dun preach if u cant imagine being me.

im so upset...why do ppl still blame me for my misfortunes? put in more love? love the ppl who hates me? ive been treated like an outcast for heaven's sake....ive been driven out a couple of times....isnt it just normal for me wanting out? of course i love my mom....of course i will miss her....its just the other ppl in the house......

the job opportunity in the middle east probably is the ticket to everything...as in my happiness, my financial state, my freedom....don't u see?.....all they have to do is say u dun think about mom?....of course i do, but wat about me?...why cant i get a word of encouragement instead?....of course these are tests from God, i accept with an open heart but when theres a way out, isnt it just right to go that way?....wouldnt want u to see me smiling? coming back probably every six months....giving mom a treat and some money to survive?....wouldnt u want to recieve fotos from me having a better life down there and not so miserable like down here? i think everyone just loves to see me in a pathetic state so they can always be one step ahead of me and they can make big jokes of me and they can make me as an object of symphathy where they tell frens all out there, kesian sid......isnt it evil to deprive me of my possible happiness? for all i know i might not even get the job... im just trying my luck and already ppl are saying things like i dont spare a tot about my mom.....i think my mom definitely would miss me but she'd be the most happiest mother alive, knowing her son finally left his horrible life down here and is happy somewhere.....i think if i were a mom id feel the same way....im just pissed disappointed that someone i once loved n is so close to me discouraged me like that..
the irony is u urself is applying for an oversea job...so i dont see what ure driving at.....to those who dont know or is ignorant about my life stop pissing me off by saying im thoughtless....i think for others even non family members.....i sacrifice my well-being for frens...i sacrifice my time sometimes so i can help...think about it......im not pissed...so please spare a tot....why ridicule me for wanting to escape from this pathetic state?