sob, sob

just as a fren was telling me of a great company, wen i visited their website, it just dampen my spirits, cos there were no vacancy....hmmmphh.....and as another fren got a job so damn easily, it looks like as if i havent tried to many.....well, i dont care for all i know, i did and god knows that, i will not lie to myself, i know i didnt try hard maybe but i did and my efforts was on going, even as we speak....like i said dun judge, know me.

urrghhh

frustations....tts wat i feel....

my wrist, my left one, hasnt recovered.....i cant do my regular 100 a day routine.... urrghh.....feeling flabby....temptations...my mind is weak....fried chickens, so tasty, spaghetti....the tomato sauce mmm so enticing.....arrrgghghhh.....

boredom.....unsure, indecisive.....unclear.....why isnt life like reading a book?...

penniless....making means and ways to scrimp and save......overspent, a little...as a result, no holiday for me........as result, in sunny singapore i am for my bdae..... need a new travelling buddy.....anyone?....hehehe...prolly next year....

decisions galore....if i were to start on a traineeship program or a 2year diploma thingy or a part time degree, i have to sacrifice one of my treasures....but if possible id rather not.....i wont pawn anymore treasures of mine.....

wishes after wishes......of course everyone wants to be rich but i wanna be happy rich...not just rich....get it? but im neither now....:(....oh SIA pls gimme a call again and tell me im in!....speaking of which if im in, i might be moving in with my uncle either in tampines or bedok.......so, goodbye it is westside, hello eastside. frankly speaking, i never liked eastside.....i dunno why but ive grown up in the west and the west ppl are very different from ppl of the east...seriously....its like being in another country......but for the sake of my future sacrifices again.....:) if i do shift, id miss the boys the most, the regular hang out at alif's...the talking cock session n kopi alif.....sob, sob.......ill be having no frens in the east!.......but im very sure id be coming back to the west at least once a week....:)
the boys were there wen im at my rock bottom down.......cheers....new years approaching all the best....

another thing, i dunno how to break the news to my fellow colleagues, i feel bad, suddenly they are like nice to me....my boss jokes with me now.....my colleague actually offered me a slice of bread with planta.......suddenly, everyones being nice to me,joke with me....its like they know wats coming...uggh shit.....but i gotta do what i gotta do, remember canadian pizza? i wasted more than a year of my life for waiting for my boss to open a new store, i actually waited for things to happen back then cos he said, he will put me in charge, me being money minded as always thought it was a business opportunity for me, i could gain experience and start my own.... up till now, he still hasnt got anything kick started.....so see, theres a reason i stayed at 6th avenue for tt long.....

look at the stars...

if the stars were to shine at me........

anyways, good news, sia-engineering called me up, they need my educational certificates but the catch is, im not being called up for an engineering position but rather a trainee tech with them.....im doing some research on the company with a fren of mine whom has been there for quite sometime, ill decide if i were to be offered a position that is similar to his. cos im thinking of nursing....but then again, whichever comes first and as long as theres a future for me, ill grab it. as they say, time and tide waits for no man......

its been a long time since ive missed someone and i actually am missing someone right now.....she'll be going KL for 4 days.....i remembered the last time when i miss someone that was when i was in taiwan....we would be on the fone for almost everyday which cost me $700 but i did not care much back then....

i feel that ive grown smarter and wiser....well isnt that the same? watever it means but i feel that way.....though i feel, i do not totally....give my trust that easily.
its not that i dun trust but i just dun wanna hurt myself again, like i did....until im certain, im 101% sure, then ill give 101% effort and what ive got....till then, ill just let time or rather nature takes its course......cheers pals...

yeay

hmm working aftnn shift aint so bad after all, cos no one bothers u, nobody's ard, pratically ure the boss...hahaha.... anyways, i manage to meddle with the huge weighing machine for weighing fruits n meat when the recieve from suppliers....tts where i check my weight weekly....this week ive lost 1kg.....last week i was 79kg, this week 78kg! phew, at least i lost some of what ive gained after fasting month....need to continue loosing...i want to loose at least 5kg more before my bdae...hehehe.....

hmm nazrul just got a car......me i can just drool...but when things get better, wen i get a better job, i want one too....so tt i can bring mom, fathi n ayun ard.....and probably i can still go out on rainy days....:)......

gotta sleep, morning shift tumoro.......i hope this sat's seminar gives me some hope...
a paramedic with the civil defence.........hopefully.....im still sending out resumes.... im hoping to get that trainee tech with sia, ratnor has just graduated.. i hope i get in either one....if not tt nursing course by wda in june next year.....then ill be a staff nurse in 2years time.....alot of paths for me to choose but the thing is whether i get chosen or not....

i think i wanna graf yani on my next project at the sk8 park...:)

gimme a lil' smile

tts all i ask of u, gimme a lil smile.....:) miss tt smile.....

anyways, i dun think id be goin anywhere on my whole week of leave, ive got responsibility and i have to take it like a full grown adult....anyways the truth is the cash....so here i am lovely singapore...id be here....but ill apply for exit permit just to play safe....i dun want them to call me back while im on holidays....that would suck big time...in sg, theres no real freedom until ure old and haggard where ure of no use to anyone...tts when u get real freedom, when everyones abandoned u, when nobody will bother a fuck abt u, until u really cant support urself, they'd drag u to the old folks where u feed urself with food tts just barely to keep u alive, lengthening ur misery. tis is life indeed, painful, harsh but true....hahaha siak ar sid, so full of negativity, .......without negativity, positiveness wouldnt been alive...am i right?

ask bob marley.....

all smiles

i think today, after a long time, i felt something genuine again....well, at least i feel its genuine...i hope it is...i can feel it, i had a great time and i felt natural just now, the laughters, the jokes, the conversations, etc......but then again, i feel pressured.. pressured to get a better job, a better paying one......i think this will be it, the final one...i hope...:)...im all smiles all the way, see ya soon....:)

gotta work tumoro morn....i hope my hp rings again tumoro....

a msg to someone

u know wat, u SUCK!

she told me to walk this way.

bored, single, nothing to do.....frens at work...or out with their other half..... me ive picked up a hobby i left a couple of years ago after i fully commit to a someone. those who are close to me would've remembered warstylez 'graffitized' on my bedroom walls and my name 'sid' on my bedroom door.....ive painted my walls eversince but now i guess its going to be filled up again as it becomes a practising canvas for me.... another canvas is the bukit batok skatepark....ill put my sketches to life when i got bucks to spare to indulge in yet another hobby that needs money. im spraying out my cash into fumes that makes the walls colourful....im not good as those freaks out there who can actually paint a potrait by just using mere spray cans in shades of black and white. they are freaks....i admire them...their skills...but they've been at it for years...me, wats important is im keeping myself occupied and enjoying myself..... i 'write' alone, ppl watch, ppl smile, ppl comment....im shy cos im not good and my pieces are not 'clean'.....

currently im sourcing out for cheap but good paints....so that i can practise more and im investing in a face mask, ask i do not want to harm my health.....

a hobby is wat u need, when ure alone.....me ive got a couple now and im fucken happy, cos some of them do not require anyone else to tag along...u can do it yourself.....its like some form of soul searching when ure expressing yourself on that concrete canvas.(u can view my pieces @ myfotopages)

new year approaching.....i see ppl prospering, i see ppl progressing....am i gonna jump on to the bandwagon, certainly..... as we speak, im thinking of ways...and ways.
but im being difficult, cos i wanna be succesful doing the things i like. imagine uncle eddie from GOSPORT and tt fellow from MIZ29.......they are somewhere and they are doing things they love.....oh ya another great example, imagine AHJOO and ABGJAS. you wont get sick and tired of tt kind of jobs....firstly you are doing wat u like, secondly ure bringing in the dough home.....

it could be endless, if i speak on about tt aspect of life......i just want the best for myself. some might judge me, thinking im not concerned at all about my future, it is bcos they do not see my efforts, do they see what i do behind closed doors? like my banner, im nobody, dun judge, know me.