muhammad

how can someone be as pure as to accept their 'enemies' and even feed them, give them food. how can one be so calm without exhibiting anger, without giving in to anger?...how?

i tried hard but as anger flared between the rest, i tried to stop and calm them down but i ended up screaming at the top of my lungs. trembling, trying to calm myself down, trying not to over-react unnecessarily, i broke down.

as i said, i know what've been done and so for....i understand the final decision but what has been the abuse, the abuser will receive his retribution. its a sin to curse but i cant help it, if you can voice out 'macam mana tak nak pukul kadang2' thats a word for word quote, i can't help but to curse....no wonder the calamity that hits your family. forgive me god, i can't help it but to feel that way, forgive me god if i can't accept anyone of them because i feel betrayed. and perhaps, insyahallah, God will open up my heart again one day....but for now, some of those who were present last night at the meeting are just mere human beings, nothing more. if anyone who reads this and not happy of my thoughts, feelings and all, please do approach me, i know my blog is supposed to be private but i know some ppl have access to it and act as messengers... so be it. this is my journal, you wanna read, you have to accept it, you can't your pasal.

if God is what you claimed you find, if mosque is a place you frequent, you shouldn't have acted in an irrational way like yesterday. you are indeed a disgrace and a big irony to yourself. whats the cause? the actual cause? have you ever taught of it? have you ever considered giving a taught or are you ignoring it? if you have stayed....one of my back up solutions WAS THE CAUSE. i had delivered a subtle reason wat was the cause....those who stayed, if they had brains, they would know what i am trying to say but i doubt so, i doubt. but i hope it got him thinking why i wanted that solution and what IF THAT OLD MAN STILL have his own home.

fullstop, i put this case to rest, id come back when im more capable and dont question my actions when the time comes.