old age....

hmm....i was telling my fren, if i get terminally ill after 50 or 60 i think i dont care already.....last night my imagination ran wild, i was wondering if i became ill or paralyzed like my grandfather, would my wife or children still take care of me lovingly, would my wife still be devoted to me?

i still remembered when i teared at my atuk's funeral......i remembered how he loved me, how he showered me with love although i only get to meet him weekends or during the school holidays. i cried because i know id miss him and i cried because when i grown up and have many friends i forgot all about him. my grandfather passed away at home when i was outside skateboarding with my friends back when i was 18 or 19..I cant recall. He was down with CVA also known as stroke, his right side of his body was paralyzed, he moved around on wheelchair or his arm crutches. he was lucky to have my grandmother who still take cares of him back then. i was still young, i never really observed if his children took care of him with love.

sometimes you just cant help but to think of the future. i think wen i meet someone to share my life with, my proposal statement would go something like this "will u take care of me if i am bed bound or wheel chair bound when im old?" then only i will ask "will u marry me.." LoL

nursing changed me, my mindset, some of my character and principles in life. i realised how precious life is and how Islam comes into the picture. why are there certain do's and dont's.

i worry for some of my frens, i do worry for myself too but i can only do so much. i can provide information but thats that, its up to them ultimately. many issues still remain a taboo, still is uncomfortable yet important to discuss about. some issues are still attached to meanings like masculanity which the ego refuses to eliminate.

sometimes i pray i have the strength but sometimes i too am swayed by emotions, greed and desires, after all we are only human. and human is what im becoming....

yes, im becoming more human, thats what i feel. i was ignorant, really ignorant. talk is easy, doing is way tougher than talking or thinking about what you wanna do. im sorry if i sound like im whining but its just one of those days when you do self-reflection and you realize what you really are, what you are made of and who you really want to be. im sure you all have one of those days too.....