malu sia, yest i tot my test was at 4pm but it was actually at 3pm......lucky nuff a fren called me....and yet i tot she was joking i said bedek ar...until she passed the fone to my lecturer......"siddiq! where are u? u better come down now!" hahaha i was at the library doing last minute revisions.......so ended up i was 10minutes late for the paper.....but anyways i completed it before the time ends.....its a fairly average paper....the mcqs were easy the saq hmm....not sure if i got it right.........but i estimate i can get at least B overall, unless i overestimate or underestimate myself i could easily get a C or an A.....so wish me luck yeah? but im happy nuff if i get a B overall for my clinical skills.......
i wasnt happy with my presentation......i fumbled....damn....its facts....the presentation was about asthma....and i had to do the pharmacology part, meaning the drugs part......i just hope i get a fair great....cos i can expect the exam papers to be tough as this module is totally about diseases......
wah lau.....next and last presentation we're working on....to teach taxi drivers about diabetes. we're doing it via a skit.... and i will act out the taxi driver role.....hahaha......
still got one more individual assignment to finish.......the lesson plan for obesities among children....deadline next week... urrghh.....
and next week 2 behavioural science papers.....hmmm im still thinking to go out this saturday or to resist the temptation.... depends on todays results....if i at least get a C, i think ill go.........
schools coming to an end in about 3 weeks.....and ill be attached to a polyclinic for a week and then ttsh for 5 weeks.... hmm nervous sia......never done this before in my whole life....well i did actually but all the patients were NSmen.....anyways i think itll be fine....but i want to do well......
i think all of u are sick about me and my school.....so id better stop now......
health havent been so good recently......i just hope i get better soon.....i hate having runny nose every now and then.......
malu malu
wadafuck
wadafuck wadafuck, focus man, u want to ace the module, not pass....damn u.....
still deciding, to go or not to go with the guys to the movies come saturday......another module on monday id like to ace, psychology, cant let the lecturer who praised me down......
im gonna have myself a shower after 5 sets of 20, i hope tt helps....
good news and bad news
i check the board to confirm my bio prac results, as the A was only according to me refering to what i rememberd i got wrong, i mightve got more wrong answers which i forgotten......phew on the board next to my reg number is still the letter A.
Mdm chin came in for lecture....i was expecting her to release the results of last weeks theory......sadly....she said, a couple of failures and the rest who passed also didnt have good grades, it was rather disappointing for her she said....and of course to us. and wats worse she cant release the results as yet cos susan would like to review the markings......sheesh my class mustve done badly......oh god i pray im not one of those failures please.........pretty please.....a D will do, tak cerewet ar......
im praying for the best for tumoro's theory test n presentation, as well as wednesday's release of result.....
ya Allah sesungguhnya hamba mu ini berjuang dengan usaha bukan kosong2 saja.........amin......
pray for me too guys.....manala tau doa2 korang dikabulkan.....lega skit aku....
i beg of u
theres beautiful life ahead of u, only time will tell, pls dun put so much hope on me. im hopeless, im a quitter.
hate me
yes hate me, i think its better that way......
i never went in silence i told u why......but i guess hating me is better for the both of us.
i know, im a quitter, i know i broke your heart into pieces but id rather do it in a most ethical way than keep u hanging around to what i see as beyond or little hope. i dont want u to live in a world of the unreal....we know ourselves its not working, even u said that, u mentioned it, at first i tot it was only me but then u felt the same too, tt was why i wanted it to end. cos i dont see a point if we are having a relationship for the sake of having one. its just unreal. i dunno how else to explain to u but i shant say anymore cos i dont want to hurt u further. i care for u tts why the decision, id rather not let u suffer anymore, tts why i let u go.
i know i did wrong, i know. bt what i said, i meant it at tt point of time. else i wouldnt be doing what u told me, meet ur auntie, meet ur parents, etc. i havent forgotten u, i just dont want things to get any worse, bad enough tt uve already hated me. my decision was for the best of both of us i feel.
i hope one day ull find happiness.....i really do, every time i remember, i do pray for u, hoping tt ur life will be much easier on u, ur parents, ur colleagues and all...its up to u to believe me or not.
to sum it all, if u do hate me, u got all the right but i hope one day u would look back and think why. im not a heartless person.
and if i forgotten about u totally, i wont be checking on ur blog to see how ure doing.
suck
my long weekend suck....i spent it sleeping and doing my 1000words essay at a super snail pace....damn u sid....
the haze is no real excuse.....but my nose exhudates mucous non stop.......i hate having a super sensitive nose...... and my throat so dry, is it cos of fasting or haze? watever it is, haze suck, it makes me wanna stay home.....and some how it has sleepy bugs tt came along.......tumoro school starts again, tuesday a theory test and a presentation....wah lau.......gotta whip my ass to work.....c ya.......
caveman
woooo caveman on teevee.....ringo starr...ol skool sak...i remembered i first watched it when i was in primary school...... at least theres something tts cheering me up......from the cranky mode.....
the haze suck
god i hate the haze......why must every year, some dumb ass decide to burn down the forest and causing the neighbours such discomfort, and man, its like a sequel to the 7th mth, im irritated oredi back then, and now the haze......wah lan.....
menu for sahur...
got no appetite, runny nose and fluish......body a little achy.....so here was wat i ate at sahur.
-2 cups of tea
-2 dates for energy
-1 tiny bar of choclate for energy again
followed by a cocktail of supplements,
-10 tiny tablets of spirulina for the lack of fibre and nutrition
-2 capsules of gluscosamine sulphate for my knees
-1 caplet of 500mg vitamin C for immunity support
hahaha i now realised im kinda high maintanence.....hahaha....
cranky mode on
i cant sleep, i cant concentrate, im cranky, im fluish and the haze is worsening everything......its so damn irritating when some parts of the world decides that forest fire is the way to party and the stupid burning at my void deck some how is celebrating it, dumb ass.....
break
a well deserved break, i slept abt 8pm till 430am today......its been so long since i had a break, ive been working my ass off....
gd news i got an A for my bio prac! A.....first A of the course......bad news is, i scored a D for my theory last mth, so added up plus the coming exams, i might prolly end up with a B at most if provided i do well for my exam papers bt if i do just ok, id still end up with a C....hahahaha
the sociology presentation was splendid, i engaged the class, they laughed, they enjoyed, they asked questions........bt then i got a little negative feedback from the lecturer, cos i never apply one of the theory clearly but still i felt it was fairly well done and cleamaus tot so too, cos of our extensive research.......i just hope id get a B at least.........
now, i gotta finish my 1000words essay and the slides for the lesson plan for diabetes....and obesity....sigh...more work and next week, another test and i need to do a presentation on chronic obstructive lung disease.........sigh.....
i was surfing ard jus now....and gawd i came across an ad, carry on installment for DRz400SM.......gawd....i smsed him and asked if can transfer ownership instead of adding subrider, if it could be done, id sell away my gilly for the SM......wish me luck..
if not, i wanna enrol for class 2, cos its the easy to pass compared to class3 and way cheaper and i can foresee me buying a phat harley wen im gainfully employed......hopefully, id pass my class2 before year end.
im disgusted by a video at youtube
im not against any religion but to make use of the poor to spread a certain religion is just not right.....its just unethical. i mean if u really want to help the poor, go ahead, nobody's stopping u, but in this video its clearly trying to say tt being a muslim and if ure poor theres no home and once u convert hope comes in immediately. what a false idea they are implanting on them? they are desperate, poor of course they would be fooled by such lies after recieving the food and help u gave them. in some parts of the world there are too, many poor non-muslims and still struggling. not all poor ppl are muslims. it just so happens tt batam has the majority of the population muslims and of course the poor ppl made up of mostly muslims, its like duh.....even my young cousins could tell. i feel it is just not right to do this, even my non-muslim colleagues and friends over here would feel the same. if u want to help the poor i guess its not right to change their beliefs just bcos ure helping them. i too sometimes drop a coin or two to the students bearing the tin cans, even though the organization im donating to is non muslim. i remembered once when i brought my sisters donation card for mosque building to work and my colleagues who are non muslim, donates and without even saying islam is a poor religion join us.....u know tt kinda thing....i feel its just wrong.....im being trained as a nurse right now....and even nursing forbids me to interfere with a person beliefs, if a patient believes tt his traditional religious leader can say him prayers and help in the healing process, so be it, he has every right to his beliefs and i should not interfere......i should not even try to say my religion is good or superior above others......
im sure all religions would like to widespread their teachings but not in such a way, i am certainly not happy with this group of ppl, although im thankful enough they helped the poor which me myself unable to go to such extent but they are not helping without intentions.....they are not sincere...........i have friends before who preaches abt the goodness of his religion but he never took advantage of the situation when i was jobless....he never said, sid, join me, ur religion is crap and not helping u from ur troubles.....im disgusted by the behavior of the ppl in the video......if u want to help the poor, pls help them sincerely.... for my frens who wants the link to the video on youtube, ask from me, im shocked of the video....really
i guess you would be too....
i feel if u want to 'spread' ur religion, do it like what they normaly do, invitations, pamphlets, etc....but not taking advantage of situation, like in this case, the poor.....urrghhh...
my bros
i meet my frens finally after such a long time....kinda miss them....great to have some laughter after a whole sucky week, well actually only thursday...hehehe 9am presentation....haiz....
phew
ok lets start things with the unpleasant first....i didnt sms nor call cos im damn bz and 2ndly im still pissed at certain things... watever it is, im even more pissed now. ok lets stop there, cos its not very nice to discuss unpleasant stuffs....
anyways, bio prac was over....wah lan doi we had very little time to decide on our answers cos we were only given a minute per station for total of 20 stations, 2 questions each.....but phew i must say it was on the easier side...though made some careless mistakes, i can easily get a C and if lucky nuff a well earned B.
hmm theres more to come, not yet the end......tumoro, sociology presentation, next week skills theory, followed by medical-surgical presentation...packed week ahead....and ouh 1000words essay due on monday.....wah man... just tot wanna chill a little but i cant.......
wk 16(2 wks time) 2 more projects due......2 more theory tests.......the exams the following week...wah lan doi.....stress tau nak jadi misi......hahahahaha hari raya pon kene blaja....wah lan doi.....
killer beb!
gua dah agak dah, kalau paper si mdm chin tu mesti killer punyer......tapi kan dari minggu lepas lagi gua sua ulang kaji, gua yakin la gua bleh bikin punye...kirakan cam omputeh cakap optimistic la......tapi kan ada la gut feeling gua cakap consperm paper si tua nie ada sikit payah....memang betol ar.....tapi takpa gua serahkan kepada yng Maha Esa, umatnya usaha beb bukan datang kosong2......
walaubagaimanapun(fuyoh panjang ar werd nie) gua sudah bersedia dapat C atau D la, unless nasib gua kan bleh dapat B, tapi gua ngah tahan nie takmo cek answer, takmo happykan diri sendiri atau kecewakan.......so gua tinggalkan sampai tu dua nyonya kasi result la.....
besok gua ada lagi satu periksa....nie pasal badan kita ala biology la....besok practical test, harap2 hati gua terang skit bleh ingat menda2 tu.....kla gua nak revise lagi skalik.....seblom tu nak cari info pasal penyakit kencing manis, gua kena buat projek...kencing manis ar.....hahaha.....
ok la geng, umat2 islam yng membaca, terbaca atau secara tak sengaja tertekan lelaman blog gua nie....slamat berbuka puasa.....cam gerek gitu eh blog dalam bahasa hancai bocai...slalu asyik ingeris jer atau melayu....skali kala tukar ar skit... okla cam dak2 mama cakap....Papo!
im a jerk, then and now
i was trying to find a space in my drawers where i could lock my precious macbook away. why u would ask? 1st theres only 3hours of lesson + 1 hour paper later so im lazy to bring it along as i know i would head home straight after squeezing the juices of my brain. 2ndly my stepdad isnt working today and i jus dont trust him cos once before he 'intruded' into my room and 'borrowed' stuffs while i was at work.....he got the IFS(itchy fingers syndrome).
ok so back to the drawers....i cant find the other key to the 2nd drawer cos i hid it, sheesh i just realised im like rowan atkinson's character mr.bean. so no choice the only drawer left with a key, so i opened, i saw the blue adidas box and the smell of stale papers lingered to my nose, i couldnt resist but to open it and rumble thru old letters and fotos, then only did i realise tt i was kinda a little jerk back then and now im a different kinda jerk. i actually broke hearts unknowingly. i dont wanna do that anymore, i guess i dont want in another relationship for now until the final and last one which would lead to marriage for now, i guess at least for this 2years(which 3mths had already passed) i'd rather stay single than break more hearts.
i cant deny tt most of the time i was the one being hurt(which now i believe i do kinda cause it too) in the past but i didnt realised i did hurt ppl too and now im doing it again but this time, the hurt is to prevent further damage.
this beautiful ramadhan, pls accept my apologies to all who i have hurt or pissed off in any way or another, knowing and unknowingly. i guess if my frens were to write letters or blog like me, i guess i wouldve also discovered tt sometimes i behave like a male-bitch whom they tolerated.
currently i think im unworthy for any love from anyone. all apologies from the bottom of my heart. im sorry. hate me if u will.
stress=tekanan
aku stress kul 4petang nanti ada test.....test nie peliknya pasal kaum wanita......maternal and infant nursing...wah lan dey...
susah siot kalau dirikau bukan wanita sebab nak kene paham the cycles la, ovulation la.....gua blom tido bukan pasal stress aje... pasal masalh2 lain jugak la.....knn la kepala gua berkecamuk, minum kopi pon tak jalan....haiz......teh tarik instant dabis....
takpe ar, mesti mau yakin beb, lu can do it...hahaha....nie semua dalam minda je, cam orang puteh slalu cakap ar, its all in the mind....boleh punye...gua boleh punya.....yakin je....
aku fed up.
aku fed up, aku sedih, aku sedang cari penyelesaian, perbuatan kau bukan satu jawapan bagi semua yng sedang berlaku. kenapa kau tidak mahu dengar nasihat ku? mungkin kah kau tak percayakan apa yng aku cakapkan berkali-kali? masalahnye adalah pada diriku, dan kita bukan lain2 pekara. berikan masa dan waktu dan mungkin insya'Allah yng terbaik akan berlaku. aku tidak langsung bermaksud ingin menyakiti hatimu, sebaliknya aku harus bersikap adil, itu adalah sebabnye kepada keputusan aku.......tolonglah fahamkan apa yng aku telah katakan......aku tidak mahu hidup di sebalik sesuatu khayalan yng kita gembira......sebab tu aku bersikap adil dengan keputusan aku....
aku harap kau buangkan tabi'at merokok, itu bukan caranye menyelesaikan atau meringankan masalah.
gua pass beb!
satu balak sua lepas, gua pass clinical skills, which deem me fit to be attached to hospitals......alhamdullilah pada yng maha esa.....smalam gua frust so gua gi gunting rambut.....pendek maut punye.......
tadi pagi gua nervous giler pasal tu periksa....tapi gua yakinkan diri, alhamdullilah......asal gunakan bahasa cam gini lu tanya? oh gua baru nengok video "ini guapunya" local streetwear company dan dalam video tu adalah ternampak art piece gua kat bb skatepark...terselit skit... nyai gua cam tau je ada yng tak kena, dia cakap sama gua, dan gua harap lu orang pon bleh gunakan nasihat nie, bnykkan solat, sabar jer.....
im sorri
i guess a million apologies wont solve anything.....im glad though u understand certain things to whats happening. i know ure not the type tt will go for another man, ure the faithful type, the rare type. and im glad too tt u understood tt its just as tt drove our relationship down.....and its not bcos of anything else....
ive never in my life, left someone for another, never and bear tt in mind and i know u wont do tt too. bt as to why i told u to keep ur options open bcos i don't feel like im a gd bf, i cant make u happy and true enough our relationship is getting bland. don't worry about the entry u wrote, im glad u made it clear cos i felt tt way too, its just tt i don't want to hurt u tt i want to hear it from u first.
i cant say i dont love u, well i do and i care for you, i dare swear to tt. and probably tt is the reason why i felt u deserve better cos i just cant be the one. honestly, im kinda confused, i know very well, our relationship is heading nowhere, every week, we meet for the sake of meeting....theres no zest to it, like u said its getting bland and probably bcos im spiritualy elsewhere probably with my dreams or probably the differences we had. i was afraid tt it was only me who felt tt way but ur entry confirms tt u feel the same way too.....
nani, i just want u to be happier, i dont know how to explain anymore, i just dont want us to have a relationship for the sake of having one, we can always be friends, i can always be behind u,......i dont want u to disappear from my sight, u got me wrong there....if it pleases u lets start all over again from frens.....
i dunno wat else to say....bt thru my smses, our conversation, i hope u do understand and if need to, we can meet up and talk things over probably after our exams. in relationships, we need to have conversations, rather than keep each other in the dark.
and im not afraid of history repeating itself cos i know it wont happen with u, ure not the sort tt would leave me for another.......i know, i just know. tts not the reason. like i said, the reason is i want u to be happier not with me who is literally lost in my own world.....im sorry, do keep in touch, its complicated, even my best fren cant help me out on this.
one more thing, if u really love me, like i said, live ur life, u have a future ahead of u, work on ur newly found career, build it to success, id be happy to see u somewhere someday. likewise im working towards mine, wish me luck, pray for me, i do for u too, everyday. don't forget the creator, me myself am trying to get closer to him, insya'allah....im still imperfect in many ways, im trying...u should too...
keep in touch....
im weird, hate me if u will
i dunno, i know things doesnt work out but somehow i do still miss u a little nani. bt i hope the decision will make us both alot better in many ways.
im dumb
currently im torn, i dunno if i should leave or i should stay.....cos apparently its going nowhere bcos i dunno how to 'perform', im just there for the sake of the other for the sake of it. ure right, probably im too dumb enough to know how u feel. like i said, probably im too selfish occupying my time with my dreams and for u, ur dream was only to be with me perhaps. and i guess i simply shattered tt when i said dun put hope on me cos i still got a long way to go.probably im insesnsitive, im dumb and probably we a little too much too different. everythings not going so right recently, for instance like my harmless msgs were perceived as mean and me preoccupied with school was seen as neglect.
i dunno the real issue tts driving us apart, our differences, my 'career'/dreams or us keeping quiet each time we go out or the blandness in our relatiohship like u mentioned in ur blog. my attempts obviously failed, our outings are simply like u tagging along for the sake of tagging along....u said i was like spiritualy elsewhere and maybe ure right, i worry too much about my studies but i never see u as a burden, i went out willingly in hope to see a difference but weekly it remained the same and sometimes worse, we are like 2 person in a blind date, we simply dont connect but wen u meet ur distant or old frens, u simply lighten up, laugh and u behave like ure so happy and i notice tt i cant make u happy like that again.
i might be selfish in saying what i said last night bout me wanting u to keep ur options open is my way of saying tt u deserve a better guy who can give u attention and probably can make u laugh more often and smile more often and can give u all the attention u need. u deserve better than me, whos not spiritualy there, who do not know how u feel, who is insensitve, who is the ingredient in the blandness, who is mean, who is selfish. my reason for asking u to keep ur options open is bcos i dun want to drag u thru something tt neither of us is really really happy with.
thru the night i was wondering if school was the only reason and what really made it bland.....i was thinking bout the possible factors. our differences, which we try to adapt to each other has kinda limit our weekly outings with pretty much little things to do cos we ran out of things we could do together and one more thing even wen we go out, we tend to look at different things, all of a sudden i find u missing cos u were looking at something else......in short we dont share most of our interests. i stopped going to performances of watever sort bcos i know u dont enjoy it and my hobbies we're like nothing of interest u and the things i like too. theres so many different things about us tt we've been trying to adapt to, even our behaviours, my roughness versus ur sensitivity. my adventure seeking versus ur calmness, my socializing with frens versus ur solidarityness. and probably somemore things tt i cant recall cos my head really hurts right now, honest. thru the staing into space thoughts thru the night i felt both of us were really trying hard to adapt to each other, if not i guess up till now u wouldnt even be riding pillon on my bike and thnks to u, im a more 'relaxed' rider right now. even though when im alone i rarely speed, tt i must thnk u. cos its for my safety.
heres wat i feel from the bottom of my heart, its the ramdhan and this is the truth.....we're getting nowhere, though we keep trying each week, we're getting 'bland'(even u mentioned tt). we're too busy with each other's stuff, u work 7days a week and me and my dreams, we are little too different for each other tt at times i hurt u unknowingly, we dont have things tt we can enjoy doing together except probably roaming ard town and movies which we seldom watch too. we have too great reponsibilities to meet to which probably is the cos of both of us i must say not being spiritually present.(the school and the family). we dont share frens which probably could help us getting closer to each other and discovering each other more.
i jus dun want to hurt u nani, i dun want to drag u thru something tts providing u more headaches everyday, i symphatize u n ur responsibilities and i dun want to be another to u. i feel like im a small kid ure trying to please and i feel tt on my part i failed to please u or make our relationship work and i hate the fact tt im the gallons of water tt made our relationship bland. and the other thing is i know, u deserve better rather than me, im fat, im still a nobody and ive still got a long way to go until wen i probably am able to make u happy.
frankly, i still am unsure, undecisive, i do not know if we should keep on trying i do not know if i should stay or go cos either ways im hurting u too much. im sorry, honest, wen i say sorry i mean it. i hope u forgive me, these are jus some thoughts of mine tt i never get to say out in our conversation. and i hope no matter what happen, we can still keep in touch and be frens if say we deicde on calling it quits.....:(
i do not know if id ever meet someone who loves me so much, frankly ive never did meet someone who loves me for who and what i am. i appreciate ur undying love, thank you for loving me and tt is why i feel its not fair for u. watever it is, for now, i leave it to God, cam orang melayu kata kalau dah jodoh takkan ke mana. lets now focus on our responsibilities, u makin ur mom happy and me trying to make my mom smile when her son is finally there.....
i hate myself for wat i did
i told nani what i felt and i think she hated me.....i dunno i think its better that i told her than i keep her in the dark but i guess i took the wrong approach and she hated me for what i felt.....i think im selfish.....u ppl out there can hate me too if u want to.
one more thing, i think nani should take control of her life rather than let her mom control her...its not tt im asking her to go against her mother but at least speak up for the sake of her life too......
take care nani, im sorri for what ive said, i do not want to hurt u any further......and i hope u dont shut me out jus like tt, i hope we can still keep in touch. i really am sorri. :(
gnite peepz.
contradicting....irony....sigh
i dunno wats happening....i dunno, im lost....
i cant say it out, im uncertain and i think im being rather unfair....
lets drop tt, back to my progress... im doing fine but rather but kinda lagging behind a little but im glad that im learning new things each and everyday.....today there was an exhibition by the advance dip ppl and seeing them really inspires me more to become a nurse and in a couple of years time, i wanna be there too, studying further into medicine.....
this nursing course actually makes me wonder how the doctors are able to remember everything....theres so much thing to the body.....i really admire them.....if i would be able to turn back time, i wouldve study hard and even if not tt far, i wouldve opted for nursing rather than engineering.....its much more interesting....and its working with ur ownself, ur own body.....although some of the duties of a nurse is rather 'dirty' as some ppl would say(m refering to cleaning after the client defecate etc) im not taken back by tt, rather i see as helping another soul who cant help themselves and for all i know, it would be temporary, if i work hard enough, i wouldnt have to clean so much...hahah, my juniors would........and some of the duties really makes me wonder if i could actually do it on a live person....like for example putting on a ureasheath(a condom like thingy for the incontinent) on a real patient. heres a dummy....hehhe 
imagine this, i will have to actually touch another person's penis.....oh my gawd......but hey its part and parcel of being a nurse.
exams approaching soon and stress level is beyond description but im adapting well to it, though not in a healthy manner. im eating more and sleeping more.....geesh....the healthy way would be to exercise but time forbids me to do so.......and the push ups i do is only adding mass to me and not making me loose the fats, i need to jog again once exams are over.....ive gained 5kg in since july....wah lau wei, tts like a kg each mth.....im overweight alright i need to loose at least 10kg......i will before my 27th birthday, believe me i will.......
hmm i hope u enjoy my entry, ud be seeing less of it or probably the opposite as exams approaching in 3 weeks time.....
got a couple of assessments next week, mostly on skills....wish me luck frens......
oh oh
apparently the links on my blog is gone....i never save the old template thus taking away all the links....those who wants to link me pls leave ur blog addy behind... :)
and ouh to muslims out there happy ramadhan........
fresh as lemmone
sheesh i just tot i'd change to a fresh look on this blog from the 'ouh so old purplish gloomy' look.......nevermind that, i have no time to whip up my own template so i simply took it off from blogger......id love to do one, probably in december during my vacation or after the exams......
speaking of which, wahlau wei......left like 3.5 weeks to exam.....kanina.....im feeling the pressure sia.....and to everyone else, pls dun add on to it kay?
one more thing id like to touch here......the stupid vespa boys who once criticised simply scooters are now with the gang.....bloody arseholes, next time takmo cakap abis ar....bodoh.......no wonder they never call me for the ride, paiseh la konon dulu dah kutuk2 then found out im frens with some of the simplyscooters.... well, i was disappointed tt i wasnt informed of the charity ride......T.A.G mustve thought i was busy with school....but hey the ride is like a once in a year event..... nevermind theres always next year.
u know what im feeling right now, im feeling like time is poking my ass....its like a sharp blade just resting on my epidermis, once i slack i cut myself....urrghh...
im looking forward to the presentations....i love presentations...i love the way i can get people's attention, i love the way i can get them glued and i love the way tt they ask questions so that i can shoot them back with what i know....its macam extreme sports but academically.....harharharhar.......esp to some of them bitches, think u know so much uh? i know more...damn u....
adios muchachos, gonna start on my assignment......arrghhh....
and ouh, messenger suck, adium rocks....
ok here it is for todae
allright i never study today......except for a brief while....today is ayun's bdae, my sis' bdae.....i bought her an ipod shuffle, shes so damn happy but too bad the pc sucks....so i have to use my mac to transfer songs for her...i dunno wat happen but the pc just wont budge...probably cos ive added user accounts to it, so its kinda like haywire....probably i should just switch to one user.....and let everybody use it eh?......well, i tot itd be better if theres user accounts since 3 ppl are using it....see no conflicts in occupying space......bt hey software cock ups.....or mebbe the setting.....my babey's been quite probably busy and tired... id leave her alone, well i got my own things to do as well....tons of it.....anyways cheerios....and ouh to the scooter boys, thanks for leaving me out on last week charity ride....i cant blame u all for doing that.....ive been too busy so i think u guys assume id not be interested.....since when huh?.....
oh before i leave, msn suck.....why cant i log in from my mac...but i could from a pc?.....damn
ok here it is for todae
allright i never study today......except for a brief while....today is ayun's bdae, my sis' bdae.....i bought her an ipod shuffle, shes so damn happy but too bad the pc sucks....so i have to use my mac to transfer songs for her...i dunno wat happen but the pc just wont budge...probably cos ive added user accounts to it, so its kinda like haywire....probably i should just switch to one user.....and let everybody use it eh?......well, i tot itd be better if theres user accounts since 3 ppl are using it....see no conflicts in occupying space......bt hey software cock ups.....or mebbe the setting.....my babey's been quite probably busy and tired... id leave her alone, well i got my own things to do as well....tons of it.....anyways cheerios....and ouh to the scooter boys, thanks for leaving me out on last week charity ride....i cant blame u all for doing that.....ive been too busy so i think u guys assume id not be interested.....since when huh?.....
oh before i leave, msn suck.....why cant i log in from my mac...but i could from a pc?.....damn
messenger bias?
man......ive only used msn on my mac for like 3 times....and now im having trouble....i cant log in but i could on my pc damn.. must be the software....i read reviews online....true nuff.....messenger for mac suck.....not mac.
apple rocks
ok it turns out school is more conducive setting to study.....im absorbing twice as much.
and im growing to love apple......i love my macbook, my ipod.........im having a break after close to 2+ hours of studying at the library and im watching skate videos of my mac now.....and chatting with nini whos on a study trip in berlin right now...cool huh?
only wish nani could be online now....anyways....coolness....no regret watsoever to the switch.....cheers to apple-addiction. :)
OMG apple apple ure...
OMG apple, apple ure gonna burn a hole in my pocket.....
Believe it or not, theres a rumour going on in the world wide web that apple is developing a new product called the 'iphone'.
Yes, iphone as in mobile phone..........and some rumours even came from their employees(well unless they only claimed). Well at least there is proof, in itunes v7 theres actually a part for iphone grayed and not functioning yet and i guess that is going to function pretty soon. Rumours had it that the iphone is going to be realeased this year. Look out for it peeps and join the 'cult'.
Ouh as to why I am up so early? study la... adios......
the pot calling the kettle black
toodoodoodoodooo
sori to the affected parties and sori shahreil for the comment on ur blog......all apologies....cheers....
phew 2 ICAs down.......now on to my 1k words essay........wahseh......wah lau way......
hehehe my other fren notice 2 of my classmates rubbing legs......hot gossip....hehehe...nites
my nani
an entry for nani,
nani, my sms wasnt meant to be mean,
it was my way of joking.....
ure still discovering me and im discovering u too...
i know u love me, i know u do.
have faith in me, have faith in fate.
love ya.
----------------------------------------
about ur new job good luck,
about my dream, wish me luck.
i hope we succeed in what we seek.
-----------------------------------------
to my frens, im rather busy right now, school is not as simple as i thought......so little time so much things to do.
bear this in mind, its not tt ive forgotten bout u guys...ill be free in december.....how bout a short trip to somewhere nearby?
i miss bali, i miss bangkok but i wish to visit hong kong, how bout that? lets plan from now.
to my closest of frens, quit smoking please.....for the sake of health......even suhaimi yusoff is attempting to quit....so go on guys try, kick the addiction once and for all, its worrying when u learn about the harmful effects of smoking, especially when ure a heavy smoker.......perhaps switch to sheesha....indulge in ur craving say once a month or maybe fortnightly, itll do less damage than a pack a day.......cheers my frens, for ure my frens, i care.......i care for my frens.....so think about it. :)
im a mac
im blogging on my new mac book....yeay.......i just got it yest.....its fun but i still havent got use to it yet....
anyways im down with flu....my body is reacting to my allergy to dusts and such....i was clearing up my room....haiya....
tot wanna go out today but i cant......
apple jus released their new breed of ipods...damn, i just bot for my sis the shuffle and now they came up with a spanking new design so tiny, tinier than my sony bean....damn....and its freaking cheap at only 138bucks for 1GB which is sufficient for kids. but definitely not for me, my library of music already took up 5GB of my 30GB ipod......
join the cult, the mac cult now...hahahha....its fun to have a mac, an ipod and such........weeeee....thnks singnet....
ouh speaking of singnet....the 10MBps is super duper wonderful and fast....even on my mac(wireless connection) its alot faster than wat i had...thnks shahreil for convincing me......
flu, flu pls go away.......
disturbing findings
im doing a research for my in course assessment on how society or sociological factors contribute to suicide.....i have found disturbing facts from studies by psychologist and sociologist....believe me, some of them are evident in ppl i knew before and believe it or not in me.....the thought of it is just pretty scary..... well, its interesting to find out......anyways heres the myths and facts id like to share with u guys, take care of the ppl around u yeah? u never know....
SUICIDE FACTS & MYTHS
1. Myth: People who talk about suicide don’t commit suicide.
Fact: Out of 10 persons who kill themselves 8 has given definite warnings of their suicidal intentions.
2. Myth: Suicide happens without warning.
Fact: Studies reveal that the suicidal person gives many clues & warnings regarding suicidal intentions.
3. Myth: Suicidal person are fully intent on dying.
Fact: Most suicidal person are undecided about living or dying, and they “gamble with death”, leaving it to others to save them. Almost no one commits suicide without letting others know how they are feeling.
4. Myth: Once a person is suicidal he or she is suicidal forever.
Fact: Individuals who wish to kill themselves are suicidal only for a limited period of time.
5. Myth: Improvement following a suicidal crisis means that the suicidal risk is over.
Fact: Most suicides occur within about three months following the beginning of “improvement”, when the individual has the energy to put his or her morbid thoughts and feelings into effect.
6. Myth: Suicide strikes much more often among the rich or, conversely, it occurs most exclusively among the poor.
Fact: Suicide is very “democratic” and is represented proportionately among all levels of society.
7. Myth: Suicide is inherited.
Fact: Suicide is not inherited, it is an individual pattern.
8. Myth: All suicidal individuals are mentally ill, and suicide always is the act of a psychotic person.
Fact: Studies of hundreds of genuine suicide notes indicate that although the suicidal person is extremely unhappy, he or she is not necessarily mentally ill.
why im up?
simple, slogging again lor....thru sociology.....and im starting on the 1k words essay which will probably help me get a better grade if i put in maximum effort in it.
my nani is feeling unloved on weekdays.....she says our relationship is stagnant... for me though, i feel it better...cos im recieving smses from her on weekdays isnt that a good sign? although we dont talk but we do keep in touch......i guess things will be hard for her if once i start shift work....i hope she can adapt to it. i know my previous exgfs cant really cope with my shift work.....during NS and when i was a cook at sixth ave......
i didnt do well for my tests...didnt get what i wanted...so the next few weeks is my chance to redeem what i have lost...although i admit im not putting in maximum effort but im putting in more than before.....wah lau leh, the whole day i resist many things.....just to get things done....ive covered 5 chapters of sociology today. and the introduction for my essay.....at 7am later i wanna start studying psychology......see, at least ive got plans.....and i even started a sorta log book. to jot down what ive done and what needs to done...for example tumoro i need to research on suicide....i can do it now a little.....and maybe if i have time to squeeze in some, i wanna start on bio...prac test on 14th week....
im loving my ipodvideo....i can watch skate videos in school.....speaking of which, adisam asked me along to skate....im itching to skate...we'll see how my knee gets.. patience adi, may the force be with u....ouh to date i have 4.92GB of mp3s and videos on my ipod tts a total of 1100 files......ive yet to burn about a half crate of my old cds.....and probably my favourite videos.....hehehe coolness....im gonna buy that spare battery charger so i can watch a full length movie with my nani next time by the beach or sumthin... Ouh, today i just bought an ipod shuffle 1GB new in box at a super bargain price of only 110bucks(RSP$198) its for my sis bday on the 22nd, why so early, aiyah its a bargain...ppl are selling 512MB at $88
gnite peepz
mac mac mac
im an apple freak so suddenly.....ive just got myself a 30GB ipod video for 350, its from a pal who exchanged his set for a new one, he sold me the new set cos he doesnt want to use it anymore....great deal cos the selling price is like 518....anyways, i think im getting my sister ipod shuffle 1gb for her bdae on the 22nd.....jerome is helping me source out for cheap new ones....
i suck at bio....ok, i admit i did not really study enough.....or even if i did i didnt absorb much.....well theres 2 tests on the same day waddaya expect...i made some silly mistakes tt proven crucial for the final score....i only got a D+ for bio which is in the range of 55-59%, i hope to score more in the finals..... the other test was a little better but still a disappointment to me....i got a C only which means its anywhere between 60-69%.....i envy those who got a B or an A.....sheesh.. but at least i passed....some of my classmates failed...and some even cried....sigh
meanwhile ill enjoy my ipod and download more podcasts.....i watched happy tree friends at lunch to destress....cool gadget
shuffle or fake nano?
ayun's bdae is coming up, wat should i buy her, shuffle or the fake nano.....hmmm... i got 2 weeks to think......
i suck
i suck at bio theory test....and focus of nursing test.... i dunno how well i do, im just hoping to get a C at most....darn....everyones complaining about the papers. we were concentrating too much on what that never came out....damn..... quickly mark those papers and return us the results......
im reshuffling my time-table to accomodate to my weaknesses.....bio, sociology...
im doing my time table now and im starting tomoro...no compromise....an hour means an hour...no less....if i got things to do, i replace another day....NEVER procrastinate.....
i just hope i do well......wish me luck again guys...seems like my rollercoster is following the gravity bcos of today, i have to steer it uphill again.....
im here
im still here to be with u....i guess the feelings of unlove was bcos of too long being apart....good frens of mine are right after all, a day a week isnt sufficient. think about it, wat if tt particular day wasnt quality time......was just the sake of meet up....know wat i mean?.....we drift apart, no doubt about it but i guess after clearing our minds a little, we kinda connect back...i hope WE get better... im sorry for speaking out my mind but hey, it kinda helped didnt it?
back to the me.....studying again? yalah wat to do, 2 tests back to back on tuesday that leaves me like 48 hours ++ before the tests........my aim as usual As but i try not to stress myself out......
i bought myself a benq dvd rom yest, works fine and pretty happy with the 68bucks i spent......this morning, i chance upon this singtel ad, sign up for 36mths contract with their broadband and get a mac! i kept thinking, consulted the tech-savvy gadget freak shahreil....and i ended up with a why not in my mind......88bucks a mth for 10Mbps, tts like 2 times of wat im paying for right now, and i only need to fork out 30bucks more for double the speed, means spend less 30bucks each month....and on top of that a macbook for me!!!!! what ive always wanted.....NINI!, NURUL! ive been engulfed by the mac disease....hahaha......ouh shahreil made a very true reason tt made my decision clear, think about it, ure purchasing the mac at normal price on installments for 3years without interest, plus ure subscribing to cable for abt 30+bucks for a whopping power of 10Mbps which means im paying for half the price im paying now but double the power......phew.....im glad....15th september, the delivery, cant wait!!!! and my younger siblings can have my PC all to themselves so they dont have to wait until im not using it......
im also considering a refurbished nano4GB for 280bucks....normal is 428bucks and the warranty is renewed to a year....hmmm......i think ill decide on that on next months pay, cos the one they have is only in white....i prefer the black...unless seth selling his at the same price.....hehehe....the mac devil is poking me with its forks......geesh.....im becoming like shahreil, a gadget freak....
I DONT WANT A B!
damn....the mistakes ive done(in my practical test) just made it difficult to get an A.....but lucky nuff my theory, i think i scored well so overall theory + practical i got a miserable B. the reason i want an 'A' badly is because itll help me in my final exams.....itll help to pull up the marks.....this is not a drawback, infact it will make me work harder for the rest of the modules knowing tt the rest is infact a greater challenge to attain good grades, modules like bio and sociology especially..... anyway actually its a real relief to know that i got a 'B' which means i got abt 31.5%-35.5% already in my hands in the overall total..... i need at least 44.5% to get an overall 'A'! which is real tough cos tts like close to full marks in both theory and practical OR i can get around another 'B' to get an overall B.....i woudlnt want to think further than B.....at least a B is my goal.....but who knows i can do a perfect demonstration of the clinical skills...and who knows my CAP(class active participation) can score full marks......be optimistic aight?.... but still im not really happy with my grades cos i know if i were careful enough my clinical skills is close to perfect, i mean like vital signs is nothing new to me... then again, nervousness in the presence of the examiner gave everything away.....
updates, updates, i can climb stairs better but then theres a little bleeding but hey its getting better....i forgo friday tennis sessions with my fellow classmates, its for my own good...wats more, im a little feverish today....."hyperthermia related to disturbed sleep pattern secondary to stress" oh tts a diagnosis, for those who dont know, nurses diagnose patients too....not medically but any alteration in normal activities of daily living...... fun....serious... and with the diagnosis, we as nurses are to come up with a care plan to assist the client in rehab. see, nursing is not only about washing backside or feeding the patients...
shucks
being not 100% healthy just shucks.....damn....my knees, and now the irritation in my throat, my runny nose....signs, symptoms tt my body is reacting to pathogens, micro-organisms tt is trying to make me unwell....damn.....i slept and 8 and awake now!!!! im suppose to have my revision last night...shouldnt have lied on the bed knowingly dat i easily fall asleep.....blame it on the weakness.....i hate being unstrong, unrigid, untough....i guess im worn out too much.....where are the days where i fall from skateboarding come back with a limp and skate again in a couple of days later? where are the days when i flipped on my bike, chipped my tooth, deep cuts on my shin and i just pick up my scooter and scoot off just minutes after it? im not like tt anymore......uwaaaaaa.......i guess ive been putting too much energy to school tt my body doesnt have its defence mechanism anymore....damn....
mr dizy where are u....i want that bottle of spirulina......just to give me a little boost.....my sinusitis is coming back.......and i hate it......
gotta study....im studying cardiovascular system...
oh yati or shahreil, whomever reading, tell ur father to quit smoking and u too shahreil quit smoking.....its worrying to know the effects of ciggies......
phew
hey hey.....i know im relieved but dont be too relaxed more coming up... gd news, 2 more successful presentations....the health assesment, mdm chin commented our group did a good job, job well done......and wen i was presenting i actually got the attention of the class and even put on a smile on some of them.....was a great feeling....this morning's individual presentation.....ok la, gd nuff, susan said well done, MOST of the points is there...aiyah...i want to hear ALL....hahah... and another good news....the whole class managed to pull thru module 5108, mdm chin said theres some As....oooo i cant wait to see who are they....and i really hope im one of them....if not a B will do.....
haiya gotta start revising on bio.....bye....
wakey2, smell the poppy...hahah i wish
wakey2 sid.....welcome back to reality.....was asleep early so here i am up still dark, cold and eerie....
sid2.....u do ur work halfway, u get tired, u doze off and now u wake up, ull be sleepy later man...u need to last from 9-6pm....tts like 9hours....of absorption...
gotta sleep somemore....just gotta...
anyways, reality is pretty harsh at times when it hits u in the face, direct, probably above the speed limit....wham!...ya ure right, u dunno wat the hell im talking bout here....
last weeks game of tennis was a real destresser.....the 1hour or so, i was whacking the ball as if i had super strength power, i just whacked....it went out sometimes and sideways but the feel of whacking the ball....the sound of it, the look of the ball whoosh across the court and hitting the ground furiously or at the fence(hahah)
really fed my frustations, my anger, my confusions.....BUT it kinda worn off my knees, i was so dead worn out tt saturday n jus now, i felt the strain as i climbed the stairs....with my weak knee totally gone(in case u dunno i had 3 sugeries on my left knee before and it doesnt help one bit)and i basically worn out my calf n thigh muscles and thus i was like as good as a cripple....i feel sad, a little cos i know i cant skate anymore cos it will jus worsen my condition and wats gotten to me more, in my old age....will i be independent? i want to and i dont want a walking stick... i think after working a couple of years i wanna go for another sugery, a good one at the sports hospital i read about....i guess they'd do a better job than the one tt was paid for totally. ill fork out a couple of Ks for that, wouldnt mind if it means id be independent in my old age......
another worrying thing is athritis.......we learn about it last week thru a group presentation.....i hope it doesnt affect me too....im trying to study more about it and how to prevent it and trying to stop my bad habit of cracking my fingers cos itll wear out the tiny2 ligaments in there.....i hope whoever read this, do take care of ur health too.....find out ways to prevent stuffs tt might happen in ur old age....me, im just preparing myself, cos the figures kinda worry me a little and ouh a disclaimer....athritis doesnt really affect only the old....many ppl tot so, so now u know....:)
im trying to live day by day as it is, try not to stress myself out unneccessarily, like i just now, i could just sit for an hour or so and stare at the beatiful sky and the cable cars.....hehehe....if the fees for a ride wasnt ex, id love to go for a ride.....bt then again no need to waste money....the hills would do...i dunno, i just love heights....it gives u a beautiful view from the top, it gives u a bigger picture of everything.......
i think i gotta start editing on last nights work, print it out and taddaaa...few more hours of sleep before i head to school to revise on bio......gnite frens or should i say gd morning?....
stress
stress is a distress to every human being and certainly its affecting many of us and ppl we love.
before we get on to the main issue, im happy that i passed my practical test though im not totally satisfied i was expecting full marks, perfect but i forget a couple of stuffs like my charts, such a silly mistake which i learn, next time round, no more mistakes, i lll get a perfect score but being able to pass and not have a retest is good enough cos i know ill definitely get more than 50% and i also realise being an ambitious person doesnt make u a perfect person.....ouh one more thing, i think im gonna start a new blog, complimentary to verivicious.blogspot, it will be called "the diary of a male nurse"...soon once i start my clinicals.....
to the main issue, my baby was feeling so stressed up and me neglecting me is affecting her even more, im too occupied with my studies and myself....most times im either at school studying or in the evening trying to rehab and strengthen my weak knees for the sake of nursing and i would love to do sports once again....now that i realise im progressing pretty well at tennis....i never thought she'd miss me tt much cos she never does tell me or sms me or give me alarming signs tt she needs attention, more than what i have given her.....its true, i tend to be preoccupied and neglect her weekdays.....but ive already forewarned her tt things is getting busier....ive done good with the effort ive put in....but what i went thru was only the start, in two weeks there'll be more tests and come monday is another ICA(in-course-assesment) presentation.....tts no big deal the real deal are the killer subjects and the 1000words essay which i have yet to touch.......i didnt mean to neglect her honest.....i turned down my best bud shahreil for soccer sessions for a trip to sim lim and kopi sessions....cos i realise priorities, my priorities.... its not tt nani and my frens are not important to me, there are equally important, they are the concrete pillars behind that kept me standing up.....the ones that gave me endless encouragements and reasons to go on and on.....of course my mother is the strongest one of all.........
i just hope tt they would understand my situation.....and i would try to manage my time better and take care of my health.....cos i find tt i tire easily and sleep is wasting my precious time, i can get more things covered if i strictly stick to 6-8 hours of sleep per day and 1-2 hours of leisure.....nani is right, im not really managing my time well.......but i need some space to breathe too, i cant be occupying my timetable tt i cant breathe......i hope she understands and i really hope shed open up a bit more, tell me whats bothering her rather than keep things bottled up till it finally explode......
i love her, for the fact tt she loves me so much, so much tt i dun think anyone else i came across before had potrayed.....she even have dreams of a future with me which i dont think the 'past ones' ever had cos in their eyes im a complete loser, a bummer, a slacker who dreams too much, who is too optimistic, who always look on the brighter side too often.......she, have faith in me, she's willing to wait and i hope tt wouldnt change......
i think ive mentioned before, different ppl develop at their own pace.....for me is sadly a slower pace.....but ill know ill be there one day.....i just know....ill reach my target, my very own....i dont have to live up to ppls expectations.....i just need to live up to my own...and probably beyond if possible......
stress is a very disturbing element in our lives but we can use tt to our advantage....use problem-solving to solve stress and not emotion.... emotions will not solve anything....stop being angry, stop being sad, stop being disappointed, work on the problem and stress will slowly go away.....find out why are u stressed? can u solve it? if not, can u manage it? or can u try slowly to solve it instead of finding an instant solution?
stress is a worrying element tt leads to depression....and u wouldnt want to end up there......depression leads to many health complications.....hypertension and even cva(stroke)....and believe me....cancer is also related to depression, although theres no scientific explanation as yet but majority of ppl who has cancer have a stress problem or depression.....so pls try to manage it, if theres no solution, sweat it out, play games, relax, go for a walk, talk to ur frens......
u must be wondering how i know all this...haiya lessons ar.....im especially interested in psychology.....and i guess me being sponsored by imh fits the puzzle perfectly....im fated to be there, i mean as nurse of course.....and who knows if i work hard enough i can open a clinic, a psychiatric clinic.....cool huh?....but its still a long way so i dare not dream.....ill just do my best work my way through and hopefully ill at least meet my expectations.....i want to retire at least with a doctorate in nursing.....just for self satisfaction.....
adios ppl, ive got to do research on a killer subject sociology, and guess wat im researching on?....suicide...and how society plays a role in it.....cool huh? morbid but it is reality tt many of us push aside cos it doesnt affect us or our loved ones.
bitch
does owning a car entitled u the road? cmmon la tt bitch still have tt stupid triangle on her windscreen.....stupid bitch, slut, melayu some more! kanina.....
she jus swerved in like tt as if her grandfather who passed away owned the road... slut.......then never make effort to raise her hand or something, i guess shes blind cos she donned tt fancy i think designer sunglass...arrrh...probably its pasar malam goods and so is herself...probably pasar malam also....damn u....owning a car doesnt authorize u to drive like u father own the fucking road....bitch!.....we motorcyclist pay road tax too....damn u, curses....
phew i just need to let it out....damn bitch....
anyways, theory was over....sheesh it was so simple...BUT the questions was so tricky tt after comparing with my frens i already realised i made a couple of mistakes....well i just hope i do good if i cant do well up to my expectations... 70% will do, cant wait for the results......anyways i jus think the tricky questions are made to kill us....im just hoping for the best.....wish me luck...bio test in week 10, tt makes it 2 more weeks to go....urrrghhh.....gotta start....adios...
discipline
mohammed siddiq bin ali, the key is discipline.....only u can decide ur future... ure doing OK(only) so far, work harder, whip ur fat ass to study harder and block out distractions........whip ur fat ass so that u wake up at 6am everyday and not only days where theres class at 8am.....damn u sid, an ok is not enuff.....*whip, *whip..........u have more than that.......put it all to use....bring the rest down.. damn it.....go for first...or mebbe more realisticly the top 10percent... damn u.......
this has been an encouragement transmission.....toooooot.......
i love my nani....cos she loves me lot.....im sorri if i have neglected u..... 2 years is a very short time.....bear with it my dear........i need u behind me, pushing me, giving me encouragement..........
sad.....
i pity....well not really, i empathize nani.....i can see her new job is really affecting her well being.....she appears gloom not as usual, shes quiet, she looks tired.....i can see shes under alot of stress....i hope she'd be better soon... cos i really dunno wat to do.....i can say im dumb at these things....my attempts only barely made her smile.......
although i know i have neglected her but seeing her like that just now really sadden me and im real concern but i dunno how to help her, except give her advise which i reckoned she would take.....i just hope it doesnt affect her health cos i very well know when she gets sick, she gets real sick.....i hope she gets a new job soon..... so that after completing 3 months she can straight away tender....
i guess love is when u can feel the other party....u tend to feel it too, u worry about the other person.....
gdnite peeps....i will have to slog thru the books again...i was interupted in the afternoon after my uncle n auntie came to invite to next week's solemnisation of their youngest daughter.....the kenduri will be held saturday at toh guan and the actual akad nikah the following friday.....i think among cousins...i mean those ard my age, id be the last to get married.....hahaha....anyways gd nite peeps, biology is a killer, so is sociology and psychology.....2 silent killers...
sigh
me taking a mini break, wanted to write me blog yest but jus dozed off...basically the presentation, the project work, rehab at the gym and tennis really tires me out all in one day.....
sum up of yest,
morning...lab practicals got me worrying about next weeks practical and theory test, i tend to forget certain steps that we need to verbalize....for example, checking on the patients facial expressions......the rationale behind each steps...sheesh i need more practice on monday and my classmates are a real help, i dunno what id do if i don not have good classmates or selfish ones....
1205hr butterflies in my stomache, i was a nervous wreck its presentation for andy's class, psychology, we chose a topic on observational theory and have to explain our understanding in depth.....i was super nervous....but it went smoothly, until sundari(the indian pr) started to present her part, they way she spoke was like super hard to understand and i feel her examples was rather irrelevant..... and then andy started asking theoretical questions where some of us got a conflicting answers, in my mind i was like oh shit...waddafuck...........then comes the verdict....phew, andy said......"your presentation was very well done, the activities went smoothly and the class participated and everything went smoothly.....i feel that this group(refering to our tutorial group/the class) is VERY VERY good so far (compared to the other group i presume) i was like so proud and happy all at once.....i felt like jumping up and down.....fellow classmates congratulate us....and my group mates actually said i did well and i was good but i tot i was nervous......but they said i was very good.......kembang giler sak.....i know i can present well, i mean presenting to ppl is nothing new to me, thnks to harimau petrocon services, elken, and ngee ann poly...ive gained presentation skills from there but yest i was super nervous.......but seems like ive done a good job....
after that was more practice on nursing skills then we had to round up of wat to do for the next presentation.......after all was done, i decide to head to the gym for my usual knee rehab, basically strengthening my calves and thigh muscles to assist my weak knees....jus as i was heading to the gym, i saw some of my classmates, they asked me to join for tennis if i wanted....but priorities first, my knee rehab... my career gonna require me to be on my feet for at least 8-12 hours a day.....
i joined them for tennis later...it was my first time holding a tennis racquet....i was so dumb...but got a hang of it after an hour or so and i think its fun.... next friday play again ya? hahahah......was such a stress relieve but wen i got home stress piled up again looking at my diary.....
next week, week 8 tuesday-2 presentation, 1theory test, friday-practical test!...... argggghhh.....tts why im up early on the so called weekend.......wish me luck guys..
time is like gold to me now...
time gets shorter n shorter day by day......i work like a dog....bt then wen i really get to rest 1-2 hours i felt like its a sin after that......cos i know wat ive done is not enough...and im realllllly very worried....anxious, pressured and stressed......
i have no time for my sayang, i told her perhaps once a week only we meet.....i even braved myself up to tell her if its a drag to wait for the 2years, shes free to choose. i dunno if thats the right thing to do anyways.....for me, im just being fair to her. but i dont think we'd part given the fact tt she loves me so much...and both of us being optimistic does help.....
im real stressed.....i guess come saturday i need a break, id like to apologise to my good frens and my sayang.....from now towards the end of the year most probably i cant join u guys for soccer or for kopi sessions and my sayang, i hope once a week is good nuff for us.......i hope u guys understand and be supportive about it..... this is my dream, this is wat i chose, let me live it, let me grab hold of it, not grasp, let me GRAB hold of it....i dont want a half fuck pass, i want to get at least Bs and a few As ....i might be too ambitious but its good to be ambitious rather than to sit where u are and be contented with what is GIVEN to u and not what u obtained....its 2 different things....
i need a study buddy now, i need to find someone who studies in school, alvin does study at school but he's my senior so we're kinda off track.....hmmm....week 10 comes all the tests....urgghhh scary sak....its been a long time since i felt like this!....
next week-3 presentations, 2theories, 1 practical........crazy sak.....madnessssss...
wats happening?
i dunno, she doubted me....i guess bcos of my behavior huh?...i dunno im having mood swings.....i dunno if its the effect of the jab, school, stress, financial woes or watever it is......i dont doubt her at all cos i know she loves me alot....i know im not being a 100% and i wasnt giving a 100% tts wat i felt too....i do love her but i just feel that im not giving a 100%...im glad, im happy that i have someone who loves me a 100%, ive never had someone who does before.....i dunno love is complicated i must say....
fear or respect?
i respect uniformed ppl for their will to serve the country but i guess theres certain ppl tt i rather more of fear than respect....the boys in white....for fear of them would give me a ticket for any stupid 'offence'.. its so obvious tt they are out to get someone to meet their quota i sometimes...the way they look at you & your ride for any so called 'illegal-modifications'....HE actually u-turned......just to take a closer look......and kept looking at his side mirrors.....i mean, i was driving like 60-65km/h on a 70km/h road, so in my mind was like wats the problem? isnt ur job is to look for traffic offenders? not innocent road user who happens to be in ur way and happens to driving/riding a hot or popular vehicle? stereo-typing is another real bad phenomenon(haha wat a word to use) in their job scope....i mean not all sports vehicle users are racers, thieves(stolen parts and vehicles on the rise) or likes to modify their vehicle extensively.....i mean i once saw an apek riding a harley(i dont think he stole the accessories) and a nyonya driving driving a capable LEXUS at a super slow speed that even my brothers bicycle can beat her....i mean my ride was more like a transport and it even has an ugly box behind to put my school books......but why he look until like that? stereotype lor........DAMN.....if i known i wouldve bought myself a less popular bike......id do just tt when i start work....my 'weapon' of choice have always been exclusive but somehow, the trend catches on and it always happen to be something i and ppl like me likes.....for example the vespa....(but im glad now theres less trendist riding tt cool machine...its just nauseating to see them).....anyways back to the issue, i guess in sg theres too much restrictions for the wrong reasons... but i guess the bodies involved are realising better....evidence are the many uprooted skateparks, the ability to use sports exhaust and halogens(provided u got them inspected and approved at LTA), the availability of walls to spray paint legally...
the situation was even worse when i was really living my youth and it was so sad they realised late......if not i guess some of my frens would now be pro skaters i saw their potential and me, i wouldve enjoyed my youth better...but we were kept being chased away by the boys in blue.... i mean we have to skate creatively looking for spots bcos there were only like ONE skatepark in sg and we were school boys with limited cash.....so the neighbourhood was the cheapest playground....but we were chased ard by the boys cos the ppl in the neighbourhood complained cos they thought we are criminals....hahaha.....but now its better la.....haiya....this is life lor.... sometimes u damn suay one....while other ppl are commiting the real offence elsewhere(i actually saw a big sports bike speeding and demonic speed minutes before i was booked), u get booked...just like a couple of years ago, i think 7years ago when i was riding my old px150 and i got booked cos my number plate happens to be of the unapproved one.....sigh....again stereotype matte-black vespas are racing vespas which can go at speed which normal vespas cant.....so he checked for illegal modifications BUT MY BIKE WAS STOCK and so the number plate will do.....uurgggh!
ok im done
im done with research....phew...but hey Albert Bandura is one hell of a psychologist.
kudos to him.....the therapy he came up with actually could make a person who has a lifelong phobia of snakes to overcome it just by observational learning. in case you do not know, observational learning is through 4 basic, main elements, 1.attention/observation, 2.retention/memory, 3.imitation/reproduction 4.motivation/the will to learn. he is really amazing....
happiness is around my nani.....she just got a job with starhub....a 9-5 job somemore coporate marketing.....congrats......its been a long but well deserved wait.
another huge evidence of observational learning is during my skateboarding days, thats how i learn, i observe, remember, and then imitate or reproduce....and of course i love skateboarding so theres always motivation.
and this video im sharing with u (sick of it all~scratch the surface) is the real reason why i got a flat-top haircut(see lou) back then when i was 15 and actively listening to hardcore, here, enjoy this old skool video of sick of it all....
im lazey
im so lazey recently, i spent national day racing on my lambo in nfsu.....it was like from noon till 5pm....okok it was actually before noon!!....but hey i got myself to 5th position.......i own 3 cars, an evo all modded up, a porsche and a wicked lamborgini..........i felt so sinful, i was suppose to study this afternoon
but after the 5hours of racing my eyes felt like popping out.....so i jus flipped thru psychology before i slept...and now i wanna fetch my sayang...ive been a bad bf too....been like abandoning her for days...haha well actually 2days only......haha still i felt like i did...........
ouh im back to my roots, i mean music, wat i use to listen to, hardcore.....it rocks....think integrity, sick of it all, stomping ground, four sides......its melodic, its not metal, its hardcore....throw ur fist in the air and for a moment, high-pitched vocal boys are off my mind, i need the instant adrenaline, the rush, the energy....
hmm how bout lord rul sing for my imaginary band....god i miss slapping on the bass lines......damn.....
ok ok
hmm kay, face it ive grown...hahaha.....i know....im lazee....i pump but i dun run.. sheesh.....ive gained 3kg, although im pretty happy at some parts but im really worried bout the tummy....hahaha....sid2, get ur lazy ass after school to the damn gym, uve been procrastinating since last week......
im stuck on old school........old school music have been blasting of my altec lansing speakers......old school rocks.....think nirvana, metallica, slayer, sublime, rancid, offsprings, rhcp....more n more.....
arrghhh sleep much needed
i very well needed sleep.....but not so early tt i end up waking at this hour..sheesh
okok....i just have to log on,its like a need...hahaha....anyways, sorry sayang i overslept, i tot id take a nap at 930 and wake up at 11pm to go online but i just overshot, i guess i was too tired, especially after my rehab exercise on my knees...
im trying to do them at least once a week....i dont want to be dependent when im old. i wanna be a strong old man, very much independent and grow old with my sayang as i watch my children start their own family....hehehe fikir panjang sak...
anyways, i just had to check out my 2 favourite blogs, shahreil's n of course nani's.
nani didnt want ppl to bother her, i hope im not one of them....hmm, if anything or anyones bothering u pls tell me yeah? my nicks vicious for a reason u know...hehehe
shahreil was feeling rather upset cos he makes effort and no one like appreciate, they more like take things for granted....i hope u dont feel that i am one of them kay? im just too bz nowadays but i do reply to ur msges, even though i was in a middle of a lecture n just now a discussion....its not tt i dun want to play soccer anymore, its jus tt i have so much things to do.....i actually long to play soccer but many factors just tells me to stop for awhile.....one reason is my knee, 2ndly school stuff, 3rdly soccer has gone into the unenjoyable activity region SOMETIMES(perhaps next time i play, i try not to be in ramop's team).
adil smsed me wanting to borrow my vespa bcos he wants to send his bike for a paint job. i declined not bcos im stingy but for many reasons and ouh not becos i dun trust my fren to look after my bike......
u see, my caramella is born in 1970 and still with standard engine and parts, no mechanical modifications watsoever. its delicate in a way cos u cant ride it fast&far and its much more delicate especially when it dons 8inch rims....i had to spend close to 500bucks last year just to repair the flywheel and shaft, cos ive been using it to and fro woodgrove everyday......and wats more its front shocks need replacement, imagine shahreil's px200 sampan.....its just not as bad. its not really safe to ride far and everyday....and the breaks they need replacement, so u see, i have my reasons and i hope ure not pissed tt i declined straight away, cos i know my scooter best. sorry adil.....hehehe wait till i get a harley or tt 540ktm, u can borrow my gilera anytime dude......ouh shahreil actually borrowed my vespa before too, wen the days it wasnt so fragile....
hmm i think id catch some sleep and wake up at 5am for revisions, i didnt do any last night, cos i came back at abt 830 after my assignments, makan n then sleep....
ouh 1st august was nurses day!....my first nurses day!
damn....
its like waddafuck.....no pay?...i called and the hr simply said the payroll dept can only process my pay together with august pay....waddafuck...wad they've been doing sak? sleeping?????? and she said theres nothing she could do.....how inefficient is that? cant she work something out? like a cheque or something? dumb HRs....
and bcos of tt, i have to really budget myself with only barely just 400bucks for a month.....and i have to pay my monthly installments tts like 215bucks... which leaves me with 185 for me to survive on food, petrol and not mentioning bills, which i guess have to be carried forward to next month....now it seems like i have to forgo movies and probably outings and all......fuck the HRs. im very angry here.
fuckstrated
Tomorrow is 1st august liao....and they have yet to pay me and come friday i need the bucks to purchase uniforms....and my funds are running low......seriously low... damn!......im gonna give a call tumoro and hassle them if they delay my pay.... its so fucken fuckstrating.......sheesh!....
anyways lets get on with the good news....the first ICA(in-course-assesment) was done well enough to get praises from the lecturers......haha good actors...haha me is it? well we have to do an act to act out and demonstrate therapeutic communication. phew....i overcame my nervousness and i manage to act it out calmly.. and man was i happy, i recieved positive comments from most of them....yeay.... i hope we got a good score for tt one......thank god.....just hoping that madam chin would give us good marks....
5minutes to slumber....
love makes me happy....i love my nani and she loves me too....
i never expected any gift from her or any sort, cos she is still struggling to look for a new job....and her part time job i guess is only enough for her daily expenses and to contribute to the household.....but today, she sort of suprise me with a bedsheet set....gee...i must admit, its nice, seems like she knows my taste.....
nani, thanks for being by my side yeah....thanks for everything....
nani is the reason i guess im coping with stress and the trumendous workload that the accelerated program has dumped upon us overgrown students.......and its her tt i kept telling myself to keep focus...though sometimes honestly, i do go offcourse and sorta laze or slack......another driving force and my frens who trusted me to do well, and the last driving force is to prove many wrong.... its not tt i cant be where i wanna be, i just take a longer time....like a child growing up, they have different pace, u cant compare a child with another cos they are different, they are special in their own way....they progress their own way.....
life might not be rosy for others and mine wasnt this wonderful before....i pray for all those facing hardships of watever it might be, i pray they'll pull through and tt they will never give up and have faith in themselves no matter how others have given up on them, its never the end until ur heart stops pumping....so keep going...
this goes to myself too......its my way of telling myself its not the end yet...
i have dreams, i have things i wanna do, i have things i wanna achieve......
im going to dreamland soon, jus finished making flashcards so tt id remember my dialogue at tumoro's 1st presentation....and ouh last friday was nurses day!... happy nurses day to wak jumila, wak zainab, ruyani(my fren), siti(nani's fren) and qistina(my cuzzen)....
speaking of qistina, i wish her family the best, although sometimes i do not like wat they do but then again, wat they are facing recently just made me feel sad for them.....its not sympathy im feeling but rather empathy......may Allah bless them with a solution or something....
gdnite peepz.....all my love to my wonderful ppl ard me.....
the longest time together
it was the longest time we spent together last night....from 8pm to about 10am this morning......and it was fun....but too bad both of us were already tired from work and me, from school....
last week, we decided to spend a night together, u know just chill or something... so i scouted for chalets at the last minute but sadly its fully booked at sentosa cos i dun really quite fancy the rest of the chalets.....and aloha is pretty big for only the 2 of us......hahaha....so we decided to camp out....on wednesday we scout for the camping essentials.....of course the tent......but we didnt buy yet cos nani have yet to get approval from her parents tt she is going to a 'chalet' hahaha.....
so after the approval, i went to imm again on thursday, to see the tent at giant....but luckily i came across sports connection and decided to take a look.....and i got a great deal, the tents was on discount and i got a 3men tent for only 21bucks! i grabbed solid fuel & charcoal after i fail to find any gas burner at imm......
friday was the day.....hmm i concentrated in school cos i know i wont be studying after tt....but at the same time im distracted at times by the excitement and i kept thinking wat else do i need or wat to do.....hehehe....
i was about to leave when i saw lighting....in my mind, oh no....but i went ahead and lucky enough we beat the rain......we stopped by katong sheng shiong to get some more stuff(which we never finished) and had our dinner at kfc....hehehe believe me i was excited but was hungry too....hahaha...
it was so comical of me, when we reach east coast, first of all i miss the carpark, the usual spot the gilera boys have their bbq....so i had to turn one big round....
and then we were there, i cant decide on a spot and finally settled for the usual... hehehe....and then, wen it comes to setting up the tent, i was rather slow and i had it wrong the first time, and our 'neighbours' had theirs done although they came wen i was already half way thru it.....hahaha...malu sak...obvious first timer...
finally all set up.....i realised, we were short of speakers and the essentially important lantern or flashlight.....luckily i had my k750i, it helped out abit...
we had nothing to do, we lazed by the hours, scribbling, and tic tac toe and me and my licorice seesha....we couldnt sleep.....so we decided to cook sumthin....haha i always love cooking and playing with fire....and guess wat, i burnt my thumb as i was trying to light the charcoal for my seesha with the solid fuel....imagine my whole thumb in flames...hahaha...lucky nuff i manage to put it out....farnie sak...
good news i wasnt hurt or anything like tt, it was only numb for a few seconds...then it was fine..... after we stuffed ourselves with instant noodles and tuna, we lazed around again, until nani felt sleepy...and she went to sleep first....
:( hehehehehe.....
we woke up early at 6am.....packed up, wash up and had our breakfast at west coast mcdonald's....such a long time since i had breakfast with someone i love so early in the morning.....
overall, i had fun....hmm let me say that again, overall WE had fun.......i love her for just loving me....i love the fact tt she actually want to spend time with me..
i love her for just being her......
although wat we had were so simple but id love to do it again.....thnks sayang...
cells gets old everyday
tts wat dr.san told us, cells get old everyday......hahaha....probably tts why as we grow older our absorption memory is limited.....u cant go on and on slogging on the books......tts why i have to stop after a couple of hours and here i am.....
hmm....im wondering if some ppl are thinking tt im like the "peanut who forgot the shell"(translate in malay!) hahaha....ok its lame.......bout tt issue, i might just be paranoid, for all i know they just dun want to disturb me studying....
hmm i saw farah's pic on shahreil's blog, she's hospitalised, well i dunno for what but i hope she'll be fine....life is really precious u know....and after being in nursing i treasure life even more.....to add on to that, my handicap, my bad knees... i learnt to treasure them more...i told myself, i will only skate when i can afford that sportsbrace which will cost a few hundred dollars....
i dream....and its good to know tt nani dreams of it too, a future together.... and i hope it does come true....
id like to take this opportunity to wish everyone out there the best in watever they do and may luck be upon them, especially my only one nani...i hope u get tt job soon. ure so miserable now at QT.........
to the gilera boys, hey guys, count me out for the bbq thingy yeah......nxt time probably, how bout december during vacation and ummm my bdae....hahahha....
gnite peepz......tumoro, full day of school followed by an hour of knee rehab, packed!.......well, gnite...nurses need to sleep to.....LoL!
yeay
finally ive rectified my computer problems and now, im surfing with ease, i hope i wouldnt have those awful pop ups again....and ouh i strongly recommend "slimbrowser" a web browser i downloaded at download.com, its much faster than ie or mozilla...
i gotta study....study, study......project works is pilling up everyday, so i gotta manage my time wisely.......this weekend is probably the longest ill spend with my b for a day.....looking forward to it.....
shahreil n frens, sori i couldnt join for soccer, reason number 1, my knee problem, reason number 2, school assignments, reason number 3, very bz already....... ill make up at alif sessions during the weekends....hehehe miss u guys....realli....
my sayang, keep on trying, hunt for tt job.....im always here should u need me or if u need my support....i know how frustating it is to hunt for jobs and not getting it and ppl ard u think negatively of u....ive been there........gd luck.....love ya.
i love babies.....
watching the video during our tutorial really made me so wanting to have babies.... it happens everytime i see cute little human beings......just like 2weeks ago when i see nabirul n his brother.........i want some of my own some day.....hehehe.....
im jamming my brains this couple of days....i need a well deserved nap....gnite peepz.
life
meaning of life to the family i interviewed, MR.B said his family & kids were the meaning to his life.......for me its nani....id like the whole world to know tt.
i just like to take this opportunity to mention tt nobody's perfect, everyones got a flaw or two or mebbe more and everyone had done something wrong at least once in their lifetime. so i guess, its just right to forgive and forget.....but damn u sometimes the forgetting part is so damn hard to do. tts not the point. the point is everyone is somehow given mistakes to learn from it......after that everyone involved in it gets better with life and so on....dont u think so?
hmmm....back to my daily life......hmmm i find tt ive made a music transition.....im now enjoying more emo, hardcore scremo kinda thing....to get u a better idea, think love me butch, a vacant affair, nothing to declare.....and sometimes real ol skool hardcore, integrity.....i dunno probably its the school environment, i need tt energy vibes to last me for 9hours of school each day......so the screaming and the distortions really wake me up when my eyes are 3/4 shut.....anyways i think syarul's voice is wonderful........
i was chatting with my classmate yah nee, we talked abt how we finally became nurses. hehehe i think im rather fated....i think this is my destiny.....siak ar cam orang tua2 sak....hahaha.....bt then im 27 oredi..... ok back to my destiny....first of all, 3 of my aunties are nurses!, my cousin is a nurse, the girl i use to date is a nurse, hmm so i guess it runs in the family excluding the girl....and....i was a st john's member back in school, well for a year only hahaha......then in NS, i was a combat medic through out till now.......see, tts why...i say mebbe im fated.....
i was thinking too, i badly wanted to become a teacher but refused....tt too has got some family thingy i guess, my grandfather was a teacher, my uncle is a teacher...
haha but ultimately, its the stability, the career, the chance to work with ppl, the opportunity for overseas employment, the chance for a probable migration....i still want to live the dream of having a family living comfortably one day in a big house, with my fav scooter in a room, a volkswagen beetle or minibus parked below or a those mini sports car....i want to be able to provide the best for my future family, i want my son to have a perfect bringing up, and ultimately make my mother proud, i love my mother....
speaking of working with ppl, yah-nee asked why i enjoyed teaching, i said the kids, i enjoyed working with kids and she said i should volunteer for club rainbow, i think i will in the coming vacation....it will be an eye opener and helps u to be not so selfish in life and think about urself and ur gains only...seriously after i took up nursing, i feel tt i have improved a little to become a better person....slightly i guess but seriously, i tend to care about ppl feelings more.....like my frens example, im less temperamental lately....im much more calm....if any one pisses me off, i think back why he or she behaves in such a way and wat would be the reason and i try to rectify it....its more interesting that way rather than fighting anger with anger.....cool huh?....try it urself.....
i told my fren, i think im a slacker, weekends usually i only study abit and like yest after the project case study, i never open my books.....my fren told me, a slacker wont say hes a slacker bcos he wont think about it, hes a slacker.... make sense to me..... a slacker wont worry that he is slacking....right?
shahreil gonna sell me his monitor yeay!.....tt means ill save a little on the new pc, ive told to myself and my mom, tt ill get fathi and ayun a new pc, for their school work and all......end of this year perhaps......ill get those system from sim lim.
i really havent been spending time with my frens lately......and yest i had to turn them down cos i got things to do and we had to go to bras basah to look for books and i promised nani ill fetch her....well last week i killed two birds with one stone, i met my gilera frens first and later at night i spend time with the bb boys at baybeats......sorri guys its not tt i forget bout u guys but now my time is so limited, most of the time im tied down with school and anything related to it... but watever it is, u guys, the bb boys are still close to my heart, ure the bros tt helped me pick myself up during rough times, ure the ones tt accepted me without questions, giving me advices and sometimes encouragements.....love ya guys...if it weren't for you guys i dun think id be where i am now,......just want u guys to know u were the driving force towards me pursuing my dreams......thnks guys......
i gotta study now, probably light my sheesha and enjoy a little mint or peach... haha
love is..
i love my sayang alot.....and cos i finished early jus now, i rushed home to get my helmet to fetch her from work....a very quick movie at six and i was home before 9pm.
i love her lots and thats all i need to say....
schools tough...but coping well, thanks to those around me, frens, classmates and my love.....one bad thing is, we're just stuck with one lousy group member......sigh...
but lucky nuff the other 4 are good....
lots of work since the week began.....sigh.....journals, interviews, research....sigh..
but hey, its the road to becoming a qualified nurse....i gotta keep on working hard...
c ya ard mates.......
paranoid android
im more like a worrying android....hahaha.....was doing research online on domestic and family violence last night....talked to shahreil about how i worry if i go a day without any revision.....i told him, maybe i worry too much tt at times i feel like ive sinned if i never study......he said, now then u know....hahaha....
im not saying im a top notch student where i study everyday till the wee hours....i just do the basic revision, meaning understanding the subject and theres not much time left to really go in depth....this is the drawback of the accelerated program, uve got so many modules to cover.....so u have to stop once u understand the concept to go on to another one.....and to add on to the workload, theres lots of research/assignments & group work.........these are both good and bad. good it helps to pull ur final results percentage, bad it occupies time and cut ur revision time by at least 30%..... however im not really complaining cos this time around, theres real interest.....so it helps in away........i guess ill never stop learning.....i know its still a long way to go but ive already had something on my mind. once ive completed this course and a proud staff nurse, ill pursue something else part time, which is too my interest, design/animation, photography/videography & guess what, these interests might in fact provide extra income.....i can always freelance...
im a dreamer but i do try to make my dream happen so those who make fun/criticise me or frown upon my decisions in the past suck on my 2 middle fingers....
baybeats....
it wasnt as enjoyable as before....for a MUSIC lover like me, i was pretty pissed bored.....the crowd was such an eyesore, underage trendy-assholes swarmed the venue. and some of the local bands were such a disappointment, the organizers apparently didnt do enough homework..... the quality of some of them just put singaporeans to shame...especially when there are good bands performing like one buck short & love me butch.....im not pretty happy this year.....we'll wait for nomad....maybe nomad i can bring along nani, as the music at womad are more acceptable to the general crowd...
i love nani to the bits...i dunno why but even while i am with my frens i do think about her and decided to drop an sms or two.....we even am already dreaming as where we would have our home.....we were considering ang mo kio, since i work at buangkok i wanted sengkang but she dont want to be far away from her parents.... for all u know i would be buying somewhere in bb....hahaha cos i cant really bear to part with my mom n my wonderful frens but id like to be independent....anyway, we would go with wats best for us ultimately......u might think that i think too far but hey its never to early to plan....at least have a realistic plan than put up a false image that everythings going to be rosy and sweet and the end nothing happen.....thats why im against some customs and all.....
ive gained 2kg....oh my gosh ive tipped the 80 mark...damn.....it must be because ive been slogging thru the books and theres not much physical activity, i used to religiously futsal every wednesday, jog & skate occassionaly with naz but now, zilch, zero.....i just work the cells in my brains, no wonder i got a flu attack last week. im gonna drag my lazy big fat ass to the track or gym at school starting next week. and stop the 2times a day massive starch intake.....ive been eating rice 2 times a day ever since i start school...i use to eat only 1plate.......it must be the brains demanding more intake in order to have chemical reactions and maximize brain activity.hahahaha im nuts.......okla gotta go....u know, im supposed to sleep up to one but i woke up at 9+, might as well utilize the time revising....see ya guys... ouh biology is a killer.....
ouh meanwhile i so want to buy the cds of these bands, a vacant affair(sg), nothing to declare(sg), love me butch(kl), one buck short(kl)....quality music they have..
when fun adds on to stress
my brain was literally jammed today....after absorbing so much for the past week and a half or so....
today, i just needed the well deserve break...actually from the 3 days of extensive revising.....i tot i wanted to watch a movie with my darling at clementi but then there were no good shows. so i decided to play soccer to destress as it was wednesday, soccer day.....i don my fake germany jersey n shorts.....met the guys....first of all the lights not working just spoils the mood....and then wen i finally get to play....that was wen i totally loose my mood.....from expected fun....it became stressfull when i recieved 'serious' INSTRUCTIONS from a pro footballer......i mean i came for fun, to kick ard, i know im not good at it, i dun mind ppl showing me how to do it right but wat i experience jus make me feel stressed up and the fun instantly vanished into thin air( firstly i dun get a whiff of the ball, 2ndly im just like a dummy at the goal post, 3rdly i screwed up wen i tried to get hold of the ball n not the pro)....instantly soccer become the most boring past time.....so i decided just to go back and study instead....or probably just chat with my b online if i just cant get myself to study.........
probably soccer wasnt such a good activity to destress.....probably it will be if it was played with fun rather than such seriousness......anyway hope he represent singapore one day.....hahahaha.....
this is very inspiring
read the article....its very inspiring and encouraging for me.....look, i might even have my own clinic, if i work hard enough and my capabilities get realised...but to make all that possible is to first dream and secondly work real hard....im sure she worked real hard to get where she is now......
