By Definition

You can define a year by 365days or 52weeks or 12months. There are several definitions for a year alone, what about life? A meaningful life.

I sent off my dad yesterday morning, with many thoughts in mind. Was it his fault totally? Should I sympathize that he has been through lots? Should I agree with my uncle's and his view? Should I be ashamed of myself that I did not really put in effort to look for him when he first went 'missing' from Singapore to reside in Indonesia? There's still many questions that goes unanswered, there was many more that I regret not asking but I guess that's part of life, sometimes you give some a miss although you do not want to.

Like my dad, I have been through lots and I am freaking grateful here that I can still fend for myself and feed my fairly oversized tummy. I am still glad though my life is far from perfect as compared to my fortunate friends. I am not saying I am not unfortunate cos I am still granted with a stable job which I will have to cherish and really 'look after'. After all the poor economy many companies around are looking ways to 'remove' what they don't 'need'. I do not want to be one of them. Nevertheless, I am looking ways to up my value, a degree perhaps. In actual fact, I am pretty much lazy to study again but I keep telling myself I have to really consider upgrading myself. I was also considering other alternatives as back up plans, I am seriously considering Ratnor's offer to join venture with him and his friend. I also already am working with dad to produce some supermoto accessories which will have price tags that make the branded manufactures hate me.

I know, wealth is nothing but that is not what I am looking for....I am looking for comfort and stability and something to fall back on. The Arabs believe that health comes above anything else, indeed it is, without health there's no wealth.

Today I went for my knee surgery, removing the implants which had got my knee infected. Back to square one, my knee is now 'loose' without that support from the artificial graft in replace of my original ACL(anterior cruciate ligament). I am thankful nuff that I did not get any bone infections, I'm just waiting to recover and strengthen my knee again so I can run. I had lived my dreams of racing, although only a teenie club race but I do appear on teevee. I wanna live my next which I do not know yet if it is possible, I wanna run that marathon(or maybe half) and finish it, what position I finish in doesn't matter. It's just one of the things I wanna do before I turn old and weak. :)

That's for later.....I'm now concerned with the current issue, the flat. I seriously want a place of my own, somewhere where I can call my own. Getting it is not cheap, I really need to save up, although I could've ask dad, I didn't cause that's his money, he earned it and I have no right to it. I don't deserve it. I would rather loan if I have to, If I have to that is. Else, I will have to save and forgo the pleasures in life, like things I don't need, like things that can wait. That's why in the earlier paragraphs the mention of looking for other alternatives to earn.

I just hope that in the future my kids too will be like me and my dad. Independent and would really stretch ones capabilities and abilities to the max. I never really looked up to dad until I was mature enough to think of what he has went thru and put aside his not so commendable deeds. He is human after all like you and me.

Speaking of humanity, the inhumane deeds of some still lingers within my memories. I still could not believe what you have done. I don't know how can you forgive yourself and put that smile upon your face. I'm no hero, neither have I fulfilled my responsibilites but that's because I myself am 'crippled' in many ways but you having that complete family I can't understand why you need to do that.

I don't wanna talk about that anymore. In this life, my experiences have made me a better person and Islam certainly did help me to be a better person. Turn to Him my muslim frens. There's changes in me that I have noticed, although little but it had stuck to me that way now. As days goes, I have seen lots of the less fortunate than me and loose change to me is nothing as compared to those who really need it. Excess food that will go to the bin is better off in someone's empty stomach. A greet, a smile is better off that misinterpertations and silent accussations.

I realise some things are hard to change like my temper at times but remembering Him helps and people around me(ain mainly) and my current profession.

Thank you for guiding me. Alhamdullilah. Leave the path lighted so I don't loose my way again.
Thanks for health, food and what I have now. Syukur.