Congrats you have succeeded. Kudos. Adios.
Deliberate?
I am not happy. I hope it was not done deliberately, if it was, screw you no matter how much I respect you.
Even if it is not, I already am starting house hunting, I spent about 2 hours of my night shift reading through housing issues and something new sounds good to me, we now can get 3-room flats(provided if its from a mature estate) if I interpret correctly, the combined household ceiling income for 3 rooms is 8k. That's pretty good news cos now we don't need a 4rm flat, we just need a place of our own, even if we have kids, it'll be perfect, the kids will be 5years old at least before we are allowed to move, just nice. The issue is if there's a boy and a girl and when they reach puberty, we need to separate them, that's the main issue as a muslim. So for the time being I'd make do with a 3rm flat. It ain't so bad, at least I know my wife wouldn't mind. Anyways it'll be much more comfortable on the payment side, at least it won't totally wipe out off our cpf, at least we got spare maybe for investments or hospital claims, etc...
I am going DIY, if it's too troublesome, I'd seek my friend's help.
My entry yesterday had something about spare a thought for others, clearly nuff some people don't probably cos they don't understand our situation, yes we are menumpang if that's any clearer.
lonely
It's weird maybe its because we just got married.
Today, I know how you felt when I had to go to work and you were all alone at home, lonely, that's how you felt. It's ok if I am on morning shift cos before you know it I'll be home but if I am on PM shift or night shift, I think it'd feel like ages. That's how I am feeling today as I am resting at home waiting for my next night shift, you are away at work from 9 to 6pm and to make things worst, I don't even get to see you for 2 hours like yesterday. But at least I got to see you for about an hour this morning....
Anyways, I am so looking forward to our trips we plan this year. I just hope we be able to make it financially and a flat from HDB would certainly help. Cos for one huge reason, we don't have to fork up any cash, even if we have to it'd be minute as to compared the tens of thousands the open market asking for. And with our own home too, we'd be having much more privacy and can pretty much do whatever we want and not confined to just this tiny room of ours.
I am sorry too, my friends that I can't tag along for the April trip, I very much want to tag but many factors stop me from doing so. I guess it's kinda blessing. The main reason was the pinoys, it's Good Friday, so priority goes to them when it comes to leave.
And the factor is of course, I am saving up for many things to come including our much awaited trip in November, location have yet to be confirmed cos it all depends on the budget and if anything crops up, like the flat. And of course the blessing is, I need not leave my poor wife all lonely, cos from 5th onwards I'd be doing my national service for a week, If I go for the trip, poor thing she'd not be seeing me for a good 2 weeks.
Now I understand how tough my friends had to choose between family and friends, so I guess you singles or those ignorant can self-reflect or spare a thought when we as husband and wife have plans sometimes. Although we are married, that does not mean our life stops there and furthermore for people like me on shifts, time together sometimes are hard to come by. So just spare a little thought kay?
Speaking of which our plans last Tuesday had to be changed a little for many reason. Partly I wasn't feeling too good and secondly my Yai is in High-dependency in NUH. Of course my Yai is my priority, I only wish I have the means to look after him. It pains me to see him in such a condition, I hope there'll be some justice if what he said is true and not only came from the 'confused' him. If what he said is true, I hope there'd be some justice, the 'inhuman' part of me just want 'an eye for an eye' but the civilized me just pray that they'd realize what they had done was wrong. I hope my Yai will be better taken care of after he leave NUH. I think a nursing home is a better place for him cos at least he's taken care of 24/7 and by paid professionals not by half-willing individuals or unskilled maids.
I just hope when I grow old that wouldn't be my fate. Ain told me, 'treat your children like how you want them to treat you', well that can be true but that can be otherwise too cos I still believe in the saying 'spare the rod, spoil the child'. I'd love my kids no doubt but discipline is discipline, the old skool way.
I am still disturbed by issues around me, I just hope some parties wake up. I know I shouldn't say alot but then I am starting to dislike some people here and sad to say they are my family.
I pity those who have to shoulder their burden and responsibilities.
I pity those who have to suffer for them.
I pity those who receive sufferings from them.
It angers me to learn what they have done.
The above 4 sentences applies to various around me, it's kinda private to say who they are cos after all they are family but then please lah wake up. InsyahAllah one day they will, I pray to God. I am unhappy but yes I am helpless cos theres nothing I can do or able to do. I just hope things will be better.
For those with rosy-near-perfect life, please spare a thought for those with many imperfections. Like the pakcik at work told me, 'if you have a bicycle, look at those who have to walk and think how fortunate you are'. Thinking this way. makes us thankful for what we have and makes us understands the not so easy life others might have and also makes us more careful with our own.
Spare a thought be thoughtful, it's not all about fun and accomplishing your 'cool' life and concerns only, when others unable to, think why before letting your anger sets in and then negatively think about them. Likewise with views, we come from different backgrounds, when one is against some stuff, they have their reasons but if you are along the same line, go ahead.
My twilight galaxy
Did they tell you, you should grow up when you wanted to dream?
Did they warn you, better shape up if you wanna succeed?
Well, I don't care really what they say, although I'd be lying if I said it doesn't affect me one bit. But hell yeah, I did things the way I am. I didn't fall into the mould, I did once and I headed nowhere. Engineering my balls. I should've went ahead with my dreams of doodling but now thats a tat too late to do so. So I chosen a different path but this time my own. I did things the way I wanted.
Now, I'm on this with my soulmate and it's only fair we steer this together. It's great enough that she's the most understanding person on earth next to mom. She would evaluate and assess and then give a go-ahead if there's nothing wrong with what I wanna do or give a constructive comment otherwise.
I'm 30 already going on 31 and I still have dreams, my life doesn't stop at having a family and a stable job, I wanna push myself, my own way. The thing is, sometimes I need to focus a little more, I know I can do it, just need a little more focus.
I can't wait to get my own flat, and pretty much settle everything on the 'family' aspect. I wanna settle this quick so I can further my studies and hopefully with more private hospitals coming up, I have more opportunities if my future where I am at seem bleak. By then I guess I would have at least 5years of experience. I am still not leaving out the overseas opportunities options but then, things happening down here kinda part of the factor that kills the keen factor. Like mostly family issues.....I am on a mission to save the weak and bullied, I think I can do something about it or at least contribute.
Life is alot more complex than just earning your meals and to entertain yourself when you are feeling down or much needed it.
If you are just concerned about that, I guess you are pretty much indifferent from the patients I face everyday. It's easy when everything's perfect without conflicts and all. Mine, I grew up with lots of it.
I'm just glad that life seems much better, the future too seems much more promising. I just hope everything falls into place, like the flat and the degree. And hopefully after that, little ones....insyahAllah.....
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