im done with research....phew...but hey Albert Bandura is one hell of a psychologist.
kudos to him.....the therapy he came up with actually could make a person who has a lifelong phobia of snakes to overcome it just by observational learning. in case you do not know, observational learning is through 4 basic, main elements, 1.attention/observation, 2.retention/memory, 3.imitation/reproduction 4.motivation/the will to learn. he is really amazing....
happiness is around my nani.....she just got a job with starhub....a 9-5 job somemore coporate marketing.....congrats......its been a long but well deserved wait.
another huge evidence of observational learning is during my skateboarding days, thats how i learn, i observe, remember, and then imitate or reproduce....and of course i love skateboarding so theres always motivation.
and this video im sharing with u (sick of it all~scratch the surface) is the real reason why i got a flat-top haircut(see lou) back then when i was 15 and actively listening to hardcore, here, enjoy this old skool video of sick of it all....
ok im done
im lazey
im so lazey recently, i spent national day racing on my lambo in nfsu.....it was like from noon till 5pm....okok it was actually before noon!!....but hey i got myself to 5th position.......i own 3 cars, an evo all modded up, a porsche and a wicked lamborgini..........i felt so sinful, i was suppose to study this afternoon
but after the 5hours of racing my eyes felt like popping out.....so i jus flipped thru psychology before i slept...and now i wanna fetch my sayang...ive been a bad bf too....been like abandoning her for days...haha well actually 2days only......haha still i felt like i did...........
ouh im back to my roots, i mean music, wat i use to listen to, hardcore.....it rocks....think integrity, sick of it all, stomping ground, four sides......its melodic, its not metal, its hardcore....throw ur fist in the air and for a moment, high-pitched vocal boys are off my mind, i need the instant adrenaline, the rush, the energy....
hmm how bout lord rul sing for my imaginary band....god i miss slapping on the bass lines......damn.....
ok ok
hmm kay, face it ive grown...hahaha.....i know....im lazee....i pump but i dun run.. sheesh.....ive gained 3kg, although im pretty happy at some parts but im really worried bout the tummy....hahaha....sid2, get ur lazy ass after school to the damn gym, uve been procrastinating since last week......
im stuck on old school........old school music have been blasting of my altec lansing speakers......old school rocks.....think nirvana, metallica, slayer, sublime, rancid, offsprings, rhcp....more n more.....
arrghhh sleep much needed
i very well needed sleep.....but not so early tt i end up waking at this hour..sheesh
okok....i just have to log on,its like a need...hahaha....anyways, sorry sayang i overslept, i tot id take a nap at 930 and wake up at 11pm to go online but i just overshot, i guess i was too tired, especially after my rehab exercise on my knees...
im trying to do them at least once a week....i dont want to be dependent when im old. i wanna be a strong old man, very much independent and grow old with my sayang as i watch my children start their own family....hehehe fikir panjang sak...
anyways, i just had to check out my 2 favourite blogs, shahreil's n of course nani's.
nani didnt want ppl to bother her, i hope im not one of them....hmm, if anything or anyones bothering u pls tell me yeah? my nicks vicious for a reason u know...hehehe
shahreil was feeling rather upset cos he makes effort and no one like appreciate, they more like take things for granted....i hope u dont feel that i am one of them kay? im just too bz nowadays but i do reply to ur msges, even though i was in a middle of a lecture n just now a discussion....its not tt i dun want to play soccer anymore, its jus tt i have so much things to do.....i actually long to play soccer but many factors just tells me to stop for awhile.....one reason is my knee, 2ndly school stuff, 3rdly soccer has gone into the unenjoyable activity region SOMETIMES(perhaps next time i play, i try not to be in ramop's team).
adil smsed me wanting to borrow my vespa bcos he wants to send his bike for a paint job. i declined not bcos im stingy but for many reasons and ouh not becos i dun trust my fren to look after my bike......
u see, my caramella is born in 1970 and still with standard engine and parts, no mechanical modifications watsoever. its delicate in a way cos u cant ride it fast&far and its much more delicate especially when it dons 8inch rims....i had to spend close to 500bucks last year just to repair the flywheel and shaft, cos ive been using it to and fro woodgrove everyday......and wats more its front shocks need replacement, imagine shahreil's px200 sampan.....its just not as bad. its not really safe to ride far and everyday....and the breaks they need replacement, so u see, i have my reasons and i hope ure not pissed tt i declined straight away, cos i know my scooter best. sorry adil.....hehehe wait till i get a harley or tt 540ktm, u can borrow my gilera anytime dude......ouh shahreil actually borrowed my vespa before too, wen the days it wasnt so fragile....
hmm i think id catch some sleep and wake up at 5am for revisions, i didnt do any last night, cos i came back at abt 830 after my assignments, makan n then sleep....
ouh 1st august was nurses day!....my first nurses day!
damn....
its like waddafuck.....no pay?...i called and the hr simply said the payroll dept can only process my pay together with august pay....waddafuck...wad they've been doing sak? sleeping?????? and she said theres nothing she could do.....how inefficient is that? cant she work something out? like a cheque or something? dumb HRs....
and bcos of tt, i have to really budget myself with only barely just 400bucks for a month.....and i have to pay my monthly installments tts like 215bucks... which leaves me with 185 for me to survive on food, petrol and not mentioning bills, which i guess have to be carried forward to next month....now it seems like i have to forgo movies and probably outings and all......fuck the HRs. im very angry here.
fuckstrated
Tomorrow is 1st august liao....and they have yet to pay me and come friday i need the bucks to purchase uniforms....and my funds are running low......seriously low... damn!......im gonna give a call tumoro and hassle them if they delay my pay.... its so fucken fuckstrating.......sheesh!....
anyways lets get on with the good news....the first ICA(in-course-assesment) was done well enough to get praises from the lecturers......haha good actors...haha me is it? well we have to do an act to act out and demonstrate therapeutic communication. phew....i overcame my nervousness and i manage to act it out calmly.. and man was i happy, i recieved positive comments from most of them....yeay.... i hope we got a good score for tt one......thank god.....just hoping that madam chin would give us good marks....
5minutes to slumber....
love makes me happy....i love my nani and she loves me too....
i never expected any gift from her or any sort, cos she is still struggling to look for a new job....and her part time job i guess is only enough for her daily expenses and to contribute to the household.....but today, she sort of suprise me with a bedsheet set....gee...i must admit, its nice, seems like she knows my taste.....
nani, thanks for being by my side yeah....thanks for everything....
nani is the reason i guess im coping with stress and the trumendous workload that the accelerated program has dumped upon us overgrown students.......and its her tt i kept telling myself to keep focus...though sometimes honestly, i do go offcourse and sorta laze or slack......another driving force and my frens who trusted me to do well, and the last driving force is to prove many wrong.... its not tt i cant be where i wanna be, i just take a longer time....like a child growing up, they have different pace, u cant compare a child with another cos they are different, they are special in their own way....they progress their own way.....
life might not be rosy for others and mine wasnt this wonderful before....i pray for all those facing hardships of watever it might be, i pray they'll pull through and tt they will never give up and have faith in themselves no matter how others have given up on them, its never the end until ur heart stops pumping....so keep going...
this goes to myself too......its my way of telling myself its not the end yet...
i have dreams, i have things i wanna do, i have things i wanna achieve......
im going to dreamland soon, jus finished making flashcards so tt id remember my dialogue at tumoro's 1st presentation....and ouh last friday was nurses day!... happy nurses day to wak jumila, wak zainab, ruyani(my fren), siti(nani's fren) and qistina(my cuzzen)....
speaking of qistina, i wish her family the best, although sometimes i do not like wat they do but then again, wat they are facing recently just made me feel sad for them.....its not sympathy im feeling but rather empathy......may Allah bless them with a solution or something....
gdnite peepz.....all my love to my wonderful ppl ard me.....
the longest time together
it was the longest time we spent together last night....from 8pm to about 10am this morning......and it was fun....but too bad both of us were already tired from work and me, from school....
last week, we decided to spend a night together, u know just chill or something... so i scouted for chalets at the last minute but sadly its fully booked at sentosa cos i dun really quite fancy the rest of the chalets.....and aloha is pretty big for only the 2 of us......hahaha....so we decided to camp out....on wednesday we scout for the camping essentials.....of course the tent......but we didnt buy yet cos nani have yet to get approval from her parents tt she is going to a 'chalet' hahaha.....
so after the approval, i went to imm again on thursday, to see the tent at giant....but luckily i came across sports connection and decided to take a look.....and i got a great deal, the tents was on discount and i got a 3men tent for only 21bucks! i grabbed solid fuel & charcoal after i fail to find any gas burner at imm......
friday was the day.....hmm i concentrated in school cos i know i wont be studying after tt....but at the same time im distracted at times by the excitement and i kept thinking wat else do i need or wat to do.....hehehe....
i was about to leave when i saw lighting....in my mind, oh no....but i went ahead and lucky enough we beat the rain......we stopped by katong sheng shiong to get some more stuff(which we never finished) and had our dinner at kfc....hehehe believe me i was excited but was hungry too....hahaha...
it was so comical of me, when we reach east coast, first of all i miss the carpark, the usual spot the gilera boys have their bbq....so i had to turn one big round....
and then we were there, i cant decide on a spot and finally settled for the usual... hehehe....and then, wen it comes to setting up the tent, i was rather slow and i had it wrong the first time, and our 'neighbours' had theirs done although they came wen i was already half way thru it.....hahaha...malu sak...obvious first timer...
finally all set up.....i realised, we were short of speakers and the essentially important lantern or flashlight.....luckily i had my k750i, it helped out abit...
we had nothing to do, we lazed by the hours, scribbling, and tic tac toe and me and my licorice seesha....we couldnt sleep.....so we decided to cook sumthin....haha i always love cooking and playing with fire....and guess wat, i burnt my thumb as i was trying to light the charcoal for my seesha with the solid fuel....imagine my whole thumb in flames...hahaha...lucky nuff i manage to put it out....farnie sak...
good news i wasnt hurt or anything like tt, it was only numb for a few seconds...then it was fine..... after we stuffed ourselves with instant noodles and tuna, we lazed around again, until nani felt sleepy...and she went to sleep first....
:( hehehehehe.....
we woke up early at 6am.....packed up, wash up and had our breakfast at west coast mcdonald's....such a long time since i had breakfast with someone i love so early in the morning.....
overall, i had fun....hmm let me say that again, overall WE had fun.......i love her for just loving me....i love the fact tt she actually want to spend time with me..
i love her for just being her......
although wat we had were so simple but id love to do it again.....thnks sayang...
cells gets old everyday
tts wat dr.san told us, cells get old everyday......hahaha....probably tts why as we grow older our absorption memory is limited.....u cant go on and on slogging on the books......tts why i have to stop after a couple of hours and here i am.....
hmm....im wondering if some ppl are thinking tt im like the "peanut who forgot the shell"(translate in malay!) hahaha....ok its lame.......bout tt issue, i might just be paranoid, for all i know they just dun want to disturb me studying....
hmm i saw farah's pic on shahreil's blog, she's hospitalised, well i dunno for what but i hope she'll be fine....life is really precious u know....and after being in nursing i treasure life even more.....to add on to that, my handicap, my bad knees... i learnt to treasure them more...i told myself, i will only skate when i can afford that sportsbrace which will cost a few hundred dollars....
i dream....and its good to know tt nani dreams of it too, a future together.... and i hope it does come true....
id like to take this opportunity to wish everyone out there the best in watever they do and may luck be upon them, especially my only one nani...i hope u get tt job soon. ure so miserable now at QT.........
to the gilera boys, hey guys, count me out for the bbq thingy yeah......nxt time probably, how bout december during vacation and ummm my bdae....hahahha....
gnite peepz......tumoro, full day of school followed by an hour of knee rehab, packed!.......well, gnite...nurses need to sleep to.....LoL!
yeay
finally ive rectified my computer problems and now, im surfing with ease, i hope i wouldnt have those awful pop ups again....and ouh i strongly recommend "slimbrowser" a web browser i downloaded at download.com, its much faster than ie or mozilla...
i gotta study....study, study......project works is pilling up everyday, so i gotta manage my time wisely.......this weekend is probably the longest ill spend with my b for a day.....looking forward to it.....
shahreil n frens, sori i couldnt join for soccer, reason number 1, my knee problem, reason number 2, school assignments, reason number 3, very bz already....... ill make up at alif sessions during the weekends....hehehe miss u guys....realli....
my sayang, keep on trying, hunt for tt job.....im always here should u need me or if u need my support....i know how frustating it is to hunt for jobs and not getting it and ppl ard u think negatively of u....ive been there........gd luck.....love ya.
i love babies.....
watching the video during our tutorial really made me so wanting to have babies.... it happens everytime i see cute little human beings......just like 2weeks ago when i see nabirul n his brother.........i want some of my own some day.....hehehe.....
im jamming my brains this couple of days....i need a well deserved nap....gnite peepz.
life
meaning of life to the family i interviewed, MR.B said his family & kids were the meaning to his life.......for me its nani....id like the whole world to know tt.
i just like to take this opportunity to mention tt nobody's perfect, everyones got a flaw or two or mebbe more and everyone had done something wrong at least once in their lifetime. so i guess, its just right to forgive and forget.....but damn u sometimes the forgetting part is so damn hard to do. tts not the point. the point is everyone is somehow given mistakes to learn from it......after that everyone involved in it gets better with life and so on....dont u think so?
hmmm....back to my daily life......hmmm i find tt ive made a music transition.....im now enjoying more emo, hardcore scremo kinda thing....to get u a better idea, think love me butch, a vacant affair, nothing to declare.....and sometimes real ol skool hardcore, integrity.....i dunno probably its the school environment, i need tt energy vibes to last me for 9hours of school each day......so the screaming and the distortions really wake me up when my eyes are 3/4 shut.....anyways i think syarul's voice is wonderful........
i was chatting with my classmate yah nee, we talked abt how we finally became nurses. hehehe i think im rather fated....i think this is my destiny.....siak ar cam orang tua2 sak....hahaha.....bt then im 27 oredi..... ok back to my destiny....first of all, 3 of my aunties are nurses!, my cousin is a nurse, the girl i use to date is a nurse, hmm so i guess it runs in the family excluding the girl....and....i was a st john's member back in school, well for a year only hahaha......then in NS, i was a combat medic through out till now.......see, tts why...i say mebbe im fated.....
i was thinking too, i badly wanted to become a teacher but refused....tt too has got some family thingy i guess, my grandfather was a teacher, my uncle is a teacher...
haha but ultimately, its the stability, the career, the chance to work with ppl, the opportunity for overseas employment, the chance for a probable migration....i still want to live the dream of having a family living comfortably one day in a big house, with my fav scooter in a room, a volkswagen beetle or minibus parked below or a those mini sports car....i want to be able to provide the best for my future family, i want my son to have a perfect bringing up, and ultimately make my mother proud, i love my mother....
speaking of working with ppl, yah-nee asked why i enjoyed teaching, i said the kids, i enjoyed working with kids and she said i should volunteer for club rainbow, i think i will in the coming vacation....it will be an eye opener and helps u to be not so selfish in life and think about urself and ur gains only...seriously after i took up nursing, i feel tt i have improved a little to become a better person....slightly i guess but seriously, i tend to care about ppl feelings more.....like my frens example, im less temperamental lately....im much more calm....if any one pisses me off, i think back why he or she behaves in such a way and wat would be the reason and i try to rectify it....its more interesting that way rather than fighting anger with anger.....cool huh?....try it urself.....
i told my fren, i think im a slacker, weekends usually i only study abit and like yest after the project case study, i never open my books.....my fren told me, a slacker wont say hes a slacker bcos he wont think about it, hes a slacker.... make sense to me..... a slacker wont worry that he is slacking....right?
shahreil gonna sell me his monitor yeay!.....tt means ill save a little on the new pc, ive told to myself and my mom, tt ill get fathi and ayun a new pc, for their school work and all......end of this year perhaps......ill get those system from sim lim.
i really havent been spending time with my frens lately......and yest i had to turn them down cos i got things to do and we had to go to bras basah to look for books and i promised nani ill fetch her....well last week i killed two birds with one stone, i met my gilera frens first and later at night i spend time with the bb boys at baybeats......sorri guys its not tt i forget bout u guys but now my time is so limited, most of the time im tied down with school and anything related to it... but watever it is, u guys, the bb boys are still close to my heart, ure the bros tt helped me pick myself up during rough times, ure the ones tt accepted me without questions, giving me advices and sometimes encouragements.....love ya guys...if it weren't for you guys i dun think id be where i am now,......just want u guys to know u were the driving force towards me pursuing my dreams......thnks guys......
i gotta study now, probably light my sheesha and enjoy a little mint or peach... haha
love is..
i love my sayang alot.....and cos i finished early jus now, i rushed home to get my helmet to fetch her from work....a very quick movie at six and i was home before 9pm.
i love her lots and thats all i need to say....
schools tough...but coping well, thanks to those around me, frens, classmates and my love.....one bad thing is, we're just stuck with one lousy group member......sigh...
but lucky nuff the other 4 are good....
lots of work since the week began.....sigh.....journals, interviews, research....sigh..
but hey, its the road to becoming a qualified nurse....i gotta keep on working hard...
c ya ard mates.......
paranoid android
im more like a worrying android....hahaha.....was doing research online on domestic and family violence last night....talked to shahreil about how i worry if i go a day without any revision.....i told him, maybe i worry too much tt at times i feel like ive sinned if i never study......he said, now then u know....hahaha....
im not saying im a top notch student where i study everyday till the wee hours....i just do the basic revision, meaning understanding the subject and theres not much time left to really go in depth....this is the drawback of the accelerated program, uve got so many modules to cover.....so u have to stop once u understand the concept to go on to another one.....and to add on to the workload, theres lots of research/assignments & group work.........these are both good and bad. good it helps to pull ur final results percentage, bad it occupies time and cut ur revision time by at least 30%..... however im not really complaining cos this time around, theres real interest.....so it helps in away........i guess ill never stop learning.....i know its still a long way to go but ive already had something on my mind. once ive completed this course and a proud staff nurse, ill pursue something else part time, which is too my interest, design/animation, photography/videography & guess what, these interests might in fact provide extra income.....i can always freelance...
im a dreamer but i do try to make my dream happen so those who make fun/criticise me or frown upon my decisions in the past suck on my 2 middle fingers....
baybeats....
it wasnt as enjoyable as before....for a MUSIC lover like me, i was pretty pissed bored.....the crowd was such an eyesore, underage trendy-assholes swarmed the venue. and some of the local bands were such a disappointment, the organizers apparently didnt do enough homework..... the quality of some of them just put singaporeans to shame...especially when there are good bands performing like one buck short & love me butch.....im not pretty happy this year.....we'll wait for nomad....maybe nomad i can bring along nani, as the music at womad are more acceptable to the general crowd...
i love nani to the bits...i dunno why but even while i am with my frens i do think about her and decided to drop an sms or two.....we even am already dreaming as where we would have our home.....we were considering ang mo kio, since i work at buangkok i wanted sengkang but she dont want to be far away from her parents.... for all u know i would be buying somewhere in bb....hahaha cos i cant really bear to part with my mom n my wonderful frens but id like to be independent....anyway, we would go with wats best for us ultimately......u might think that i think too far but hey its never to early to plan....at least have a realistic plan than put up a false image that everythings going to be rosy and sweet and the end nothing happen.....thats why im against some customs and all.....
ive gained 2kg....oh my gosh ive tipped the 80 mark...damn.....it must be because ive been slogging thru the books and theres not much physical activity, i used to religiously futsal every wednesday, jog & skate occassionaly with naz but now, zilch, zero.....i just work the cells in my brains, no wonder i got a flu attack last week. im gonna drag my lazy big fat ass to the track or gym at school starting next week. and stop the 2times a day massive starch intake.....ive been eating rice 2 times a day ever since i start school...i use to eat only 1plate.......it must be the brains demanding more intake in order to have chemical reactions and maximize brain activity.hahahaha im nuts.......okla gotta go....u know, im supposed to sleep up to one but i woke up at 9+, might as well utilize the time revising....see ya guys... ouh biology is a killer.....
ouh meanwhile i so want to buy the cds of these bands, a vacant affair(sg), nothing to declare(sg), love me butch(kl), one buck short(kl)....quality music they have..
when fun adds on to stress
my brain was literally jammed today....after absorbing so much for the past week and a half or so....
today, i just needed the well deserve break...actually from the 3 days of extensive revising.....i tot i wanted to watch a movie with my darling at clementi but then there were no good shows. so i decided to play soccer to destress as it was wednesday, soccer day.....i don my fake germany jersey n shorts.....met the guys....first of all the lights not working just spoils the mood....and then wen i finally get to play....that was wen i totally loose my mood.....from expected fun....it became stressfull when i recieved 'serious' INSTRUCTIONS from a pro footballer......i mean i came for fun, to kick ard, i know im not good at it, i dun mind ppl showing me how to do it right but wat i experience jus make me feel stressed up and the fun instantly vanished into thin air( firstly i dun get a whiff of the ball, 2ndly im just like a dummy at the goal post, 3rdly i screwed up wen i tried to get hold of the ball n not the pro)....instantly soccer become the most boring past time.....so i decided just to go back and study instead....or probably just chat with my b online if i just cant get myself to study.........
probably soccer wasnt such a good activity to destress.....probably it will be if it was played with fun rather than such seriousness......anyway hope he represent singapore one day.....hahahaha.....
this is very inspiring
read the article....its very inspiring and encouraging for me.....look, i might even have my own clinic, if i work hard enough and my capabilities get realised...but to make all that possible is to first dream and secondly work real hard....im sure she worked real hard to get where she is now......
