perlukah?

To think that the recent headaches(some unnecessary) came from close ones(one even blood related). It is really necessary? to pretend? I don't know la but all I know is I never step on anyone's foot so why am I appearing like the bloody ones with horns and a pitch fork? Anything wrong with being reserved and careful? Anything wrong with trying to settle all that I have now before coming back? Don't anyone understand that I plan my own wedding, hunt for everything pretty much myself, save up myself(of course some of my aunties lighten my burden a little by sponsoring stuffs such as kompang). Why can't anyone understand?

If anyone can be back to normal as if nothing happened after an incident immediately. Whoah but for me it takes time, I said before and working shifts doesn't help either. So does working shifts makes me the devil? Does being unable to comply and please others makes me the devil? Does not going to something you wouldn't enjoy make you the fucken devil? WTH. Hanya Tuhan Sahaja yang tahu.

I don't know la, there's lots on my mind to think about right now, getting married is not an easy thingy especially when ure handling it urself. But if people choose to not understand and think negatively, so be it. Aku dah tak kuasa, dah penat. Skarang nie pon mengigil tak tau asal, mungkin karena dihina, mungkin karena disalah sangka, mungking kerana dituduh pemutus silahturahim. Aku hanya mampu mengeluh kepada Dia sahaja.

Ntahla cheetah.....aku pon tak tau apa nak jadi. Cuba jadi neutral tapi kena macam2, pernahkah mereka cerminkan kata2 yng mereka pernah lepaskan? Kita boleh menipu orang lain, tapi menipu diri sendiri tidak mungkin. Kalau omputeh cakap apa tu, conscience?

Do we have to comply just to 'sedapkan' hati orang ramai? Do we? If I had something more important should I cancel it to 'sedapkan' hati orang? If it is something I do not like doing would I still comply and not say what I think? In the first place was I given a chance to do so, say what I think? I think not. So why the accusations and insults? Is it even necessary?

Me and Ain, even as a couple we take our stand. She say what she thinks of what I am doing is not right, being human it takes me a little time to analyze and after I know clearly what she is trying to say and knows that I am at fault, I apologize and try to make things better. I too do tell her what I do not like and I do make my stand and if its negative, she'd point out. The thing is both of us is so used to being frank to each other and how can that be we can't handle the truth? Do not say what you do not know is going on. Clarify before loading your machine guns with hurtful ammos. I had my say. I am just hurt, I guess the apologies that came from my heart, pagi raya doesn't even mean a thing to everyone.

By the way if you think NurAin lies, this is what I think she deserves my name more than anyone else, Siddiq(yang benar/truth). I can't even remember when she last lied.