school+stress+pressure

pls give up on me.

i dunno why i keep checking on her blog, is it bcos i care? i care why i initiate the break up? i i dont why i kept worrying if she is doing fine? love? i dunno how to define love oredi....

i need my future and im working hard at it....i wanna stay focus......kalau ada jodoh tak ke mana.

i wanna be on my own for 2years at least, i dont want if possible to have any relationship, whats more something tt isnt working. i know it sucked tt i quit.....but i dont see a point in saving something tts going nowhere. why salvage something tt is not making u happy?

im not being mean here......but pls have a wonderful life....theres many things ahead of u, ure only 21. im 27 i need to wake up from my dreaming......i need to establish something, i need to be recognised as someone as something as a living being who could take further responsibilities not a nobody who rides around on his beat up scooters having fun and not thinking about the years to come where i might need a walking stick, where my children possibly is disgusted of me already.....im thinking for the future....

my head is filled with all kinds of stuff....every kind of stuff......from the home to the outside world....theres more problems to me than u could see....ppl see, the sid in berms, relaxed on his mp3 and on his gilera zoomin ard.....bt ppl dun see beneath it. i dont want to whine, cos im dont anymore......im trying to be strong here but at the same time unselfish. im setting u free cos the relationship isnt happening anyway......like i said many many times, why have a relationship for the sake of having one.....

im already feeling down for not doing so well, and i need to ace my presentations and individual assignments to do well or pull through.....theres already alot of pressure on me....im 27 and i still not really supporting the family....although i do contribute but i feel it is insufficient....probably it only pays for the electricity and the water i use....wat bout the rest? im not being very responsible already as a son there........i still have many things to achieve.....

what i said before was genuine.....but i never think of the consequences if it never work.....like now....i only thought for then, not the future....i learned, i decide to think ahead not only the present.......see this, if we cant be happy even now, what makes u think we could in the future? i know 6 months is too soon to tell but do u want to go on with further heartaches? u even felt i was mean, with what i tot, felt was normal, was a joke.....i know we love each other back then, cos i knew it was genuine but going in further made us discover we were some sort of mismatched.......

i know u want to try again....but i can foresee its not happening.....its not tt i dont think of u.......i just dont want to hurt u further......leave me nani.....you're still young, theres plenty of others around.....you still got a long way to go....call me what u will, selfish, mean, watever but bear this in mind, my decision was not only for myself.....its for the better of both.

those who reading this, if u wanna label me watever u want too, up to u.....but ive stated my reasons and i feel im doing the right thing and i will not go back....

like ive decided for nursing, ive decided for it, i will not go back.....cos i know its the best for me.....