I Love You, Man

Watch the movie as recommended by my wifey-to-be. She's so right that I can relate to the movie so much....LoL. Hella nice movie, you guys should watch. Gnite everyone, nap time before pm shift!

Jahilliyah

30 years of age is what I will be, come 29th December 2009. I was born a Muslim, yet till date I am far from being a good one. I still do not know some of the basics. I once wanted to master the language(Arabic) so I can understand more of my religion but then I strayed away. Today at the mosque I was awaken, I needed to know more, the basic, the 'mandatory' ones are not enough, merely doing for you have to is not enough, I feel the need to know what I am doing, what I am reciting, what the Imam says. Not everything but at least the jizz of it. It was the period of 'Jahilliyah' in my life that caused me to stray away and became ignorant of what I live by and call myself, a Muslim. I can't believe I was shameless enough to call myself a Muslim back then when I not only was ignorant of my religion, I was also doing what is not allowed.

For I am a mere human, my will was weakened by many things in life. But that is no excuse. Now that I realize, I hope I bring myself back to the path laid before me. As this Ramadan awakened me, I hope I will not be swayed and put to the state I was back then yet again when Ramadan ends.

I start to realize and be thankful had it not been for the certain episodes of my life, I wouldn't have left 'Jahilliyah'. For it had not been that the bringing up I got, for it had not been the friends that I met, had it not been for that I met Ain and had it not been for the unpleasant things that happened in my life, I guess I'd still be stuck there.

Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah. Thank God, The one and only God.

Sometimes, someday

Sometimes, I wonder if I am too much. But then I am just living by my rights and I did nothing wrong. In fact I am preventing accidents and unhappiness in the future at my expense. Sometimes I hope people would understand and put to a stop and just leave me alone. Sometimes, some things are better left unsaid, unexplained cos' sometimes explanation means nothing if it's going thru a 24inch thick steel-like barrier. Sometimes it's not worth the effort. Sometimes I wonder why I am even thinking about it. I think cos sometimes it does affect me. Sometimes it's quite unpleasant being unable to 'fight' and just let things rest when real justice has not surfaced. Sometimes yet again, many more important things require this 2 hemispheres in that thick skull of mine. Sometimes my energy and thoughts are better spent on people who loves me and not discriminate, intimidate and victimize me. I am not your punching bag, your scapegoat, your lab-rat. Sometimes you need to watch what's cooking under the pressure cooker, what time does it say on the clock attached to the time-bomb. That's why sometimes I keep myself away.

Am I suffering from ASPD? I doubt so, I get along pretty well with people who loves me, I get along with my colleagues, my true friends, my acquaintaces and those worth calling family.

I am tired of sometimes, I'd rather have always. I'd want to be with Ain always, I'd want to see her always, I'd want to feel loved always, I'd love to be wanted always. I'd like to be treated FAIRLY always, to be respected always and not to be sabotaged always. I'd wish for happiness always, for faith to the One God always, for forgiveness always and for a healthy mind always. I'd want to be strong always, to be resilient always, to be 'fighting' always. There's too many always, always but the point is I wanna lead a positive life.

Nobody is perfect, neither am I but at least I don't live in denial and leave with denial.

Alhamdulillah from bringing Ain into my life. I can only thank you God for without you nothing is possible.

Tired.

Feeling tired but I am driven. Driven by a fuel no fossil could ever produce. No chemist can ever create. No archeologist and ever recover. I am driven by Ain.

Puke!

I'm lucky I didn't go for the CGH route, else I guess I would've puked. I went further today, took the same route but this time round I went to the junction just at the entrance of Expo. Took me 20mins, I can feel my heart palpating. One BIG mistake for today was the pre-run Nutella sandwiches. I took 2 with a huge mug of coffee and I think it's the contributing factor to the puke like feeling. With the tummy filled, it leaves little space for your diaphragm and lungs to expand fully thus the lack of oxygen intake and when you start breathing like a pregnant walrus it forces the lungs to expand thus squeezing the content in your stomach out.....gosh....never again, pre-run makan.

5th day Ramadan, I am missing Ain badly.....uggghhh....

As I was relaxing myself on the cold concrete, just certain thoughts came to mind. What if we can't move in to 709 and stay put at 292, what would our daily activity. I thought to myself since the television outside will be 'conquered', we will definitely need a tv of our own AND a dvd player or even better PS3 or Wii....Hahahahahhaha woooohoo. Else we'll definitely go out alot and spend alot. I'd want us to save up and be prepared for our new flat and maybe a longer vacation! hehehe Europe baby?

Still in Ramadan, I've been killing myself trying to find ways how to tell some of my colleagues what they do is not right and definitely not in the month of Ramadan. Although its leftovers and although its such a waste to throw away, rightfully its not ours and to my point of view, it defeats the purpose of Ramadan at all. I think I'll just get someone else to tell them off in a nice way. Well just my point of view and I hope they get it after repeatedly I declined their offer, not even a spoonful.

New manager coming....hmmm I wonder how its going to be like. I hope he will get me that advance diploma I badly wanted. After that only I guess I'll be motivated for a degree and maybe be driven to try to get a lecturing position. I am already going on 30 if by 35 I don't have a degree, I think I'll just stay put and maybe work for a senior position instead.

Ambitious, yes? I guess that's the nature of Capricorns.....

3km

I've only been running 3.4+km each session...need to up the distance.....

Tomorrow to CGH and back! approximately 6+km....a little ambitious...maybe safer to try that on my off day if no ones for mac ritchie run....

Gnarls Barkley Rocks!



I wanna Run!

I wonder IF I do reside at Tampines Ave7 which is nearer to work(and maybe later on buy a flat near there as well!) will it be possible to run to work? I wanna try one day....I think I am starting to get obsessed like years ago, I think it is also the stress building up cos of all the wedding preps!

Too bad the drizzle and the sniffles this morning, I really regret having that cold cup of chendol last night! Cold drinks at night + less hours of sleep is certainly not for me.

Anyways, I think I will invest in a bicycle and cycle to work should I be able to get a flat near Tampines Ave10. It'll save me loads on petrol and definitely keep me fit. Yesterday I weighed myself and I was about to give in to self denial that its cos of my shoes, keys, phone, etc...but I know that even if I strip naked there and then I would still weigh about 80kg. That means 10kg to go in 4 months. That was very easy in BMT where you were made to run everyday but I wonder if I get a chance to do so now OR have the motivation to do so. I hope so cos I don't wanna be looking like a blob in fotos....

My colleague, Zulkifly got offered a position at Changi Prison as a Psycho-educator, he turned it down despite of the 5 day work week perk cos he'll loose out on all the allowances and would probably earn alot less. I was thinking Changi Prison, 5 day work week, office hours, I'd be tempted but perhaps when I am married, the dough is more important, especially in Singapore. But for me, I think it'll be a tough choice to make as time spent with my loved ones is as important or maybe more than the dough itself.

Ok gotta go, sahur!

Happy fasting all. InsyahAllah good Ramadan ahead for all Moslems!

Truth.

Sometimes its hard to tell the whole truth to someone who's in denial. Unlike with Ain, it's pretty simple cos we've been doing so all the while.

It's just that I don't think till date she realize what she said/asked had a major impact. Nevertheless I am trying to forgive this Ramadan but to forget is another issue altogether.

I hope nobody else tries to break up this 'mosque' myself and Ain trying so hard to build. I hope nobody will again propose daunting questions that is so unnecessary cos for the whole lot who's probably reading please respect our decision to live our life and grow old together can? Just a simple request. It's our choice, we are adults, we know what we are doing.

InsyahAllah......Amin.

All Psyched Up.

It's all in the mind. When you are driven, you will do your best.

I had a goal, to loose as much flab as I can and take this Ramadan as an opportunity to do so. Less snacking and eating means easier to loose. I also started my running regime, from my place to end of Simei near Expo. 1st run on 1st Ramadan, I clocked 19+ mins, today 3rd Ramadan I clocked 17+ mins.

Today rest day, tomorrow morning weight-training and the night after work I am heading to Bedok Reservoir to gauge how far can I run cause there's markers there. I wanna get back to at least 70Kg before my birthday, my ultimate goal is my ideal weight at 65kg but then weight's not everything cause muscles are heavier, maybe should get body fats measured. Hehehe sounds extreme? Hey I wanna look good on my one and only wedding day!

Being unable to know how far I ran makes me so much wanna get a nike+ sportsband and nike+ shoes. But I guess I'll stick to the old school markers at parks or maybe I will get a pair when I get my bonus. Right now, I am contemplating to get which Ipod....I really love IpodShuffle cos of its size but then nike+ only work with IpodTouch, Iphone or IpodMini. Hmm.....

Anyways, wish me luck....I think 70kg is achievable provided I don't start my snacking again after Ramadan....LoL....

Going Atypical.