cheering oneself up is easy when u have frens and all....u know why most ppl end up with depression? its because they dont have a strong family support or frens...
speaking of which an old fren just called up if i did printing....end up chatting bout frens and all...heh....
yeayness, i now am going wireless, means i dont have to sit next to the modem, i can surf, blog almost anywhere in the house, except the toilet of course...heh....
went to help shahreil move his bed and wadrobe and all to make way for his new ones. sigh....finally they are getting married....sweet couple....
pen is back...yeayness....shes the bithchin fren since ages ago....im glad that now shes back....
hmm getting prepared for the initiation...heh....i think i will get enrolled latest next week....gotta kick start.....ill wait for results or something....then ill enrol.
hmm....im blocking myself off retail therapy...heh...so tempting when i went shopping just now....heh but i resisted good....heng....
cheerios
my only wish
no more pls, no more(lies)...
and ouh i broke another promise but this time round its not my fault...ive made a promise to myself now, no more promises even if requested to do so...
wat bout urs? so i guess we're kinda even...
blog in malay
aku nak 'blog' dalam bahasa melayu yng tak pass....hehehe...
anyway, alamak terojak....haizz...rojak pon rojak la...
biasala, ngah bosan, ku menglunsur lelaman adik kawan aku, zaki...haizzz...teringing pulak ingin bermotosikal harley davidson. macam seronok gitu meronda2 keliling asia..
tapi aku mesti ingat akan matlamat aku....aku ingin dapatkan lesen kereta dan insyahAllah, impian ku untuk berkereta akan tercapai.....sementara itu cam tak dapat elak diri aku dari berangan-angan....hmm kereta mana kah akan ku beli bila ku lulus nanti? terpikir juga kereta2 yng boleh bawak hampir 7penumpang....seronokan kalau dapat bersiar ramai2....tapi minatku kereta yng kiut miut macam jazz dan swift...tapi memadangkan kesempitan kereta2 demikian, mungkin, aku kata mungkin...aku akan beli kereta yng lebih besar skit tapi yng tak mahal....aku nie bukan suka sangat kereta mewah....okok aku bohong aku suka kereta mewah tapi padaku tak praktikal langsung... aku seorang yng agak praktikal, yelah kadangkala suka juga benda2 yng berjenama, tapi hanya bila aku ada lebih....
insyahAllah.....cukup bulan nie, aku akan daftarkan nama aku ker bbdc...insyahAllah.. seblom aku mula kerja aku sudah lulus dan selepas gaji pertamaku, ingin aku beli kereta, insyaAllah kalau di izinikan...
sebagai jururawat pesakit jiwa, aku cuba mengawal perasaan aku, memanglah ada rasa kecewa, sedih dan marah semua sekali gus, tapi aku cuba berfikiran positif dan dengan rational....manalah tau ada hikmah disebalik semua ini....
kekosongan diriku aku akan isi dengan perkara2 lain dan aku rasa, aku dah cuci tangan, omputeh cakap 'give up' la....untuk aku, skarang nie aku hidup untuk masa depan aku.
engkau tidak menguasai diriku, aku berhak corak hidupku dan akulah yng berkuasa membentuk hidupku dengan izin Allah swt. Aku harap satu hari kau sedar beberapa kejam sikap kau. walaubagaimana pon, aku tak simpan dendam, tak simpan apa2, walaupon hati yng sakit ini perlu waktu untuk pulih. siddiq yng sekarang bukan yng seperti dulu, slalu marah, slalu meradang...alhamdullilah
thnks, terima kaseh
thnks frens for the outing just now...... though was tired, drained and all dunno from what but i enjoyed it....shahreil finally got his gold shirt for his wedding and i almost got that purplish pink striped shirt...ouh i bought this facial wipes, realli refreshing....but then i realised, only got 10wipes..heh....but i think ill buy again..
ended the journey with makan at cavana...omg...this is the third time im eating chick rice this week....but hey, all different....on tuesday roasted, wednesday lemon and today sambal....heh
ouh sundari's cooking was superb, except the girls oops should say boys as well cos evelyn's bf and kay's husband was there....thinks the food is a little spicy....but hey to me its nice...just right...biryani was the main one, followed by traditional indian dishes that she whipped up.....we all talked for quite sometime over school and IMH... hehe...nver really talked to the peepz before bcos most of the time all of us would be bz and once the day ends, everyone heads home...nobody hangs out...unlike wen we were younger...but hey, at least today we kinda bonded and i think kay's hubbie and evelyn's bf were ubber cool...they really can socialize....frenly ppl....
im down with headache and im drained...i think i need to rest while i dl more podcasts.
i love my frens....and i miss mom.....i think im going back bb on sat to give mom a hug and i think wen i earn enough im gonna ask mom to retire... that car license, gotta get it...gotta....xa already passed....target by next ramadhan.... so that when syawal comes, i can bring my family around....
im not going to put myself down, im strong, been thru this before, i will survive, definitely...
apa? suka2?
learn malay day....weeehoo
kau ingat aku nie apa?
u take me for what?
singapura nie kecik la...
singapore's not very big...
kalau pon aku buta, ramai yng lain tak buta...
even if im blind, many ppl around me is not...
gasak kau la...
watever la...
plans
im going to lay down my plans....gonna make a quick supper, take my pen and paper, jot down plans....for tumoro....and then in the near future, not so far la, this year only
make sure all the empty slots(off days and off duty hours) are filled with something to do, macam time-table la.....u know why, now most of my frens work shifts already not like last time, wen i can occupy my time with them....but i guess more or less i got myself occupied oredi....weeehoo...tts why my nick on msn is happy hippy.....positive thinking dude....loneliness and spare time can be used to do so many things........
and guess wat, one of my plans is to design probably graphics for my bike...and i will borrow jabrul his airbrush and if the 2 weeks of vacation permits, ill paint my bike or send in my design to the 'sticker-god' and got it pasted all over...woots....
but my worry is results coming out....errrr.....hehe....
pls dont rain tumoro, pls dun rain.....going to somerset.....concrete surfing... woots. channel all those unused energy and burn some carbs n fats...wooots.....
hehe, my fren ask me to come go sentosa play luge....but i guess ill pass cos tumoro sure got lots of bangla....hehehe...woots...enjoy the banglas those going sentosa... oops sorry dudes...that doesnt include those working...
sayonara......once someone said i could be the next jamie oliver but ive nvr cooked for a long time....but eggs, sausages or sardines still can la....gonna whip up a nice supper for myself....oishi!...
boredom
boredom sets in...
i think ill join the guys tonight if work doesnt tire me out...nothing to do anyways...could start printing but hey no tees yet....
i dunno, i dunno, i dunno.....i guess, little things interest me at the moment. and i guess im no longer interesting...
my life might be pathetic but im not...im still striving and trying...
have many dreams....sweet dreams....ive been a daydreamer since young, even was written in my report book....only thing is how i wished i dreamt of reality rather than being in stunts, a race car driver and all that when i was young...if i were to dream of being a business man or something...probably now id be somewhere....my dreams when i was in primary school was too colourful, so colourful that u cant find the right colours to paint it real...hahahah
shahreil's getting married soon and poor me cant attend his 'nikah' or solemnization. sigh, why must i be on pm shift that day....
i think, i need to buy some tees to occupy me or buy books to read, the dvds at home, i just dont feel like watching yet....and hellboy was kinda turn off...or maybe its just me, not in the right of mind.
gotta go, get ready for work....after reading these jokes my fren sent me....heh!
1st day, 1st month
the 1st day of clinical placement at my future workplace....haiya late by 5mins, the gate refused to open and i exit at the wrong exit....and the traffic lights weren't forgiving....red after red after red.......the reason i woke too early, i slept again and i got a little late and plus it was raining but nice rain, just drizzles...
the nyp ci was cool...mr buddy tan...yes thats his name....hes a nice guy, his conversation would go between mix of malay and english....my guess he is baba.... buddy used to work at imh too....and he inspires me....well...sort off....im looking forward to actually be working there....soon....next july.....
speaking of which i already had plans...but i shall not note down here...cos im afraid the plan never came to 'life' but cut things short la...i wanna drive my family around, i wanna travel during my birthday next year....ooops ive let the cat out of the bag...
anyways....things change and yes ppl definitely change...over the couple of years, i changed too.....i was jus wondering if given my current state put back in time few years back when i was in skool or something how would it turn out? hehe...anyways speaking of which i just wished things didnt change from how it were abt a month ago... i was floating back then on cloud nine....everything were so sweet, even me being happy made mommy smile...
aiyah, mebbe she's right, im too sensitive...heh....but my heartaches are they real?
anyways good news, i got my digital line activated...yippeeee....hmm gotta find a chatter box fren...hurhurhur.....
to end this entry....words will be words but how do u show ur feelings? via words or actions, so here are the words that made up the usual phrase that probably u have seen repeatedly but hey what the heck...."annie, miss u, love u......"
long sunday
okla intend to skate in the morning but it was super hot...so didnt go la and shaun didnt reply anyways....
went to bukit batok....haiz pc problem, i guess got virus...and guys becareful lor recently like got virus infestation on my bt batok pc and somehow cannot access annie's blog that day, she also cannot, shahreil also cannot...., myself also cannot...but somehow her best fren can...heheh weird but true...*wink
anyways...didnt expect to go out la...but adil said already wanted to look for berms.. so end up going out with him at 3pm to town....makan at beach road, jalan2 town... end of the day he bought a bag and helmet for work....ouh met mimi in town also...he was doing something to skateboard......so he joined us before meeting bad...haizz i miss skating...ended the day makaning at hbb before heading home....gnite peepz...
help
i think right, this time round i really need help...no i mean guidance...nope im still sane mind u....
enlightenment....
ouh bro, i guess i pass la...ill watch the dvds i rented(free) eheheh thnks iskandar.
or maybe id still go...haiz depends la....
im not in the right of mind....and nobody's offering me help or comfort....i still im not yet independent...hurhurhur....
ntah
many things running thru my mind....yes it might seem minor but its bcos one thing leads to another....its very hard for me to trust ppl....especially wen in my life, ppl i trusted has taken my trust for granted....my best fren in sec school actually stabbed my back....and then so on and so on, i shall not mention cos the rest is rather unpleasant.
yes u might say i overeact but wen i put trust in someone, it means alot bcos for me, trusting someone is really difficult bcos of my past experience, till now even amongst my circle of frens....i trust the few that is closer to me only...the rest, id rather keep things to myself....cos i know itll spill or leak or sumthin like that....and i know some do talk behind my back....
i shant continue i hope he/she understands...its bcos its not the first time, tts why im really affected by it...
i dunno la im tired yet i dont feel sleepy....u know wat i feel like doing now? skate..
just channel the negativity out....
alisha putri(forgot her middle name) was ubber cute...the almost 2year old really got me smiling, laughing and observing at her antics....alisha u cheered me up today u know...and of course the guys la.....unknowingly u guys made me feel a little better.
i just took papers on behavioral modifications and abnormal psychology....maybe i should apply wat ive learnt to myself....
hmm
if i had known, i wouldnt have cooked that packet of instant noodles...
been a week since i went habib....ahhh shouldve not eaten and eat that chic-chop instead.
im lost...dunno...its like hard for me...i need directions....
sigh it looks like its going to rain.....uggghhhh
worst
this is even worse than the exams....the questions that i cant get answers even in any text....
i just wanna know why thats all...
probably i over-reacted but hey it hurts.
i still dunno wats the outcome...i just cant weigh...
anyways, monday is another series of attachments....and i think the next placement is just appropiate...IMH hurhurhur...i think im going crazy...reality does make ppl crazy sometimes...
failed again...
sigh....she showed no remorse...
i last shed tears on raya morning....cos i now am living alone, i hugged mom, although i know i will still be visiting her whenever im free but still id not be living under a roof with the mom i loved....
i controlled, i hold them back but my eyes grew teary...i try not to make it roll down my cheeks cos big boys dont cry and i shall not...im just shaken and shivering and really upset + disappointed + shock.
the worst thing is....when i wanted it to end...'do watever u want..'
im shattered...
hmmmftttt....i dunno wat to do....i hope i made the right choice, it hurts but i guess its for my own good.
sigh
finally an internet connection but somehow it doesnt make me happy at the things i discover....
small2, little2 things also need to lie? disappointed, real disappointed....i think i give up already.
lets forget about all that crap, i dont care anymore....i dont like to be like under electroshock therapy every now and then...
enough for that....my exams....oh wells....its tough alright....i studied, i did but i guess i just never absorbed or it wasnt sufficient enough....but hey...im hoping for the best....
i wanna carry on with life....i wanna confront and ask why...im prepared for the worst, things cant carry on like this....anymore....it hurts me too much.
sigh
aiyah....dunno la....dun feel so good nowadays
living alone, pros and cons...
my shoulder hurts....sigh....id wanna skate again and its been raining....
t-shirts....i guess gonna spend money again....but id wanna be someone...yes money not everything but i just wanna be there, make a name for myself be someone....ambitious? yeah....im a capricon...wat do u expect...i just hope the december friday shodown really happens....
im getting 2 requests of my t-shirts from 2 local kids, total strangers, not fren2... a good sign....good sign indeed...slowly...hopefully itd pick up...i only need to come up with designs that appeal to the skateboarding community primarily...
gonna print a couple more for the veteran crew....we'll see la how...maybe friday ill borong bossini tees....printing for those requesting...
things hasnt been well.....differences in opinion...oh wells, ill take everything in a stride....but i just dont agree on that principle of hers....thats all
hahaha so what if someone called my pal, gay partner....watever la eh..but even if he's gay, he's a great gay...wen i felt down, i smsed him, he replies......sometimes you just need channels to vent....i blog, i draw and i seek those who i can trust.
sigh
im tired...studying and all....
im excited, i start printing tees already....
im looking forward to first friday of december hopefully i can sell my tees at the event sheikh organizing....
im dreamy, dreaming of my success hopefully....i have dreams and vision.....
i need internet connection...
i miss annie...
and i really need to get back to studying....
alot
alot of things been going on...
i spent alot...on my bikes but good thing is i dont have to change the waterpump as yet. BUT.....my tail-light unit was busted, the socket melted due to the lamp being on all the time becos of the switch faulty....that cost me 60+15, i changed my fuel hose at 50, my clutch was worn off, that cost me 100bucks.....my horn wasnt working all the time, i itchy2 fix 38bucks airhorn instead of the stock one....my headlamp switch was busted, 15bucks....i changed my seat cover that was filled with cat marks and the bottom look like as though it had moustache...that cost me 45bucks... side mirrors & number plate just extra la...make cantik abit...hehehe 19+12....phew...
also did some grocery shopping....and i bought my first frying pan...never bought a pan before...hahahaha...my pocket i think koyak liao...but nevermind i sold my abt a year old ipod for 250, bought it at 350. so pretty much ok la considering the fact that i did not use it often....and i got a refund from ntuc income cos my insurance wasnt fully utilized...99bucks in...kaching...n it was payday yest....so it kinda balance out, so end up i got spare to give mom and for rental and food and petrol....yeay..
me and annie turned 2months last wednesday......time flies doesnt it? and im loving her more each day...i hope she does too...and she need not worry about her irritating -ness cos actually that kinda made our relationship a lil more colourful....i love u annie lots....
4 papers next week...hmmmfftt....revisions.....
might have to pass jalan raya this saturday....
frames ready! yeayness.....start printing soon....
skating sunday morning......finally.....
hmmm.....
living on my own...hmmm cool but yet lonely at times....so wen feeling lonely, go out la, meet my sayang...hehehe....or go hbb.....just waiting for an internet connection...i guess ill be less lonely la if i had internet....can start on new designs...can surf around....etc.....
kla dunno wat else to write......kla see u guys ard in a couple of days time
