Sometimes, someday

Sometimes, I wonder if I am too much. But then I am just living by my rights and I did nothing wrong. In fact I am preventing accidents and unhappiness in the future at my expense. Sometimes I hope people would understand and put to a stop and just leave me alone. Sometimes, some things are better left unsaid, unexplained cos' sometimes explanation means nothing if it's going thru a 24inch thick steel-like barrier. Sometimes it's not worth the effort. Sometimes I wonder why I am even thinking about it. I think cos sometimes it does affect me. Sometimes it's quite unpleasant being unable to 'fight' and just let things rest when real justice has not surfaced. Sometimes yet again, many more important things require this 2 hemispheres in that thick skull of mine. Sometimes my energy and thoughts are better spent on people who loves me and not discriminate, intimidate and victimize me. I am not your punching bag, your scapegoat, your lab-rat. Sometimes you need to watch what's cooking under the pressure cooker, what time does it say on the clock attached to the time-bomb. That's why sometimes I keep myself away.

Am I suffering from ASPD? I doubt so, I get along pretty well with people who loves me, I get along with my colleagues, my true friends, my acquaintaces and those worth calling family.

I am tired of sometimes, I'd rather have always. I'd want to be with Ain always, I'd want to see her always, I'd want to feel loved always, I'd love to be wanted always. I'd like to be treated FAIRLY always, to be respected always and not to be sabotaged always. I'd wish for happiness always, for faith to the One God always, for forgiveness always and for a healthy mind always. I'd want to be strong always, to be resilient always, to be 'fighting' always. There's too many always, always but the point is I wanna lead a positive life.

Nobody is perfect, neither am I but at least I don't live in denial and leave with denial.

Alhamdulillah from bringing Ain into my life. I can only thank you God for without you nothing is possible.