money in money out

it seems that everytime i earn something, i need to use it...when will i get to save? enough already with the things that i need to settle(road tax, insurance, outstanding bills, installments, loans, bike repair) and now, my computer is starting to fail me, it have reseted itself 4 times this afternoon alone......arrrrghhhh....

but that doesnt matter anymore.....cos i feel that all these problems can be settled... its good to have the positive vibes running thru u....im ignoring superficial problems....problems that were only created by your own mind.....its not as if im escaping reality.....im just not stressing myself out over so not important woes....

anyway life is picking up for me, smiles begin to reappear naturally, not only after a joke being told or something like that....it appears naturally....i guess reading helps alot....cos by reading, i find out that there are people out there who are worse off than me....and there are ppl who actually went thru tougher routes than me but succeed in the end. must thank the school for employing me as a temp lab technician, if not i wouldnt have the opportunity to read so much(cos i practically wait for a teacher to conduct lab session, if not my job is just to wait cos theres nothing to prepare...)

although, i kept telling myself to be contented with what i have now, 2 jobs and all...but i have yet to stop trying for a career.....after all, it is important in this time, where everything needs money.....and without it, i think im as good as not having a diploma......and i want my childrens in the future to live a comfortable life at least.....i dun want them to be latch key kids like me before, i want them to have a mother with them at home, cos my earnings would be enough for everyone....thats what i want....but thats so far away for thoughts....currently i just want to make mom smile at the thought of her son, successful......:)

i believe the day will come.....soon.....how soon? i do not know......

God, have indeed put a smile on my face.....my frens, all out there, let us carry on while our hearts are still pumping blood(life).......:)

being realistic wasnt fun....

being realistic wasnt fun at all when i was young....i was a latch-key kid, i studied n passed my exams only cos i want mom to smile when she looks at the report book. my dreams, were never realistic....id either want to be a race car driver,a martial artist or something weird which normal kids wouldnt think of.....

being independent means choosing a path on my own, of course constant nagging makes me rail myself back to the correct path.....when in secondary school, new fad kicks in and so does new dreams....a rock star....hahahaha...i laugh at myself thinking how dumb i were......friends didnt help much at that point of time....they are either strumming their guitars, writing songs for their garage band....or grinding curbs and getting chased by the boys in blue.......we were too occupied in our short term goals...to appear in a gig, to be able to do more flips or tricks than the rest.....often studies was neglected....

many flunked, i was few of the lucky ones that managed to get 5 'o's, even after getting hold of the actual cert i still did not know what i wanted to do(cos i wanted to get into business but my 'o's weren't good enough!)so i opted for engineering, which i am eligible and the c.o.p was rather similar to what i got....and whats more, my uncles said, engineering have good prospects....sodasneh....

i still havent learnt my lesson, i flunked my common tests, warning letter reached the mailbox...i tore it off and bucked up from then on....n i never failed anymore.. only thing i failed to do something that i like....i love to draw n doodle n creating nonsense which i never thought i could go to school for...cos i was never concerned about my future....it was in my 3rd year, when i realised there were far more interesting courses of my interest.....but i felt it was too late, so here i am an engineering graduate with a diploma that landed me my first job with a measely pay of 1150......so uncle's wheres the bright future?....harharhar....

no use whining, make the best of what u have, i kept telling myself that, the road is not closed, theres always different directions to go. at 25, i am still not sure of what i wanna do.....to pursue what i like is abit to late, cos survival is more important....engineering seems bleak now, probably itll get better some day.... F&B, i'm afraid i wont achieve what i want....cos im not sure of the career path they have to offer...

so now, here i am, a freelance staging technician/a relief teacher/a relief lab technician/an occassional 'businessman'. im becoming like a friend of mine, jack of all trades, master of none....

everyday as i pull myself closer to God, i asked him to brighten up my future a little so i could make my mom proud and i could achieve my own goals....the fight will not end now....

denial is sweeter than everything else

as days past, some of us(me!) continue to live in denial that everything will be fine, we are stressed but we try to diminish that by instilling laughters and cheap enjoyments....it is not doing us any bad....but is it doing us any good?.....

its not that i am running away from reality.....but reality can be harmful at times, so comforting one's self is the way to go......the truth is, i am still upset, that my diploma hasn't landed me a real 'career'. did i make the wrong move by quiting my job cos i felt the employer took advantage of the current economic situation? or was it retribution coming from above for something bad that i did? i know ive not been good, with misdeeds on my black book.....

days past, my effort in landing myself a career(and hopefully be rich one day), suprisingly has yet to stop or lag, even a tiny bit.....its like the hunger for achieving my goals has overtaken my slacking self.....im like so focus nowadays, n this is not denial....my fingers have went sore thru typing endless cover letters....my eyes, tired, circles forming round them indicating my lack of sleep and the extensive use for them for browsing thru newspapers and the internet.im glad im like the duracell bunny now....only thing i havent seen the 'real' fruit of my labour yet....but im glad at least there are some 'fruits'to my hard work.

wat a fren of mine told me before is so true....i tend to let out more in this blog, i tend to keep certain things to myself, cos i always have this thinking that ppl wouldnt be interested to know the ongoings of my life....but to my surprise, they are.......

sometimes, i wish i was a star, a talented or gifted someone that would create any shit that would reap in gold n wealth...but if everyone got what they wish for, this universe wouldn't be balanced....its just written that i have to try hard in order to succeed.....i, will not give up for as long as this heart still pumps blood to my brains. my brains, full of thoughts, my mind, full of dreams....which is part achievable, part rather too ambitious......

i hope my frens out there whose in the same fate as me, will not give up. reality is harsh, pressure & stress is overflowing but remind yourselves, you're not alone... i hope all of us with dreams will sooner or later achieve them....good luck my frens..

God put on a smile upon my face, Allhamdulillah...

Many thanks to God, i mean after all, all good & bad does come from him....today, he put on a smile upon my face. i got 3 jobs in one day! can u believe it....

i called haagen daz, they say they still need me, so go collect my uniform. when i was sending out resumes via email, connie from esplanade called, she says my training for the freelance technician thingy will start probably next week, meaning i got the job! and then hillgrove called, raimah, the lab technician quit her job, they need me to stand in for a month.....i mean its all temp n not real jobs...but how good can it get? 3 jobs in a day?

later im going out with shareil to try the projectionist job at golden village, its just a try2.....and i think i will hold mcd for the moment.....that would be the last resort, meanwhile my hunt for a stable career continues.....wish me luck guys... oh i think i can hear ko pangan calling me......in july....*smiles......

what if i was a superstar?...

the previous entry was done in anger and frustation over me losing yet another valuable assignment and friends being irritating unintentionally....so pardon me...

anyways, i was not a real geography teacher, they dumped me to 2weeks assignment to teach that subject for the upper sec......well, i did studied geog in my secondarys school days but that was like 10years ago.....so there i was living in denial that i know geography...until truth takes over, i dunno a shit and 'they'(the fucked up school who calls u up as and when they need you but you would go back to them cos the money is good....haizzz.....) found a replacement, a real geog relief teacher, well, i hope he fail to deliver too! cos the students are rowdy, rude and ignorant....i hope he doesnt last and the school will realise that im the only relief teacher that can 'tahan' their nonsense......cos my mind was focused on earning that 65bucks per day.....thats how desperate i am.....its stressful to be a teacher and its worse if you are just a relief cos somehow, the students know you will be around only for a short while and thus they do whatever they want, knowing you wont be back to nag, scream, punish them....so the few of the 'stupid'(cos they do not realise they are destroying their own future!) ones would walk around the class, walk out, talk with each other, listen to their mp3s, play games, etc...while i carry out my lessons to the few, very few who wants to learn....i don't give a fuck about the rest of them cos i have tried telling them, its their future.....i was their age once, so i know they don't give a fuck......its only when they are my age, they would regret their actions.....

some people at my age are worried and stressed out about marriage, settling down and getting a house of their own....but for me and some of my frens, we are worried about getting a real career.......being in the middle(having a diploma & not a degree) is not good at all......cos u cant get a job at your 'level' cos the employers are asswipes not wanting to waste money on trainings....so they seek out diploma holders with experience only.....while, if you applied a 'level' below u, for example those jobs that only require 'o' levels, they would not accept u either cos they fear you would ask for a pay raise and would not stay long.....ive went for these interviews before, they kept askin the same stupid question, "you have a diploma why you want this job that requires only NTC?" and ive repeated the same question umpteen times " cos i want to gain experience and its better working from below so i know more and anyways, employers wouldnt want a diploma holder with no experience, so if i start from below, i can build up a career and experience as well and id be a better engineer in the future with your company, i do not mind the salary or the jobscope as you can see from my resume, ive worked hard labour and long hours before...." and so on....means and ways i try to convince them that i need a fucken job and employers only want a diploma holder with experience and that jus fail to compute to their useless brains......wtf, when will this mentality stop?.......ure killing the young of singapore.....only those with contacts or IS mandarin gets jobs easily.....for the rest of us, we are either freelance technicians, baristas, waiters, managers of some fast food chain or those with bikes despatch riders......while all of us either have diploma or a degree......so don't look down on those flipping burgers they might have a degree, they are only not given the opportunity to use their degree..... i would be one of them, as im taking the step to apply as a trainee manager(and i failed to get the one at delifrance cos she tot i would not stay long...) at mcd or something... i heard the pay is good...but ive read the profile...you CAN build up a career, the only thing is whether i would like it or not....but that doesnt matter now, cos what matters more is survival...

for those blessed with jobs....treasure yours.....i never did treasure my last 'REAL' job as cos i tot that engineering firm was taking advantage of me(well they did, cos they paid me a measely $1150, where elsewhere ppl with ITE earns $1350.whats more, no overtime pay and i have to travel to jb every month!, no allowances!)and i was duped into taking up the relief teaching cos the pay is good but the truth is they only BEG u to come when they need u and they just push u away when they don't need you.... or maybe i should've taken up, MR Chua's offer of me becoming the perm cook at 1.4k....but seriously if i did, i'd have no life......but at this point who cares about life(as in enjoyment and stuffs) all i care is about survival and not being a burden to anybody......

if i were to carry on, letting my fingers type furiously, itll be endless.....its just my way of sharing with you guys, how hard it is living down here....if i had a choice, i wouldnt be here......probably some angel would take me to another country.. mebbe find a gf from somewhere else or sumthin....hahahahaha ....now im blabbering nonsense.......g nite peepz!

well wtf is wrong with me? im everyones punching bag eh?

wtf is fucken wrong wif me? enough oredi i had it.....i did favours for everyone, i didnt expect any appreciation or big THANK YOUS i just need ppl to understand my fucked up position.

if you've been giving out favours, when u cant or unable to give it again temporarily ppl get pissed at u for no aparent reason, even though u got a valid reason..... its not as if im fucken enjoying my life and refuse to help or any shit like that! to whom it may concern, can u spare a tot for me? ure just like my boss at canadian, i did favours i extended hours and when im unable to, u blow ur top......

im helping every fuck being that comes to me asking for help unless im really unable to, are they blind? or did they forgot bout the favours i did? the running around i did? the waits i did?..........i got no time for this bullshit, if im such a nuiscance just bcos i didnt help, get me off ur back........oh for once....i repeat, ill return what i have to, u can trust me, i don't go back on my words....

now i have to remain focus.....cos back to square one, im as good as jobless....
adios, FRENS who still consider me as their frens, wish me luck aight?...adios.... back to typing all those bullshit again....

stand up for your right.....

thats what i did just now.....i stood up for my right....

upon getting the job, she(my boss) never mentioned anything bout retaining 50bucks of your pay if you dont turn up.....i didnt turn up on friday but i did call and my reason was valid, i was in the middle of an interview......and i did warn her, i had an interview.....she wanted to hold my 50bucks and didnt want to put me on schedule for 2 weeks when im doing relief, i told her, i can come later at 3pm, then she said wat bout morning...after i agreed to it that she wont put me for 2 weeks, i told her i want my 50bucks since im not working for 2 weeks n im in need of money...she said NO n insisted that how i want to compensate her abt friday....i told her, u never told me anything, i never agreed to the anything.....there wasnt an agreement...so i told her i quit n u return me my 50dollars if you dont trust me...i blew my top....i was hot.....the she said this which pisses me off further "im not giving u the money bcos im afraid of u, take and leave...." then i told her "yeay i know ure not afraid....so im leaving..."

wat a fucked up employer....there are boys working there for 2 years without a pay raise, ridiculous right? and she offered me 1k for full time, with no overtime pay, where i can see everyday i might have to stay for 1 -2 hours extra....im gonna collect my uniform at haagen daz...and forget bout crappy canadians....if i have to, ill work elsewhere......full of shit that lady....