testing my will power

im testing my will power....not to squeeze this oh so squeezable zit....urrrghhh... my hands touchin it oredi....but resisting to squeeze it out....hehehehe...

everyone wants a time machine

i was telling shahreil how i wished i could turn back time and study wat i really wanted, make real choices on my own and probably change my future....he simply said everybody wants a time machine....true indeed my fren...i too wished i had one.

but as time cannot be rewound, or the past could not be changed, its best we work on the present and for the future...ive made plans like i did before but this time round id like to make a 100% accomplishment of my plans....itd take time but i hope id be there soon.

i so want a degree and start my own business upon saving enough money, i dont wanna loan the whole amount, its too risky. mimi suggested i started with a home business, i agreed with his suggestion, will do just tt next year, i hope, if nothing crops up. at the same time id like to pursue a degree and get that driving license. seems like this time round my new year resolutions has been set way earlier.

1st day of ramadhan, went with a breeze, probably bcos of work...it kepts me occupied and the hunger pangs weren't just there...only slight thirst....alhamdullilah...

cmmon john, or whoever incharge, give me that phone call now and tell me a good news.

the holy mth of ramadhan

i guess this is the perfect time for me to save up and finally clear all the debts i have....i dunno how long oredi have i calculated over n over again, to suit my budget. this year i have to give out zakat...im earning oredi...im putting aside all $2 notes i have.i guess im not buying the baju this year...i dun think id be celebrating... hari raya is mostly a happy occassion for many but mine has been a sad one for the past few years...but my wonderful frens however without fail provide me with joy and laughter for that brief day out with them yearly.

i know my fate will change some day, im no fortune teller....but i can tell id have a happy life soon after.....i can feel it within me....i can sense, i can dream of it...

i find that im much mellow this days, i talk lesser, i offend ppl less....i listen more... even though sometimes i don't really agree with what a fren is saying but being a fren, its natural to provide a listening ear as i know how it feels and how much weight it would be off my chest if someone listened to me.

i hope id be a better person soon...im trying to channel my anger & frustations to something positive...this negative energy is trapped within me, im finding a way...i hope i do.

my boss told me off for something my staff did not do. i just kept quite nod my head and agrees to him even though i partially disagree to his views, its amazing how i never retaliate just now...probably, i cant be bothered, probably im mature enough....it took awhile for the anger to subside, i breathe heavily, letting out the fumes at each breath, continued with my work and it slowly went off....

i still dream of getting a place with that company, itll be marvelous, i hope...im waiting for their call regarding my work and ill grab that opportunity to ask for a place. wish me luck frens.....:)

decisions galore

should i or should i not.....u guys might be wondering but i think its better i keep it to myself.

watever it is, i hope my dreams come true...i think id be happiest if it does....

im tired, mentally & physically.....tumoro i have to work....

ramadan coming soon....i hope things get better....alot better...insyahallah

yani, thnks for ur concern, uve been a great fren...too bad we are both busy with work. well thats sg, u have to work to survive cant just lay ur ass ard.....

gnite my blog, my frens, my angels & those who hate and despise me....

i dun hate anyone...if there is hate, i should start hating myself.....gnite.

imsick

im sick, im sick and tired of being who i am. it hurts me, so bad, that if i were to bleed, itll bleed profusely so quickly id run dry. my thoughtfullness, my nature jus doesnt help me out. i wanted a dream, i wanted a direction, i always end up caring for others but not me. can i swap places please, with someone else? someone else who's more bold, daring and aggressive. im not aggressive, im too emotional, my nature is too weak for comfort. can i please swap places, anyone who'd like to take over my place. i shout at ppl, i argued but i end up giving in even though i know im not at fault. but in the end do they even notice? i dont even ask to be appreciated. i just ask for some face.

work in awhile, i dun feel like going, i feel like taking rides, feel the breeze in my face, stop by the sea or somethin, watch the waves meet each other and the birds soar freely in the God created sky.i wish i could, i wish i might but ive got too much things to do, so little time. sometimes hopes are just there for me to see, not to touch, hold or even feel. im devastated, sad over dunno wat. i hate whining but its u verivicious, my blog the only one who'd listen to me religiously.

im just ur creation O' Mighty one, i appreciate wat u have given me and i hope i can be stronger. i still need direction, i still need U to steer me.

my life has yet to reach that steady plateau, its still climbing the steep slope. before i could reach some gravels cos me to slip down and bring me back lower. when oh wen will i reach that flat surface? where i can lay back, stare at the blue sky and feel free. noone around me on my own, the air, the sky, the sun.....

my heartaches, i wish u are a living thing that can answer and comfort me. i wish i could, i wish i might. i wish there were angels to come to my rescue, singing me lulabies so that i feel comforted.....dreams...are only made to be dreamt off, for me at least but i do still want to make some a reality.

0310

my mind remains awake as my body grows weak.
my wish is a dream wen i go to sleep...
in my slumber i wish, a vision so clear,
a direction a decision for me to steer.

this pain is unberable but the body witholds.
im not as timid yet im not yet bold.
before i sleep i wish i would wake to,
a new life, a different kind, something to look forward to.

.........

just abt 20minutes ago, i was almost sleepy....now im wide awake, my heart aches and my eyes all teary....does it pay to be a nice guy? no it doesnt....does it pay to be honest? no it doesnt.....

i shall not elaborate....u went back on ur word....ill stick to deal...tts tt......its up to him to make me decide......but being who i am, ill give u back the agreed amount, the not agreed one...tt depends...but the way u put it, u know wat? i hate u too. i never did but now i really do. and if u want to u can start hating me now.

thks for the heartache, thnks for the headaches, thnks for the sleepless night u provided. i shall not rake the past but i sweat my ass off for u, u dig a grave for me and now u want to create a hell hole for me. thnks a billion for ur help. thnks.

this ramadan, i hope i get some guidance and i hope i can get a better job..... and if he opens my heart good for u....

i dunno why but i guess im a material for ppl to push around...i guess so.... everyone seems to enjoy to push me ard...with me, after they left me and probably in the future.....is it so much fun? is it so enjoyable? funny thing now is i dun feel so much that im fucked up....cos i know im not....i know i could but i hadnt been...

theres endless of things to talk about...and i wish i had someone to talk to....i wish i hadnt been stubborn and found someone to talk to...at times like this i really need someone to lighten this weight on my chest........

no wonder the bad omens for the day......woke up fluish, twisted my wrist, saw my ex gf n family, my stocks ran out, and now this....wats next? im prepared......

check, check, check it out

www.noisesingapore.com.sg
go to sort by images -->>> mtv logo --->>> then look for hoppy-hommies!
enjoy the animation....courtesy of ur dear sir viciously.

the backyard

behind every face theres a story...
before every happiness theres sadness.

every teardrop theres a reason...
every heartache theres a blessing.

behind every hatred theres anger...
behind every anger theres hurt.

for every word theres a meaning....
for every meaning there need not be a reason.