david copperfool

know wat? i feel like i wanna disappear again...this time alone...mebbe not as long as close to 3 years like before.....*poof!

on strike

caramella is on strike AGAIN....oh my god...before her make over she was fine and now a problem after another came up....gee.....why must u too give me headaches? ure my only reliable companion and it seems ure no longer reliable as well.....

in this world SOMETIMES u cant depend on anybody....u cant depend on ur gf(cos sooner or later she'll dump u), u cant depend on ur best frens(cos they have their own stuffs too at times to attend to), u cant depend on ur trusted bike(cos sometimes its overworked or sumthin), u cant depend on ur fav mechanic(cos he's human too n sometimes he overlooked stuffs)....so to make things right, its ur own responsibilty to ensure that things go right....go the way it shouldve been.....

im sorry, again to various peeps just now....although some of u did drive me crazy...but again i shudnt have reacted like a 5 year old child.....i shouldve been mature n kept quite instead of arguing......cos giving my views just makes matters worst..i know that...but i kept doing it.

the 'job agency' for jobs in middle east was disappointing......so u guys shudve guessed the outcome....hope some ppl are happy......

2moro from 1 thing, i got 4 things to do now....
1.go n collect my uniform & id pass at esplanade
2.go over to tong aik & change the spark plugs, IF im not lazy to travel there public
3.rectify the problem with caramella
4.call aju to tow her away if i cant do anything bout it.

that will certainly occupy my day....it seems that wat i want wasnt granted, im unlikely to be working in the middle east & sunday i dun think ill be riding to mimi's wedding.wat to do, like ai said...its written...we're jus part of the 'story'
oh friday was my last day at hillgrove cos the exams are over....sigh...
gotta go peepz....clearing up my mess.....sorry to all out there, and sorry to the peepz at alifs...cant make it today....

dun preach if u cant imagine being me.

im so upset...why do ppl still blame me for my misfortunes? put in more love? love the ppl who hates me? ive been treated like an outcast for heaven's sake....ive been driven out a couple of times....isnt it just normal for me wanting out? of course i love my mom....of course i will miss her....its just the other ppl in the house......

the job opportunity in the middle east probably is the ticket to everything...as in my happiness, my financial state, my freedom....don't u see?.....all they have to do is say u dun think about mom?....of course i do, but wat about me?...why cant i get a word of encouragement instead?....of course these are tests from God, i accept with an open heart but when theres a way out, isnt it just right to go that way?....wouldnt want u to see me smiling? coming back probably every six months....giving mom a treat and some money to survive?....wouldnt u want to recieve fotos from me having a better life down there and not so miserable like down here? i think everyone just loves to see me in a pathetic state so they can always be one step ahead of me and they can make big jokes of me and they can make me as an object of symphathy where they tell frens all out there, kesian sid......isnt it evil to deprive me of my possible happiness? for all i know i might not even get the job... im just trying my luck and already ppl are saying things like i dont spare a tot about my mom.....i think my mom definitely would miss me but she'd be the most happiest mother alive, knowing her son finally left his horrible life down here and is happy somewhere.....i think if i were a mom id feel the same way....im just pissed disappointed that someone i once loved n is so close to me discouraged me like that..
the irony is u urself is applying for an oversea job...so i dont see what ure driving at.....to those who dont know or is ignorant about my life stop pissing me off by saying im thoughtless....i think for others even non family members.....i sacrifice my well-being for frens...i sacrifice my time sometimes so i can help...think about it......im not pissed...so please spare a tot....why ridicule me for wanting to escape from this pathetic state?

again ppl always gets the wrong idea..

seems that ppl always get the wrong idea when i try to explain myself and they end up getting pissed at me.....n me, now im pissed at myself...my chest hurts n my brains jammed....fuck i hate this feeling.....my chemical romance just played at the right timing...yeah...need those fast paced music now, to drive the pain out immediately....
it seems that hurt now is so easily diminished but scars remain and memories of it will remind me to be careful with my words next time, im tired, im sick....but i still care for so many peeps out there, thats why, that all explains some of my actions my sacrifices....i just hope they'd appreciate, thats all, i dun even need them to thank me, just appreciate....

ur words woke me up

was reading somebody's blog just a minute ago, the words just woke my senses up...

i think no matter how much 'extra' money i have, i shall not go bangkok, ive decided, you're right, its embarassing...im an adult and i shouldve known my responsibilities very well. rather than to indulge in my own desires, i gotta think about other ppls woes.....in this world im not living alone, i have to think about others around me.

suddenly, the bangkok trip just make me feel bad....i didnt know that reading a blog can have such an effect on me, i always read others' blog casually at most it puts a smile on my face or i feel a little sympathetic....but never has it have an effect as such just now.

thanks for the enlightenment, seems like ive got the answer now....my decision shall be NO...but i know i still want to got, being lured by the fun that i would probably have, the enjoyment for 4 days....but i shall discipline myself...and not give in, insyahAllah.

evrythin happen for a reason......

haiz.....to peepz out there who have perfect lives....i envy u....to peeps out theres whose like me and still managed to smile....salut to u....

shareil's bike brokedown the other day, just now it was ready and i did a favour by sending him to his workshop in paya lebar....again, i saw syed's lambretta...i just wonder if he would sell it to me one day...hehehehe.....i guess my passion for classics havent faded after all, the desire to own a classic is still inside me...

today is the couple of few days, where almost my whole day is filled with laughters and little worries, thanks to my pals....they just never fail to entertain me.....we were talking about bangkok at adil's workplace...and till this moment i'm still contemplating, to go or not to go.........both ways is for me....if i go, i get my well deserved short trip...hmm i guess my last was last july i guess, cos it was ard aisha's bdae......i very well need the trip....but i need money too.....im still contemplating, im sorry reil, i take so long to decide.....

God, indeed helped me to ease my burden a little......we muslims are encouraged to earn a living by doing business...and certainly that had earn me some bucks to keep me surviving....i dont make much...but at least im earning a little...Alhamdullilah.
come saturday i hope news of our schedule at esplanade will surface....making it easier for me to do decide.......

i hope too that God not only help me...but my friends around me whom i witness struggling daily....whom wants to get a degree but tight financially, who gets tested at work with more work loads, who faces various problems but fake temporary smiles to adapt to the environment, who have misunderstandings with their love ones and many more problems and woes i might have not notice...im oredi struggling n it pains me to see my close frens struggling as well....at least when ppl ard me are doing better, it boosts my morale and just give me that glad feeling and smiles will come in naturally....insyaAllah He will grant my immaculate wishes....

G'nite peeps....sleep tight, sweet dreams....cos dreams might just come true sometimes.....enjoy....:)

i need something interesting

i know very well ill not b going bangkok, i had to change my bearings and shock absorber cos they are broken....but ive replaced something extra, as a form of reward for myself....a spanking chrome spring on the front of caramella.....i felt happy, though i know its not really important, the rusted on was doing its job fine, except i want caramella to look better....

life is going to be back then when i first started scootering....back then when i was single....i got a feeling, im gonna be obsessed with dolling up my caramella....i can sense that coming.....crashbars, mirrors, spotlights and cool helmets.......but i think i wont go all out like last time....

bangkok trip is canceled for me but i know, ill be having fun on my own, im more independent now...and i can find other means of enjoyment, relaxation etc.

star wars has always entertained the inner child in me......but i still cant go with all my pals...cos of my uncertain work schedule....but tis time round, im gonna watch with 2 ppl ive never been to a movie with before, my 2 maternal siblings....hazmi n nurul.....i promised ill give them a treat....and i will....just hold on ya guys? ive yet to get my pay....

music soothes even the savage beast....well im no beast but the mp3s that u ppl have provided me, has given me a form of entertainment...thanks....nini, aisha, lin, lysda.....

gonna snap a couple of fotos....to raise more money for my needs by selling off my unwanted items on auctions....then ill head down to alif's my fav hang out.... until then see u guys.....

sigh.....i just love to sigh....

sigh* went to bunchit & nisha's new home.....envy them....soon they will start off lives on their own, coolness...living together with ur other half, ur loved one, the one u married is wat i would love to do somewhere in my life....

but thats jus a dream right now....i need to overcome my own obstacles for now before i can even think of that....financial woes...is clearing bit by bit...i need to be patient n keep going on...ill miss the bangkok trip definitely but i have to make sacrifices in order not to accumulate my already mounting situation....theres always another time for trips...and im sure there'd be another one....

my present state....i just need the lil bit of fun, laughter n talking cock sessions at times...just to relax n unwind a little...its a cheap way to unwind....when things were better last time, itd be the movies...or shopping or eating real delicious food outside....sigh, miss the softshell crab...but now, coffee shop sessions is fine for me....

today was another day, where its proven that appearance is nothing if the person is full of shit....hehehe...saw this girl...cute, would say someone i would have at least a crush on...but once i saw her talking n acting like a total hooligan, it just turns me off...such a waste....ur behaviour n ur actions in public might be noticed by others....so behave urselfs outside...ure jus degrading urself...its ok to laugh, its ok to joke but sometimes overdoing it will just give a negative image of urself.
ironic isnt it me talking bout this, when i laugh my head off everytime at alifs, i hope no one has an impression of me the way i thought of the girl...hehehehe....watever it is, im having fun n i dun give a shit n i dun think i overdo it, its natural....:)

ok guys, thats for todays tots....gotta force myself to sleep now...gotta wake up at 630.....sigh.....

haiz...

today....barnone trip canceled, no one to go with...haiz.....but today marks the last day of the training, come saturday at 10am, i will be collecting my set of uniform and passes.....im an employee of the esplanade now.

went to aju(bike shop) jus now, met zaki n i forgot the other ones name, the young mods....from the east side, who befriended me weeks ago.....asked aju to check the front part of my scooter as it was shaking and cornering wasnt comfortable, i couldnt be the vespa version rossi if i wanted to....he checked, bearings, need a change, damper.....i was worried the cost might be over 100bucks....to my relieve itll cost me 58 bucks....so in total now i owe aju, 285(from previous repairs) + 58 = $343....whoah quite a some...this month ill be spending over 1k.... 343 + insurance & road tax estimated $350 + 150(camera) + outstanding bills estimated 200 =1040bucks... whoah thats alot man.....seems like no spending for me again...and no bangkok ...hahaha too bad sid....all the enjoyment will have to wait.....

going alif's, meet my pals........c ya ard peeps...

ive learnt my lesson

siddiq has learnt a valuable lesson tonight......seriously, but i wont mention what. i regret my actions, i regret wat i did. life has been a little twisted, a little rough lately....like on my nick, the era of ridiculousnes....hehehehe...

im just nuts...it seems that everyone is driving me nuts and the flu bug is just making it worse....it just pisses me off, im agigated and restless, i feel like venting my anger on something....but its just not right cos what is happening now is cos of my own actions, watever it is i will remember.............

someone is just trying to push me off the edge.....make me jump off a cliff or sumthing like that...and its driving me nuts.....but ive learnt something from the book that i just returned jus now to the library that was long overdue...remain calm n stay in control....it is certainly hard to do though....

hmm i need someone to talk to....but all that is online are the other gender and they wouldnt understand a man's mind......unless they are very close to me....n i dont have anymore close girl-frens......so too bad sid, seems like back to square one, keep it all to yourself until u get the opportunity to talk to one of the boys and just blurt everything out....or probably ill need a private blog like shareil so that i can vent all my frustations out and have no one read it....except mebbe close frens who wouldnt misinterpret.

i just wish wat u lied really happened...hehehe evil sak....so u really really really need to do it...watever it is....hehehehe......evil, sid ure getting evil here...

gangsterism~
i tot the era of that has already passed away long long time ago....but today, someone told us not to hang out at our lepak place, cos some of the so called 'design' is coming down, so stay clear in case they will mistaken u for a member of a rival......just spoils the day, cos i have been a good boy at home as the flu bug struck, wanted to drink my fav halia....and talk over stuffs with the boys but all that has to be canceled.....sigh....

tumoro tight schedule again...have to make trips to many places.....option 1, home-jurong-queenstown-bugis-esplanade(by bike) option 2, jurong-queenstown-esplanade(by mrt) option 3,jurong-ubi-joo chiat-bugis-esplanade(by bike).....which one would u choose? 1 & 3 i have to park my bike at bugis n take a train to esplanade....hmmmmmmmm tough choice right? haiyah but i have to la, no choice mah.....jus see the out come lor...if it rains...no choice lor option 2...

tumoro last day of training yeay! might be going to bar none another yeay! and its free yeay! drinks at 50% yeay! cheers to singlehood yeay! another deal coming up yeay! star wars opening soon yeay!.....the many yeays! makes me less angry and frustated....YEAY! you loose idiot!

im laughing my heart out....thnx peepz(u shud know hu u are) for providing me the big joke.....c ya ard...oh i cant share the joke with u peeps....hehehe sensitive issue
g'nite everyone....

thnx nini

nini solved my problem...yeah the splash jpeg is back up!....yeay! thnks nini!

urrrghhhh

can anyone tell me if theres any reliable free webhosting? to host my images for my blog. freewebs also doesnt seem to work...but surprisingly it works on ninis page, i wonder wats wrong.....any suggestions? my blog look so blank.....

visibility....

it appears that emotions are unavoidable....no matter how cool or calm a person is, beneath that smile, the emotions are running wild in his mind, his heart. its totally unavoidable. probably thats why monks try so hard to suprass it by meditation, that im not sure if they are able to do it 100% cos it appears they are super calm beings.

humans probably have the largest sets of brains, a pair, probably thats why the ability to think, create and have emotions. it makes us, the smartest living thing on earth but the emotions is our weakness. it destroys us if we are unable to control it. why are there wars?, why are there murders?, why are there robberies? its all cos of emotions. there are wars bcos two nations couldnt come to an agreement and anger sparks off the leader to start something so destructive, war. murders occur cos, the person is fumed with anger most of the time, the ending of someone elses life just merely means ending his sadness or hatred. why are there robberies, cos of emotions, the desire to have something, envious of wealth, greed.....all cos of emotions.....thats jus a couple of examples, there are more.....and all that makes human beings the most vulnerable living things on earth.

on several occassions, emotions did take control over me. it embarassed me and make me look so weak in front of the weaker gender. sometimes, your mind gets so weak that you are unable to control your actions and give emotions the control, be it anger or sadness. sometimes, happiness also makes u do stupid things, again emotions taking control. so is meditation, trying to control your mind is the answer? i dont know and i dont bother....so why type such a lengthy entry? cos i think its a beauty of nature, humans are the almost perfect living things, except they are so vulnerable in many ways....because of emotions you could loose alot of things, love, life, wealth, etc..

think about it....are we that vulnerable?

it appears that its all happening again....

again, i kept asking myself wat had i done? i dun have any control over things and ppl just want it their way, cant they even give me a little face or space? i know im in no position to negotiate cos i havent settled the amt but hey its not as if i get to hang out with new ppl, new frens all the time....

monday mark the end of our course, one of them proposed a makan session if all is free and if the lesson doesnt end late, probably just nearby, a drink at least. i had the intention to take fotos and i intend to give it back end of the week at the wedding but it seems that my suggestion just spark off anger and all. im not whining anymore, im so used to being treated like this, sad but im like immuned to it, the pain is just as if like an ant has bitten me but the anger contained beneath me is unbearable. wat have i done to deserve all this for the past few years. ppl never fail to push me ard, never fail to discriminate me and some even treat me like an outcast. for those who knows my history for the past few years wouldve known, its not only my outside life but home hadnt been good as well. my close frens wouldve known.

im not asking for sympathy, just a mere understanding n to give me at least some space and face. well its like already asking for sympathy aint it?

i oredi dont have a life now, my life revovles ard work and my entertainment are either sessions on my pc with pals or at alif's with the boys. gatherings outside is a rare occassion for me as cash is hard to come by nowadays and frens too are busy with their work as they themselves are trying to survive. i don't have a life like u, i know theres nothing special about urs but at least its better than mine right?

try being in my shoes, try being me just now on a wonderful saturday, n wat did i do?.....

it appears that so far, what i wanted most of them i couldnt have, why situations are rather cruel towards me n some of my frens?...but watever it is, ill never give up and admit defeat.sacrifices i made, almost alot tt i did, i dun believe most ppl oredi did......i dun wanna elaborate cos ppl would say im exaggerating stuffs.

anyway gd nite peeps....may ur luck n mine be better....insyaallah....