yoda said patience

may the force be with u....

patience is the key i guess....im too into my future thingy tt sometimes i worry too much. i cant wait to start school and see the outcome, see howd i do.....but i have to wait cos time appears to be moving slow.....so patience sid.

caramella, u have been left unattended and sunday i will wax u showroom shine and ride u ard.....i so want to put caramella in my own apt after i got my own tt is....but ttll have to wait at least in 3years time, if i do get married or sumthin, if not ill have to wait till im 35, where i can purchase my own home.......i feel old now but then again, the restrictions in sg made me so impatient to reach 35. i dunno why but i just feel tt.....if i happen to be not marrying and single at age 30, i hope i have an oversea offer and like susan(the lecturer) she have done nursing in UK, NewZealand and Hong Kong.....wow...its like a passport to travelling....cool...

speaking of travelling....i miss those days when i go in and out of singapore often. but i cant imagine how much i already spent cos i never really calculated but hey no regrets at all...it was fun and id love to do it again, except nowadays im a bit tight.

im still contemplating till today whether i wanna work till the end of the month of middle....i might need the money for books and stuffs for school....i feel like calling up mr chua, he's been asking black to ask me to call him....but paiseh la...
and wats more i dunno if i can cope working and studying....ill have to let 1semester pass first before i work part time, cos tis time round i dun wanna jeopardize my studies, i want to get good grades....not like the o level retakes, i only got 2Bs. i know i might be too ambitious for something tt i know nuts bout but hey my goal to get nothing less than a B....if possible all As.......ceh bah.....hehehe, we'll see..

c ya ard.....

sid thinks too much

fotos....can bring joy, memories, envious feeling, despair, anger and many more...
today some fotos bring me pressure.....fotos of my frens half-way to their fullfilments make me envious of them and wonder why im still nowhere......like my sayang told me, i think too much.....well, by nature im ambitious.....but did i not put in enough effort? in denial id say i did put 101%.........but then again, honestly, i did put in say 95%max....... but the thing is, i want to do what i like, not do jus becos i took a wrong path and im forced to follow that path, NO, i want to change tt path, tts why i took so long.....teaching....MOE u just missing a wonderful talent over here.......
i will teach, i hope so.....after 5years into nursing, ill get a degree and then ill try to get into teaching.....if theres no discrimination......hahaha

i worry, i think...too much.
i wanna do well in my 2 year of study.....but i worry i cannot discipline myself yet again to put in 101% effort.....but i guess im mature enough to do so....so sid, pinch ur penis and wake urself up....hehehe....NO i wont do that literally.......anyways, id want to do my best for me, not for anyone else... cmmon sid make those ppl's jaw drop for once.....

the wheather is so sweltering hot....but hey lets not complain....cos rain would deter me from going out....ouh, i pray during the 2years itll rain whenever i go out too often.....heheh....

alright more or less, ive laid my path before me, i only need to stroll thru it and probably climb some steep slopes along the way......but still i wanna live my childhood dreams....rockstar, racecar driver, or a superhero....fark ar sid go to sleep....heheh....nites everyone.......

iwantmyownapartment

i dunno wat to say......i just hate it when my uncle comes and talk bout his problems..
his problems is never ending.....financial....cos he wouldnt want to change.....and the more u shud shut the fuck up.....cos i need some peace at home and u speak like an apek so loud tt even me locked up in my room am irritated by ur stupid whinings.....and ure a coward, u only talk to ppl behind their back. damn!

so early?

why im online so early with this entry? 2 reasons....1.i was tired after floor waxing and i just went to bed early at abt 1245 last night, 2.i jus sense something was not right n i need to check out 'lostkeyz' 3.i need to send hweelan from hr my ns notification from mindef website....so theres actually three reasons...so wat... oh and why im not leaving for work yet? cos i jus dun wanna leave so early yet.....dun wanna recieve stocks and be the rest stupid servant while they claim they are busy stocking up their veges and fresh food.....ASS....like i dun have a department to take care like that......FUCKERS....anyways, today linda is on morning shift, so ill turn up anyways at 730am, she's nice to me, well to me theres only 1 bitch at work...and the mini bitch kaypo store keeper....only these two need to be sent to the firing squad.

when i read her entries, i felt guilty....guilty for making the remark "maybe ure just not trying hard enough".....ppl like shahreil n myself should know better at how hard it is to land ourselves a job even though we have a diploma and that remark shouldnt have left my mouth. about a year ago, me and some of my friends like is-topi, shahreil and many more are having a hard time looking for jobs...that was after the sucky job i got at harimau, who victimized unexperienced job seekers...
it was hard....we tried....i borrowed his classified section when i overslept and the papers were sold out....its like the only period of time, i religiously purchase straits time from the 7-11 across the street.....so, i know it is hard, do not despair....anyways ure still young, unlike me....i cant YET pursue what i really, really like to do.......well, nursing, i like too, thru the 2days attachment i enjoyed it.....but i would prefer teaching OR doodling...hehehe.....mebbe after 5 years of service, and after a degree, ill go into the education line....and become a lecturer at nyp, np or ite......finally, ppl can call me cikgu again...hehehe

to those out there looking for jobs...try and keep on trying, do not be bothered by wat ppl say, u know urself......some ppl only reach their success ladder a little later.....dont envy those who climb it sooner....for all you know they might be tripping when ure climbing urs......gee thats not too kind....hehehe....well, its reality.

insomniac

i cant sleep, issit cos of caffeine or i think too much?.....well i dunno but thousands of plans has flooded the membrane.....some are executable, some are not...i just wanna be on top....capricons...sigh....soooo ambitious...harharhar...

pissed off

some ppl jus pisses me off, shahreil pls be a buddy, help me look if u have the originals of reservoir dogs....u know whose bugging me.....shouldnt be so kind to unblock....sheeesh......

contagious

im down with flu since thurs.....up till now i still hasnt recovered fully....many are down with the flu....including my mom......my sayang too hasnt recovered fully.....

sigh....schools gonna start soon....im a nervous wreck....but i wanna make mom proud.. i want ppl to cheer me on stage recieving the diploma cos i get good grades and not like few years back the screamed my name and cheered on cos i had many frens....i want to be cheered for a reason...... tts not the only reason to get good grades...another reason is to secure a place for the specialist advance dip course after serving the bond. this specialist course is only available if the hospital decide to sponsor me and to make that possible, i have to prove myself worthy. the advance dip. means alot to me cos itll be my stepping stone to earning 200bucks more and my stepping stone to get promoted to senior staff nurse......then probably after some experience, id get the degree and become an educator...probably......i love it when i have plans.....:) keeps me going alright....

the flu...

the flu bug has struck my sayang....lucky nuff todays her off day...i hope she have a good rest and be well for work tumoro......

after a long rest of non physical activity, i weighed myself, phew im still within the below 80 barrier.....anyways, jus now, soccer...short session and me myself wasnt feeling too well...blocked nose....and weak....oh weak knees too...harharhar....but hey it was fun.....after such a long break.

i bought gluscosamine tablets just now in hope tt it helps repair or at least strengten a little my knee, so tt i can play soccer and skate again.....ive read about gluscosamine in mags and its supposed to help and it works....i hope it does on me. no harm trying.

tumoro is my work preparation thingy with wda....my next step to becoming a full pledged nurse....i dunno la but i think im fated to be a nurse....in sec school i wanted to be in one of the uniform groups...but i was rejected in those tt i want to join....n i got in st john's....heheh....then in army, i was posted to a medic school to be trained to become a paramedic...and now after countless attempts of finding a perfect career, i ended up with nursing.....i guess its fate....hehehe....i hope its gonna be a job i love...really love....

im gonna rejoin elken for the sake of health...i want to purchase those supplements again....cos i know the difference when i was regularly consuming it...and at the same time i hope can give me an income while im surviving on measely 900bucks for 2 years.

wall climbing anyone? im keen to try....i hope my baby dun chicken out hehehe...

until the next entry evryone....gnite....to my baby, hope u get well a 100%

evryone knows now

everyone at work knows now tt ill be resigning pretty soon.....i was afraid tt sng would know but in the end i confessed when he asked why i want to take half day leave. i said medical check...he asked for job is it? i said yeah....and so on.... but its lucky he's ok with it as he too tells me, if theres better opportunity elsewhere. why not...phew wat a relief....

gotta get ready to go for medical check up and later visit my grampa...adios

i guess my mom now knows i have a gf....cos she saw the clothes nani gave my sis...

replay, testing 1,2,3

i can never get tired of saying this to her..."...aku sayang kau...." :)

gnite peepz.....tumoro is a long day, werk to imh then finally meet my baby.....:)

here we go.....

sigh.....work later....after discovering tt i got in, work is even much more a drag..i think ill just stop working middle of the month and start looking for a part-time job.

i woke up jus, jus only and i was day-dreaming....if i had my own house, caramella would be in the spare room and i want to redo her until shes showroom condition... cool huh.....then i feel like i wanted a harley.....mebbe ill look for zack wen i have the money liao..hehehe.......but hey, its just dreaming, so babey dun freak out yet... hehehe.....im like counting chicks before they hatch but hey i cant help it, everyones got dreams right?....hmm a 34inch teevee in the living room, cos frankly presently, i only get to watch crappy sg channels in my room on an old school tube......hmm playstation 3!....hahaha....air-conditioned bedroom.....i wanna paint murals in the spare room.....ouh oh the arcade machine or a pin ball machine, ive always wanted that!
and a gum ball machine....a super powerful pc with super huge lcd screen.....full sound system for me to blast my music...and oh! a turntable would be nice.....hmmm...i want those stainless steel fridge and washer.....hehehe....oh yes the recliner at ikea......
hahahha.......sid, sid.....forever dreamin...but hey my dreams do come true....:P

the revolvah

i come to a point where i cant think of a title for my entry...so here it is the revolvah(pronounced zach de la rocha style) for the not working mind......*pow!*

back as a civilian.....god damn it feels good.....but then my hair is so fucken short i might be mistaken for a recruit but anyways it feels light except it doesnt look good and my nani says i look like a fishball now....:(...hehehehe

this reservist reminded me of the last one, no, not about the training but about the incident it was the time someone i trusted most actually lied and cheated me....it was the period of time whereby i was so worried and sad.....but hey tt is long gone and ive long dusted it away and dispose off it for good......

u know wat it feels good to know tt someone misses u too.....at least i know im not alone....i guess god has given me a replacement for my countless heartaches in the past.
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i have so many ppl tt is around me tt makes my life alot more pleasant....thanks sayang....and thanks guys.....i dunno how id deal with life if i were so alone like somewhere at the end of 2004.

yesterday wendy from hr called up......
"hello, can i speak with mohammed siddiq?"
"yes, speaking...."
"i'm wendy from imh, id like to inform u tt u have been accepted into nyp for the 2 year accelerated diploma course"
(silently)"YES! YES AH!"

but then again, i have to go thru the medical check up before i can declare myself a a nurse at imh....heheheh......im in for this job for 50%interest + 50%stability and prospects. its all about the future......

my goals to achieve, is to save enough for the glorious day and get my own home and of course start a family.....im already turning 27....and after im finally a staff nurse id be turning 29. i know its late but like abdulrani my reservist mate told me, its never too late, he was married after NS, and hes now 28 and only completed his 3 year diploma last year, it was for the sake of his future he says....somehow, the conversation with him, motivated me and tells me ive made the right choice.

well, i want to own a home of my own and probably an automobile of my choice one day.
ive got a plan lay before me, and of course as usual a back up plan...

gotta clear up my room now, i wanna meet my baby later....love her....thnks sayang for being there for me 24/7, ive never had someone who loves me as much as u do.

she is the one.....

we're back to normal....i love her soooo much....ive never loved anyone this much before....ill miss u this week im away....love u lots.....

im sorry

i was cranky the other day, just a little, so when tt taxi refused to give way, i honked the horn so long tt she pulled away my hand thus causing the bike to wobble, which instantly made me screamed at her.....i didnt mean to scream at her, i was angry at the taxi tts all.....and mebbe too earlier i scolded her for changing out meeting place as i was already at the interchange only to read her sms tt she is now at the mrt station.....i was fine later on, but i sense tt theres something wrong when she was like keeping her distance from me....and she wasnt smiling for a very long time.....i was frustated actually when she refuses to tell me wats wrong and i already apologised tt i screamed at her, it wasnt intentional.....i hope she forgives me....

i dun feel like doing anything

sorri peepz dun feel like doing anything....today, tumoro n god knows when....jus wanna lie in bed and stare at the ceiling.....gnite peepz....i think my 1 week reservist will help me a little....i think i wanna tender my resignation at fp very soon...but gotta be after 3rd, wen i get my pay.

fun to me is....

i was telling my baby...fun to me is....skateboarding, scootering and anything tt i enjoy doing without pressure.....:)....

one month....

on the 10th day of may, we went out and boy, the dinner at ramen ten was wonderful... sure nuff its super spicy...both of us, eyes watery and all...but hey i was satisfied and guess wat, exactly one month ago was the time wen we first held hands, wen we first realized we did really fall for each other, wen we put aside differences and surrender our egos.....wen we open up......time flies eh?.... love ya....

gotta sleep now, reservist training tumoro...medic!...heheh...sian....

bad + good day

hmm shud i start with the good or the bad....i think ill go in the order of its occurence.....

my damn area manager tt katek tt thinks he knows it all reprimanded my staff n me for our unsatisfactory performance....firstly i feel its not fair, cos 1, short of manpower, 2. he keep coming at the times wen we finished selling most of our stocks for instance monday morning, as u know, weekends, alot of customers thus more stocks sold out......i do not want to elaborate as it only increases my blood pressure doing so. to cut it short, hes a doesnt know wats really happening so stop blabbering...and mr sng, ur way of managing is kunoh...tts not the way to cut cost....u cut down manpower doesnt mean u get greater GP. less manpower means less job done thus means store not 100% ready for shoppers, thus.....u know the chain reaction.....

ok lets go on to the good things....so my blood pressure would go down a little...

the smile on her face just make everything bad disappear....and boy was i relieved plus delighted to see tt smile on her face......to hear her giggles and laugthers just put a wide smile upon my face.....before we knew it, we were back to normal, we knew we loved each other tt much......i love u my dear and i hope we never part....

.....

work, was okay....as i kept in mind tt ill be leaving pretty soon but sometimes frankly, i do enjoy retail line.

my dear today had a bad day at work, i didnt do much to cheer her up, instead i made her felt guilty for things she had not actually done but she thought she did. no, u never controlled me, i was just being fair to u. i didnt made plans with my frens, i told u we'd go out today since i was out with my frens yesterday, tt was the simple explanation why i turned my frens down. i gave up trying to convince u to join in cos i now already u'd never change ur mind. the karaoke session with my bros were never planned, it just so happen, we all were eager to check out the new gilly model, tts all....and they had to bump into me....i hope both my frens and my dear understands with the decision i made.....if they dont, i guess they are not what they are after all.

i felt lousy, wen i saw tt teary eye, i knew something was wrong, i was too persistent and insensitive but then, i was dumb enough not to know wat to say or to do to calm or ease her....all i could do was smile but i couldnt find the words or things to say cos she just wouldnt open up....id rather she open up, be frank with me tt shes not ok then keep it inside and feel angry, hurt or sad on her own. now, im the guilty one not her....i guess this is the first day tt everything didnt work out, the first day after one month being together.....i guess today was never meant for us to go out.....firstly, the irritating customers at work just spoils her mood...2ndly, joane, her colleague wanted to find out whom her bf was, which is me, their supervisor......3rdly, i bump into my fren and my pestering her to join in the fun just spoils her mood further and made her felt lousy........4thly the lightings, the false alarm of a heavy downpour forces me to send her home and just stops me from ending the day with her & myself smiling.......i hate today.....if i knew today was going to turn up this bad, i would just rot at home this fateful beautiful sunday, i was awaken at this hour cos i just cant have a sound sleep....to sum it all up, i was never angry at her, i was only upset and disappointed, tts all. i just wanted her to join in the fun i usually have with my frens, the ppl i turn to when i had no one else all this while. and im never the kind of guy tt would leave u along the way to join my frens, that is just not right, furthermore, i made plans with u first and in the first place, there wasnt any plans with my frens...

at times like this, i feel im not the one for her. i hope if she feels im not it along the way be frank with me and just dump me. but if she can accept our differences, then ill be very happy.

bored

the chalet was utter boredom....shouldnt have went but fyn is our fren and being there at least put a wider smile upon her face.today i think i ate too much, im bloated...heh

speaking of which, i hope my other half wouldnt be so worried about her getting out of shape....i think she looks fine and frankly theres nothing wrong with her, i felt guilty though jokingly pointing out some of her flaws...i felt so guilty tt i feel theres a need to apologise....stop worrying my dear, i was only joking la....can?..

anyways, im tired....need to work tomorow....gnite....