"i am freaking pissed off today.. so freaking pissed!!KK called and told me to come back to work. This is not the first time anyway. I really hate it when i have to work on the off days. I can work on weekdays.. even if it is my off days but pls leave my weekends UNTOUCHED. Do you know how precious my weekends are?? I have been waiting for the 5 days to pass and it was such a torture.

I didnt get to see him and let alone talk. Even if we meet at msn, we hardly chat also.. get my point? I just dont want to work on my off days. My weekends are precious like diamonds. I just want that whole day to be mine and his alone. UNDERSTAND???"

that was taken off my darling's blog......sometimes i feel bad tt i sort of neglect her since i started school....but i do this for the future...i love her so much, knowing tt she really misses me tt much.......i asked her just now, if she's bored or felt lonely while i was away.....she does, i asked why she never call or sms me, the reason was she doesnt want to 'kacau' me.....she's so understanding, ive never met someone like her before, my past 'ones' were so petty....im glad i found her...i love her so much and i hope she'd be the one....

i wonder why....

ok liking 2 modules doesnt mean id be a good nurse or ill love nursing whole heartedly but hey, i didnt expect id be so interested in those two modules(anatomy & physiology and psychology) and i wondered why i didnt take up nursing after 'O' levels, why i was so immature to think its a girl thing.....if i were to take up nursing i think, i would be a happy nurse but hey i wouldnt know if id still screw up at tt age.....but at present, i just wanna do well....tts all and i wanna equp myself with the best of knowledge i can attain......

today yet another sacrifice.....my gilera frens wanna meet up, but i just gotta understand wats at lecture....i was satisfied and real tired in the mind...that i slept a whole good 4hours before shahreil called.....i think i overslept and wasted like 2 good hours which could be spent understanding another module....its only now tt i realise time is so precious and i actually feel it when i wasted it..... like the hours slacking last night half the time i tried to study, like the extra uneeded sleep last night, like the time surfing ebay and other online shopping or auctions, like the hour spent on my shisha.....i could go on and on...

tmoro, i gotta meet my baby after a whole week......i miss her, lots and i hope she does too...

oh before i go, heres something tt i learned and found out....phobia/fear is learnt.. and it can be unlearn....in other words it is developed...u can even fear a cute little rabbit or a lovable cat if u developed fear for it from ur childhood....
tt explains adil's fear for cats....hehe....and cockroaches......so actually u can unfear ur fears by simple therapy....but itll take time, since prob for 20 over years u were "taught" and u adapted to fearing it, watever it is...

and believe me, even though my lecturer(a psychologist) who probably believed in things tts only measurable, or in other words can be recorded down or measured do believe in the supernatural, the unmeasurable, ghosts, although up to date there still isnt a way to provide evidence tt it does exist......scary huh... well he was speaking from his experience..... ok gotta go, writing bout it is sending chills to my spine....gnite...

time flies

3 days down.....schools fun....taxing to the mind a little but still cope-able... anyways, its more pressurising to be in class with adults, mature adults...they are SUPER ON......oh my god.....im not saying tt i slack, im on the ball but they are SUPER DUPER ON and some at times SUPER EXTRA one.....hahaha....kiasuism is so evident especially in the auntie2 ones.......the younger ones you can see they are on the ball but they are not so kanchiong and kiasu like the auntie2....wah lau wei...sometimes they ask stupid questions cannot angkat sak.....but then again, cannot say so much abt them for all i know they could be scoring all their papers and assignments....for all i know they could be the top 10%...

school is packed but luckily the subjects are not that tough but they do have a level of difficulty i think partly cos i was out of school for quite some time.... but anyway, damn u im very glad i made the choice....my interest wasnt that superficial after all, its not all about the money after all....

sacrifices made.....sigh, have to discipline myself to achieve my goal.... once a week that was wat we agreed on.....its tough, cos i already miss her...but its ok, for the sake of my future......and maybe ours.......

to all who knows me, gimme your support yeah.....alright, gotta go.......

tumoro, later i mean

later, first day of school......woooohooo.....back to school....excited...

met my frens jus now....such a long time and things never change...they are still fun as ever...

met my nani.....love her lots...gonna miss her....felt like not letting her go just now....but hey, itll only be 5days before we meet again....love ya baybeh, lots.... gonna miss u....muahz.....gnite sayang....gnite ppl.....and ouh baybeats 2006... love me butch....yeah...c u music lovers down there yeah....

ok i cant sleep

i actually slept oredi but i forgot to pull the curtains close, mosquitoes start to attack my feet...ugh.....i gotta write this, it was wat happened just now...it was a weird feeling and it made me smile.....

i actually saw the person who ONCE runied my life and stole the ONCE love of my life, i used to hate him, beneath my smile i still remembered how i wanted to skin him alive.. but just now, when i saw his face, it was a total different thought & him pretending not to see me(i was very sure he saw me) with that "Oh-Oh!" kinda look made me smile even more....you guys must be asking why i smiled....i just realised its because of him that i found out that the one i used to love with all my life cheated on me, it was him tt made it possible for me to find out everything and ultimately if not for the break up, i guess i wouldnt have met or fallen in love with the so wonderful nani....i think i shuldve shook his hand and thank him.....hahahaha.....

i despise ppl like him but everything happens for a reason and for me, its a blessing in disguise.....thank god...

gnite peepz....

woo hoo

yet another video feed....

transplants-diamonds&guns

ku ingin terbang ke awan....

gerhana ska cinta-mimpi

all time classic

ok last one before i start doing my stuffs....all time classic number by the all famous skatalites, an old school ska/reggae band...check it out

skatalites-guns of navarone

transplants

i love this one.....

the transplants, gangsters & thugs


and this one....

transplants, djdj

ive been busy

been very bz for the past few days thnks to the number of cock ups......on monday night, i was panicky busy calling ppl up to replace.....tuesday it was like an amazing race, me going all over sg jus to get the necessary documents, i was like an islandwide despatch rider......it was hot, i was sweating and my bike was heated up....speaking of my bike, i gotta get down n get tt cash card...brb.....back....where were we... ouh the amazing race....its more like a race to make my future happen....and its all up to me now....id like this opportunity to thank the following persons that make it happen..
(appearing in no particular order) shahreil, raihana, raimie, rashid,(the first four played the biggest role), my nani for roping in her wonderful auntie ita for help, zahari, adil, zakie & mankey- who really wanted to help but unable to...... i will not disappoint u guys....i promise...anyways its my future too...so believe in me yeah?...
everyone was wonderful to me....i now know that my frens actually care.....

i was pretty excited, i actually edited my time-table(cos they mix group 1 & group 2 together) yesterday night......i actually dig up my shoe boxes for stationary and stuffs that i might need....im so excited, anxious.......i just worry i might tire out easily and for that i already called up dizy to help me renew my elken membership so i can purchase some supplements which somehow made me last longer during the days when i was a cook......im not taking any chances this time round, i cant afford to fall ill and miss any classes.....for tt i have to keep myself fit, exercise and stuff...

as just now was nani's off day, i forgo the usual wednesday's soccer session as in the coming weeks, well 2years, i wont be seeing her as often....we sorta made an unofficial pact tt we'd meet only once a week....im glad she fully understand...so just now i went out with her, we watched superman....wee it was wonderful but longgg.....this sat will be our last day out before i start school..... sacrifices for the future....next week onwards, only once a week....

finally i have a clear path ahead....do well in school for 2years, work for 3years at imh and then consider a degree and an advance diploma for than delicious instant pay increments....at the end of all that, settle down and wait for promotions....and then upgrade somemore to go into either management or education.... i might be ambitious but ill try to make it happen....

gnite my frens....its bedtime....

im serious alright

im very serious bout nursing alright...its like i was awaken so early and so worried tt i might not able to get replacements for frens who wanted to help but apparently forgot bout it.....very absent minded i must say....but its me asking for help so i cant do much anyways.....at this point of time i would do anything to get a reliable surety. the next time round, i know who i would not look for help....who is reliable and who is not.....but i never did ask ppl for help before, other than advice or encouragements.. literal help, i guess never.....

watever it is, i really hope zack would make the sacrifice....im really hoping he'd do that...i really am.....cos he's earning the most and having him around solves my problem overall......

my present state, im fUCKstrated over the unforseen cock ups......im angry at the HRdepartments UNflexibility......they sure hell make my life so fucken difficult.... god bless them...

dead

ill be dead in afew hours time if my last hope, z couldnt make it.....its times like this tt u really find out who ur real frens out....well, frankly most of my frens are.. those who cant help me are genuine cos i know...and those who wouldnt, i can tell the minute they open their mouth......im glad i have many frens but at such a short notice its hard to say who are the real ones....and i cant judge them jus like tt...arrr shit im getting myself confused....

anyways now my only hope is z....z, whom my ex-gf criticise cos he was trying to earn as agents for our artwork...but tts wat agents do right?.....i was angry at tt time cos i was really close with z....i was a little ashamed of myself when i asked for his help...cos we drifted every since the vespa thingy died off.....i really hope z could help me this time...cos if he could, tts all i need....

to the two tt already helped me, thnks alot, i love u guys....

and nani, i love u lots...im sorry i hung up on u so suddenly....i appreciate ur efforts too...thnks....

hahahah

hahahah....probably everyone who hated me would be laughing their heads off when they read this.....wat i dont want to go wrong went wrong....so good luck sid finding a new job.....one pulled out, the other do not have a formal payslip....tts it, simple, my future just flushed down the toilet like tt, so simple....i wish i wouldnt have to depend on ppl....i just hate the system....so fucked up......gnite peepz, gonna sleep the nite away, escape from reality.....

....

one of my surety have to back out cos of work responsibilities. i understand fully and i wasnt angry at all, just panicky and worried but lucky a kind soul name mankey decide to help me.....thank god...i hope nothing will go wrong, cos this is wat i really wanted. this is my future...im destined for this....once tuesday is gone...ill be on my way oredi....wish me luck.....

we were walking at the overhead bridge when we bump into our colleague, tenteng.... both of us were dead shocked...real shocked....cos we never revealed our relationship at work to prevent any gossips, etc.....finally the truth is out....but we're a little lucky though cos tenteng no longer work at qt cos he'll be serving NS soon...and me, im going to pursue nursing.....nani will leave fp too....once she get a job tt is..

i spend once again, which i tot i wouldnt....but i spent on wat i need.... it was the air-con, the freezing cold air-con at marina and suntec tt made nani remind me tt itll be cold in lts and tutorial rooms.....yes i need a sweater to keep me warm....i do have one at home but its torn at the sleeves, my hanes hoody bought way back in '96....i very well deserve a new hoodie....wanted to get a volcom but i saw this neat, simple and nice classic reebok hoodie at suntec and whats more, the hoodies tts left at flash n splash are all so boring and not worth the price.....and the ultimate reason tt made me go for the reebok cos its way cheaper and its on sale...... although 79bucks is not really cheap but considering tt a normal plain hanes hoodie would cost bout say 50+ its well worth it.....

i cant wait to go to school....i cant wait to be happy recieving results, happy tt i did put in effort......unlike in my previous poly days, where 90% of the time i was either sleeping or wasting time socialising, playing, lazing with my fellow classmates. but being in a class full of mature students, i guess there'll be lots of competition, ive already spotted a couple of competition....those smart, specky ones, the ones that flip open the nursing dictionary the minute it was given to us... i know itll be hard to beat them or at least be alongside but ill try, itll be a challenge to myself, unknown to my fellow classmates....see, capricons forever ambitious but tis time round, i was given an opportunity and i shalll not waste it.

no boundaries

i guess as times goes...theres no boundaries anymore.....i mean can u imagine snoop dog doing a cover on metallica's song sad but true? and snoop dog rapping alongside the transplants.....and tim amstrong making a cameo appearance in cypress hill's music video. here's a video...the rest, u can easily find on youtube.

the transplats, featuring snoop dog.

horoscopes

id not believe in horoscopes but sometimes it provides inspiration, motivation and some form of encouragement and strength in a way.....heres wat i read just now and i really am motivated......

Capricon~
Sometimes the road you're traveling on gets shrouded in fog. If that happens, don't pull over and wait for the weather to clear. Time is not to be wasted -- keep going, slowly but surely, on the same path. If you let little things stop you from where you want to go (or what you want to accomplish), your confidence will take a beating. Soon enough, you'll see a clear sign that will put your fears to rest and your mind at ease. You were on the right path the whole time.


~~watever it is, it always depends on fate and if GOD permits....insya'Allah....

Latest

Latest update!....one more kind soul agreed to help....adil...thanks man... if remy is ok, everything is set....if not i guess i have to look for one more....everythins going well and i hope nobody backs out.

stressed fucked out.......

im stressed out....real stressed out....i went to alif in seek of laughter, well i did laugh but when the problem came knocking in my mind.....i start to think again... waiting for remy's reply gets me so anxious, worried and i can say its driving me nuts but im asking a favour and i should let him take his time, at least he is considering, he never turn me down flat. i cant actually believe tt my future depends on a friend, more like a coffee shop acquaintance, cos we were never really close, yes we talk, play soccer, laugh and discuss guy matters but we were never really close. me and shahrul too, im touched tt he's willing to help but he told me before saying yes, "i trust u and this is no joking matter, so i hope ure serious.." i really owe him one..... and the other one, which i shant reveal down here, i better not i guess....i didnt expect the answer to be yes......well, the reason was, they trusted me and i WILL NOT DISAPPOINT THEM. i will do my best and ill always remember tt they are the ones tt made my dreams possible. at my age, 26 i definitely am serious bout the path i took....i can stay at canadian pizza macam kuli for almost 2 years......i can stay at fairprice for a year until i got nursing, so wat makes anyone think that i cant last the bond? i dont have any more time in life, ive made the choice and i have to go on with it, i cant AFFORD to turn back, its my future... its not about whether the job will be easy or not, its about future, its about me planning for a family and retirement, etc......

i hope ill get the good news from remy....if not saturday, ill start job hunting.. here we go again back to square one.....im just like a bird being trapped in a cage, i can see the blue sky, the beautiful sun and probably rainbows and i have 2 powerful strong wings flapping furiously wanting to fly but im trapped under circumstances....

help release me....

remy pls say yes

my only hope now, remy and not only that, i have to make sure all 3 can turn up by next wednesday to sign the deed...i hope the 3 will make up 6k else as of wednesday ill be declared officially incomeless.....mebbe theres a blessing in disguise, i always believe in that....well watever it is, we'll see.....im down with diarrohea now... darn i tot i was ok yest....one after another...this month is jus not fer me....c u guys...

sigh...

my future suddenly look so bleak.....but ill keep on trying anyways, im a halfcaphero after all....gonna keep on fighting....if im not fated to be a nurse, i guess id have to plan a back up very quick cos in 4 days im officially unemployed.