menu for sahur...

got no appetite, runny nose and fluish......body a little achy.....so here was wat i ate at sahur.

-2 cups of tea
-2 dates for energy
-1 tiny bar of choclate for energy again
followed by a cocktail of supplements,
-10 tiny tablets of spirulina for the lack of fibre and nutrition
-2 capsules of gluscosamine sulphate for my knees
-1 caplet of 500mg vitamin C for immunity support

hahaha i now realised im kinda high maintanence.....hahaha....

cranky mode on

i cant sleep, i cant concentrate, im cranky, im fluish and the haze is worsening everything......its so damn irritating when some parts of the world decides that forest fire is the way to party and the stupid burning at my void deck some how is celebrating it, dumb ass.....

break

a well deserved break, i slept abt 8pm till 430am today......its been so long since i had a break, ive been working my ass off....
gd news i got an A for my bio prac! A.....first A of the course......bad news is, i scored a D for my theory last mth, so added up plus the coming exams, i might prolly end up with a B at most if provided i do well for my exam papers bt if i do just ok, id still end up with a C....hahahaha

the sociology presentation was splendid, i engaged the class, they laughed, they enjoyed, they asked questions........bt then i got a little negative feedback from the lecturer, cos i never apply one of the theory clearly but still i felt it was fairly well done and cleamaus tot so too, cos of our extensive research.......i just hope id get a B at least.........

now, i gotta finish my 1000words essay and the slides for the lesson plan for diabetes....and obesity....sigh...more work and next week, another test and i need to do a presentation on chronic obstructive lung disease.........sigh.....

i was surfing ard jus now....and gawd i came across an ad, carry on installment for DRz400SM.......gawd....i smsed him and asked if can transfer ownership instead of adding subrider, if it could be done, id sell away my gilly for the SM......wish me luck..
if not, i wanna enrol for class 2, cos its the easy to pass compared to class3 and way cheaper and i can foresee me buying a phat harley wen im gainfully employed......hopefully, id pass my class2 before year end.

lepak but good

im disgusted by a video at youtube

im not against any religion but to make use of the poor to spread a certain religion is just not right.....its just unethical. i mean if u really want to help the poor, go ahead, nobody's stopping u, but in this video its clearly trying to say tt being a muslim and if ure poor theres no home and once u convert hope comes in immediately. what a false idea they are implanting on them? they are desperate, poor of course they would be fooled by such lies after recieving the food and help u gave them. in some parts of the world there are too, many poor non-muslims and still struggling. not all poor ppl are muslims. it just so happens tt batam has the majority of the population muslims and of course the poor ppl made up of mostly muslims, its like duh.....even my young cousins could tell. i feel it is just not right to do this, even my non-muslim colleagues and friends over here would feel the same. if u want to help the poor i guess its not right to change their beliefs just bcos ure helping them. i too sometimes drop a coin or two to the students bearing the tin cans, even though the organization im donating to is non muslim. i remembered once when i brought my sisters donation card for mosque building to work and my colleagues who are non muslim, donates and without even saying islam is a poor religion join us.....u know tt kinda thing....i feel its just wrong.....im being trained as a nurse right now....and even nursing forbids me to interfere with a person beliefs, if a patient believes tt his traditional religious leader can say him prayers and help in the healing process, so be it, he has every right to his beliefs and i should not interfere......i should not even try to say my religion is good or superior above others......

im sure all religions would like to widespread their teachings but not in such a way, i am certainly not happy with this group of ppl, although im thankful enough they helped the poor which me myself unable to go to such extent but they are not helping without intentions.....they are not sincere...........i have friends before who preaches abt the goodness of his religion but he never took advantage of the situation when i was jobless....he never said, sid, join me, ur religion is crap and not helping u from ur troubles.....im disgusted by the behavior of the ppl in the video......if u want to help the poor, pls help them sincerely.... for my frens who wants the link to the video on youtube, ask from me, im shocked of the video....really
i guess you would be too....

i feel if u want to 'spread' ur religion, do it like what they normaly do, invitations, pamphlets, etc....but not taking advantage of situation, like in this case, the poor.....urrghhh...

my bros

i meet my frens finally after such a long time....kinda miss them....great to have some laughter after a whole sucky week, well actually only thursday...hehehe 9am presentation....haiz....

phew

ok lets start things with the unpleasant first....i didnt sms nor call cos im damn bz and 2ndly im still pissed at certain things... watever it is, im even more pissed now. ok lets stop there, cos its not very nice to discuss unpleasant stuffs....

anyways, bio prac was over....wah lan doi we had very little time to decide on our answers cos we were only given a minute per station for total of 20 stations, 2 questions each.....but phew i must say it was on the easier side...though made some careless mistakes, i can easily get a C and if lucky nuff a well earned B.

hmm theres more to come, not yet the end......tumoro, sociology presentation, next week skills theory, followed by medical-surgical presentation...packed week ahead....and ouh 1000words essay due on monday.....wah man... just tot wanna chill a little but i cant.......

wk 16(2 wks time) 2 more projects due......2 more theory tests.......the exams the following week...wah lan doi.....stress tau nak jadi misi......hahahahaha hari raya pon kene blaja....wah lan doi.....

...

so now she hates me...

killer beb!

gua dah agak dah, kalau paper si mdm chin tu mesti killer punyer......tapi kan dari minggu lepas lagi gua sua ulang kaji, gua yakin la gua bleh bikin punye...kirakan cam omputeh cakap optimistic la......tapi kan ada la gut feeling gua cakap consperm paper si tua nie ada sikit payah....memang betol ar.....tapi takpa gua serahkan kepada yng Maha Esa, umatnya usaha beb bukan datang kosong2......

walaubagaimanapun(fuyoh panjang ar werd nie) gua sudah bersedia dapat C atau D la, unless nasib gua kan bleh dapat B, tapi gua ngah tahan nie takmo cek answer, takmo happykan diri sendiri atau kecewakan.......so gua tinggalkan sampai tu dua nyonya kasi result la.....

besok gua ada lagi satu periksa....nie pasal badan kita ala biology la....besok practical test, harap2 hati gua terang skit bleh ingat menda2 tu.....kla gua nak revise lagi skalik.....seblom tu nak cari info pasal penyakit kencing manis, gua kena buat projek...kencing manis ar.....hahaha.....

ok la geng, umat2 islam yng membaca, terbaca atau secara tak sengaja tertekan lelaman blog gua nie....slamat berbuka puasa.....cam gerek gitu eh blog dalam bahasa hancai bocai...slalu asyik ingeris jer atau melayu....skali kala tukar ar skit... okla cam dak2 mama cakap....Papo!

im a jerk, then and now

i was trying to find a space in my drawers where i could lock my precious macbook away. why u would ask? 1st theres only 3hours of lesson + 1 hour paper later so im lazy to bring it along as i know i would head home straight after squeezing the juices of my brain. 2ndly my stepdad isnt working today and i jus dont trust him cos once before he 'intruded' into my room and 'borrowed' stuffs while i was at work.....he got the IFS(itchy fingers syndrome).

ok so back to the drawers....i cant find the other key to the 2nd drawer cos i hid it, sheesh i just realised im like rowan atkinson's character mr.bean. so no choice the only drawer left with a key, so i opened, i saw the blue adidas box and the smell of stale papers lingered to my nose, i couldnt resist but to open it and rumble thru old letters and fotos, then only did i realise tt i was kinda a little jerk back then and now im a different kinda jerk. i actually broke hearts unknowingly. i dont wanna do that anymore, i guess i dont want in another relationship for now until the final and last one which would lead to marriage for now, i guess at least for this 2years(which 3mths had already passed) i'd rather stay single than break more hearts.

i cant deny tt most of the time i was the one being hurt(which now i believe i do kinda cause it too) in the past but i didnt realised i did hurt ppl too and now im doing it again but this time, the hurt is to prevent further damage.

this beautiful ramadhan, pls accept my apologies to all who i have hurt or pissed off in any way or another, knowing and unknowingly. i guess if my frens were to write letters or blog like me, i guess i wouldve also discovered tt sometimes i behave like a male-bitch whom they tolerated.

currently i think im unworthy for any love from anyone. all apologies from the bottom of my heart. im sorry. hate me if u will.

stress=tekanan

aku stress kul 4petang nanti ada test.....test nie peliknya pasal kaum wanita......maternal and infant nursing...wah lan dey...
susah siot kalau dirikau bukan wanita sebab nak kene paham the cycles la, ovulation la.....gua blom tido bukan pasal stress aje... pasal masalh2 lain jugak la.....knn la kepala gua berkecamuk, minum kopi pon tak jalan....haiz......teh tarik instant dabis....
takpe ar, mesti mau yakin beb, lu can do it...hahaha....nie semua dalam minda je, cam orang puteh slalu cakap ar, its all in the mind....boleh punye...gua boleh punya.....yakin je....

aku fed up.

aku fed up, aku sedih, aku sedang cari penyelesaian, perbuatan kau bukan satu jawapan bagi semua yng sedang berlaku. kenapa kau tidak mahu dengar nasihat ku? mungkin kah kau tak percayakan apa yng aku cakapkan berkali-kali? masalahnye adalah pada diriku, dan kita bukan lain2 pekara. berikan masa dan waktu dan mungkin insya'Allah yng terbaik akan berlaku. aku tidak langsung bermaksud ingin menyakiti hatimu, sebaliknya aku harus bersikap adil, itu adalah sebabnye kepada keputusan aku.......tolonglah fahamkan apa yng aku telah katakan......aku tidak mahu hidup di sebalik sesuatu khayalan yng kita gembira......sebab tu aku bersikap adil dengan keputusan aku....

aku harap kau buangkan tabi'at merokok, itu bukan caranye menyelesaikan atau meringankan masalah.

gua pass beb!

satu balak sua lepas, gua pass clinical skills, which deem me fit to be attached to hospitals......alhamdullilah pada yng maha esa.....smalam gua frust so gua gi gunting rambut.....pendek maut punye.......tadi pagi gua nervous giler pasal tu periksa....tapi gua yakinkan diri, alhamdullilah......asal gunakan bahasa cam gini lu tanya? oh gua baru nengok video "ini guapunya" local streetwear company dan dalam video tu adalah ternampak art piece gua kat bb skatepark...terselit skit... nyai gua cam tau je ada yng tak kena, dia cakap sama gua, dan gua harap lu orang pon bleh gunakan nasihat nie, bnykkan solat, sabar jer.....

im sorri

i guess a million apologies wont solve anything.....im glad though u understand certain things to whats happening. i know ure not the type tt will go for another man, ure the faithful type, the rare type. and im glad too tt u understood tt its just as tt drove our relationship down.....and its not bcos of anything else....

ive never in my life, left someone for another, never and bear tt in mind and i know u wont do tt too. bt as to why i told u to keep ur options open bcos i don't feel like im a gd bf, i cant make u happy and true enough our relationship is getting bland. don't worry about the entry u wrote, im glad u made it clear cos i felt tt way too, its just tt i don't want to hurt u tt i want to hear it from u first.

i cant say i dont love u, well i do and i care for you, i dare swear to tt. and probably tt is the reason why i felt u deserve better cos i just cant be the one. honestly, im kinda confused, i know very well, our relationship is heading nowhere, every week, we meet for the sake of meeting....theres no zest to it, like u said its getting bland and probably bcos im spiritualy elsewhere probably with my dreams or probably the differences we had. i was afraid tt it was only me who felt tt way but ur entry confirms tt u feel the same way too.....

nani, i just want u to be happier, i dont know how to explain anymore, i just dont want us to have a relationship for the sake of having one, we can always be friends, i can always be behind u,......i dont want u to disappear from my sight, u got me wrong there....if it pleases u lets start all over again from frens.....

i dunno wat else to say....bt thru my smses, our conversation, i hope u do understand and if need to, we can meet up and talk things over probably after our exams. in relationships, we need to have conversations, rather than keep each other in the dark.

and im not afraid of history repeating itself cos i know it wont happen with u, ure not the sort tt would leave me for another.......i know, i just know. tts not the reason. like i said, the reason is i want u to be happier not with me who is literally lost in my own world.....im sorry, do keep in touch, its complicated, even my best fren cant help me out on this.

one more thing, if u really love me, like i said, live ur life, u have a future ahead of u, work on ur newly found career, build it to success, id be happy to see u somewhere someday. likewise im working towards mine, wish me luck, pray for me, i do for u too, everyday. don't forget the creator, me myself am trying to get closer to him, insya'allah....im still imperfect in many ways, im trying...u should too...

keep in touch....

im weird, hate me if u will

i dunno, i know things doesnt work out but somehow i do still miss u a little nani. bt i hope the decision will make us both alot better in many ways.