i pity....well not really, i empathize nani.....i can see her new job is really affecting her well being.....she appears gloom not as usual, shes quiet, she looks tired.....i can see shes under alot of stress....i hope she'd be better soon... cos i really dunno wat to do.....i can say im dumb at these things....my attempts only barely made her smile.......
although i know i have neglected her but seeing her like that just now really sadden me and im real concern but i dunno how to help her, except give her advise which i reckoned she would take.....i just hope it doesnt affect her health cos i very well know when she gets sick, she gets real sick.....i hope she gets a new job soon..... so that after completing 3 months she can straight away tender....
i guess love is when u can feel the other party....u tend to feel it too, u worry about the other person.....
gdnite peeps....i will have to slog thru the books again...i was interupted in the afternoon after my uncle n auntie came to invite to next week's solemnisation of their youngest daughter.....the kenduri will be held saturday at toh guan and the actual akad nikah the following friday.....i think among cousins...i mean those ard my age, id be the last to get married.....hahaha....anyways gd nite peeps, biology is a killer, so is sociology and psychology.....2 silent killers...
sad.....
sigh
me taking a mini break, wanted to write me blog yest but jus dozed off...basically the presentation, the project work, rehab at the gym and tennis really tires me out all in one day.....
sum up of yest,
morning...lab practicals got me worrying about next weeks practical and theory test, i tend to forget certain steps that we need to verbalize....for example, checking on the patients facial expressions......the rationale behind each steps...sheesh i need more practice on monday and my classmates are a real help, i dunno what id do if i don not have good classmates or selfish ones....
1205hr butterflies in my stomache, i was a nervous wreck its presentation for andy's class, psychology, we chose a topic on observational theory and have to explain our understanding in depth.....i was super nervous....but it went smoothly, until sundari(the indian pr) started to present her part, they way she spoke was like super hard to understand and i feel her examples was rather irrelevant..... and then andy started asking theoretical questions where some of us got a conflicting answers, in my mind i was like oh shit...waddafuck...........then comes the verdict....phew, andy said......"your presentation was very well done, the activities went smoothly and the class participated and everything went smoothly.....i feel that this group(refering to our tutorial group/the class) is VERY VERY good so far (compared to the other group i presume) i was like so proud and happy all at once.....i felt like jumping up and down.....fellow classmates congratulate us....and my group mates actually said i did well and i was good but i tot i was nervous......but they said i was very good.......kembang giler sak.....i know i can present well, i mean presenting to ppl is nothing new to me, thnks to harimau petrocon services, elken, and ngee ann poly...ive gained presentation skills from there but yest i was super nervous.......but seems like ive done a good job....
after that was more practice on nursing skills then we had to round up of wat to do for the next presentation.......after all was done, i decide to head to the gym for my usual knee rehab, basically strengthening my calves and thigh muscles to assist my weak knees....jus as i was heading to the gym, i saw some of my classmates, they asked me to join for tennis if i wanted....but priorities first, my knee rehab... my career gonna require me to be on my feet for at least 8-12 hours a day.....
i joined them for tennis later...it was my first time holding a tennis racquet....i was so dumb...but got a hang of it after an hour or so and i think its fun.... next friday play again ya? hahahah......was such a stress relieve but wen i got home stress piled up again looking at my diary.....
next week, week 8 tuesday-2 presentation, 1theory test, friday-practical test!...... argggghhh.....tts why im up early on the so called weekend.......wish me luck guys..
time is like gold to me now...
time gets shorter n shorter day by day......i work like a dog....bt then wen i really get to rest 1-2 hours i felt like its a sin after that......cos i know wat ive done is not enough...and im realllllly very worried....anxious, pressured and stressed......
i have no time for my sayang, i told her perhaps once a week only we meet.....i even braved myself up to tell her if its a drag to wait for the 2years, shes free to choose. i dunno if thats the right thing to do anyways.....for me, im just being fair to her. but i dont think we'd part given the fact tt she loves me so much...and both of us being optimistic does help.....
im real stressed.....i guess come saturday i need a break, id like to apologise to my good frens and my sayang.....from now towards the end of the year most probably i cant join u guys for soccer or for kopi sessions and my sayang, i hope once a week is good nuff for us.......i hope u guys understand and be supportive about it..... this is my dream, this is wat i chose, let me live it, let me grab hold of it, not grasp, let me GRAB hold of it....i dont want a half fuck pass, i want to get at least Bs and a few As ....i might be too ambitious but its good to be ambitious rather than to sit where u are and be contented with what is GIVEN to u and not what u obtained....its 2 different things....
i need a study buddy now, i need to find someone who studies in school, alvin does study at school but he's my senior so we're kinda off track.....hmmm....week 10 comes all the tests....urgghhh scary sak....its been a long time since i felt like this!....
next week-3 presentations, 2theories, 1 practical........crazy sak.....madnessssss...
wats happening?
i dunno, she doubted me....i guess bcos of my behavior huh?...i dunno im having mood swings.....i dunno if its the effect of the jab, school, stress, financial woes or watever it is......i dont doubt her at all cos i know she loves me alot....i know im not being a 100% and i wasnt giving a 100% tts wat i felt too....i do love her but i just feel that im not giving a 100%...im glad, im happy that i have someone who loves me a 100%, ive never had someone who does before.....i dunno love is complicated i must say....
fear or respect?
i respect uniformed ppl for their will to serve the country but i guess theres certain ppl tt i rather more of fear than respect....the boys in white....for fear of them would give me a ticket for any stupid 'offence'.. its so obvious tt they are out to get someone to meet their quota i sometimes...the way they look at you & your ride for any so called 'illegal-modifications'....HE actually u-turned......just to take a closer look......and kept looking at his side mirrors.....i mean, i was driving like 60-65km/h on a 70km/h road, so in my mind was like wats the problem? isnt ur job is to look for traffic offenders? not innocent road user who happens to be in ur way and happens to driving/riding a hot or popular vehicle? stereo-typing is another real bad phenomenon(haha wat a word to use) in their job scope....i mean not all sports vehicle users are racers, thieves(stolen parts and vehicles on the rise) or likes to modify their vehicle extensively.....i mean i once saw an apek riding a harley(i dont think he stole the accessories) and a nyonya driving driving a capable LEXUS at a super slow speed that even my brothers bicycle can beat her....i mean my ride was more like a transport and it even has an ugly box behind to put my school books......but why he look until like that? stereotype lor........DAMN.....if i known i wouldve bought myself a less popular bike......id do just tt when i start work....my 'weapon' of choice have always been exclusive but somehow, the trend catches on and it always happen to be something i and ppl like me likes.....for example the vespa....(but im glad now theres less trendist riding tt cool machine...its just nauseating to see them).....anyways back to the issue, i guess in sg theres too much restrictions for the wrong reasons... but i guess the bodies involved are realising better....evidence are the many uprooted skateparks, the ability to use sports exhaust and halogens(provided u got them inspected and approved at LTA), the availability of walls to spray paint legally...
the situation was even worse when i was really living my youth and it was so sad they realised late......if not i guess some of my frens would now be pro skaters i saw their potential and me, i wouldve enjoyed my youth better...but we were kept being chased away by the boys in blue.... i mean we have to skate creatively looking for spots bcos there were only like ONE skatepark in sg and we were school boys with limited cash.....so the neighbourhood was the cheapest playground....but we were chased ard by the boys cos the ppl in the neighbourhood complained cos they thought we are criminals....hahaha.....but now its better la.....haiya....this is life lor.... sometimes u damn suay one....while other ppl are commiting the real offence elsewhere(i actually saw a big sports bike speeding and demonic speed minutes before i was booked), u get booked...just like a couple of years ago, i think 7years ago when i was riding my old px150 and i got booked cos my number plate happens to be of the unapproved one.....sigh....again stereotype matte-black vespas are racing vespas which can go at speed which normal vespas cant.....so he checked for illegal modifications BUT MY BIKE WAS STOCK and so the number plate will do.....uurgggh!
