time and effort to design the wall. More importantly, the youths who have signed up the help spray the wall will also be disappointed.

I would love to work with you all again next year when the project is ready to go again. Right now, I have to say I'm very sorry to all of you. Do keep in touch! I hope you will continue to chase your dreams and do well in school! If there are ways I can assist you, please let me know ok!

--
Cheers,
Candice Chiew

email no2.

Sorry I have to reschedule another time. This Thursday's appointment has
to be postponed.

Kind Regards,

Tirso Garcia
Executive
Network Marketing
MTV Networks Asia

actions speaks louder

without actions, my thoughts are nothing....without actions, my decisions are fucken hard to make, without effort, none can move....i gotta take the power back.....my weakness, i tire after work, and i wasted hours napping and relaxing, gotta be back like few months back, where my schedule is back to back....interview after work, graf after interview, alip after graf, then only i sleep, that routine is repeated and replaced with other activities, im at home only to sleep.....and i feel more alive that way........activities have slackened(is that the way to put it?) no more strt soccer, scooter boys bz, gilera boys too, avneesh busy with his foreign graf artist, yani bz with work, me bz with stupid christmas promotions, hampers n sorts......sheesh......

i cant wait to lay my hands on the walls of the street soccer court, ive left my marks at the bukit batok skatepark. im sketching very hard now, trying to come up with something nice and extraordinary for the walls.....after all im gonna appear in media, cant shame myself right?.....its one week away before we start painting....and me, i havent come up with anything satisfactory yet. this is another chance to showcase my abilities, i dont want to call it talent cos i dont think i have one compared to many.....but just check out the court at ulu pandan after 3rd december...

i cant wait for the last week of december, ill start starving myself now, saving up for a mini holiday in malaysia at tanjung balau, a fren said she surfed there....cool eh? and the waves is like a notch below kuta@bali........i hope i have enough money for my 1week of leave.......and i hope theres someone tt will tag...bb boys, dun go KL la....go balau we can surf.....i still have yet to master surfing...:)

lastly, i wish u idiots whom i hate are computer literate....cos i wanna express wat i feel about u....if only u were literally dumb...itll be more peaceful, ur sarcasm and words just pisses me off and ure giving mom heartaches....u bastard dun let this five sided fistagon meet ur face aight?.....dun push my limits, i can do things ive never done before, those whos been with me long would know....

sid, sid...

hey sid, tt bike is the most expensive thing uve ever bought and uve dropped it once, crashed it once and scratched it cos u bang the signboard....all because of stupidity..
hehehe....too adventurous, too crazy...no wonder dad didnt let me get a scrambler wen i just passed...he knew me too well.....anyways, wat to do, wat is done, is after all done....sorry boba, ill start looking after u more now...hhehehe and stop abusing ur powerful potential.....will change that plastic next year, aiyah only scratches mah, not broken...hehehe......SID STOP UR NONSENSE ON UR BIKE WILL YA?...hehehehe im just like a kid let loose with his own first bicycle...sheesh......i wonder how is it if i were to get that motard.....in 3 years time, in 3 years.....well, i hope by then i dun have this fuel pumping to try stupid things....so at least id get a laid back vehicle probably a tourer, harley or a mini cooper and not that ktm540 or that ducati tt ive been eyeing....heheheh

gotta sleep, adios, looking forward to sunday's motard race....

happy bdae fren

was shahreil's bdae, had a small celebration at little guilin....happy 25th shahreil...

like him, i have a rather expensive hobby too, in fact mine is much more expensive which i cant indulge in yet....i love bikes n gadgets....tts why i need a better paying job.....tts all, too sleepy, nights....im way past my deadline for the graf project, cant afford to sleep tumoro evening after work, need to work on it.

life is like crashing a wheelie

i crashed bad.....while trying to pop a wheelie....i know im nuts, my bike is barely 5 months old and i have broken plastics...hahaha but funny is, i feel the pain of forking out for new plastics ONLY. i think im finally the person i was before, no worries.... i remember wen i was still skating....i actually torn my ligament but i didnt know a fuck abt that until i was in NS, i continued skating....i think i gonna need canes when im old...hahaha.......anyway, at one thought, i think it was stupidity that drove me to pop that wheelie.....but then again, i think it was my curiousity and the daredevil in me that drove me to that. anyway i dont regret my actions but i learn a hell lot from it. my boba is certainly not new no more. im waiting for my part time jobs to 'activate' so tt i can pay off all my 'debts' and finally can do up caramella and boba and even save up for my future. zahidah asked me if id like to tag along end of next year to dubai or aussie, to hunt for jobs cos she have frens there, i hope so z, but i cant say now cos my life, is really unpredictable.

i recieved another email, im trying out, send my stuffs in, hopefully they like my stuffs.im working on my profile and portfolio and trying to make a hobby into something that can earn me a living.i doubt so, but ill not stop trying, i only stop wen im certain.

ive just recovered from a week long flu + fever, i guess effect of sniffing in too much aerosol, ive been practising to fine my lines....anyways, now tt i recovered, i have to recover from the abrasions that boba gave me....sheesh.....but anyway, auntie said i lost weight and actually asked how come cos ive always been chubbier...heheh but i told her, it wouldnt be long before im chubbier again..hehehe...

oh theres a motard/cub race this weekend and i overheard rumours that they gonna bring autos into the limelight soon, once they get enough response, you'll see autos racing soon.....and I WANT TO BE IN IT! if there is.....it has always been my childhood dream to race. if you have been reading my blog since day 1, i think ive mentioned before, that wen i was a child, most kids have ambitions, to be a doctor, a teacher or a policeman but me, i wanted to be a race-car driver or a superhero that saves lives.....hahaha thats me, of course the latter is not possible, ive only managed to edit fotos to make myself look a jedi donning a lightsaber. believe me, if i have enough cash, and if they finally include autos in kallang race, you'll see me there alright, its not about winning, i just wanna get the feel of racing in a circuit.

got lots more to write about, im a natural story teller but stories are all genuine. got alot more days in life, so ill save the rest for another day, see ya around frens.

hobbyist aerolist scooterist

ive always loved caramella, wen economy is down, the tot of exchanging her for a sum of 2-3k always crossed my mind but i rode her, again n again to remind myself tt i wont sell out, i love my vespa, my caramella, thru thick n thin we've been thru, i'll carry on riding u....

gee it rhymes and its creepy to be hearing someone so loving to a non-living thing right? well, although a non-living thing does not return u the love u gave but it does not hurt u, am i right? hehehe no im not getting emotional, im way past dat. me now day in day out im thinking about success.....and of course living my dreams.

my dreams would be living my hobbies, doing what i like as a career....i guess tts not totally possible, even if it is, i must be extremely good or work extremely hard at it and have to make alot of sacrifices.....im not talented, i just love what i do. tts tt.
and i hope one day i can do what i love daily, without worries that it will burn holes in my pockets cos by tt day my pockets are fire resistant....hehehe...

who doesnt want tt, look at vernie....driving classic cars like nobody's business, i know he works hard to get where he is, living his hobby and not worrying itll eat away the grains of rice in his bowl......its cool to be there....no regard for anyone else, living the way u want life to be.....i wish to be like him one day, successful, in his own way. he was once a scooterist like me, his trade skills and his hard work make it possible for his hobby change....vintage cars.......cool eh?

so if u see a mini, with chequered hood and viciously graffed on its door...and my fav skurvy on the other side, u know ive made it.....u know ive reached my goal. but for now, itll remain a dream.

wats keeping u?

wats keeping u garcia? wen are u going to confirm the time slot and date? im waiting.

graffiti......

back then i only 'write' on my bedroom walls n doors and watever i get my hands on. but today... a new change...i write in public....i wrote 2 pieces....u can check it out at myfotopages.com. im hooked....being able to potray my innerself on a canvas called concrete..... thnks dj-fou for asking me to write along with ya....i love his piece called flora....its prepared....mine kinda impromptu, i started spraying green, wen i decided to draw 2 front tooth which end up becoming the green piece.....as i waited for djfou to finish, i wrote another, my name spelled vcious plus my own tag....i love tt piece....theres plenty of room for improvements n i wanna make this my new hobby and make it a point to write at least once a month.

cheers, gnite....

tv ad

wen ure trapped in a tv ad, few minutes ull be off to a new one....wen ure trapped in life....few years before u start a new one.....

ch-check it out....viciously will be written all over walls........passion to doodle has always been in me.....n soon, ill be given materials to do so.....yeeeehaaa....
ekspressi.....kemelayuaan....hehehehe........abacadraba.....vrooom....

aerosol expression, digital invasion, film salvation.........CRAP
hahahah

im agitated, i feel humiliated, bust me pls......i need speakers on my boba, so i can blast RATM on my way to work....

interview on thursday....fuyoh....stress...giler.......arrrrrghhh....urrrghhhh.... ahhhhh.....
i wish i do, i wish i might....insyahAllah.....if my rezki is there....coolness...

id be doing something i like, even though if it means i have to squeeze in time and sacrifice laze time......i wanna see vcious or sid all over .......ch-check it out.. hehehe

testify

tts what im psyched to do.......testify... i think im nuts, crazy, metally unwell.
but i know ill be fine someday.......in this toxic metropolis, recovery is tough...

i need a new job, a new job....stop whining sid u ass.....its gud nuff u have a stable income....bitch!.....hehehehe.... tumoro, exams....haiyah...deadline for the ulu pandan thingy so close yet ive done nuthin.....mess, real mess.....tts why im going crazy, nuts......

aidilfitri

di pagi raya, ku rasa berdosa, kepada ibu yng melahirkan ku, kadangkala aku ingkar, degil dan enggan mendengar nasihatnya......kesedihan juga menyelubungi ku, dapat ku lihat, anak dan ayah bersama ka solat berjemaah aidilfitri bersempena shawal yng disambutnya.....tapi aku, tidak pernah ku dapat rasakan suasana sedemikian. bukan ku merungut bukan aku ingin melawan tulis Allah, tapi sebaliknya setelah hampir satu abad aku menerimanya dengan sabar. hampir 5 tahun, bapa asalku meninggalkan singapura, sungguh pun dia tidak membesarkanku, aku masih mengharapkan kasih sayang daripadanya.

bermaafan adalah adat di pagi raya, setelah ku meminta maaf dari ibu kandungku, dua dari adikku turut memohon maafku.....aku memberi nasihat, sebagai abang, sebagai seorang dewasa yang berakal.....bertapa bertuahnya mereka mempunyai ayah & ibu, dan bertapa bertuahnya mereka mempunyai ibu yng amat menyayangi. tangisanku tak dapat ditahan, aku meluahkan perasaanku, bertapa sedihnya aku bilaku melihat mereka bersikap biadap, kurang ajar dan kurang sopan terhadap ibu, ibu yng telah membesarkanku, rasa kesal mereka, walaupun muda usianya dapat terlihat, air mata terlihat diwajah masing2, tanda kesal atas perbuatan mereka. aku akhiri nasihatku dengan salaman dan sampul raya yng dinanti-nantikan kanak2 sedunia.

aku rasa, tahun ini, aku cukup dewasa, aku telah ditunjukkan karenah manusia, pada tahun2 yng lepas dan dari itu aku terpelajar erti hidup. aku dapat merasakan sedikit perubahan di diriku, aku lebih sikap bertanggung jawab. aku rasa ada perlunya aku mengigatkan dan mendidik adik-adikku......

tetapi, yng tiada perubahan pada setiap tahun, ialah kesedihan yng aku hadapi, keluargaku sebenar, tidak ada, ibuku dan bapa asalku telah berpisah sejak kukecil lagi dan kini ingin bertemu dng bapa asalku pon agak sukar, mungkin sekali dalam setahun kerana kini dia berada di indonesia. aku juga kasihan, terhadap adik-adiku hazimah & azmi yng tinggal bersama ibu tiriku, mereka langsung tidak dapat bertemu bapa asal mereka, insyah'Allah suatu hari hati ibu kamariah terbuka untuk membenarkan atau membawa mereka jumpa bapa asal mereka.

setiap shawal, dosa2ku terbongkar pabila ku terasa kesal terhadap perbuatan-perbuatanku, tapi sebagai manusia yng sering lupa, ku melakukan lagi stelah ramadan dan shawal meninggalkan lama. nasihat ibuku, kan ku coba ingat dan semadikan di dalam diriku, dekati Allah, itu sahaja yng ku mampu dan teruskanlah usahaku..insyahAllah....

shawal ini juga istemewa, kerana Allah telah memberiku pekerjaan yng tetap, bermakna aku boleh berkongsi 'harta' yng aku perolehi dari titik peluhku, berzakat, sedekah kepada kanak2 dan yng memerlukan. sungguhpun ia bermakna tidak membeli kebendaan yng aku ingini, rasa kepuasanya amat berlainan.....

ya Allah, aku pohon kamu bukankah la hatiku, ampunilah dosa2ku dan juga keluargaku dan seluruh umat islam sedunia, kerana kami adalah semata-mata hambamu, manusia biasa sahaja......amin...

selamat hari raya, maaf zahir dan batin....

pencil & paper rule

i think u can apply the pencil & paper rule to life.....

pencil & paper rule:
1.sharpen
2.erase
3.white clean
4.start afresh
5.add shades

yourstrulyviciously.......

arrogance

arrogance, disrespect, etc just pisses me off.....anyways i hate it wen anger consumes me, i forgot bout things to do, like watch osman's race at magaret drive, zakat at the mosque....and wen i about to reach, i was like a few inches away from the car in the opposite lane as i blasted my trusted gilly. syukor alhamdullilah im in one piece.
seriously, as per last year, no mood for the festive season, im only awaiting 12th of november for my frens to bring cheer to my life, insyahallah everything will go as planned.

liftrak mankey's company, is about to dismiss a worker...i hope the boss does....so that i gain a place there....worked for him before and i hope he'd take me in.

need to press myself for ideas for the whole stretch of street soccer court that our team is going to do graffiti on. my joy to doodle just overcome my laziness. cant wait to add colours to those dull walls....

cant wait for the year to end, cant wait to turn 26, cant wait to usher in the new year, cant wait to enrol, cant wait to settle everything once and for all...2doubleOsix id leave everything behind once and for all.

2 more months, many more goals, many more dreams, endless resolutions, the journey never ends until the life leaves the body....

zorro

as i trusted the info given....no traffic jam...i headed to pump petrol across the causeway in a bid to save 50% off the usual ultra expensive petrol in sg......and as many of my frens are now kinda able to afford the petrol in sg, i left for jb alone in the early hours....damn......long jam....shit....but hey...no turning back... took me 2 hours just to save about 8bucks....tts like getting paid 4bucks an hour......okla...not tt worth it but i still save......alone, i plugged in my damaged earpiece to listen to ratm, beastie & rancid....it kept me awake for the hour wait......rode home 120km/h wind tries to blow my helmet away....me, testing my gilly but the strong wind forbids.

home, sleepy, tired but bored...logged on, chatted with nisha & sis,pen.....before finally creating an entry.....no topic in mind, zorro came.....he works alone, like me, his mission is carried out alone at most times, succesful he emerge....me i work alone but ive yet to be successful.....

tumoro, a brief interview n viewing of the site, im going to spray paint graffiti along with 2 other individuals.....i only did 2 puny grafs on my bedroom walls, i lied i did a couple for my frens....but anyway, i guess she like the sucky photos i called 'portfolio'....still deciding whether to do it or not, cos its for free, im not getting paid but my work will be seen on the huge wall at the street soccer court at ulu pandan cc.

im back to square one.....like 4years ago.....where singlehood is being normal.....
i have a plan ahead for 2doubleOsix......i hope HE lets me follow my plans....and hopefully as i plan, id be somewhere before 30. i wanna be like uncle amat....3 homes, 2 cars, 2bikes, 1 wife, 3 kids, 2 granchild when i retire....at least....

gotta sahur....im still a muslim u know...n i dun wanna change that....gnite...or shud i say morning...?

camera slut

i was the slut of tv last night....wen i appeared on suria for the charity ride thingy. unexpectedly i rode into the cameraman with the huge videocamera....and unkowingly i appeared on teevee.....coolness...well at least my mom n siblings saw it...and rashid msn me sid, kau kuar tv....hehehe.......i think im a media slut, i enjoy publicity.

im never gonna sell caramella.....riding it again n again was so enjoyable, though being left behind at AYE & ECP wasnt really enjoyable being the only classic amongst the bukit batok scooters.......

i realised i know so many ppl at the ride but all of them were 'hi & bye' frens, none of them i was close to. and wen i sat with the new 'mods' n the old ones, i hate the politics going on, the bitchin about each other...it suck....but they young ones are abit too over......i dun really enjoy riding with them, cos they dress up too well, i think i rather chill with the gilera boys....i still love my vespa but the people are just not fun or welcoming.....id rather stay an individual.

i guess i will keep my vespa until there come a time where id be able to afford a house in malaysia and keep my vespa for memories down there just like my uncle, ride around the neighbourhood once a week.

tumoro, monday, i hope MOE, Garcia or the Ulu pandan thingy call me up or at least email me wanting to proceed with a project. if they do, you'd see my creations at Ulu Pandan Street Soccer court, children's educational cdroms by MOE and MTV....hehe cool rite? but first of all, they gotta choose me!

...

before i sleep i hope u guys pray for me tt i land myself some freelance job, not for the sake of money but for the sake of building up a portfolio and as a stepping stone to something else hopefully.....

blood ties

its been years since i met my father whose now residing in Solo Indonesia. Just now we met in Larkin my uncle's place. i havent met my relatives n cousins over there too. they all grown up, jufri n mas. i met my step-mom too n my step sister ulan. tt was the first time i met my sister, the other one had to work she didnt come down to malaysia. the reason my father was in malaysia cos he had a project in KL.

i also went to my other uncle's place in danga bay. cool.....i like his place, i like his vbb n his storm(a huge jeep, imagine hummer) coolness......he's retired and now he's working as an officer at the boy's home. i wanna be like him when i retire, he have a house in sg, danga bay and kl, he have a toyota, a storm, a vespa vbb and a px200. he told me, in life you must have an aim, a direction and you must plan your retirement, like him....hehehe sure id heed his advice.

my stepmom, i didnt talk much to ibu yanti cos i wasnt reely comfortable but at least i do talk to her a little, im beginning to accept her. my step sister is studying telecommunication in indonesia at some college, she's tall, quiet and shy.... my uncles n aunties are visiting them in solo come december, i dunno if i want to tag cos first of all, i only have 2 days leave and secondly, i got debts to clear.

suddenly, the trip just now made me wanna be close to my family again....

definitely, i will visit my uncle again both uncles one in larkin n the other in danga bay and definitely one day id love to visit my family in solo. insyahAllah. and i am glad my father is doing well now, being sent by his indonesian company to all over indonesia and malaysia to service and repair printing machines. Alhamdullilah but i just hope he follow the path n not stray away and only think of duniawi. i'll pray for him, insyahAllah......gnite peepz

monotonous fool stops.

torn.suck.job.suck.tumoro.work.job.suck.trying.make.best.of.job.but.still.suck.money.
revolves.world.job.suck.need.money.but.job.suck.choice.none.choice.tough.luck.tough.mtv
silent.waiting.calls.calls.calls.offer.wen.wen.wen.nites.....

nursing

i just tot of taking up wda's career switch thingy in nursing.....for 2 years, id leave a qualified nurse. but i have to survive on 900 for 2 years. but, jan 06 registration is closed, next is july intake in february. its both good and bad. good, while waiting i might get a good job and need not take up nursing after all, bad, if i dun get a job, means ill be stuck in ntuc till june at least.

benefits

2XFCL.....family c?? leave. means i can take off on my birthday or one of my family members' birthday. 2days per year, paid off! yeayness......Examination leave, i am granted 1/2 a day leave on the days i have a paper....cool right? and i get paid full day.... the benefits of my sucky job....im planning my trip to the dentist, does anyone knows how much itll cost to polish? anyway i get $140 reimbursement on my dental visits.yeayness..

being realistic and.....

understanding....im bored but its the weekends, probably everyone has plans....so i kept quiet, anyways, im not feeling that well, the flu bug struck me AND i have to work later on a SUNDAY. anyway, yani smsed me late last night...sori girl, was asleep liao.

today weak as fatigue took my strength away and the flu bug irritates me with constant sneezing and my nose is behaving as though its a leaking pipe. i have to work in a few hours and with all these, i suddenly start thinking realisticly.....dreaming about mtv is almost not realistic bcos i dun have any experience or design qualifications even though Garcia Tirso offered me freelance if theres a project. My mind was going for the apprentice aircraft technician thingy at SIA Engineering. i hope i land myself an interview and i hope i score....i just realised too, that ryzan, from the gilera gang, is infact an aircraft tech and if he could afford a G5, obviously his pay is pretty huge right now, probably with OTs and watever allowances. I think that goal is more realistic.

why am i still not satisfied with my current pay or job? bcos, wen i settle down if i were to settle down, i do not want my wife to work, i want her to give the kids love, which i lacked off during my childhood cos mom was seperated and she had to work to bring me up. yes, i was a latch-key kid back then. i want my kids to have the full attention like my younger bro n sis is having. i want them to have someone to cultivate their dreams, educate their minds......i gotta have a larger paycheck in order to do so in SG, to be able to afford to let my wife stay home and foot all the expenses and still be able to live a comfortable life.

i gotta go guys iron me uniform...adios

under the bridge

sid....are u dreamin? if u are, wake the fuck up before u bruise ur ego....

anyways, tumoro have to work, early....im starting to dislike my job, i wouldnt say hate cos hate is a strong word.....im trying to make things better daily, trying to adapt do my work quietly only thing the manager is freakin irritating and so is the so unhelpful staffs that is under me. this job is crap.....cos its been monopolised by a certain group of ppl and me being young doesnt really fit in cos my way of thinking is different......my ideas, my method of obtaining sales is different, old ppl are not that adventurous....

anyways ive sent that resume of mine to SIA engineering.....im still waiting for Garcia Tirso and Annie to give me a call....so now im waiting for 3 answers...one of them could be it....of course i would rather hear the good news from Garcia followed by SIA and then Annie......I hope to leave NTUC after I get my bonus but if its Garcia with the good news, Id leave immediately.

U know wat u made me smile wen u said the frog vibrated........

gnite peepz....hope theres some brilliant plans tumoro, if not id doodle on photoshop n macromedia the whole day tumoro....adios....oh i want that lucha wrestling mask.... saw some cool ones in the travelling show abt mexico just now.

the drive

its good meeting ppl with larger income and a career more stable than yours....it gives u the drive to strive further....and wats more if that someone is a female....the pressure is even much greater....is it the male ego? or is it just the will to excel, to do better? well, im not sure.....but all i know is i want a new job, one with a brighter future....i want garcia to email me or call me with a good news, i wanna hear annie tell me i got that interview at micron.......

tts my goal.....i hope to achieve it.....and i hope .....well its late...gd nite peepz

im still human

i still feel, i still get attracted, i still look.....i tot all those was dead but i realised im just human.....im still attracted to cuteness, smiles, etc...

i cant sleep, im overly excited thinking of something to do with the song solitary, so ironic...i have so many frens now.....but still i feel so alone, im creating an animation for 20dischanger's(boy's band) song solitary.......was thinking black n white, simple expressionless characters.....solitary....confinement...

i gotta force myself to sleep, so that i get more things done in the day......gnite my blog....thnks for listening to me all this while...

i did look at the stars...

and they shined for me....today, im the happiest wen i opened up my hotmail inbox. 'they' emailed me asking for permission to use my work for downloads on their website. its the coolest thing that have ever happened to me, to see my work on an MTV website pretty soon and to know that there are possibily hundreds or even thousands visitors downloading the logo.....coolness maximus. another good sign, they want to see my portfolio and currently im scrambling to come up with one. its not confirmed if they'd like my works...but if they do, my turning point will just be at my doorstep.

im so freaking excited, this year nothing wonderful has happened to me, the 2 week relationship which i tot wud be wonderful didnt work out, the teaching position which i tot i could secure a place in NIE was a disappointment and working at NTUC Fairprice though Alhamdullilah given me a steady income isnt fun and enjoyable at all, its tiring and stressful cos im not doing wat i like.

i will pursue my dreams, still, this could just be a stepping stone to my own business, im ambitious but hey, isnt it good that way?now the dreams are becoming more visible, i hope nothing goes wrong, Garcia Tirso please email me another good news.

ive gotta go, work on my portfolio.....i gotta be ready, prepared. i gotta work hard if i want something, im like others who are blessed with a wonderful easy life and need not sweat, bleed n work hard to make ends meet and to enjoy a little fine things like caramella, my expensive hobby.

look at the stars....look how they shine

taken from coldplay.....the music, enchanting...the lyrics wonderful....and me im enchanted...u, u shud know the attention i gave u, how much i love u....hehehe im talking bout caramella.....:)....

n U, u know how i begin to like u, the annoying smses daily i sent u, the weekly invitation for u to go out with me.....well, this week u turn me down but its ok cos its ramadan, understandable and yest was a little too last minute so its ok....:) loneliness has grab me by the neck and u took that off from my neck and gave me a breath of air.......i wish ud notice, that i begin to dote on u and i sincerely need u to save me from the ppl ard me whose pulling me into the ground so that im deprived of air and ultimately life.

hehehe....so full of emotion my entry but it takes someone courage to write what they really think and let ppl read about it.

life has been great, i keep myself occupied daily, self learning, reading, watching dvds, work,....i barely notice as time flies past me.....

im still hunting, for a new job....call me greedy if u will but, i want my future to be comfortable and i want to retire with an own business......for those who have been reading my blog, this is not the first time i said that..hehehe....

i know nobody said itll be easy....but i didnt know itd be this hard to reach a goal. u can dream of it, u can imagine it happening but its not there yet, daily im living my dream.....im my dreams, my mom would look at me with a wide smile upon her face.. glad she is that her son is finally there.....

im waiting for the turning point....where everything would change and ppl's perception of me change too.......for those whose always been behind me, frens who have always supported me, given me advice, given me strength, thanks a million, my doa will be for u and of course mom.....im thankful to god i have these people...

and to those who contributed to my suffering, provided me pain, and let me learn harsh reality, id like to thank you too....all those made me stronger, careful and smarter....