enjoy this classic number and switch off the punk ipod...hehehe
boys dont cry....
learn cpr
one of the leading cause of deaths is indeed myocardial infarction of better known as the heart attack, no not tt game where u smack another persons hand.......
cpr can save heart attack 'victims'. help save lives, help reduce death learn cpr. for all u know, u could be saving someone along the street......love life, not war....heheheh anyways be certified to save live. be a hero...hehehe.
to learn more about heart attack visit hpb.gov.sg & visit the following http://www.myheart.org.sg/cpr/courses.htm for cpr courses.....cheers.....
i know i know
i know i have a 30GB ipod video but i feel like i want tt red nano....ok the excuse is tt its for a good cause, its for HIV, its for the global fund to fight AIDS in Africa.......well but i think id resist the temptation though the thought of having a sleek red nano in my pocket just excites me....heheheh freak!..... a glimpse of the nano in sleek aluminium delicious red!
haiz
its my break from my revisions as usual.....
had a chat just now with mom....hmm i forgot how the topic came up....ouh its abt how parents ask for dowry, or the affectionately known duit hantaran......how they ask a ridiculous amount for their daughters who are neither princesses atau putri gunung ledang.......well, its the trend, the culture right now for parents of daughters to put such a high 'price' for their daughter.......i hope those parents who went for the prayers on shawal morning listened to the sermon attentively.....do u know u sin if u make it difficult for ur child to get married and thus letting him getting into more sinful acts? haiz, why make the life of the gentleman difficutl? if he is sincere enough to marry ur daughter and willing to sacrifice and look after your daughter isnt that good nuff?? isnt sincererity much more priceless than tt coloured paper?........i came across both kinds of parents in my life but heheh im still not married somehow, i could have actually but too bad the girl dunno how to behave....hehehe... the parents was like, nikah only, the rest is really unnecessary unless you have extra dough......simple as that.....
another worrying issue that the imam touch during the sermon was the fact tt many young muslims are converting to other religions....its bcos of their weak knowledge of the religion....its shocking but true......the 'other' religion send their ppl to spread their religion and take advantage of these youngsters and pull them in, or rather i should say reel them in.....masyaAllah. it is happening and u can get figures i guess if u approach the relevant bodies......freaking shocking....
this year raya as usual i expect to jln raya with my close pals from bbss....but this year due to many having their own cars dan kemaruk tak kene tempat, we did not rent a bus like usual......everyone wants to drive their own car.....and i hate tt idea like the rest of us yng tak berlesen......bebal ar dorang.......tak paham langsung aku.....i guess this year i pass, mebbe i follow sunday onli.
i only realise just now tt i have 2 jemputans on 2nd week november....alamak clash.......one is syed from tag scooters and the other is omel, my ex gf of 2 weeks.....both, im very close to......haiz......if only i could split myself into two....hehehehe....
yest, the visiting we as usual but haiz, never get to chit chat with my nenek.....sooo many ppl la....but im happy bcos my aunts and uncles actually is supportive of me getting into nursing.........nurse gila....oops nurse orang gila....hehehe...
my aunt whose a nurse manager at sgh also encourage me to take advance dip and a degree after completion of my 2 year course......seems like i have to hassle my good frens again....ehhehehehehe......i can foresee a future of free education.... wee hooo.....
speaking of education, as my younger siblings, salam me in the morning of shawal, as usual, the brother gives advice like the mom to me......i told them the same thing...."respect ur parents, jng kurang ajar, study hard.....if i can do it so can u but i want to see u all do better than me, if i have a diploma, i want u all to go for a degree, make me n mom n dad proud...." i hope they do.....like i said before, i want to change the state of being in the middle working class....although its tough its doable, if im unable to do so due to time, due to me realising late, they still have alot of time ahead of them.....
the sight of the successful yest also drive me further to pursue.....both the existing world and thereafter......the sight of my uncle driving a mercedes kompressor, i cant deny im a little materialistic.....for me a spanking harley and a mini cooper would be sufficient...hehehe....me and my dreams.....
ok i think i better continue my revisions......to all muslims, selamat hari raya aidilfitri, maaf zahir dan batin......forgive all my sins, intentional or unintentionaly......i already forgave everyone elses........
tumoro insyahallah i want to fast.......puasa shawal bnyk berkatnye....bagaikan puasa 100hari di ramadhan.....
small world indeed
it turns out tt nura.j from krayon or the more famous fake slimming advert is a distant auntie....hahahah, she is my father's auntie's daughter, that makes her my father's cousin and so, my distant auntie.....
my aunt was farnie tonight.....i was at their place to visit my yai(grandpa), dementia strucks the old and as usual he couldnt recognise me.....anyways, my cuzzen.....she's gorgeous, oh she's also a nurse.....heheh okok back to the weird auntie.....when we were about to leave, my aunt gave me a small packet (of course with money inside). i refused to accept and said that i am already gainfully employed so its really unnecessary but she insisted and said "ala diq, ok la blom kahwin masih boleh kasi....." hahah weird. then in the lift my mom said jokingly, "jng2 baru dapat duit cpf tak...." ...hahahahah
i drop by my aunt fatimah's place since its just 8 floors away, it was there too that i learnt tt my step-sister in jakarta, the eldest one, who's also a nurse (which i only found out) is getting married early next year and my aunt ask me to tag....heheh see la if cun2 kena during school hols ok la.....
tumoro 2 more houses, and thats it, gotta hit the books....
hari raya
hari raya? heheh ala, takda apa2 pon....cuma nak jengok my grandparents, rindu mika kat mereka.....padahal satu singapore, tapi slalu sibuk sangat.....atau sengaja buat2 sibuk.....tapi takpa, inila waktunye dapat jumper mereka dan excuse untuk tak blaja....hahahahah
slamat hari raya semua, maaf zahir dan batin.....halalkan la dosa2 ku......hahahahah
the id
here's wat the id would like to say.....i love my life, i love my school, i love my frens, i love my hobby, i love my family and i love my tummy......
hmm
hmmm sometimes i wonder, ada di antara kawan2 aku takut nak bobal ngan aku ker? asal? aku gila eh? hmmmm...
caramella my love
im glad i still have caramella with me....she helped me in times of need......
boba's battery ran out of fluid....so it wouldnt recharge and so, it wouldnt start....damn....i knew i gotta get battery water and the only way is to ride caramella to the petrol station and purchase a bottle......i tot i got my problem solved.....so i happily fix the battery after filling it up....but i didnt realise tt it already ran out of charge........and therefore it did not start....then i remembered caramella has a spare battery for IU unit.....wala....i use it to start boba....and after removing the box, which i first intended to do and the number plate and a little bit of wipes here and there, i took boba for a ride to charge its batteries... wala! boba is running good again, thnks to caramella.......im sure boba now is appreciative of caramella.....hahaha im nuts.....
sigh after im done with all tt, pack up as i reached home, it was already pass midnight....looks like its too late to go to habib.. well, some other day then.....:)
teevee
sometimes the teevee does not only provide mere entertainment, i guess theres a reason to every development and happenings, after all technology, biology and many knowledge of how the world work is derived from the quraan...where from there the human develops it into what many of them call their own.
today teevee has indeed serves another latent function tt sometimes we fail to see, cos we all rather watch emteevee or desperate housewives. teevee sometimes helps you realise and even sometimes reminds you, that you are a muslim, so be one. today as my brother turned on discovery channel, i was mesmerized by the programme that is on the hadj and Muhammad s.a.w. our prophet. at first i was judgemental i stereotyped the caucasian to be like any other who condemns the religion but as i listened to as my interests towards the subject and the want to listen was inevitable, he actually converted after 20years of study and had already perform the hadj. i am so ashamed of my judgemental self. but then, i listened on, its merely the elaboration of what i had learned halfway in religious class. the way of the prophet touches me. it is remarkable, the story, or rather history.
i do think tt my upcoming profession is a calling and i do think tt it is how i could contribute to society and indeed help and with my knowledge, insyahAllah i can help ppl. im no saint, i still sin unknowingly or sometimes knowingly. i still give in to desire and at times i am weakened by temptations, to be angry, to talk bad, to gossip, to hate and so on. i hope i will practise more of what has been imparted and taught by my elders so tt it can help purify my self to not behave in such a way. till date, i cant still accept the existence of my step father for his behavior, at first i always tot he's the cause tt i could not accept him, its his behavior who made me hate him.......but then, i studied psychology, its indeed a self-fulfilling prophecy, because of his nature, behavior, i stereotyped him to be bad, hypocrite and many negativity and because of tt i act in a certain way and somehow its like a chain reaction where he fulfilled it.....i was thinking perhaps if i change a little to my perception would it change him? God knows. perhaps if i were to think positively, he behaves in such a way because of stress at work, because of tiredness, because his beloved daughter had forgotten about him and not because he hates me, because im not his son probably thinks would change. but frankly im still unable to do that, its such a hard thing to do, especially to a person whom labeled u and a person who have displayed hate and actually mentioned it........
i was thinking again, perhaps mebbe tt was why my fate or rather i was destined to study again, nursing, basically the study of human beings, to give me knowledge and perhaps improve my life physically, mentally and spiritually.....insyaAllah. it's beyond description to what ive studied, though those of you who have known would probably say im exagerrating but im not, im glad i took the path of nursing, well not only for the reward(which was why i applied) but for the knowledge i attained and more later on. i guess tts why islam encourages us to learn & learn. we can never end up learning enough, im one good example, i completed my diploma course in engineering, im knowledgable in that field but i know nuts about biology, psychology and sociology.......which is rather helpful for the living........
i hope my hunger for knowledge will carry on, not only it will make me successful in life later on but it will make me knowledgable and perhaps a much more calm person as being able to understand to the happenings around me, the happenings to me, etc........
id like to thank also the four frens who gave their trust in me once again......thank you.
behind schedule
im a little behind schedule, i havent completed my assignment insyahallah ill finish it by tonight so revision can start tumoro. i dont intend to go out these few days.....until monday, monday i have to head to school to submit my assignment and probably after that id go to ahju to change the shocks on my vespa......mebbe. or mebbe the leo vince i longed for.
anyways, i rummaged thru my cousin's old clothes, it was supposed to be given to my cousin's in JB, i managed to find a few tt is rather big, big enough for me....heheh alhamdullilah, takyah beli baju....bleh save buat beli bermuda's for next semester, this year 2 of my bermudas are not viable for wearing anymore....the zipper is beyond repair on one and there's a 'gash' on the other. hehehe......bermudas are the most comfortable for school, so definitely ill invest in one or 2 good ones......
gotta go do my assignment....adios.........ouh ada orang nak donate baju kurung yng masih cantik kasi la ye...hehehe maklum la orang melayu kiter kalau ada duit, baju baru mesti punye so yng baru pakai skali pon jadi collect habuk je......hehehe
mod
rex passed me an old foto......long sak rambut, ala mod.....lone ranger mod, independent, gi event sorang2 on my caramella back then, equiped with mp3 and a dgcam to snap2...heheh miss my locks....
last day
today marks the last day of lessons for semester one......and finally all tests completed except one assignment due on monday.
today is like a huge relief for me cos the socio paper was do-able. and today too, where i learnt tt my fren is also upgrading so tt hopefully one day she's able to become a staff nurse too......
dr.san, our biology teacher from myanmar wanted to have a foto taken with us for memories. i feel he is a nice lecturer, kind, calm and patient though sometimes his delivery is rather unclear.....well here it is, the cohort of july 06 accelerated diploma in nursing, here are all the aunties and few young ones who will be staff nurses in 1.5years time!
this raya i think is a rather quiet affair....
bills galore today....sigh.....88bucks internet, 31bucks hp, 60bucks road tax......hehe bt this ramdhan, i acutally spend lesser, so it kinda balanced out...hehehe.....
im looking forward to becoming a qualified nurse, dr.san mentioned this just now "in nursing without heart, knowledge is nothing" something like tt la.....i agree......
tonight's plan, finish up my obesity lesson plan....tumoro start mugging for exams, i still have chance to get 3 As...ehheheh
must be optimistic, tts what keeps a person motivated and driven.....wish me luck....
migrane
ngah migrane beb.....gua jarang kene migrane tau....
anyways, was watching cinta Q to let the brain rest a little when suddenly.....OoooOOooeeeeoOooo...oh my hp....long time sia very quiet......hehe ala, vincent giving answers to the tutorial.......i tot tt was it,....then came another sms, wah....like contagious after days of silence.......its my ol fren, wat a surprise, just well wishing for my upcoming exams.....boy tt sure made my day a little and really bring the migrane down, after all, illnesses are somehow related to ur emotions, brains....etc....thnks guys
its farnie tt i dun seem so stressed for tumoros paper....not tt its easy but somehow i just take my time studying thru each theories at my own comfortable pace.....itll be good if i can do this for the rest......
ok dudes n dudettes, enjoy my ipod, im gonna continue mugging......
deranged
i think i am crazy inside...muahahaha....anyway 2 more hurdles before the real exam, tumro sociology test n my assignment..
was speaking of raya preps.....haha up till now, i havent done anything.....forget it la...at most i prepare the change for the kids.. cant be bothered anyway......new clothes? for wat? hehehe......anyways i feel raya is when u can see all the hypocrites surface from their hideout.....damn these ppl, they cry, apologise and do again....immediately after they leave, they gossip, its like wtf? anyways....tt is why i never conform to the norm every year, i never ask for forgiveness from all, only a certain ppl...cos i dont see a point.......
im like a deviant here....not conforming to the social norms or culture.......watever la eh.... i only know i owe my mom alot of things....and i owe her an apology for still not being so responsible to the household as an adult.......
my plans for this year, raya night, visit my yai, then my nenek and if no time, my nyai the next morning.....again i wont get to see my biological father....cos he's in jakarta....i just doa for his happiness down there with ibu' yanti and my half-siblings.....
my classmates want to organize a jln raya, i didnt turn them down just now but i guess i will, cos frankly i have no mood for raya, its very different dis year....i know every year theres no real happiness except the success of completing 30days of fasting though not perfect at all......i just hope i have mood to tag with the bb boys or the gilly boys and hopefully they as usual make me feel belonged and tt instant smile n laughter upon my face....no, im not sad.....just pressured....hahaha
i miss my frens...serious......honest.....i wish i could meet them....but i have to fulfill my role as a student and a son....tt is to do well and not disappoint my mom....although i have a role as a fren......but i know u guys understand....love ya guys...
ouh, as i was riding back, skurvy came to mind, i think ill change boba to skurvy....all black with huge skurvy on the side, wadda ya think?
okok la gotta mug for tumoros paper already 7minutes behind schedule.
otak ngah mati beb
otak ngah cramp nie beb.....biasak ar, blaja jugak....khamis ada paper...knn....heheh sociology lagi hancur siot, susah, tapi takper melayu boleh...hehehe...
ngah jam nie jadi gua log in.....surf2 biasak ar, nengok moto jugak....hobi la katakan.....tapikan gua notice kan moto2 classic tetap appeal pada gua....sebab tulah gua sayang nak jual caramela, walaupun instantly gua bleh dapat duit dalam 2.5k ngan sekelip mata......gua ngah surf2, bila gua jumpa nie add, orang jual Triumph model T100-500cc. wah lan doi...pengsi beb, at least pada orang2 yng serupa mcm gua la yng suka moto classic.....lu nengok sendiri ar gambar kat bawah tu....gua cakap sama lu, kalau gua ada 11k, itu motor lu bleh nengok parking kat carpark gua within the next few days....hahaha...sori eh bahasa gua tak tentu arah....sebab otak gua ngah berkecamuk....hahahah.....
good news galore
gd news 1, my 2 group presentations were graded A. meaning i need another about 20% to pass overall for these 2 modules, meaning i need to score about 50/60 to get an maintain an A or 20/60 to pass, im aiming in between......
another good news, alhamdullilah, someone, i once affectionally call omel, is getting married this november....congrats....lisda
another good news, my lecturer sort of narrowed down wat to study in his hidden tips, which are important etc....thnks a million....
always look on the bright sight of life....hehehe...
i noticed my boba is accumulating dust, i promise ill clean u after the sociology test and ill take out the box, since i dont really need it since now there are no more lectures to attend to and ill do a paint touch up on the left side most probably after the last paper......after much considerations, i dont think im switching bikes so soon....ill finish up paying this one first....so its like another 2years on a gilly.....tts good too, cos i can save up during the 2years....and i can switch to something ive always wanted. before i get old, i wanna do things tt i wont get to do when im old.....:)
now, back to mugging for 5 more papers.....
prediction....aummm
hehe cant help it la dey....jus predict my test just now......my mcqs was a little disappointing.....bt hey, if my assumption is correct, i pass man.....yeay....if not ill still pass cos i aced my groupwork....hopefully la nothing goes wrong.
psychology test 101
i am worried...no i dont think i would fail, after comparing the answers with my classmates, i think i got pretty much the same answers....so its either we are all right or all wrong.....so why worried u say?
first of all, i can guess its rather difficult to ace the paper, i didnt even answer 1 question though its only 1mark of value but tt one mark could determine between an A or a B ....OR a C or a D. tts not all im worried about, andy(my lecturer) have high expectations of me, jus bcos i comprehend most of the theories and i came up with a couple of solutions during lecturer, i also belong to one of those he labeled smart. tts why im worried, im worried i'd disappoint him with my answers, i might have understood the theories and able to apply it, definitely i could do tt but i am not real good at retrieving facts. tts the problem, im not perfect, im good at reasoning but not remembering.....so probably ill do pretty ok except not excellent and not up to andy's expectations.......
ok, so what did he do tt got me worried.....in the exam hall, as i was engrossed writing the answers, a classmate of mine told me he was actually standing behind me, looking at what i wrote and later staring into space in an attempt to comprehend the theory i wrote....see tt was how high his expectancy of me doing well......probably before the paper i should warn him, ...andy, im average, im not those gifted nerds......i may look like one but im not one....hahahahaha....
another sad thing is, the results will only be released at the end of the semester.....sheesh.....i dont care im gonna ask andy if i see him in school...heheheh
------------------------------psychology chapter completed-------------------------
next up on thursday is sociology....this is another scary paper.....my group aced the presentation, tt makes us in cleamaus' good books....and not only tt, cleamaus & andy share the same office AND they are pretty good frens i must say tt they can joke about each other.....so tts another worry......the lecturers' expectation.........id better do well or at least ok.
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dateline's for lesson plan on obesity coming up, i have to do a very good one, the group work was presented well just now and mdm chin was pleased, i already disappointed her with the maternal results now i must make up with the lesson plan. id put in 101% effort or beyond.....
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after all of the above completed(i predict friday) i can start mugging for the actuall exams, medical surgical next week friday and the following week, biology & 2 nursing sciences paper......after the exams are over, ill be assesed on clinical skills LIVE in real settings with real clients. tough one but im optimistic i can do well, being equiped with experience as a medic, i think ill be a little ahead of the rest.
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so u see, im pretty packed till at least 2nd week of shawal and im still occupied towards the 2nd half of december. well, at least, i can enjoy my birthday, hopefully if i clear all of the above...im looking forward to a well deserved break in bali or bangkok or kl will do....hehehe.....
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interesting for today, i get to see dead bodies today....and todays prac lab is on reproductive organs and they functions,
interesting for this month, rex is participating in gilera sprint race in KL, im disappointed tt he didnt participate in the kallang one, he said no skills....hehe but itd be interesting....for those gilly fanatics, the race at kallang is end of this month, the last weekends.....enjoy....
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gd bye peeps, i need to have some shut eye.
brains is to be used
i think i used it fairly well alright, tt my head hurts...
anyways, if anyone is of right of mind, im in the middle of exams and i still have one last assignment to complete...if anyone is of right of mind, they would know why im keeping to myself, i reply smses slow or not at all, if it the answer is obvious or not necessary to answer or i dunno the answer.......i turn down a movie trip with my pals....i turn down a simple coffee shop session, i turn down shopping for new clothings...all the sake of my dreams...so please try to use some of tt bit above.
what im attempting is now my future, if you are all my frens, do u want me to achieve or destroy it? simple as tt. if my frens can understand, can leave me alone, can understand why i say no to so many invitations tt the gilera boys sampai dah penat bertanya dorang bilang...sid, concerntrate kay, when all is done call us.....
jus a little bit of understanding would do.
and you dont have to turn to morons for advice...theres many other ppl to approach.
anxious
im anxious bout the coming paper in about few hours time.......i surf ard after sahur....and i came across this sick bike!
motard...motard...motard.....delicious....i want it some day...wonder how much itll cost....
-LC4 640cc KTM Supermoto Black-
......droool......i can imagine drifting thru corners....ouh btw i need a class2 to ride tt sick machine :P.....
heheh
i was trying to comprehend fully sigmund freud's theory of personality developments, the id, ego & superego when my hand doodled this.
creativity
creativity is essential in problem solving for daily lives, i can still remember when my vespa got stuck at ecp bcos the piston jammed and the supressor head which is made of plastic is broken when i yanked it open bcos it was hot. i was then chewing on a gum which my then gf gave me....first of all i needed to release the piston from its jammed position in the block....at first i forcefully stepped on the starter (convergent thinking) simply to force it to move out of its jammed position, failed i look into the compartment and the 2T (a lubrication oil) gave me an idea, tt it would perhaps lubricate the piston and thus removing friction and at the same time cool down the metal so that it shrink back to size (metals expand when hot) and true enough with ease it is released......then came the next problem, the broken supressor head, creativity usually occurs when doing simple tasks like walking bcos it allows the mind to concentrate on a simple task tt doesnt require effort in order to wander off to possible solutions in other words to think out of the box, creatively & complex...i was chewing on my gum then...the first simple solution tt would come to mind is to get it back together is to use superglue or tape (convergent thinking) but then i had none. then, wala.....the gum im chewing could just perform tt function (divergent thinking) and wala, i sputter off the ecp back home on my vespa....though the gum is temporary and i had to restick it again as it melted due to heat 3-4 times along the way home, i finally got home.
Csikszenthmihalyi(1997) said:
1. Creative people usually have a broad range of knowledge about a lot of subjects and ar good at using mental imagery.
2. Creative people aren't afraid to be different-they are more open to new experiences than many people, and they tend to have more vivid dreams and daydreams than others do.
3. Creative people value their independence.
4. Creative people are often unconventional in their work but not otherwise.
ok, so am i creative? u can ask this urself too...just for fun...
1. i do have a broad range of knowledge about alot of subjects.....basically i acquired these thru experience, jobs i had and education. i studied mechanical engineering, thus i have technical knowledge of how stuff works, i was a cook (knowledge of cooking and food types, etc), i was a delivery rider (knowledge of routes and shortcuts, perhaps riding skills too), i was a crew at a fast food chain (knowledge of human relations, service, etc), a relief teacher (how to work with young adults), an assistant project/sales engineer (i was required to come up with presentations, so presentation n communication skills), a supermarket supervisor (how to manage people, inventory and getting sales), i was in a band and performed before live audience next to a local dj (stage skills),....wow...LoL jack of all trades master of none :P
2.hmm doesnt the above explain number 2? and ouh nursing, im more open to new experiences....and dreams...i dream everyday, daydream, vivid daydream....ppl around me can justify tt..
3.i always wanted independence, i mentioned many times i wanna live on my own in my own house...
4. hehe this one, i guess the vespa problem was evident....and my method to achieve sales volume when i was with fairprice was real unconventional tt my boss reprimanded me for ordering 10 cartons of essence of chicken which will add on to cost but i knew tt it will sell cos its on offer price and true nuff, i sold off all 10cartons of it....bt tt old man wasnt thankful...
and i also remembered how i got an A for bio practical....how i studied, complimentary to the text, i downloaded images of body parts, cells, etc into my ipod video.....i glance thru it every now and then, in between periods, while walking to the library, etc......and i also attempting to record useful information of theories into my ipod.....shuldve tot of the latter earlier and perhaps i couldve scored better for maternal nursing. i also suggested a sketch as a form of teaching for my group work which gained approval from my lecturer. and my psychology groupwork was done in a demonstrative manner via bandagings instead of the usual powerpoint presentation......hehehe....fun...school is fun...
ouh man, i love this module...hehehhe cheers...
complex
psychology is very complex indeed, after all its the scientific study of humans.....humans are complex beings......up till now, i still am not clear about some theories to it. perhaps next semester's topics would produce better understanding.
i hate the haze, its coming back again.....
were talking with a couple of frens and from the conversation, i guess itd be a long time before i purchase a car...hahaha...
and msn is indeed useful at times of distress......i was desperately wanting to clear my doubts and the time was abt 1am, i didnt want to sms my classmates for they could be asleep, so i switch on my mac......there....one of them is online....cool, we had a short discussion over a couple of theories....it did clear my doubt....so u see, the msn can be useful other than omong2 kosong...
at 130am, i could not absorp anymore, well i cant say that bcos ive learnt that the brain has unlimited memory well not actually, its just tt its capacity is so huge even if u live a hundred years ud never run out of it....okok i was more tired, so i showered before a well deserved break/rest/sleep. ouh about the capacity of our brain....mesti ada cakap ar bedek ar....abih asal kadang2 cam takleh masuk gitu, abih asal kadang2 part of our memory cam deleted gitu....actually, its not deleted, its still inside, its just tt its lost somewhere and we have a hard time to find it.....think computers, say u have a drive space of 100GB and after a couple years of usage, definitely u'll misplace some files or folders, its still there, its jus that u dunno where to find it, same theory to the brain....wala...if only we had a device macam wat the computer have, file search or for macs finder......i guess one day scientists will develop one....and humans can indeed retrieve informations of wat sort tt was stored in their memory......i cant imagine how useful it would be, retrieval of past memories could indeed help us develop further improvements for humans,
well actually there is some ppl with a diesease tt they cant forget things.....one person of such actually have to write the thing he wants to forget on a piece of paper and later burn it to make himself or rather force himself to forget the info. isnt it scary? and arent u thankful tt ure "normal" unlike him with super memory tt can indeed drive a person crazy bcos he simply cant forget, even the things he doesnt want to remember......
i miss my frens but this is a sacrifice for my future.....i want to live my dreams, a dream will only remain one if one doesnt pursue it. my dream was always pictured in my mind and one day it would appear before me.....insyahAllah.
Alhamdullilah...
alhamdullilah....this is what i stumbled upon while mugging for my psychology paper......what i discovered can actually kill 3 birds with one stone....i can understand motivational theories, use the infor for my lesson plan for obesity, and loose weight and also those who reads and wants to loose weight too can benefit from this entry, insyah'Allah, after all God encourages us to share knowledge...
the hunger explained:
why do we eat? wat makes us feel hungry? the physiology explanation would be, when there is no food in the stomach, it contracts and thus gives us hunger pangs, tts where the sounds from ur tummy start to appear, u see ur stomach contracts forcing the air.
BUT tt is not the only way we can feel hungry.....insulin(a hormone which helps to break down glucose(sugar) to make energy released actually cause hunger......when glucose is broken down, theres low sugar level and thus hunger. and some food cause more insulin to be released.
so that explains why we eat again even though we our stomach is full....its bcos theres low sugar level. bcos too much insulin is produced thus more glucose is converted leading to low glucose in blood.
okok....the cause of high insulin level is carbohydrates.....carbo rich foods like sugar, white potatoes, etc...(just think sugar n starch) actually cause the body to release more insulin hormones......bcos these food are energy forming....so the food consumed are all broken down to energy.....its all converted, thus we feel hungry....but we have yet to even use the energy converted before we feel hungry again...because more carbo causes more insulin therefor excessive conversion therefore low glucose level thus overeating.....
sheesh my explaination kinda complicated but try to understand especially those who are overweight like me.... or if u refuse to comprehend, simple....go on a low carbo diet.....eat more fibre, wholegrain, etc....or even simpler, less sugar n starch.... tt will make u hungrier.....dont worry about low carbo if ure already fat....cos the fats in u are actually stored energy, u want to store it to ur death or use it? use it la....hehehehe.....cheers....
aku explain cam real, tapi aku sendiri kadang2 takleh resist sweet stuffs.....tts why im fat....tts why "sweet-toothed" ppl are mostly fat.
before i go, id like to share with u a worrying complication to being overweight/obese or overeating......bcos insulin is produced by a part of our body called pancreas it also means, it takes time to produce and like any producing bodies....ok lets switch this to a more comprehendable form.....say a factory produces product insulin.....if the factory is made to produce more and more insulin and the need to produce is ever increasing, soon the workers will be tired to work to produce more insulins......and soon enough the factory closes down because many of the workers give up or quit.....thus no insulin....
AND no insulin means diabetes, the disability to produce insulin means the inability to convert food/glucose/sugar to energy, tts why diabetics are always weak......and no insulin means less hunger, tts why diabetics loose weight cos they feel less hungry even though they need the energy and tt explains whenever a diabetic faints, the first thing u give him is raw sugar or candy which also equals to instant glucose/sugar/energy..... ok so no or less insulin, glucose/sugar not converted to energy thus it remains in blood, tt explains high sugar in blood level and also explains "sweet urine" bocs the glucose/sugar is unconverted and thus end up passing out with urine. when glucose is not converted body works extra hard to convert the fats to energy probably(my assumption) also tts why diabetics are ever tired.....and diabetes leads to complications like damaging of nerves(explains the gangrenous foot because they dont feel pain and they injure their foot, get infected and still dont feel it) tt can affect feelings, they damage little blood vessels (retinopathy, damaged blood vessels of the eyes which leads to blurred vision ending to blindness), heart-dieseases (probably bcos of overworking) and when heart fails, blood fails to reach the brain.....so stroke comes in....and if real bad comatose.....scary right? yes im scared too.....
and figures in sg, revealed that indians have the most diabetes cases followed by malays......being 2nd in rank, i hope u all watch ur diet.....cheers.....its not only about being not fat........ouh and although diabetes is mostly inherited in other words due to genes, it could happen to anyone......
high risk factors (though like i said could happen to anyone) for ur info, smokers, above 40, family history of diabetes, overweight, sedentary lifestyle.
hope my entry was useful for all my frens....:)
think about it.
"Having power and having control are two very different things -- let go of control.
Having power and having control are very different possessions.. You do not have to be the one in charge to shape the future. Do not think too small today - focusing on the person behind the steering wheel is waste of time. Today, the driver is a chauffeur. The person riding in the back seat, obscured by the tinted glass that has all the power. So let go of the wheel and go for a ride."
In conclusion, what is the use of having control but not power........and I feel too, you need control after obtaining power but power is the first to achieve. I feel the power from the above simply means, knowledge, skills, etc......well at least to my interpertation. Ouh and probably wealth and status too.......hmm i was thinking of application of the above to life, say a football team, the captain is like the driver but the real power comes from the men behind him.......in school, the driver might be the leader of a certain group but the power really comes from its members.......am i right to say that?....hehehe jus doing this for the sake of psychology.
back to life, i try not to think of what has happened, i gotta keep focus......like yah-nee said, "do ur best.." and like mdm chin ensured me "you can siddiq,..." im glad i have wonderful ppl around me.
school+stress+pressure
pls give up on me.
i dunno why i keep checking on her blog, is it bcos i care? i care why i initiate the break up? i i dont why i kept worrying if she is doing fine? love? i dunno how to define love oredi....
i need my future and im working hard at it....i wanna stay focus......kalau ada jodoh tak ke mana.
i wanna be on my own for 2years at least, i dont want if possible to have any relationship, whats more something tt isnt working. i know it sucked tt i quit.....but i dont see a point in saving something tts going nowhere. why salvage something tt is not making u happy?
im not being mean here......but pls have a wonderful life....theres many things ahead of u, ure only 21. im 27 i need to wake up from my dreaming......i need to establish something, i need to be recognised as someone as something as a living being who could take further responsibilities not a nobody who rides around on his beat up scooters having fun and not thinking about the years to come where i might need a walking stick, where my children possibly is disgusted of me already.....im thinking for the future....
my head is filled with all kinds of stuff....every kind of stuff......from the home to the outside world....theres more problems to me than u could see....ppl see, the sid in berms, relaxed on his mp3 and on his gilera zoomin ard.....bt ppl dun see beneath it. i dont want to whine, cos im dont anymore......im trying to be strong here but at the same time unselfish. im setting u free cos the relationship isnt happening anyway......like i said many many times, why have a relationship for the sake of having one.....
im already feeling down for not doing so well, and i need to ace my presentations and individual assignments to do well or pull through.....theres already alot of pressure on me....im 27 and i still not really supporting the family....although i do contribute but i feel it is insufficient....probably it only pays for the electricity and the water i use....wat bout the rest? im not being very responsible already as a son there........i still have many things to achieve.....
what i said before was genuine.....but i never think of the consequences if it never work.....like now....i only thought for then, not the future....i learned, i decide to think ahead not only the present.......see this, if we cant be happy even now, what makes u think we could in the future? i know 6 months is too soon to tell but do u want to go on with further heartaches? u even felt i was mean, with what i tot, felt was normal, was a joke.....i know we love each other back then, cos i knew it was genuine but going in further made us discover we were some sort of mismatched.......
i know u want to try again....but i can foresee its not happening.....its not tt i dont think of u.......i just dont want to hurt u further......leave me nani.....you're still young, theres plenty of others around.....you still got a long way to go....call me what u will, selfish, mean, watever but bear this in mind, my decision was not only for myself.....its for the better of both.
those who reading this, if u wanna label me watever u want too, up to u.....but ive stated my reasons and i feel im doing the right thing and i will not go back....
like ive decided for nursing, ive decided for it, i will not go back.....cos i know its the best for me.....
gd & bad
gd news, the polyclinic i appointed to for 5 day attachment is the one at bt batok.
bad news, i flunked the theory test marginally, good news is my lecturer says i can pull thru with my projects and presentation. theres one more presentation & individual project, so i guess im pretty safe provided i put maximum effort in it. at first when she told i didnt make it i was devastated but when i saw more devastated faces, im glad im not the only one and the top student actually only got a B......so proven the paper wasnt easy......all im hoping is for a measly D....i dun care for a C anymore even though i could get it, bt of course i aim for a C or B which is still possible, if i get at least a pass for my project works....
so, ill be missing for at least 3wks to come......then ill be having fun after tt...yeay....hehehe im staying optimistic.....
malu malu
malu sia, yest i tot my test was at 4pm but it was actually at 3pm......lucky nuff a fren called me....and yet i tot she was joking i said bedek ar...until she passed the fone to my lecturer......"siddiq! where are u? u better come down now!" hahaha i was at the library doing last minute revisions.......so ended up i was 10minutes late for the paper.....but anyways i completed it before the time ends.....its a fairly average paper....the mcqs were easy the saq hmm....not sure if i got it right.........but i estimate i can get at least B overall, unless i overestimate or underestimate myself i could easily get a C or an A.....so wish me luck yeah? but im happy nuff if i get a B overall for my clinical skills.......
i wasnt happy with my presentation......i fumbled....damn....its facts....the presentation was about asthma....and i had to do the pharmacology part, meaning the drugs part......i just hope i get a fair great....cos i can expect the exam papers to be tough as this module is totally about diseases......
wah lau.....next and last presentation we're working on....to teach taxi drivers about diabetes. we're doing it via a skit.... and i will act out the taxi driver role.....hahaha......
still got one more individual assignment to finish.......the lesson plan for obesities among children....deadline next week... urrghh.....
and next week 2 behavioural science papers.....hmmm im still thinking to go out this saturday or to resist the temptation.... depends on todays results....if i at least get a C, i think ill go.........
schools coming to an end in about 3 weeks.....and ill be attached to a polyclinic for a week and then ttsh for 5 weeks.... hmm nervous sia......never done this before in my whole life....well i did actually but all the patients were NSmen.....anyways i think itll be fine....but i want to do well......
i think all of u are sick about me and my school.....so id better stop now......
health havent been so good recently......i just hope i get better soon.....i hate having runny nose every now and then.......
wadafuck
wadafuck wadafuck, focus man, u want to ace the module, not pass....damn u.....
still deciding, to go or not to go with the guys to the movies come saturday......another module on monday id like to ace, psychology, cant let the lecturer who praised me down......
im gonna have myself a shower after 5 sets of 20, i hope tt helps....
good news and bad news
i check the board to confirm my bio prac results, as the A was only according to me refering to what i rememberd i got wrong, i mightve got more wrong answers which i forgotten......phew on the board next to my reg number is still the letter A.
Mdm chin came in for lecture....i was expecting her to release the results of last weeks theory......sadly....she said, a couple of failures and the rest who passed also didnt have good grades, it was rather disappointing for her she said....and of course to us. and wats worse she cant release the results as yet cos susan would like to review the markings......sheesh my class mustve done badly......oh god i pray im not one of those failures please.........pretty please.....a D will do, tak cerewet ar......
im praying for the best for tumoro's theory test n presentation, as well as wednesday's release of result.....
ya Allah sesungguhnya hamba mu ini berjuang dengan usaha bukan kosong2 saja.........amin......
pray for me too guys.....manala tau doa2 korang dikabulkan.....lega skit aku....
i beg of u
theres beautiful life ahead of u, only time will tell, pls dun put so much hope on me. im hopeless, im a quitter.
hate me
yes hate me, i think its better that way......
i never went in silence i told u why......but i guess hating me is better for the both of us.
i know, im a quitter, i know i broke your heart into pieces but id rather do it in a most ethical way than keep u hanging around to what i see as beyond or little hope. i dont want u to live in a world of the unreal....we know ourselves its not working, even u said that, u mentioned it, at first i tot it was only me but then u felt the same too, tt was why i wanted it to end. cos i dont see a point if we are having a relationship for the sake of having one. its just unreal. i dunno how else to explain to u but i shant say anymore cos i dont want to hurt u further. i care for u tts why the decision, id rather not let u suffer anymore, tts why i let u go.
i know i did wrong, i know. bt what i said, i meant it at tt point of time. else i wouldnt be doing what u told me, meet ur auntie, meet ur parents, etc. i havent forgotten u, i just dont want things to get any worse, bad enough tt uve already hated me. my decision was for the best of both of us i feel.
i hope one day ull find happiness.....i really do, every time i remember, i do pray for u, hoping tt ur life will be much easier on u, ur parents, ur colleagues and all...its up to u to believe me or not.
to sum it all, if u do hate me, u got all the right but i hope one day u would look back and think why. im not a heartless person.
and if i forgotten about u totally, i wont be checking on ur blog to see how ure doing.
suck
my long weekend suck....i spent it sleeping and doing my 1000words essay at a super snail pace....damn u sid....
the haze is no real excuse.....but my nose exhudates mucous non stop.......i hate having a super sensitive nose...... and my throat so dry, is it cos of fasting or haze? watever it is, haze suck, it makes me wanna stay home.....and some how it has sleepy bugs tt came along.......tumoro school starts again, tuesday a theory test and a presentation....wah lau.......gotta whip my ass to work.....c ya.......
caveman
woooo caveman on teevee.....ringo starr...ol skool sak...i remembered i first watched it when i was in primary school...... at least theres something tts cheering me up......from the cranky mode.....
the haze suck
god i hate the haze......why must every year, some dumb ass decide to burn down the forest and causing the neighbours such discomfort, and man, its like a sequel to the 7th mth, im irritated oredi back then, and now the haze......wah lan.....
menu for sahur...
got no appetite, runny nose and fluish......body a little achy.....so here was wat i ate at sahur.
-2 cups of tea
-2 dates for energy
-1 tiny bar of choclate for energy again
followed by a cocktail of supplements,
-10 tiny tablets of spirulina for the lack of fibre and nutrition
-2 capsules of gluscosamine sulphate for my knees
-1 caplet of 500mg vitamin C for immunity support
hahaha i now realised im kinda high maintanence.....hahaha....
cranky mode on
i cant sleep, i cant concentrate, im cranky, im fluish and the haze is worsening everything......its so damn irritating when some parts of the world decides that forest fire is the way to party and the stupid burning at my void deck some how is celebrating it, dumb ass.....
break
a well deserved break, i slept abt 8pm till 430am today......its been so long since i had a break, ive been working my ass off....
gd news i got an A for my bio prac! A.....first A of the course......bad news is, i scored a D for my theory last mth, so added up plus the coming exams, i might prolly end up with a B at most if provided i do well for my exam papers bt if i do just ok, id still end up with a C....hahahaha
the sociology presentation was splendid, i engaged the class, they laughed, they enjoyed, they asked questions........bt then i got a little negative feedback from the lecturer, cos i never apply one of the theory clearly but still i felt it was fairly well done and cleamaus tot so too, cos of our extensive research.......i just hope id get a B at least.........
now, i gotta finish my 1000words essay and the slides for the lesson plan for diabetes....and obesity....sigh...more work and next week, another test and i need to do a presentation on chronic obstructive lung disease.........sigh.....
i was surfing ard jus now....and gawd i came across an ad, carry on installment for DRz400SM.......gawd....i smsed him and asked if can transfer ownership instead of adding subrider, if it could be done, id sell away my gilly for the SM......wish me luck..
if not, i wanna enrol for class 2, cos its the easy to pass compared to class3 and way cheaper and i can foresee me buying a phat harley wen im gainfully employed......hopefully, id pass my class2 before year end.
im disgusted by a video at youtube
im not against any religion but to make use of the poor to spread a certain religion is just not right.....its just unethical. i mean if u really want to help the poor, go ahead, nobody's stopping u, but in this video its clearly trying to say tt being a muslim and if ure poor theres no home and once u convert hope comes in immediately. what a false idea they are implanting on them? they are desperate, poor of course they would be fooled by such lies after recieving the food and help u gave them. in some parts of the world there are too, many poor non-muslims and still struggling. not all poor ppl are muslims. it just so happens tt batam has the majority of the population muslims and of course the poor ppl made up of mostly muslims, its like duh.....even my young cousins could tell. i feel it is just not right to do this, even my non-muslim colleagues and friends over here would feel the same. if u want to help the poor i guess its not right to change their beliefs just bcos ure helping them. i too sometimes drop a coin or two to the students bearing the tin cans, even though the organization im donating to is non muslim. i remembered once when i brought my sisters donation card for mosque building to work and my colleagues who are non muslim, donates and without even saying islam is a poor religion join us.....u know tt kinda thing....i feel its just wrong.....im being trained as a nurse right now....and even nursing forbids me to interfere with a person beliefs, if a patient believes tt his traditional religious leader can say him prayers and help in the healing process, so be it, he has every right to his beliefs and i should not interfere......i should not even try to say my religion is good or superior above others......
im sure all religions would like to widespread their teachings but not in such a way, i am certainly not happy with this group of ppl, although im thankful enough they helped the poor which me myself unable to go to such extent but they are not helping without intentions.....they are not sincere...........i have friends before who preaches abt the goodness of his religion but he never took advantage of the situation when i was jobless....he never said, sid, join me, ur religion is crap and not helping u from ur troubles.....im disgusted by the behavior of the ppl in the video......if u want to help the poor, pls help them sincerely.... for my frens who wants the link to the video on youtube, ask from me, im shocked of the video....really
i guess you would be too....
i feel if u want to 'spread' ur religion, do it like what they normaly do, invitations, pamphlets, etc....but not taking advantage of situation, like in this case, the poor.....urrghhh...
my bros
i meet my frens finally after such a long time....kinda miss them....great to have some laughter after a whole sucky week, well actually only thursday...hehehe 9am presentation....haiz....
phew
ok lets start things with the unpleasant first....i didnt sms nor call cos im damn bz and 2ndly im still pissed at certain things... watever it is, im even more pissed now. ok lets stop there, cos its not very nice to discuss unpleasant stuffs....
anyways, bio prac was over....wah lan doi we had very little time to decide on our answers cos we were only given a minute per station for total of 20 stations, 2 questions each.....but phew i must say it was on the easier side...though made some careless mistakes, i can easily get a C and if lucky nuff a well earned B.
hmm theres more to come, not yet the end......tumoro, sociology presentation, next week skills theory, followed by medical-surgical presentation...packed week ahead....and ouh 1000words essay due on monday.....wah man... just tot wanna chill a little but i cant.......
wk 16(2 wks time) 2 more projects due......2 more theory tests.......the exams the following week...wah lan doi.....stress tau nak jadi misi......hahahahaha hari raya pon kene blaja....wah lan doi.....
killer beb!
gua dah agak dah, kalau paper si mdm chin tu mesti killer punyer......tapi kan dari minggu lepas lagi gua sua ulang kaji, gua yakin la gua bleh bikin punye...kirakan cam omputeh cakap optimistic la......tapi kan ada la gut feeling gua cakap consperm paper si tua nie ada sikit payah....memang betol ar.....tapi takpa gua serahkan kepada yng Maha Esa, umatnya usaha beb bukan datang kosong2......
walaubagaimanapun(fuyoh panjang ar werd nie) gua sudah bersedia dapat C atau D la, unless nasib gua kan bleh dapat B, tapi gua ngah tahan nie takmo cek answer, takmo happykan diri sendiri atau kecewakan.......so gua tinggalkan sampai tu dua nyonya kasi result la.....
besok gua ada lagi satu periksa....nie pasal badan kita ala biology la....besok practical test, harap2 hati gua terang skit bleh ingat menda2 tu.....kla gua nak revise lagi skalik.....seblom tu nak cari info pasal penyakit kencing manis, gua kena buat projek...kencing manis ar.....hahaha.....
ok la geng, umat2 islam yng membaca, terbaca atau secara tak sengaja tertekan lelaman blog gua nie....slamat berbuka puasa.....cam gerek gitu eh blog dalam bahasa hancai bocai...slalu asyik ingeris jer atau melayu....skali kala tukar ar skit... okla cam dak2 mama cakap....Papo!
im a jerk, then and now
i was trying to find a space in my drawers where i could lock my precious macbook away. why u would ask? 1st theres only 3hours of lesson + 1 hour paper later so im lazy to bring it along as i know i would head home straight after squeezing the juices of my brain. 2ndly my stepdad isnt working today and i jus dont trust him cos once before he 'intruded' into my room and 'borrowed' stuffs while i was at work.....he got the IFS(itchy fingers syndrome).
ok so back to the drawers....i cant find the other key to the 2nd drawer cos i hid it, sheesh i just realised im like rowan atkinson's character mr.bean. so no choice the only drawer left with a key, so i opened, i saw the blue adidas box and the smell of stale papers lingered to my nose, i couldnt resist but to open it and rumble thru old letters and fotos, then only did i realise tt i was kinda a little jerk back then and now im a different kinda jerk. i actually broke hearts unknowingly. i dont wanna do that anymore, i guess i dont want in another relationship for now until the final and last one which would lead to marriage for now, i guess at least for this 2years(which 3mths had already passed) i'd rather stay single than break more hearts.
i cant deny tt most of the time i was the one being hurt(which now i believe i do kinda cause it too) in the past but i didnt realised i did hurt ppl too and now im doing it again but this time, the hurt is to prevent further damage.
this beautiful ramadhan, pls accept my apologies to all who i have hurt or pissed off in any way or another, knowing and unknowingly. i guess if my frens were to write letters or blog like me, i guess i wouldve also discovered tt sometimes i behave like a male-bitch whom they tolerated.
currently i think im unworthy for any love from anyone. all apologies from the bottom of my heart. im sorry. hate me if u will.
stress=tekanan
aku stress kul 4petang nanti ada test.....test nie peliknya pasal kaum wanita......maternal and infant nursing...wah lan dey...
susah siot kalau dirikau bukan wanita sebab nak kene paham the cycles la, ovulation la.....gua blom tido bukan pasal stress aje... pasal masalh2 lain jugak la.....knn la kepala gua berkecamuk, minum kopi pon tak jalan....haiz......teh tarik instant dabis....
takpe ar, mesti mau yakin beb, lu can do it...hahaha....nie semua dalam minda je, cam orang puteh slalu cakap ar, its all in the mind....boleh punye...gua boleh punya.....yakin je....
aku fed up.
aku fed up, aku sedih, aku sedang cari penyelesaian, perbuatan kau bukan satu jawapan bagi semua yng sedang berlaku. kenapa kau tidak mahu dengar nasihat ku? mungkin kah kau tak percayakan apa yng aku cakapkan berkali-kali? masalahnye adalah pada diriku, dan kita bukan lain2 pekara. berikan masa dan waktu dan mungkin insya'Allah yng terbaik akan berlaku. aku tidak langsung bermaksud ingin menyakiti hatimu, sebaliknya aku harus bersikap adil, itu adalah sebabnye kepada keputusan aku.......tolonglah fahamkan apa yng aku telah katakan......aku tidak mahu hidup di sebalik sesuatu khayalan yng kita gembira......sebab tu aku bersikap adil dengan keputusan aku....
aku harap kau buangkan tabi'at merokok, itu bukan caranye menyelesaikan atau meringankan masalah.
gua pass beb!
satu balak sua lepas, gua pass clinical skills, which deem me fit to be attached to hospitals......alhamdullilah pada yng maha esa.....smalam gua frust so gua gi gunting rambut.....pendek maut punye.......
tadi pagi gua nervous giler pasal tu periksa....tapi gua yakinkan diri, alhamdullilah......asal gunakan bahasa cam gini lu tanya? oh gua baru nengok video "ini guapunya" local streetwear company dan dalam video tu adalah ternampak art piece gua kat bb skatepark...terselit skit... nyai gua cam tau je ada yng tak kena, dia cakap sama gua, dan gua harap lu orang pon bleh gunakan nasihat nie, bnykkan solat, sabar jer.....
im sorri
i guess a million apologies wont solve anything.....im glad though u understand certain things to whats happening. i know ure not the type tt will go for another man, ure the faithful type, the rare type. and im glad too tt u understood tt its just as tt drove our relationship down.....and its not bcos of anything else....
ive never in my life, left someone for another, never and bear tt in mind and i know u wont do tt too. bt as to why i told u to keep ur options open bcos i don't feel like im a gd bf, i cant make u happy and true enough our relationship is getting bland. don't worry about the entry u wrote, im glad u made it clear cos i felt tt way too, its just tt i don't want to hurt u tt i want to hear it from u first.
i cant say i dont love u, well i do and i care for you, i dare swear to tt. and probably tt is the reason why i felt u deserve better cos i just cant be the one. honestly, im kinda confused, i know very well, our relationship is heading nowhere, every week, we meet for the sake of meeting....theres no zest to it, like u said its getting bland and probably bcos im spiritualy elsewhere probably with my dreams or probably the differences we had. i was afraid tt it was only me who felt tt way but ur entry confirms tt u feel the same way too.....
nani, i just want u to be happier, i dont know how to explain anymore, i just dont want us to have a relationship for the sake of having one, we can always be friends, i can always be behind u,......i dont want u to disappear from my sight, u got me wrong there....if it pleases u lets start all over again from frens.....
i dunno wat else to say....bt thru my smses, our conversation, i hope u do understand and if need to, we can meet up and talk things over probably after our exams. in relationships, we need to have conversations, rather than keep each other in the dark.
and im not afraid of history repeating itself cos i know it wont happen with u, ure not the sort tt would leave me for another.......i know, i just know. tts not the reason. like i said, the reason is i want u to be happier not with me who is literally lost in my own world.....im sorry, do keep in touch, its complicated, even my best fren cant help me out on this.
one more thing, if u really love me, like i said, live ur life, u have a future ahead of u, work on ur newly found career, build it to success, id be happy to see u somewhere someday. likewise im working towards mine, wish me luck, pray for me, i do for u too, everyday. don't forget the creator, me myself am trying to get closer to him, insya'allah....im still imperfect in many ways, im trying...u should too...
keep in touch....
im weird, hate me if u will
i dunno, i know things doesnt work out but somehow i do still miss u a little nani. bt i hope the decision will make us both alot better in many ways.
im dumb
currently im torn, i dunno if i should leave or i should stay.....cos apparently its going nowhere bcos i dunno how to 'perform', im just there for the sake of the other for the sake of it. ure right, probably im too dumb enough to know how u feel. like i said, probably im too selfish occupying my time with my dreams and for u, ur dream was only to be with me perhaps. and i guess i simply shattered tt when i said dun put hope on me cos i still got a long way to go.probably im insesnsitive, im dumb and probably we a little too much too different. everythings not going so right recently, for instance like my harmless msgs were perceived as mean and me preoccupied with school was seen as neglect.
i dunno the real issue tts driving us apart, our differences, my 'career'/dreams or us keeping quiet each time we go out or the blandness in our relatiohship like u mentioned in ur blog. my attempts obviously failed, our outings are simply like u tagging along for the sake of tagging along....u said i was like spiritualy elsewhere and maybe ure right, i worry too much about my studies but i never see u as a burden, i went out willingly in hope to see a difference but weekly it remained the same and sometimes worse, we are like 2 person in a blind date, we simply dont connect but wen u meet ur distant or old frens, u simply lighten up, laugh and u behave like ure so happy and i notice tt i cant make u happy like that again.
i might be selfish in saying what i said last night bout me wanting u to keep ur options open is my way of saying tt u deserve a better guy who can give u attention and probably can make u laugh more often and smile more often and can give u all the attention u need. u deserve better than me, whos not spiritualy there, who do not know how u feel, who is insensitve, who is the ingredient in the blandness, who is mean, who is selfish. my reason for asking u to keep ur options open is bcos i dun want to drag u thru something tt neither of us is really really happy with.
thru the night i was wondering if school was the only reason and what really made it bland.....i was thinking bout the possible factors. our differences, which we try to adapt to each other has kinda limit our weekly outings with pretty much little things to do cos we ran out of things we could do together and one more thing even wen we go out, we tend to look at different things, all of a sudden i find u missing cos u were looking at something else......in short we dont share most of our interests. i stopped going to performances of watever sort bcos i know u dont enjoy it and my hobbies we're like nothing of interest u and the things i like too. theres so many different things about us tt we've been trying to adapt to, even our behaviours, my roughness versus ur sensitivity. my adventure seeking versus ur calmness, my socializing with frens versus ur solidarityness. and probably somemore things tt i cant recall cos my head really hurts right now, honest. thru the staing into space thoughts thru the night i felt both of us were really trying hard to adapt to each other, if not i guess up till now u wouldnt even be riding pillon on my bike and thnks to u, im a more 'relaxed' rider right now. even though when im alone i rarely speed, tt i must thnk u. cos its for my safety.
heres wat i feel from the bottom of my heart, its the ramdhan and this is the truth.....we're getting nowhere, though we keep trying each week, we're getting 'bland'(even u mentioned tt). we're too busy with each other's stuff, u work 7days a week and me and my dreams, we are little too different for each other tt at times i hurt u unknowingly, we dont have things tt we can enjoy doing together except probably roaming ard town and movies which we seldom watch too. we have too great reponsibilities to meet to which probably is the cos of both of us i must say not being spiritually present.(the school and the family). we dont share frens which probably could help us getting closer to each other and discovering each other more.
i jus dun want to hurt u nani, i dun want to drag u thru something tts providing u more headaches everyday, i symphatize u n ur responsibilities and i dun want to be another to u. i feel like im a small kid ure trying to please and i feel tt on my part i failed to please u or make our relationship work and i hate the fact tt im the gallons of water tt made our relationship bland. and the other thing is i know, u deserve better rather than me, im fat, im still a nobody and ive still got a long way to go until wen i probably am able to make u happy.
frankly, i still am unsure, undecisive, i do not know if we should keep on trying i do not know if i should stay or go cos either ways im hurting u too much. im sorry, honest, wen i say sorry i mean it. i hope u forgive me, these are jus some thoughts of mine tt i never get to say out in our conversation. and i hope no matter what happen, we can still keep in touch and be frens if say we deicde on calling it quits.....:(
i do not know if id ever meet someone who loves me so much, frankly ive never did meet someone who loves me for who and what i am. i appreciate ur undying love, thank you for loving me and tt is why i feel its not fair for u. watever it is, for now, i leave it to God, cam orang melayu kata kalau dah jodoh takkan ke mana. lets now focus on our responsibilities, u makin ur mom happy and me trying to make my mom smile when her son is finally there.....
i hate myself for wat i did
i told nani what i felt and i think she hated me.....i dunno i think its better that i told her than i keep her in the dark but i guess i took the wrong approach and she hated me for what i felt.....i think im selfish.....u ppl out there can hate me too if u want to.
one more thing, i think nani should take control of her life rather than let her mom control her...its not tt im asking her to go against her mother but at least speak up for the sake of her life too......
take care nani, im sorri for what ive said, i do not want to hurt u any further......and i hope u dont shut me out jus like tt, i hope we can still keep in touch. i really am sorri. :(
gnite peepz.
contradicting....irony....sigh
i dunno wats happening....i dunno, im lost....
i cant say it out, im uncertain and i think im being rather unfair....
lets drop tt, back to my progress... im doing fine but rather but kinda lagging behind a little but im glad that im learning new things each and everyday.....today there was an exhibition by the advance dip ppl and seeing them really inspires me more to become a nurse and in a couple of years time, i wanna be there too, studying further into medicine.....
this nursing course actually makes me wonder how the doctors are able to remember everything....theres so much thing to the body.....i really admire them.....if i would be able to turn back time, i wouldve study hard and even if not tt far, i wouldve opted for nursing rather than engineering.....its much more interesting....and its working with ur ownself, ur own body.....although some of the duties of a nurse is rather 'dirty' as some ppl would say(m refering to cleaning after the client defecate etc) im not taken back by tt, rather i see as helping another soul who cant help themselves and for all i know, it would be temporary, if i work hard enough, i wouldnt have to clean so much...hahah, my juniors would........and some of the duties really makes me wonder if i could actually do it on a live person....like for example putting on a ureasheath(a condom like thingy for the incontinent) on a real patient. heres a dummy....hehhe 
imagine this, i will have to actually touch another person's penis.....oh my gawd......but hey its part and parcel of being a nurse.
exams approaching soon and stress level is beyond description but im adapting well to it, though not in a healthy manner. im eating more and sleeping more.....geesh....the healthy way would be to exercise but time forbids me to do so.......and the push ups i do is only adding mass to me and not making me loose the fats, i need to jog again once exams are over.....ive gained 5kg in since july....wah lau wei, tts like a kg each mth.....im overweight alright i need to loose at least 10kg......i will before my 27th birthday, believe me i will.......
hmm i hope u enjoy my entry, ud be seeing less of it or probably the opposite as exams approaching in 3 weeks time.....
got a couple of assessments next week, mostly on skills....wish me luck frens......
oh oh
apparently the links on my blog is gone....i never save the old template thus taking away all the links....those who wants to link me pls leave ur blog addy behind... :)
and ouh to muslims out there happy ramadhan........
fresh as lemmone
sheesh i just tot i'd change to a fresh look on this blog from the 'ouh so old purplish gloomy' look.......nevermind that, i have no time to whip up my own template so i simply took it off from blogger......id love to do one, probably in december during my vacation or after the exams......
speaking of which, wahlau wei......left like 3.5 weeks to exam.....kanina.....im feeling the pressure sia.....and to everyone else, pls dun add on to it kay?
one more thing id like to touch here......the stupid vespa boys who once criticised simply scooters are now with the gang.....bloody arseholes, next time takmo cakap abis ar....bodoh.......no wonder they never call me for the ride, paiseh la konon dulu dah kutuk2 then found out im frens with some of the simplyscooters.... well, i was disappointed tt i wasnt informed of the charity ride......T.A.G mustve thought i was busy with school....but hey the ride is like a once in a year event..... nevermind theres always next year.
u know what im feeling right now, im feeling like time is poking my ass....its like a sharp blade just resting on my epidermis, once i slack i cut myself....urrghh...
im looking forward to the presentations....i love presentations...i love the way i can get people's attention, i love the way i can get them glued and i love the way tt they ask questions so that i can shoot them back with what i know....its macam extreme sports but academically.....harharharhar.......esp to some of them bitches, think u know so much uh? i know more...damn u....
adios muchachos, gonna start on my assignment......arrghhh....
and ouh, messenger suck, adium rocks....
ok here it is for todae
allright i never study today......except for a brief while....today is ayun's bdae, my sis' bdae.....i bought her an ipod shuffle, shes so damn happy but too bad the pc sucks....so i have to use my mac to transfer songs for her...i dunno wat happen but the pc just wont budge...probably cos ive added user accounts to it, so its kinda like haywire....probably i should just switch to one user.....and let everybody use it eh?......well, i tot itd be better if theres user accounts since 3 ppl are using it....see no conflicts in occupying space......bt hey software cock ups.....or mebbe the setting.....my babey's been quite probably busy and tired... id leave her alone, well i got my own things to do as well....tons of it.....anyways cheerios....and ouh to the scooter boys, thanks for leaving me out on last week charity ride....i cant blame u all for doing that.....ive been too busy so i think u guys assume id not be interested.....since when huh?.....
oh before i leave, msn suck.....why cant i log in from my mac...but i could from a pc?.....damn
ok here it is for todae
allright i never study today......except for a brief while....today is ayun's bdae, my sis' bdae.....i bought her an ipod shuffle, shes so damn happy but too bad the pc sucks....so i have to use my mac to transfer songs for her...i dunno wat happen but the pc just wont budge...probably cos ive added user accounts to it, so its kinda like haywire....probably i should just switch to one user.....and let everybody use it eh?......well, i tot itd be better if theres user accounts since 3 ppl are using it....see no conflicts in occupying space......bt hey software cock ups.....or mebbe the setting.....my babey's been quite probably busy and tired... id leave her alone, well i got my own things to do as well....tons of it.....anyways cheerios....and ouh to the scooter boys, thanks for leaving me out on last week charity ride....i cant blame u all for doing that.....ive been too busy so i think u guys assume id not be interested.....since when huh?.....
oh before i leave, msn suck.....why cant i log in from my mac...but i could from a pc?.....damn
messenger bias?
man......ive only used msn on my mac for like 3 times....and now im having trouble....i cant log in but i could on my pc damn.. must be the software....i read reviews online....true nuff.....messenger for mac suck.....not mac.
apple rocks
ok it turns out school is more conducive setting to study.....im absorbing twice as much.
and im growing to love apple......i love my macbook, my ipod.........im having a break after close to 2+ hours of studying at the library and im watching skate videos of my mac now.....and chatting with nini whos on a study trip in berlin right now...cool huh?
only wish nani could be online now....anyways....coolness....no regret watsoever to the switch.....cheers to apple-addiction. :)
OMG apple apple ure...
OMG apple, apple ure gonna burn a hole in my pocket.....
Believe it or not, theres a rumour going on in the world wide web that apple is developing a new product called the 'iphone'.
Yes, iphone as in mobile phone..........and some rumours even came from their employees(well unless they only claimed). Well at least there is proof, in itunes v7 theres actually a part for iphone grayed and not functioning yet and i guess that is going to function pretty soon. Rumours had it that the iphone is going to be realeased this year. Look out for it peeps and join the 'cult'.
Ouh as to why I am up so early? study la... adios......
the pot calling the kettle black
toodoodoodoodooo
sori to the affected parties and sori shahreil for the comment on ur blog......all apologies....cheers....
phew 2 ICAs down.......now on to my 1k words essay........wahseh......wah lau way......
hehehe my other fren notice 2 of my classmates rubbing legs......hot gossip....hehehe...nites
my nani
an entry for nani,
nani, my sms wasnt meant to be mean,
it was my way of joking.....
ure still discovering me and im discovering u too...
i know u love me, i know u do.
have faith in me, have faith in fate.
love ya.
----------------------------------------
about ur new job good luck,
about my dream, wish me luck.
i hope we succeed in what we seek.
-----------------------------------------
to my frens, im rather busy right now, school is not as simple as i thought......so little time so much things to do.
bear this in mind, its not tt ive forgotten bout u guys...ill be free in december.....how bout a short trip to somewhere nearby?
i miss bali, i miss bangkok but i wish to visit hong kong, how bout that? lets plan from now.
to my closest of frens, quit smoking please.....for the sake of health......even suhaimi yusoff is attempting to quit....so go on guys try, kick the addiction once and for all, its worrying when u learn about the harmful effects of smoking, especially when ure a heavy smoker.......perhaps switch to sheesha....indulge in ur craving say once a month or maybe fortnightly, itll do less damage than a pack a day.......cheers my frens, for ure my frens, i care.......i care for my frens.....so think about it. :)
im a mac
im blogging on my new mac book....yeay.......i just got it yest.....its fun but i still havent got use to it yet....
anyways im down with flu....my body is reacting to my allergy to dusts and such....i was clearing up my room....haiya....
tot wanna go out today but i cant......
apple jus released their new breed of ipods...damn, i just bot for my sis the shuffle and now they came up with a spanking new design so tiny, tinier than my sony bean....damn....and its freaking cheap at only 138bucks for 1GB which is sufficient for kids. but definitely not for me, my library of music already took up 5GB of my 30GB ipod......
join the cult, the mac cult now...hahahha....its fun to have a mac, an ipod and such........weeeee....thnks singnet....
ouh speaking of singnet....the 10MBps is super duper wonderful and fast....even on my mac(wireless connection) its alot faster than wat i had...thnks shahreil for convincing me......
flu, flu pls go away.......
disturbing findings
im doing a research for my in course assessment on how society or sociological factors contribute to suicide.....i have found disturbing facts from studies by psychologist and sociologist....believe me, some of them are evident in ppl i knew before and believe it or not in me.....the thought of it is just pretty scary..... well, its interesting to find out......anyways heres the myths and facts id like to share with u guys, take care of the ppl around u yeah? u never know....
SUICIDE FACTS & MYTHS
1. Myth: People who talk about suicide don’t commit suicide.
Fact: Out of 10 persons who kill themselves 8 has given definite warnings of their suicidal intentions.
2. Myth: Suicide happens without warning.
Fact: Studies reveal that the suicidal person gives many clues & warnings regarding suicidal intentions.
3. Myth: Suicidal person are fully intent on dying.
Fact: Most suicidal person are undecided about living or dying, and they “gamble with death”, leaving it to others to save them. Almost no one commits suicide without letting others know how they are feeling.
4. Myth: Once a person is suicidal he or she is suicidal forever.
Fact: Individuals who wish to kill themselves are suicidal only for a limited period of time.
5. Myth: Improvement following a suicidal crisis means that the suicidal risk is over.
Fact: Most suicides occur within about three months following the beginning of “improvement”, when the individual has the energy to put his or her morbid thoughts and feelings into effect.
6. Myth: Suicide strikes much more often among the rich or, conversely, it occurs most exclusively among the poor.
Fact: Suicide is very “democratic” and is represented proportionately among all levels of society.
7. Myth: Suicide is inherited.
Fact: Suicide is not inherited, it is an individual pattern.
8. Myth: All suicidal individuals are mentally ill, and suicide always is the act of a psychotic person.
Fact: Studies of hundreds of genuine suicide notes indicate that although the suicidal person is extremely unhappy, he or she is not necessarily mentally ill.
why im up?
simple, slogging again lor....thru sociology.....and im starting on the 1k words essay which will probably help me get a better grade if i put in maximum effort in it.
my nani is feeling unloved on weekdays.....she says our relationship is stagnant... for me though, i feel it better...cos im recieving smses from her on weekdays isnt that a good sign? although we dont talk but we do keep in touch......i guess things will be hard for her if once i start shift work....i hope she can adapt to it. i know my previous exgfs cant really cope with my shift work.....during NS and when i was a cook at sixth ave......
i didnt do well for my tests...didnt get what i wanted...so the next few weeks is my chance to redeem what i have lost...although i admit im not putting in maximum effort but im putting in more than before.....wah lau leh, the whole day i resist many things.....just to get things done....ive covered 5 chapters of sociology today. and the introduction for my essay.....at 7am later i wanna start studying psychology......see, at least ive got plans.....and i even started a sorta log book. to jot down what ive done and what needs to done...for example tumoro i need to research on suicide....i can do it now a little.....and maybe if i have time to squeeze in some, i wanna start on bio...prac test on 14th week....
im loving my ipodvideo....i can watch skate videos in school.....speaking of which, adisam asked me along to skate....im itching to skate...we'll see how my knee gets.. patience adi, may the force be with u....ouh to date i have 4.92GB of mp3s and videos on my ipod tts a total of 1100 files......ive yet to burn about a half crate of my old cds.....and probably my favourite videos.....hehehe coolness....im gonna buy that spare battery charger so i can watch a full length movie with my nani next time by the beach or sumthin... Ouh, today i just bought an ipod shuffle 1GB new in box at a super bargain price of only 110bucks(RSP$198) its for my sis bday on the 22nd, why so early, aiyah its a bargain...ppl are selling 512MB at $88
gnite peepz
mac mac mac
im an apple freak so suddenly.....ive just got myself a 30GB ipod video for 350, its from a pal who exchanged his set for a new one, he sold me the new set cos he doesnt want to use it anymore....great deal cos the selling price is like 518....anyways, i think im getting my sister ipod shuffle 1gb for her bdae on the 22nd.....jerome is helping me source out for cheap new ones....
i suck at bio....ok, i admit i did not really study enough.....or even if i did i didnt absorb much.....well theres 2 tests on the same day waddaya expect...i made some silly mistakes tt proven crucial for the final score....i only got a D+ for bio which is in the range of 55-59%, i hope to score more in the finals..... the other test was a little better but still a disappointment to me....i got a C only which means its anywhere between 60-69%.....i envy those who got a B or an A.....sheesh.. but at least i passed....some of my classmates failed...and some even cried....sigh
meanwhile ill enjoy my ipod and download more podcasts.....i watched happy tree friends at lunch to destress....cool gadget
shuffle or fake nano?
ayun's bdae is coming up, wat should i buy her, shuffle or the fake nano.....hmmm... i got 2 weeks to think......
i suck
i suck at bio theory test....and focus of nursing test.... i dunno how well i do, im just hoping to get a C at most....darn....everyones complaining about the papers. we were concentrating too much on what that never came out....damn..... quickly mark those papers and return us the results......
im reshuffling my time-table to accomodate to my weaknesses.....bio, sociology...
im doing my time table now and im starting tomoro...no compromise....an hour means an hour...no less....if i got things to do, i replace another day....NEVER procrastinate.....
i just hope i do well......wish me luck again guys...seems like my rollercoster is following the gravity bcos of today, i have to steer it uphill again.....
im here
im still here to be with u....i guess the feelings of unlove was bcos of too long being apart....good frens of mine are right after all, a day a week isnt sufficient. think about it, wat if tt particular day wasnt quality time......was just the sake of meet up....know wat i mean?.....we drift apart, no doubt about it but i guess after clearing our minds a little, we kinda connect back...i hope WE get better... im sorry for speaking out my mind but hey, it kinda helped didnt it?
back to the me.....studying again? yalah wat to do, 2 tests back to back on tuesday that leaves me like 48 hours ++ before the tests........my aim as usual As but i try not to stress myself out......
i bought myself a benq dvd rom yest, works fine and pretty happy with the 68bucks i spent......this morning, i chance upon this singtel ad, sign up for 36mths contract with their broadband and get a mac! i kept thinking, consulted the tech-savvy gadget freak shahreil....and i ended up with a why not in my mind......88bucks a mth for 10Mbps, tts like 2 times of wat im paying for right now, and i only need to fork out 30bucks more for double the speed, means spend less 30bucks each month....and on top of that a macbook for me!!!!! what ive always wanted.....NINI!, NURUL! ive been engulfed by the mac disease....hahaha......ouh shahreil made a very true reason tt made my decision clear, think about it, ure purchasing the mac at normal price on installments for 3years without interest, plus ure subscribing to cable for abt 30+bucks for a whopping power of 10Mbps which means im paying for half the price im paying now but double the power......phew.....im glad....15th september, the delivery, cant wait!!!! and my younger siblings can have my PC all to themselves so they dont have to wait until im not using it......
im also considering a refurbished nano4GB for 280bucks....normal is 428bucks and the warranty is renewed to a year....hmmm......i think ill decide on that on next months pay, cos the one they have is only in white....i prefer the black...unless seth selling his at the same price.....hehehe....the mac devil is poking me with its forks......geesh.....im becoming like shahreil, a gadget freak....
I DONT WANT A B!
damn....the mistakes ive done(in my practical test) just made it difficult to get an A.....but lucky nuff my theory, i think i scored well so overall theory + practical i got a miserable B. the reason i want an 'A' badly is because itll help me in my final exams.....itll help to pull up the marks.....this is not a drawback, infact it will make me work harder for the rest of the modules knowing tt the rest is infact a greater challenge to attain good grades, modules like bio and sociology especially..... anyway actually its a real relief to know that i got a 'B' which means i got abt 31.5%-35.5% already in my hands in the overall total..... i need at least 44.5% to get an overall 'A'! which is real tough cos tts like close to full marks in both theory and practical OR i can get around another 'B' to get an overall B.....i woudlnt want to think further than B.....at least a B is my goal.....but who knows i can do a perfect demonstration of the clinical skills...and who knows my CAP(class active participation) can score full marks......be optimistic aight?.... but still im not really happy with my grades cos i know if i were careful enough my clinical skills is close to perfect, i mean like vital signs is nothing new to me... then again, nervousness in the presence of the examiner gave everything away.....
updates, updates, i can climb stairs better but then theres a little bleeding but hey its getting better....i forgo friday tennis sessions with my fellow classmates, its for my own good...wats more, im a little feverish today....."hyperthermia related to disturbed sleep pattern secondary to stress" oh tts a diagnosis, for those who dont know, nurses diagnose patients too....not medically but any alteration in normal activities of daily living...... fun....serious... and with the diagnosis, we as nurses are to come up with a care plan to assist the client in rehab. see, nursing is not only about washing backside or feeding the patients...
shucks
being not 100% healthy just shucks.....damn....my knees, and now the irritation in my throat, my runny nose....signs, symptoms tt my body is reacting to pathogens, micro-organisms tt is trying to make me unwell....damn.....i slept and 8 and awake now!!!! im suppose to have my revision last night...shouldnt have lied on the bed knowingly dat i easily fall asleep.....blame it on the weakness.....i hate being unstrong, unrigid, untough....i guess im worn out too much.....where are the days where i fall from skateboarding come back with a limp and skate again in a couple of days later? where are the days when i flipped on my bike, chipped my tooth, deep cuts on my shin and i just pick up my scooter and scoot off just minutes after it? im not like tt anymore......uwaaaaaa.......i guess ive been putting too much energy to school tt my body doesnt have its defence mechanism anymore....damn....
mr dizy where are u....i want that bottle of spirulina......just to give me a little boost.....my sinusitis is coming back.......and i hate it......
gotta study....im studying cardiovascular system...
oh yati or shahreil, whomever reading, tell ur father to quit smoking and u too shahreil quit smoking.....its worrying to know the effects of ciggies......
phew
hey hey.....i know im relieved but dont be too relaxed more coming up... gd news, 2 more successful presentations....the health assesment, mdm chin commented our group did a good job, job well done......and wen i was presenting i actually got the attention of the class and even put on a smile on some of them.....was a great feeling....this morning's individual presentation.....ok la, gd nuff, susan said well done, MOST of the points is there...aiyah...i want to hear ALL....hahah... and another good news....the whole class managed to pull thru module 5108, mdm chin said theres some As....oooo i cant wait to see who are they....and i really hope im one of them....if not a B will do.....
haiya gotta start revising on bio.....bye....
wakey2, smell the poppy...hahah i wish
wakey2 sid.....welcome back to reality.....was asleep early so here i am up still dark, cold and eerie....
sid2.....u do ur work halfway, u get tired, u doze off and now u wake up, ull be sleepy later man...u need to last from 9-6pm....tts like 9hours....of absorption...
gotta sleep somemore....just gotta...
anyways, reality is pretty harsh at times when it hits u in the face, direct, probably above the speed limit....wham!...ya ure right, u dunno wat the hell im talking bout here....
last weeks game of tennis was a real destresser.....the 1hour or so, i was whacking the ball as if i had super strength power, i just whacked....it went out sometimes and sideways but the feel of whacking the ball....the sound of it, the look of the ball whoosh across the court and hitting the ground furiously or at the fence(hahah)
really fed my frustations, my anger, my confusions.....BUT it kinda worn off my knees, i was so dead worn out tt saturday n jus now, i felt the strain as i climbed the stairs....with my weak knee totally gone(in case u dunno i had 3 sugeries on my left knee before and it doesnt help one bit)and i basically worn out my calf n thigh muscles and thus i was like as good as a cripple....i feel sad, a little cos i know i cant skate anymore cos it will jus worsen my condition and wats gotten to me more, in my old age....will i be independent? i want to and i dont want a walking stick... i think after working a couple of years i wanna go for another sugery, a good one at the sports hospital i read about....i guess they'd do a better job than the one tt was paid for totally. ill fork out a couple of Ks for that, wouldnt mind if it means id be independent in my old age......
another worrying thing is athritis.......we learn about it last week thru a group presentation.....i hope it doesnt affect me too....im trying to study more about it and how to prevent it and trying to stop my bad habit of cracking my fingers cos itll wear out the tiny2 ligaments in there.....i hope whoever read this, do take care of ur health too.....find out ways to prevent stuffs tt might happen in ur old age....me, im just preparing myself, cos the figures kinda worry me a little and ouh a disclaimer....athritis doesnt really affect only the old....many ppl tot so, so now u know....:)
im trying to live day by day as it is, try not to stress myself out unneccessarily, like i just now, i could just sit for an hour or so and stare at the beatiful sky and the cable cars.....hehehe....if the fees for a ride wasnt ex, id love to go for a ride.....bt then again no need to waste money....the hills would do...i dunno, i just love heights....it gives u a beautiful view from the top, it gives u a bigger picture of everything.......
i think i gotta start editing on last nights work, print it out and taddaaa...few more hours of sleep before i head to school to revise on bio......gnite frens or should i say gd morning?....
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