To think that the recent headaches(some unnecessary) came from close ones(one even blood related). It is really necessary? to pretend? I don't know la but all I know is I never step on anyone's foot so why am I appearing like the bloody ones with horns and a pitch fork? Anything wrong with being reserved and careful? Anything wrong with trying to settle all that I have now before coming back? Don't anyone understand that I plan my own wedding, hunt for everything pretty much myself, save up myself(of course some of my aunties lighten my burden a little by sponsoring stuffs such as kompang). Why can't anyone understand?
If anyone can be back to normal as if nothing happened after an incident immediately. Whoah but for me it takes time, I said before and working shifts doesn't help either. So does working shifts makes me the devil? Does being unable to comply and please others makes me the devil? Does not going to something you wouldn't enjoy make you the fucken devil? WTH. Hanya Tuhan Sahaja yang tahu.
I don't know la, there's lots on my mind to think about right now, getting married is not an easy thingy especially when ure handling it urself. But if people choose to not understand and think negatively, so be it. Aku dah tak kuasa, dah penat. Skarang nie pon mengigil tak tau asal, mungkin karena dihina, mungkin karena disalah sangka, mungking kerana dituduh pemutus silahturahim. Aku hanya mampu mengeluh kepada Dia sahaja.
Ntahla cheetah.....aku pon tak tau apa nak jadi. Cuba jadi neutral tapi kena macam2, pernahkah mereka cerminkan kata2 yng mereka pernah lepaskan? Kita boleh menipu orang lain, tapi menipu diri sendiri tidak mungkin. Kalau omputeh cakap apa tu, conscience?
Do we have to comply just to 'sedapkan' hati orang ramai? Do we? If I had something more important should I cancel it to 'sedapkan' hati orang? If it is something I do not like doing would I still comply and not say what I think? In the first place was I given a chance to do so, say what I think? I think not. So why the accusations and insults? Is it even necessary?
Me and Ain, even as a couple we take our stand. She say what she thinks of what I am doing is not right, being human it takes me a little time to analyze and after I know clearly what she is trying to say and knows that I am at fault, I apologize and try to make things better. I too do tell her what I do not like and I do make my stand and if its negative, she'd point out. The thing is both of us is so used to being frank to each other and how can that be we can't handle the truth? Do not say what you do not know is going on. Clarify before loading your machine guns with hurtful ammos. I had my say. I am just hurt, I guess the apologies that came from my heart, pagi raya doesn't even mean a thing to everyone.
By the way if you think NurAin lies, this is what I think she deserves my name more than anyone else, Siddiq(yang benar/truth). I can't even remember when she last lied.
perlukah?
Grandpa
Ouh my grandpa's passed away and another is in JB.
I wanna talk bout my nenek's brother in law? I call him Tok also lah. Last Monday was the first time I met him, he's still young I guess late 50s? Anyways what he said was an inspiration, funny we have similar thoughts. I have always wanted to be my own boss, in other words own something like a business or something. It's tough especially in Singapore. No I don't want to be in food business like some of my uncles although it can bring in quite a fair share but it's tough work and you'll miss out on alot of stuffs.
Anyways, Tok(I didnt get his name, sheesh) had similar thoughts like mine when he was young, he too back then was working as an employee. He too had dreams back then which he never thought he could do it but he kept keeping the dreams in the back of his head till one day he managed to pull it off and now living comfortably with quite a number of workers under his hand. It's all in the mind, he kept saying that. I'd like to be there too someday, hopefully, InsyahAllah. After our last prophet was a businessman himself.
Thank you Mom.
As Syawal approaches and as Ramadan comes to an end, I can't help thinking bout my imperfect family life. Since I was 2years old, I was raised mainly by my mother with the help of my grandparents. I've never felt what it is like to have a father and a mother under one roof. I've never experienced 'salam' and giving hugs to both parents when I leave for work or school. I've never experienced having dinner together as a whole family. Even when my mom remarried, I never felt that cos partly I was old enough to know he's not my dad and to makes things worse he never really take me as his own son.
I am sure my parents have valid reasons for their separation. I am sure it was for the best and probably things could be worse if they remained together. I am not blaming them nor I am angry against my fate. It is just that I envy those families and I wonder how it feels like to have a proper family.
Come next year, I'll have my own but not as a son but as a husband and probably a father as well in the near future, InsyahAllah. In MY family, I will want my kids to experience a proper family life not like mine. I want them to have all the opportunities they can have. I wanna make sure I can provide for them with whatever I can, in all aspect including love. I don't want them to feel neglected and feel not normal in society(although that's only how the narrow minded think). I hope I can achieve that and make a difference in the future blood line.
I pity my siblings, Hazimah and Hazmi for now they are living with their step father cos their mom(whom is my stepmom from my dad's 2nd marriage which failed) passed away early this year due to chronic diabetes. I am glad though they are doing fine and I am glad because of nenek we are still in touch. I hope they do not frown upon their fate but take it as a lesson to bring to their future so as to make it a better one. I know they are smart enough and strong enough to face all challenges. I know they can do it and I hope they seek my help should there be a need.
I feel that I wasn't really a good son but I do want to be the best and hope to be one. I know what my mom wants to see and I know she hopes for the best for me. I hope my mom don't worry too much cos her son here knows how to fend for himself and is on the correct route now. And believe me mom, your son here has got all his plans laid before him, InsyahAllah it'd all go well.
Thanks mom for the upbringing, the values you shared, the strength you passed to me, for without you, I don't think I am where I am now.
More good over bad part II
Yesterday, as I was thinking about how unpleasant my life was since young. Then came to me this wonderful thought that although my life was pretty unpleasant, I actually have some or more pleasant experiences in it. I was actually happy at some points of my life. Thanks to God for granting me the wonderful people around me.
I shall not whine about the unpleasantness in my life cos I don't see a point in doing so.
Thank God for the following that happened in my life:
-First of all thank God for the greatest mom in the whole wide world who brought me up single handedly and managed to get me to where I am today. Believe me, I am not an easy one to bring up.
-Thank God for my strong mental state to go through all the craps in life.
-Thank God I managed to get my 5 credits at O-level although I barely studied cos I don't care much back then.
-Thank God that I completed my Mechanical Engineering Diploma even though its not what I wanted.
-Thank God for being through some crap in army which in a way got me a little stronger mentally and physically.
-Thank God for the wonderful friends and people around me.
-Thank God for the horrible people around me who showed me how ugly we can become if I behaved like them.
-Thank God for a good friend-Iskandar and his mom for providing me with cheap accommodation when I decided I had enough with my step-father's nonsense.
-Thank God for nursing for it made me a better person and it gave me a stable job.
-Thank God for the many accidents that I escaped with minor injuries only.
-Thank God that I never went hungry all these years.
-Thank God for my cousin that offered me free accommodation.
-Thank God for interest in photography which led to the following.
-Thank God for Hairul and Ross and film-photography, if not for them, I wouldn't have met Ain.
And thank God for Nurain, it's definitely worth the wait and going through many unpleasant relationship experiences and of course thank God for the future life we'd be sharing which also probably means a new beginning to many more pleasant journeys. Insya'Allah.
More good over bad.
I was furious today at work, angry although I have to admit I was partly at fault. Then why be angry you may ask? It is because when my superior asked me for an explanation, he didn't really want to listen, in fact he pick out the mistakes from there and although acknowledge the correct things that I did, he really 'pinned' me down on my mistakes although I was not at total fault and I did the necessary to 'protect' myself from being liable. Urggghh...why bother asking when you do not want to listen, just tell me off lah, isn't that alot easier?
And please lah, I beg, you don't have to tailgate me everywhere I go just because I did a minor mistake a couple of weeks ago, which again the same thing happened, explanation refused and still insist on his idea on why it went wrong. I did say and for goodness sake, there's witnesses that I did my job and it was a pure mistake and not that I took shortcuts and neglect my duties. For goodness sake, I am 30years old not some new kid whom just completed school and on his first job. If I left my previous line to join this one, I must have made some serious considerations and I must have plans to make this my job till I retire. Don't you have that tiny part of your brain masses that have space to digest some other ideas/explanation/watever la.....
I'm fine if you pointed out my mistake, I would apologize if it is purely my mistake and will try not to repeat again. Perhaps the next time I should have recorded what I said and the sincere apology that I expressed then replay it again to remind you that I do admit fault if it is mine totally!
Although the incident today affected me, I thought to myself, I did manage to 'escape' and 'redo' in many occasion. So yeah I shall not brood over the few bad instances/experiences at work.
Now I will refuse to speak up my thoughts and ideas, if I have any, I will post it anonymously. I don't see any appreciation in doing so, I will only be doing it for the sake of good and benefit of me and my immediate colleagues.
Now I just hope I really have that drive to get a degree when I am able to(financially and mentally). Then, when the time is right, I wanna teach or if there is a better opportunity outside of Singapore, I'd leave if my other half is agreeable.
Alhamdullilah.
Alhamdullilah, to see the mosque filled up even on a rainy day. Alhamdullilah that many Muslim men are now flocking the mosque for Friday prayers even though it's in between their school time, work hours, etc. Thank God. Alhamdullilah they took this opportunity in Ramadan, the last 10days.
Too bad, Darul Ghufran at Tampines is a tad too small for its huge Muslim(cos there are plenty of non-malay muslims as well) community down here. Some had to brave the drizzle by praying outside in the field on canvas sheets.
But to those who chit-chat along the way not listening to the sermon, those kids who played with their games on their handphones(some sms) and one even played his PSP And to the selfish brothers who did not stand as close as possible to each other to close the gaps in the 'Saf' depriving space of the brothers behind, please be more kind and thoughtful, that little space of comfort space of yours can make space for one more brother who might not have space to even pray behind.
The Imam even said to the masses before the start of the sermon, even if you utter a single word during the sermon, your 'Ibadah' is not as those who listened. Friday prayers are accompanied with a sermon, to share amongst Muslim brothers messages or lessons that is useful and informative for us Muslims. If you talk(or not pay attention) means you loose out and not only that you disrupt the peace or even make other Muslim brothers hard to concentrate or listen even if they really want to. He also mentioned to 'rapatkan saf' meaning to close the gaps in between so that you can make space for the other Muslim brothers who might not have space behind.
I take this opportunity on this world wide web, as a chance to reach out to Muslims who is reading out there, spread the message to your male member in the family. Please spare a thought for brothers who came for the Friday prayers and not attending for the sake of attending. Please tell your kids if they want to play their games or chit chat please stay at home or at least pay respect if they still wanna come. Please dear Muslim brothers spare a thought about the people behind who might not have space, move yourself closer to the next person beside you so you can make space for one more in that row or maybe even more than one more brother.
Alhamdullilah to those who attended the Friday prayers but if you come for the sake of coming or because your parents told you so, at least spare a thought for the brothers behind who is deprived of space. I also hope that the masses today will keep coming more frequent so that in the long run, the authorities will take note and maybe build another mosque or just do an expansion. Because if the mosques is only filled up during Ramadan, I think they might have difficult time deciding to expand or even build another one cos they don't see a need. I hope this entry gets to the masses, Insyha'Allah.
Last but not least, Syukran for the space God provided me just now and thank you to the brother next to me for squeezing a little more, told the brother next to him to move and suggested me to adjust the position of the standing fan so I can have space. God will repay your kindness I am sure, Insya'Allah. Amin.
Help, I'm Alive
I tremble
They're gonna eat me alive
If I stumble
They're gonna eat me alive
Can you hear my heart beating like a hammer?
Beating like a hammer?
Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer
Hard to be soft
Tough to be tender
Come take my pulse, the pace is on a runaway train
Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer
If you're still alive
My regrets are few
If my life is mine
What shouldn't I do?
I get wherever I'm going
I get whatever I need
While my blood's still flowing
And my heart still beats...
Beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer
Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer
Hard to be soft
Tough to be tender
Come take my pulse, the pace is on a runaway train
Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps
Beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer
If you're still alive
My regrets are few
If my life is mine
What shouldn't I do?
I get wherever I'm going
I get whatever I need
While my blood's still flowing
And my heart still beats...
Beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer
Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer
Softie
No not Mr.Softee the ice-cream missed by many. It's me, that's me beneath the always 'fighting' self. I 'fight' for my rights, I still do although I mellowed down a little these days.
My eyes teared at certain things that touches the heart. For instance what Nyai-Asmah is going thru right now, 4 pints of blood and probably multiple medications to nurse her probable gastric ulcer. My mom who's everly facing unhappiness while I in 3 months will meet my happiness, I pray for you mom, I guess its about time God give you some space, some happiness, I know you are happy for mine but you need to have your own as well. I hope either that old man change or go away. For the rest whom I know is facing tough times as well, I hope God grant your wishes or show you the right way.
Today the thoughts of running was not fulfilled as I slept through soundly, probably the most sound 1hr of sleep I have ever had. I woke up afresh as though I slept 10hrs. Weird but true. I guess I'll drop the idea of running and fulfill that on Thursday morning. Must discipline myself, at least 3Km a week, if possible 3x3. I realized the lack of runs, makes my body lethargic and the pain in my knees returning. Somehow, the runs, keeps me going for some reason probably its my way of coping the shift work, probably what Ain said was true indeed.
Till date I still wanna live my dreams(although I am not really sure if I can make all of it a reality within my lifetime). To hell to those who might've gotten sick of me chanting that repeatedly in this blog. I raced, although I didn't get any trophy but that was just one my dreams that I made a reality. Many more I did which I shan't brag online.It all might be small or even mean nothing to everyone else but it is something to me. And thanks Ain for being supportive and I hope you will continue allowing me to pursue whatever I feel I need to do so. Do give me the support when I need it. Do tell me off if what I am doing is not necessary. I'm glad with the way our relationship works.
Sleepless again.
I am wide awake, I am sleepless.
I have to write this. God, thank you for bringing me wonderful people to me in my life.
God, help me thru, I pray to you give all the people I know, whom I love, whom loves me, whom care for me the happiness they desire, the wishes they chase after, the goals they work so hard for. Grant them health, food and everything else the need to get by day by day. Get the sick well and the well aware And keep the diseases away from them. Guide them and myself if we do get lost. Forgive them and myself if we do stray away. For we are mere humans, to err is common and rather frequent.
There's lots on my mind, You are the Almighty , you know what's inside, so help me God, guide us, show us the light the path the way that is right.
InsyahAllah.
I love you Nurain for loving me whole heartedly and forgive me for any wrongs that I had done.
Great Minds Think Alike
It's good that someone also share the same views as me. Apart from my Ain of course.
I was having this casual conversation with Yayi-Tahir(my cousin's grandfather) over sahur. About some people bringing up the issue of hantaran, the market rate. I told my mom, tell that someone there's no such thing and I will come up with what I can. I told that to Yayi-Tahir as well, I told him hantaran is not wajib in Islam and in Al-Quraan there is no such thing as market rate. Islam never make life difficult for its ummah, it is the ummah who makes their own lives difficult, make mandatory what is not. If you claim you step in and out of the mosque so that often, how can you not be aware of that? Our culture is man-made, man-created why kill ourselves trying to be amongst the norm of culture(that is man-made). If you can afford, go ahead, if not why kill yourself trying?
That's why I say, many of us is still in the state of Jahilliyah(ignorance). So am I, I still do wrong at times but I am just amazed at how the Malay community tries so hard to uphold what is not mandatory. Wake up, open up your mind, remove that veil, you don't have to be ashamed for not carrying out what is not required, what is not mandatory. They who talk and try to shame us should be ashamed for they are in that deep state of ignorance.
Achievements.
If I get into Advance-Diploma faster/ahead than most, I guess the Assistant-Director of Nursing can recognize my potential and IF I can perform well, Dec 2010, I'd wanna reward myself with a Rolex. Look, isn't it sweet....Ooooomph!
The Bamford & Sons customized Rolex, not the typical kind!
Complacency
Given some thoughts, we can never be complacent. I am referring to employment. No matter how stable you are, I guess you'd always need a back up.
I have give it some thought and I hope I'd at least do it. I've been wanting a back up and I have always wanted to be my own boss, well if that doesn't work out, I'd still have to be gainfully employed. And being employed and stagnant is not satisfactory, if within my bond I am not promoted, I guess I gotta move on. To move on, I needed to be outstanding, special from the rest of the candidates. I thought maybe I should start reading up on a subject bit by bit and be a master of it, for example heart related nursing IF I'd want to work in a heart unit. I was thinking if I'd wanna transfer after I completed my bond, I'd go for CGH and apply under one of the specialized unit. CGH why? cos it'd be closer to home and SingHealth's promotions is more or less on a regular confirmed basis, also means I can reach my goal faster. See how la eh, just thoughts only. Taa.....
I Love You, Man
Watch the movie as recommended by my wifey-to-be. She's so right that I can relate to the movie so much....LoL. Hella nice movie, you guys should watch. Gnite everyone, nap time before pm shift!
Jahilliyah
30 years of age is what I will be, come 29th December 2009. I was born a Muslim, yet till date I am far from being a good one. I still do not know some of the basics. I once wanted to master the language(Arabic) so I can understand more of my religion but then I strayed away. Today at the mosque I was awaken, I needed to know more, the basic, the 'mandatory' ones are not enough, merely doing for you have to is not enough, I feel the need to know what I am doing, what I am reciting, what the Imam says. Not everything but at least the jizz of it. It was the period of 'Jahilliyah' in my life that caused me to stray away and became ignorant of what I live by and call myself, a Muslim. I can't believe I was shameless enough to call myself a Muslim back then when I not only was ignorant of my religion, I was also doing what is not allowed.
For I am a mere human, my will was weakened by many things in life. But that is no excuse. Now that I realize, I hope I bring myself back to the path laid before me. As this Ramadan awakened me, I hope I will not be swayed and put to the state I was back then yet again when Ramadan ends.
I start to realize and be thankful had it not been for the certain episodes of my life, I wouldn't have left 'Jahilliyah'. For it had not been that the bringing up I got, for it had not been the friends that I met, had it not been for that I met Ain and had it not been for the unpleasant things that happened in my life, I guess I'd still be stuck there.
Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah. Thank God, The one and only God.
Sometimes, someday
Sometimes, I wonder if I am too much. But then I am just living by my rights and I did nothing wrong. In fact I am preventing accidents and unhappiness in the future at my expense. Sometimes I hope people would understand and put to a stop and just leave me alone. Sometimes, some things are better left unsaid, unexplained cos' sometimes explanation means nothing if it's going thru a 24inch thick steel-like barrier. Sometimes it's not worth the effort. Sometimes I wonder why I am even thinking about it. I think cos sometimes it does affect me. Sometimes it's quite unpleasant being unable to 'fight' and just let things rest when real justice has not surfaced. Sometimes yet again, many more important things require this 2 hemispheres in that thick skull of mine. Sometimes my energy and thoughts are better spent on people who loves me and not discriminate, intimidate and victimize me. I am not your punching bag, your scapegoat, your lab-rat. Sometimes you need to watch what's cooking under the pressure cooker, what time does it say on the clock attached to the time-bomb. That's why sometimes I keep myself away.
Am I suffering from ASPD? I doubt so, I get along pretty well with people who loves me, I get along with my colleagues, my true friends, my acquaintaces and those worth calling family.
I am tired of sometimes, I'd rather have always. I'd want to be with Ain always, I'd want to see her always, I'd want to feel loved always, I'd love to be wanted always. I'd like to be treated FAIRLY always, to be respected always and not to be sabotaged always. I'd wish for happiness always, for faith to the One God always, for forgiveness always and for a healthy mind always. I'd want to be strong always, to be resilient always, to be 'fighting' always. There's too many always, always but the point is I wanna lead a positive life.
Nobody is perfect, neither am I but at least I don't live in denial and leave with denial.
Alhamdulillah from bringing Ain into my life. I can only thank you God for without you nothing is possible.
Tired.
Feeling tired but I am driven. Driven by a fuel no fossil could ever produce. No chemist can ever create. No archeologist and ever recover. I am driven by Ain.
Puke!
I'm lucky I didn't go for the CGH route, else I guess I would've puked. I went further today, took the same route but this time round I went to the junction just at the entrance of Expo. Took me 20mins, I can feel my heart palpating. One BIG mistake for today was the pre-run Nutella sandwiches. I took 2 with a huge mug of coffee and I think it's the contributing factor to the puke like feeling. With the tummy filled, it leaves little space for your diaphragm and lungs to expand fully thus the lack of oxygen intake and when you start breathing like a pregnant walrus it forces the lungs to expand thus squeezing the content in your stomach out.....gosh....never again, pre-run makan.
5th day Ramadan, I am missing Ain badly.....uggghhh....
As I was relaxing myself on the cold concrete, just certain thoughts came to mind. What if we can't move in to 709 and stay put at 292, what would our daily activity. I thought to myself since the television outside will be 'conquered', we will definitely need a tv of our own AND a dvd player or even better PS3 or Wii....Hahahahahhaha woooohoo. Else we'll definitely go out alot and spend alot. I'd want us to save up and be prepared for our new flat and maybe a longer vacation! hehehe Europe baby?
Still in Ramadan, I've been killing myself trying to find ways how to tell some of my colleagues what they do is not right and definitely not in the month of Ramadan. Although its leftovers and although its such a waste to throw away, rightfully its not ours and to my point of view, it defeats the purpose of Ramadan at all. I think I'll just get someone else to tell them off in a nice way. Well just my point of view and I hope they get it after repeatedly I declined their offer, not even a spoonful.
New manager coming....hmmm I wonder how its going to be like. I hope he will get me that advance diploma I badly wanted. After that only I guess I'll be motivated for a degree and maybe be driven to try to get a lecturing position. I am already going on 30 if by 35 I don't have a degree, I think I'll just stay put and maybe work for a senior position instead.
Ambitious, yes? I guess that's the nature of Capricorns.....
3km
I've only been running 3.4+km each session...need to up the distance.....
Tomorrow to CGH and back! approximately 6+km....a little ambitious...maybe safer to try that on my off day if no ones for mac ritchie run....
I wanna Run!
I wonder IF I do reside at Tampines Ave7 which is nearer to work(and maybe later on buy a flat near there as well!) will it be possible to run to work? I wanna try one day....I think I am starting to get obsessed like years ago, I think it is also the stress building up cos of all the wedding preps!
Too bad the drizzle and the sniffles this morning, I really regret having that cold cup of chendol last night! Cold drinks at night + less hours of sleep is certainly not for me.
Anyways, I think I will invest in a bicycle and cycle to work should I be able to get a flat near Tampines Ave10. It'll save me loads on petrol and definitely keep me fit. Yesterday I weighed myself and I was about to give in to self denial that its cos of my shoes, keys, phone, etc...but I know that even if I strip naked there and then I would still weigh about 80kg. That means 10kg to go in 4 months. That was very easy in BMT where you were made to run everyday but I wonder if I get a chance to do so now OR have the motivation to do so. I hope so cos I don't wanna be looking like a blob in fotos....
My colleague, Zulkifly got offered a position at Changi Prison as a Psycho-educator, he turned it down despite of the 5 day work week perk cos he'll loose out on all the allowances and would probably earn alot less. I was thinking Changi Prison, 5 day work week, office hours, I'd be tempted but perhaps when I am married, the dough is more important, especially in Singapore. But for me, I think it'll be a tough choice to make as time spent with my loved ones is as important or maybe more than the dough itself.
Ok gotta go, sahur!
Happy fasting all. InsyahAllah good Ramadan ahead for all Moslems!
Truth.
Sometimes its hard to tell the whole truth to someone who's in denial. Unlike with Ain, it's pretty simple cos we've been doing so all the while.
It's just that I don't think till date she realize what she said/asked had a major impact. Nevertheless I am trying to forgive this Ramadan but to forget is another issue altogether.
I hope nobody else tries to break up this 'mosque' myself and Ain trying so hard to build. I hope nobody will again propose daunting questions that is so unnecessary cos for the whole lot who's probably reading please respect our decision to live our life and grow old together can? Just a simple request. It's our choice, we are adults, we know what we are doing.
InsyahAllah......Amin.
All Psyched Up.
It's all in the mind. When you are driven, you will do your best.
I had a goal, to loose as much flab as I can and take this Ramadan as an opportunity to do so. Less snacking and eating means easier to loose. I also started my running regime, from my place to end of Simei near Expo. 1st run on 1st Ramadan, I clocked 19+ mins, today 3rd Ramadan I clocked 17+ mins.
Today rest day, tomorrow morning weight-training and the night after work I am heading to Bedok Reservoir to gauge how far can I run cause there's markers there. I wanna get back to at least 70Kg before my birthday, my ultimate goal is my ideal weight at 65kg but then weight's not everything cause muscles are heavier, maybe should get body fats measured. Hehehe sounds extreme? Hey I wanna look good on my one and only wedding day!
Being unable to know how far I ran makes me so much wanna get a nike+ sportsband and nike+ shoes. But I guess I'll stick to the old school markers at parks or maybe I will get a pair when I get my bonus. Right now, I am contemplating to get which Ipod....I really love IpodShuffle cos of its size but then nike+ only work with IpodTouch, Iphone or IpodMini. Hmm.....
Anyways, wish me luck....I think 70kg is achievable provided I don't start my snacking again after Ramadan....LoL....
Berfikir.
Islam is a wonderful religion, it never did make life difficult for its followers. It's humans themselves that created their own difficulties, what is not required and mandatory they made it so.
So they 'kill' themselves trying to meet these 'standards' they themselves made mandatory. They fear 'people talking' not God. They fear shame not God.
That's just examples.I am not pious for I am still learning AND I repeat, I am not against our culture, I am just weighing the issues as I totally don't agree in 'killing' yourselves just to 'save face' or your so called 'culture'. I just hope in this beautiful ramadhan you realize and hopefully not 'kill' your partner, yourself or maybe your parents in the process of having that mandatory reception of yours in order to carry on culture. I pity those who are made to do all those, trying to meet the standards we created.
Al Ameen
Al Ameen~ The trusted one.
Anyways, with regards to the comment made:
Adat and budaya(culture) are merely culture, it is not a must to do so if someone is financially tight. This is of course with reference to Malay weddings. In Islam, even the feast is not mandatory, it is good to have one IF you can afford it. The 'nikah'(solemnisation) itself IS mandatory.
Islam does not make marrying of two souls difficult, troublesome or burdensome to its ummah. The cultures made it so. If the masses can recognise that culture is not mandatory in Islam, I guess less couples will sin. Why they got married late and in the end commit sins which I shall not elaborate because it is about time they get married, 'legalize' their relationship BUT the pressure of culture forces them to delay in order to scrimp and save just to oblige to people who strongly believes that to carry on the culture is mandatory. These people who delay the marriages of their children in my point of view in fact encourages 'zinnah'(promiscuity) and all that is against Islam itself.
I guess you have to do your own research yourself, cos it is better if you find out and rationalize yourself first.
I am not against 'adat and budaya' but it is what that put pressure so much on couples and delayed their marriage and cause them to sin. Do you want to be responsible for these poor couples who have sinned maybe more and more due to be having to save more money just to carry on the culture or even coming up with the 'market rate' dowry some i've heard even to a whopping 12k? IS IT EVEN NECESSARY IN THE FIRST PLACE? In Islam, the dowry is to help ease the burden of the bride's side to hold a feast but then again, the bride's parents should be aware if the male is able to come up with the amount, if not how much he can afford and hold a feast accordingly within the budget. Not robbing the groom in broad daylight demanding huge amounts as though his wife to be is being held hostage.
For me myself, I am glad my future in laws are of sound mind to ask what I am capable of and what they only ask of me is to take good care of their daughter once she becomes my wife. I will come up with what I am able to(of course I try my best to come up with more because of the rising costs) for the hantaran. And my wife to be is even saving up herself to help with the feast.
The rest, the 'adat and budaya' thingy is totally up to me if I can afford it. My mom too was well enough to understand and let me handle it and do according to what I can afford. There's sponsors, well alhamdullilah, if there's not, minimal is enough.
I think that is the proper way, I don't understand why we need to be slaves to culture. Culture I believe is like an accessory to life where without it you won't go naked. If you can afford, go ahead, if not why kill yourself.
Anyways to all Muslims, let us welcome Ramadhan.
P.S. If you are wise enough to comment, I am sure you are wise enough to leave your name. And don't get others involved in your comment for it is not necessary but if it is me you are pointing out to, my point of view is as above. And for your info, I am doing my wedding within my means, sponsors are out of their own will and as gifts to me, Alhamdullilah. apologies in advance anonymous. :)
You my co-pilot
A moment of silence please for those who never get a chance.
In mine(r'ship) both of us always get a chance, to speak up that is. And had it not been for that chance we provide each other all the time, I guess I'd still be filled with negativity in this place we call earth/home where supposedly civilized human beings reside.
You have indeed been my co-pilot, steering me away from getting myself into deeper shit or trouble.
We learned alot from each other. Love ya Nurain. :)
Yippeeeee!
Got sponsors for 'berkat' and 'kompang'....yipeeeeee!
Anyways it's great that I learned peribahasa back in school cos that was one of part of Bahasa Melayu lessons I enjoyed....
Sayings like 'Kata dulang paku serpih, Kata orang dia yang lebih' will always remain vivid in mind and certainly can apply to daily life, so many can apply....like 'Makan boleh sembarang makan, cakap jangan sembarang cakap'
Anyways I'm laughing my ass off at the antics of some human beings, so......contradicting to themselves....bah....
anyways definition of antics (in case some of you don't know):
1 : an attention-drawing often wildly playful or funny act or action;
2 archaic : a performer of a grotesque or ludicrous part
Okayyyy have a great weekend everyone....love ya'all.....ouh thanks guys love ya'all....
Get Out!
Get out of that box of yours, not everyone's evil. Ouh I am not saying to be naive(apparently one of my colleagues is a spy). Cos if you're naive it'll get you eaten as well! But then again keep an open mind, not everyone's evil ok. And everybody's human, a mistake doesn't make him Satan.
At work apparently there's spies lingering around, being a lame fuck tape recorder and pass what is said to the boss. You know sometimes you can't trust people whole-ly especially those with smiles from end to end. They are not what they appear to be, they have hidden agendas, urgh, disgusting hypocrites. I'd love to wish for their mishaps like they hope for ours but then again, God is great, I'll let him decide. I just hope I don't turn into one of those ugly dumfucks who wishes for calamities upon others. It is so not humane.
Anyways I feel sometimes I waste precious time but then again every little things we do matters cos it does play apart in the end. It does.
I am still considering the degree, although that fear of not studying is always there. I think once everything settled, I'd invest on it and take the risk. I just don't want to stay mediocre, I want to be a little above that. And of course alternatives, jobs that is. I wanna do something I really enjoy not just like which brings income that superceeds the current one, if that happens.....woots! But am still discovering what I am really good at and what can bring in the dough without difficulties, that's a tough one. The thing is, I've always wanted to be my own boss, have my own schedules and decide on what I wanna do daily. That'll be great right?
Hahaha, yeah maybe some of ya would be saying....'yah yah dream on sid....' then again everyone needs dreams to get started.
ok gtg, best wishes everyone,
Hmm
Since you mentioned....
Does that mean the question came from the bottom of your heart and you meant it?
How sad, so sad....but wat to do, to each his own. Sigh~
Let it be...
Hmm
After Subh' I sat down and just went into deep thoughts and did a self-reflection. Thinking negatively and thinking that she meant what she said makes me indifferent from there. I'm no pious soul but Alhamdullilah for guiding me to think that way. If you want to make a difference, it should start from yourself and not expect others to change and slowly the rest will follow. I guess that's whats happening to me now. Alhamdullilah once again.
Cruelty
I can't believe how cruel you are.
Thank God. Thank God for Ain.
Again, my sincere apology to Azmin, although many doubt it but then again why here? Because somehow somewhere someone somebody might read and tell her. When I meet her I will apologize in person but for now I think I'd let the matter rest. I am sorry for the hurt that I have caused, it was unintentional. I've told Ain before that you are one of the nicest frens she has. And true enough you are.
And I am sorry Ain, I gotcha into this, you are totally not involved and yet you are at the recieving end. And I am so proud of you, you are definitely one smart girl and you've thought me lots, just that people don't know that at times you gave me some tongue lashing of your own as well but in a subtle way with all sense. In fact even before anyone point out to me, you pointed out to me first what I shouldn't have done. You know you are marvellous. And for goodness sake, she doesn't take my side if I am wrong, she does tell me off.
Till this minute, I still can't believe what I heard. It's shocking but I try to give it a benefit of a doubt that the question appeared only out of anger(as Ain suggested). A stubborn part of me is inclined on the negativity(cos it came for the second time) but the other half is pulling it out of the puddle of tar of no return...all thanks to Ain. But if it is true and it came from your heart, may God make you realise how much I love Ain and to what extent so please erase that silly question of yours. So if you are still human and have mercy, that question you asked really made my heart dropped like from the top of a skyscraper at a speed that will send the heart to splatters. Speaking of hurt, yeah I know it now especially when its coming from a person I already considered friend not acquaintance. I just hope its not coming from your heart but it was just a wrong struck of nerve when that blood boils that triggers you to come up with such a painful question. I should've defended my Ain but yes, she's right it'll only makes things worst.
So in the rarest occassion, Sid is waving the white flag and giving in.
This blog is my avenue of letting it out since dunno when, I guess you guys noticed less of my blog entries lately cos I have been the happiest on earth for more than a year now and thanks to Ain. I never know what will happen if she's not around. Probably I'd just be in love with my bike....LoL and my cameras.
I am still in disbelief though that both extremes came from the same source. Really, I am in disbelief. Thanks Ain for keeping me on the positive side.
You're right
There's no denying that what you said were right, I do not understand girls till today. Of course only you that I understand most till date, that's why we are getting married...we understand each other. Even when we are pissed at each other at one point, we talked it out after things are fine and we learn about each other slowly.
lucky
I think I am the luckiest. I've been granted with so many wonderful things in life although my life was not perfect. Although there's some unpleasantness along the way.
God granted wonderful people around me to provide the balance and at times I can even overlook the unpleasantness. At times I even teared because I am moved by these wonderful people around me. First of all, Alhamdullilah I have been granted with a wonderful mom, she stood by me from day 1, till come to this period where I leave single-hood and be someone's husband soon. Dad was never really there for me but having such an extraordinary mom, I never really need a dad except it wasn't a social norm back then to be a single-parent even though mine was a mere divorce case whereby both parties could no longer live with each other. It wasn't their fault but somehow still it was a little unacceptable to society. Mom was strong, she stood by all the way till where I am today. Thank you mom, you don't know how much I love you.
Then there was wonderful friends who stood by me, even though I was temperamental and at times my frankness hurt them unknowingly. These friends are those who really made me forget that I had backstabbers and cheats in my life. They are God's gift to me that kept me strong and going and still knowing there's at least still living things around me that's worth calling human beings. Friends like Shahreil who gave me a listening ear thru times of trouble who gave me advise even though he's like a year junior but have sensible thoughts and solutions. Friends who shared certain unpleasantness in life like me, who are not so lucky in life as to be blessed with everything they want. Friends who wants to give a helping hand at the slight thought that I might need one even without me asking. Friends like Is-burong who provided me shelter when I was staying alone, all by myself lost and of course his mom who welcomed me with open arms. Friends like, Raimie, Raihana, Rashid and Shahreil who believed in me who signed my bond even though they know the risk they got themselves into, 44k to be exact. Friends like Mankey who willingly took the risk and be my guarantor when I wanted to indulge in my interest in bikes. Friends who believed in me like Ross and Hairul whom introduced me to their friend Ain who soon will be my life partner. Friends like Zack who consoled and counselled me when I needed it back then. And many other Friends alike who guided me along the way in every little bit. Uncles and aunts who defended, stood by me, guided and believed in me. Of course my cousin Hadi who actually provided me shelter right now, even though he himself is in alot of problems for himself to handle. People like my nenek who go finding my Dad who's in Indonesia and try to bring us(his children) together. And last but not least, NurAin who made me feel loved and wanted, who stood by me, who believed me, who gave me a listening ear, who makes me laugh, who makes me happy, who's willing to live with me for the rest of her life.
I just hope I fall into the category of wonderful people in life of many others. I will try not to disappoint you guys. You guys rocks and theres always a place for you guys in my heart. Although I might not have showed it, or showed my appreciation much but deep in here, I am very thankful and prays that God will repay your kindness, InsyahAllah. I hope my prayers will be answered cos you guys deserve it.
And of course even those ugly, decietful, hypocritic, evil, heartless....whatever you would like to call them are indeed gifts from God. They make me learn, they made me stronger, they make me wary, they make me wanna fight further. They too did play a major role in my life.
All in all, Alhamdullilah, for where I am now, God is great. Allah-hu Akbar.
realise...
The world works in mysterious ways.
I realized that its like a chain reaction, one thing leads to another. I realize that what I am doing now matters to what might happen in the future no matter what and of course what I did or did not do before is taking its effect now or maybe in the future.
For instance, I did not make effort to know my cousins or relatives that much. Now...
I injured my knee while I was still in secondary school...Now....
I did not study, I was playful during my secondary school days....Now...
I was job hopping and all....Now....
BUT what's the use of regret? Look forward now, change, try to make things better. When we have thoughts, ideas, feelings, use it and don't hesitate. It's better to know you fail rather than regret not trying. I go for it, I try not to procrastinate although it does happen still at times.
Thanks people around me for making things happen.
Hairul asked me if I had any bestfriend(of course Ain is mine) but other than that, there's none. Seriously.....BUT many are special to me, many are good to me and these good people will make my next plan a reality....
Gd nite peeps...
A belated entry.
Effort is the key thing that makes most things happen. In life effort is one of the essentials, although sometimes and some people do get lucky and get what they want with little or even no effort.
Last Wednesday 8th of July, was something that alot of effort has been put in to make it happen, Ain's birthday party. All thanks to her wonderful friends, the surprise birthday party was a blast. It was also effort that made us last this long and definitely longer with all plans in mind. I thank God for granting me such a wonderful companion in life. Like the MCYS ad(if im not wrong), imperfections are sometimes that makes a relationship perfect, it sort of compliments each other. For me, Ain is the nearest perfect thing that has ever happened to me. Alhamdullilah...
Well, HDB hasn't been so kind to us, they changed the regulations, our plans although not elaborated, has to be changed yet again. I am sorry Shikin, due to circumstances, I guess we have to halt for a moment. Whatever it is, we still will get one.
I am glad that Ain's so patient, calm and has no high expectations on me. I am also glad that she is willing to listen and communicate her views and opinions. I guess that's one of the reason that we are still surviving till date, we talk it out and we listen to each other. She made me brave enough to speak my views and because I speak up, likewise she did too.
Anyways, to cut story short, now the planning stage is the painstaking one....anyways like in the first paragraph, everything requires an effort to enjoy a more satisfying success/victory. I can't wait to see what all this effort comes to......
Anyways Ain, Happy 25th, I love you, bear with this stage we'll be there soon. :)
And Guys, thanks again for making it happen, I couldn't have done it without you guys and of course special thanks Hairul and Ross for introducing me to Ain. :)
frankly
frankly....im disappointed, i dunno wat to say, my head hurts, so does my chest and yet i can't sleep. i'm dropping fancy thoughts and i just want to sleep. too bad, but i have to face it.
No Joke
What I am going through now is no joke man. I've embarked on a journey whereby it's really testing my will power and ability. And like it or not, mom has already broken the news to one of my uncles. Hahaha that's it man, the journey has already started, the ship has already sailed in that direction....
Now my job is to make it happen, to complete the journey. Insyha' Allah, I will with Ain of course.
Drive
You know you rely can't rely on people if you want something or need something? For that person that you engage might be utterly busy or has his/her hands filled. Even if its external party where you are paying for their services, you can't really fully 100% rely on them.
So, to be safe is, always have back up plans.
Currently, I am just hoping what I plan falls in place.
Wish me luck. Nothing's concrete, so everything's under covers for now...hehehehe
My butt is so itching to race but I know I have to set priorities, so most prob, racing is a no-no but if I am really butt-itchy, watchout for me on SLINGHD on MioTV in December, cos if I really 'have' to race, I'll be racing in December.....watchout for bike 311. hehehe....
Reciprocrate
I feel lazy.......very very lazy......but I kept telling myself to spend my hospitalization leave wisely. Do something beneficial, design, create, read.....whatever that I will not have the luxury or time to do once I am back to work. The thoughts are many, the energy and drive is little. I need the initial drive, the ideas flowing in. Rat has yet to reply my sms, I wonder if the tee-thingy will have a go thingy.
One good news though my dad called, I think he is proceeding with the manufacturing and replication of the parts that we are going to market. I was surprised that dad called, I guess it pays when you put in effort to keep ties tight. I just called him last Saturday and even smsed him later wishing him a happy fathers day.
Right now, I can't help the many thoughts that is flowing thru my mind. I have always been like this since young, if my hands are not busy, many thoughts comes. I was even commented in my report book as 'dreamy, tends to day-dream', LoL.
Isn't it good? Well I guess yeah, except if the thoughts were put to life, reality. Well I did, some at least! And I was delighted to have made several childhood dreams a reality....:p
My first series will be simple, it will be numbers(hint2) but this time round it will not go under the label 'Hallucinate', it will have another label which have yet to be decided I guess. If the partner thingy is off, I will still go ahead but later I guess, I'd concentrate on my decals first. I am going to print a new decal for my Suzie next week and hopefully it fits nicely. Then, maybe I'd leave my comfort zone and try doing decals for cars....maybe, just maybe....
I also want to refresh myself in photography, seems like I've lost touch. Maybe, I will get a book or two from the library later. :) So much time in hands, except no total freedom, else I'd be outside of Sg oredi....LoL
Okla later guys......
By Definition
You can define a year by 365days or 52weeks or 12months. There are several definitions for a year alone, what about life? A meaningful life.
I sent off my dad yesterday morning, with many thoughts in mind. Was it his fault totally? Should I sympathize that he has been through lots? Should I agree with my uncle's and his view? Should I be ashamed of myself that I did not really put in effort to look for him when he first went 'missing' from Singapore to reside in Indonesia? There's still many questions that goes unanswered, there was many more that I regret not asking but I guess that's part of life, sometimes you give some a miss although you do not want to.
Like my dad, I have been through lots and I am freaking grateful here that I can still fend for myself and feed my fairly oversized tummy. I am still glad though my life is far from perfect as compared to my fortunate friends. I am not saying I am not unfortunate cos I am still granted with a stable job which I will have to cherish and really 'look after'. After all the poor economy many companies around are looking ways to 'remove' what they don't 'need'. I do not want to be one of them. Nevertheless, I am looking ways to up my value, a degree perhaps. In actual fact, I am pretty much lazy to study again but I keep telling myself I have to really consider upgrading myself. I was also considering other alternatives as back up plans, I am seriously considering Ratnor's offer to join venture with him and his friend. I also already am working with dad to produce some supermoto accessories which will have price tags that make the branded manufactures hate me.
I know, wealth is nothing but that is not what I am looking for....I am looking for comfort and stability and something to fall back on. The Arabs believe that health comes above anything else, indeed it is, without health there's no wealth.
Today I went for my knee surgery, removing the implants which had got my knee infected. Back to square one, my knee is now 'loose' without that support from the artificial graft in replace of my original ACL(anterior cruciate ligament). I am thankful nuff that I did not get any bone infections, I'm just waiting to recover and strengthen my knee again so I can run. I had lived my dreams of racing, although only a teenie club race but I do appear on teevee. I wanna live my next which I do not know yet if it is possible, I wanna run that marathon(or maybe half) and finish it, what position I finish in doesn't matter. It's just one of the things I wanna do before I turn old and weak. :)
That's for later.....I'm now concerned with the current issue, the flat. I seriously want a place of my own, somewhere where I can call my own. Getting it is not cheap, I really need to save up, although I could've ask dad, I didn't cause that's his money, he earned it and I have no right to it. I don't deserve it. I would rather loan if I have to, If I have to that is. Else, I will have to save and forgo the pleasures in life, like things I don't need, like things that can wait. That's why in the earlier paragraphs the mention of looking for other alternatives to earn.
I just hope that in the future my kids too will be like me and my dad. Independent and would really stretch ones capabilities and abilities to the max. I never really looked up to dad until I was mature enough to think of what he has went thru and put aside his not so commendable deeds. He is human after all like you and me.
Speaking of humanity, the inhumane deeds of some still lingers within my memories. I still could not believe what you have done. I don't know how can you forgive yourself and put that smile upon your face. I'm no hero, neither have I fulfilled my responsibilites but that's because I myself am 'crippled' in many ways but you having that complete family I can't understand why you need to do that.
I don't wanna talk about that anymore. In this life, my experiences have made me a better person and Islam certainly did help me to be a better person. Turn to Him my muslim frens. There's changes in me that I have noticed, although little but it had stuck to me that way now. As days goes, I have seen lots of the less fortunate than me and loose change to me is nothing as compared to those who really need it. Excess food that will go to the bin is better off in someone's empty stomach. A greet, a smile is better off that misinterpertations and silent accussations.
I realise some things are hard to change like my temper at times but remembering Him helps and people around me(ain mainly) and my current profession.
Thank you for guiding me. Alhamdullilah. Leave the path lighted so I don't loose my way again.
Thanks for health, food and what I have now. Syukur.
Been A Looooooong Time
It's been quite sometime since my last entry. Why? Busy la with so many things. Not really la, just that I never set time aside to blog unlike last time. Nowadays my free time are spent either with Ain, busy with work, my hobby, finding ways to earn extra(its never enough), entertaining my Dad who's currently in Singapore and lastly the 'future' stuffs. So you see, I am pretty much occupied. Sometimes I stray away to do things that's not really beneficial like just plain lazing around... LoL
Anyways things seems to fall in place although some did not go the way I wanted it to be. Whenever that happens, I am thankful enough there's always alternatives. I just hope, it does go as planned at least for the core main things I want in life. That shall remain under-covers for the time being, as I do not want to talk about something that's not concrete yet. Look at my class3 license, to date I still have yet to move my lazy ass to get it done and over with. Yes I admit I am lazy about getting that cos I have other priorities which I think are much more important to me, my future. A car is an additional asset that can wait, cos my bike still brings me to and fro work and more.
Savings is another issue currently, a major one. It's tough lah, especially when you're building the foundation to your future and especially when you are just at the start of a new career and especially when you have a rather expensive hobby like mine(though I've mellowed down and haven't been to the tracks to burn rubber) And independence is not as fun as it seems when you're living alone and having to manage everything yourself.
I am trying to get the best for my future, my life....It's been years since I live a proper life. I can't say I hate it totally cos I learned alot and I think the fact that I had to go thru so much had in fact made me very strong. I still remember the times when I survived on bare minimal because being me, I never liked borrowing or relying on others. I still remember the day I had to part with my dear scooter. I remember the day when I sold off all my motorcycle accessories cos I was jobless for almost six months. I remember staying in rental where the fridge's totally empty and having to survive on food at school and bread at home when wallet's dry. But I guess people never know the hard times, they only see the good times, my bike, my holidays, my bonuses and my new stuffs.
I am glad now that things are better although it will be alot better had I got lucky with the balloting thingy. But being me, I've not yet give up, I'm trying alternatives.
Anyways, the past few weeks, I spent certain days with Dad and yesterday I realize there's some similarities... We don't like instructions if we know what we are doing. We can survive on our own no matter how hard it is, we'll find our way. No matter what, we still respect our parents. There's more I bet. One thing I just hope that he try to get closer to the One. I hope my dad will have a better life in Indonesia after settling all that needs to be settled in this few weeks he's here. He gave me words of encouragements yesterday, 'don't be afraid to leave or venture if there's opportunities overseas'. I want to(in my heart) but I already planned something...that will come later. If it meant to be mine, it will, no matter what.
For now as in now-now, I just hope the mid-year bonus is worth even calling a bonus if there is at all. It'll be helpful for me to get certain stuffs cranking and going.
Lastly, I am very thankful I found her. I think without her, I'd feel rather empty, even today being alone, I really feel the void, I really yearn for her company. Now I know how she feels when she yearns for me and I have to work afternoon shifts or nights. I guess she's part of my strength now that keeps me going and dreaming and soon making that dreams a reality.
AND of course to all those who have loads of negativity against me or view me as something unpleasant? Well, have it your way, have all the fun you can, I don't think it bothers me. I do things my way and I know I will be there at my own pace. At least I'm no hypocrite. For in this life, I compete with myself and no one else, its unlike in a race at the tarmac when the first position is the winner. I will be a winner, in my own way. So help me God race thru this one, my own race. InsyahAllah.
Solo-Indonesia
First of all pardon my grammar...
Last Thursday I went to visit my father in Indonesia which I never did for I guess 8 years? Currently he is residing in Solo, Surakarta Indonesia. The place is less developed unlike Singapore, although modernization can be seen progressing through out. You can see malls and the residents are dressed in a more westernized clothings, less batik.
I never miss Dad that much because partly, I was brought up by Mom cos they were divorced when I was only 2years old.
Today my father lives with my step-mom Ibu' Yanti, an Indonesian from Java, which part? I'm not too sure. I'm not so fond of her in the beginning but I guess I am getting used to seeing her around my Dad.
It was my first time visiting Solo and I already have little ideas or thoughts of retiring there. I can get a house as big as my Dad's at mere SGD200k! That's like cheaper than a 3-room flat! Imagine, a garden, a pond, a garage, laundry room, store and even space to start a food stall! Now I know why Uncle-Rawi, the Health-Attendant bought a house in Indonesia and plans to retire there.
The cost of living is super low too...I guess if you save enough to retire, you can retire very comfortably there without even worrying about having to work part time to survive till your death like what most middle incomed here does...they have to work, else it just ain't enough. Especially with people like me who started saving late and having trouble to save because I have to survive on my own. I am seriously considering that(retiring in Indonesia), I can already imagine.
I talked with Dad over there, he told me of his retirement plans which most probably I will follow. He has reached the age whereby he can withdraw his CPF funds. After doing so, he will bank in all of them to an account in Indonesia cos there, they offer higher interests. And with the monthly interest he earns, its enough for him to live by daily and even indulge in his part-time business(selling customized motorcycle parts) and Ibu' Yanti's food business(warong). He got it all planned and he even plans to buy another land on top of the house he is going to buy to build another house and rent it out. Gosh, although far from relatives but I can imagine how comfortable life's going to be. I think if I were to do the same, I can also bring mom along together, I'm sure there's ample room.
In Solo-Indonesia, there's nothing much to spend on.....there's not much to splurge...life's pretty simple there, pretty basic, if you say there's no entertainment...there's always nature or you can always turn on your pc/mac to blog(LoL) or surf or watch cable....I just want a comfortable life before I die in my old age, I don't wanna slog to my death or count my savings everyday and really budget to ensure I don't outlive my savings. For those whose already comfortable perhaps don't worry too much but for me, I do, cos I know life ain't getting any easier, that's why the investments and I am even considering to get a life investment on top of what I already have.
Some people say I think too much but look where am I now, I didn't think too much back then, thats why now, there's quite a struggle. Had I forgo the life I had, I would've not be so panicky now, although I know I can make it but I know I am balancing on a tightrope with the help of an umbrella and a net below offered by people close to me. Had I thought of the future, the umbrella and net would've come from my own pocket. Therefore now, I still can't say I am independent although 90% I am, that 10% is the safety net in case anything happens....LoL
Back to the trip, I'm glad it happened although during the trip....I lost my ipod shuffle, the baggage crew tore part of my bag, I got cut from the stand of my dad's bike, I left Ain's camera case in Solo and I finished all IDR2.1million, leaving only IDR2k. AND I discovered my rear tyre got punctured when I reached home. And surprisingly although frustrated, I am not 1bit angry....LoL.....
Why I am glad? The bond I never had with my father, my grandmother, my stepmom and my auntie. The trip got us closer, we joked, we talked bout serious issues, we shared ideas and many more....above all we know we care bout each other....I know at least my grandma care about all of us. I love u nenek, ouh thanks for the airfare...next time round, I pay for the flight...:)
I thought I could be all alone, start a whole new chapter on my own with Ain but now I realise, no man is an island. Family will be family although some part of family is not worth calling family for what they have done. However being a muslim....forgive and forget, always keep an open mind...I'm no saint, I do admit, I still can't forget....
Time flies....though I got lots more to say bout my trips(Phuket which I had yet to mention) I gotta go to bed cos tumoro I gotta get that rear tyre fixed.....gnite peeps.
Love you all....nites.
8th April 2009
I have always looked on the positive side at all things. At the same time I am a mere human being and sometimes I just can't help but be pulled in to the negativity and sometimes it gets worse that I can get paranoid.
I was suppose to go for my appointment with my specialist today to review my MRI and yet again it was postponed cos he took urgent leave. It was rescheduled again to 2 weeks later. The uncertainty is so not pleasing as to how or what the outcome will be base on the MRI they took.
Anyways, being positive, I think this is God's ways of helping cos probably by then I can use my policy to pay for my hospitalization bills and probably by then the bonus is already in and probably by then it won't jeopardize my career advancement.
Anyways let us just wait and see....whatever it is I am hoping for the best. InsyahAllah.
Today I get leaky nose and I always get this when either I drink too much cold drinks the day before or I haven't had enough rest. I think this time round is a combi cos yesterday morning I ran 7km and I never took any naps and went to work a couple of hours later. At work the humid weather caused me to drink loads of chilled water and even when I reached home I drank some of that thirst quenching raspberry 7-up. So yeah, blame it on myself. LoL
Today a colleague of mine is getting married. Congrats Wu Longjiang, hope you have a happy married life with Ning yu. He also asked me to help out by ordering food for the lunch he will be providing tomorrow in our ward and a card to invite all the staff. I hope I was of help to you. I don't know if I will miss the free food tomorrow or not cos I'll be on course, I hope they'd leave some for me so that I can eat during my lunch break...hehehehe...
Today also, Ain's friend Shikin told her of something exciting but yet again it's quite uncertain, so yes I'm going to check out the site again on Friday. I am still hoping cos I still want my own home no matter what.
And last but not least, I can't wait to go Island hoping come this weekend....6days in Thailand, here I come.....woots!
Hope
Hope: some say hope is merely a comforting factor for human beings, they hope to comfort themselves.
For me, hope is something that might come and if it does, Alhamdullilah for it is He who made it all possible.
On Thursday afternoon, my SNM had a meeting with us, the 2 wards on level 2 will be separated, meaning Ward72A will be a specialized ward. I so look forward to be chosen for this ward and perhaps a post-basic aka advance diploma nomination. He also mentioned that 1 will be selected to be doing office hours. There's pros and cons to it...
Pros: I will be able to plan more stuffs off work.
I will be able to meet my friends and family more regularly.
Health will definitely be better for not working shifts.
And in the future should I have a family, I will definitely have more time for them.
I don't have to wake up so early and I can have time and not rush thru subh'
Cons: I will loose out on allowances
I will have more work to do and miss all the slacking on night shifts.
I guess there are more pros than cons.....although the dough will be lessen but....
Anyways I'll let fate decide....should I get chosen, Alhamdullilah, should I not get chosen, Alhamdullilah as well for I believe what ever that happen not in favor has a blessing in disguise or is probably a test from Him.
Okla, gotta sleep....running 6km tumoro, good night everybody.....
Blog hopping
I just felt like blog hopping....I blog hopped my friends' blog and there was one post on the regular questions that thrown onto singles like I am...."Bila nak kahwin?" and there's a following reason that they(the one who questioned) made up themselves like:
"Tulah sibuk sangat.."
"Tulah cerewet...."
"Tulah takmo simpan duit..."
and probably many more reasons but then I laughed when I read that cos I got myself one hell of a funny reason as to why this soon-to-be 30year old has not tied the not yet. She was asking her daughter what I was working as ....the answer was of course I am a nurse.....then on another day she asked which hospital am I working at....the answer is of course "IMH" and this was what she said after that " Ooooo patutlah tak kahwin2....." in english "Ooooo that's why la he's not married yet..."
LoL......farnie.....at my expense....
6 habits, lean mid section
Taken off men'shealth magazine. 6 habits for a leaner mid-section.
1. WAKE UP TO WATER
Imagine not drinking all day at work – no coffee, no water, no diet soft drink. At the end of an eight-hour shift, you’d be pretty parched. Which is precisely why you should start rehydrating immediately after a full night’s slumber. From now on, drink at least 450ml of chilled water as soon as you rise in the morning. German scientists recently found that doing this boosts your metabolism by 24 per cent for 90 minutes afterwards. (A smaller amount of water had no effect.) What’s more, a previous study determined that muscle cells grow faster when they’re well hydrated. A general rule of thumb: Guzzle at least 3.8 litres of water over the course of a day.
2. EAT BREAKFAST EVERY DAY
A University of Massachusetts study showed that men who skip their morning meals are four-and-a-half times more likely to have bulging bellies than those who don’t. So within an hour of waking, have a meal or protein shake with at least 250 calories.
British researchers found that breakfast size was inversely related to waistline size. That is, the larger the morning meal, the leaner the midsection. But keep the meal’s size within reason: A 1,500-calorie plate of fried noodles is really two breakfasts, so cap your intake at 500 calories. For a quick way to fuel up, try this recipe: Prepare a package of instant oatmeal and mix in a scoop of whey protein powder and half a cup of blueberries.
3. AS YOU EAT, REVIEW YOUR GOALS…
It’s important to stay aware of your mission. University of Iowa scientists found that people who monitored their diet and exercise goals most frequently were more likely to achieve them than goal setters who rarely reviewed their objectives.
4. …AND THEN PACK YOUR LUNCH
This habit should be as much a part of your morning ritual as showering. Here’s what you can pack into your cooler:
• An apple (to eat as a morning snack)
• Two slices of cheese (to eat with the apple)
• A 500- to 600-calorie portion of leftovers (for your lunch)
• A pre-mixed protein shake or 450ml of milk (for your afternoon snack)
By using this approach, you’ll keep your body well fed and satisfied throughout the day without overeating. You’ll also provide your body with the nutrients it needs for your workout, no matter what time you exercise. Just as important, you’ll be much less likely to be tempted by the office candy bowl. The rule is simple: Don’t eat anything that’s not in the cooler.
5. EXERCISE THE RIGHT WAY
Everyone has abs, even if people can’t always see them because they’re hidden under a layer of flab. That means you don’t need to do endless crunches to carve out a six-pack. Instead, you should spend most of your gym time burning off blubber. The most effective strategy is to combine weightlifting and high-intensity interval training. According to a recent University of Southern Maine study, half an hour of
pumping iron burns as many calories as running at a six-minute-per-mile (1.6km) pace for the same duration. And it has the added benefit of helping you build muscle.
What’s more, unlike aerobic exercise, lifting has been shown to boost metabolism for as long as 39 hours after the last repetition.
Similar findings have been noted for intervals, which are short, all-out sprints interspersed with periods of rest. For the best results, do a total-body weight-training workout 3 days a week, resting at least a day between sessions. Then do an interval-training session on the days in between.
6. SKIP THE LATE SHOWS
You need sleep to unveil your six-pack. That’s because lack of shut-eye may disrupt the hormones that control your ability to burn fat. For instance, University of Chicago scientists recently found that just three nights of poor sleep may cause your muscle cells to become resistant to the hormone insulin. Over time, this leads to fat storage around your belly.
To achieve a better night’s sleep, review your goals again 15 minutes before bedtime. And while you’re at it, write down your plans for the next day’s work schedule (as well as any personal chores you need to accomplish). This can help prevent you from lying awake worrying about tomorrow (“I have to remember to respond to Raymond’s e-mail”), which can cut into your quality snooze time.
broke no worries
I am near broke and I am not 1bit unhappy although a little worried la, cos I need some dough for the Phuket and Jakarta trips (although my flight's sponsored for Jakarta!) and for the insurance renewal come June and not mentioning my new insurance plan monthly and my savings plan...
Whoah....I guess I'll be losing alot of weight come next month....LoL
And why I am so almost broke yet happy? Many reasons babe....
Yesterday Chris Martin and the gang made my day! Awesome...although I am not a HUGE fan but I still like their songs and the closest to 'Live' I've only watched their DVDs and yesterday was ubber awesome. They rock, no words can describe how I felt yesterday, it's like a musical orgasm.
Those who weren't there, you don't know what you have just missed....hehehe. Even just now, I was frantically searching for my CDs which I stashed somewhere and my guess is, it's probably still in Bukit Batok.
And life has been pleasant lately....even at work....
Everyones been nice to me....even the patients....
My eyes, nothing wrong with it, after the specialist check up...it's only tired eyes...
My knees, less pain although I will still need the op.
Everything's just so kind to me. I'm just so blessed lately. Alhamdullilah.
So you see, it's not about the money......that's secondary although it's necessary....:)
shields
After solat, I head to DBS bank to open a new account. I decided, I need to discipline myself to start saving. One way is to open another account, whereby the funds there would not be touched unless in case of emergency. I also signed up for health-shield by Aviva, cos I'll be going for 2 surgeries, at least with this policy, it'll help me pay my hospital bills and because of it, I wouldn't be using my medisave solely which might be needed when I get old. for a small sum per year, I think the coverage for hospitalisation is pretty worth it.
I'm also considering the Mysavings account cos it has double the interest of an ordinary account. However that will have to wait till next time. Next is the travel insurance, I'll get that for my 1week trip, just in case.....hehehe...
I also am considering for life insurance....I don't know yet, I'll consider that before my 30th birthday. That can wait. cos now at least I'm covered with the health-shield for hospitalisations and medical treatment.
soak up the sun hombre....
Running is mainly to keep fit and keep off the pounds from calling your body home. To me my morning run is alot more than that. It keeps my sanity to an acceptable level.
Somehow, running is a sort of therapy for me. Running by the beach in the morning soothing sun helps is just so relaxing. Plugging in to my mp3 to rad tunes from my itunes and just enjoying the push. Of course the priority is to shed pounds and keep myself fit especially in my line of work as a nurse and especially in a psychiatric setting, whereby you need to be vigilant, alert and fit. But the end of the routine is alot more than just that.
My running routine would start off psyching myself up to the tunes, focus and try to improve my fitness and stamina every run at the same time enjoy the beach, the sun and people watching. After the run, follows the hearty breakfast...like today the hotcakes were fresh and ultra yummy....that is satisfying and it compliments the achievement to shed almost a minute off my 4.5km route.
The walk back to where I park my bike is where all it happened. The thoughts, the deep, deep thoughts. Self-reflection, plans and thoughts for the future. It's like an emotional rollercoaster ride. My life ain't perfect and the many imperfections made me wonder sometimes why....but then I always pull myself back up to think that theres alot more souls out there whose worse off. Then came the happy thoughts, the people around me, the people who stood by me, the people who made me happy. Then came the angry thoughts, the people who pissed me off, the hypocrites, the faith-monger, the tales-teller, etc but then I always end that by reminding me what goes around, comes around......God is great. Then came to my physical state, bad knee, bad eyes....I want to be in the pink of health, fully mobile, I wanna skate, run, race, I wanna do what I love to do and perhaps God will answer my prayers....Then came the plans for the future, what should I do, what can I do better, what I shouldn't wait so long to do.......
After all that, it makes me feel alot better cos I get a bigger, better picture of my whole life....With all that, I am starting to enjoy my morning runs cos it benefits me alot more than just being fitter but also happier. Though running with Ain is alot of fun too cos now, she's my joy, she's the one that kept me up, kept me going and most of the time prevented me from being down. Unknowingly she helped me alot in life, she kept me focus, she too sometimes bring me back to reality.
Theres alot to say, alot in mind but we only got 24hours a day that God granted us and out of that 24hours 4-6 hours is already spent on shut-eyes. another 8 odd hours at work and that left us with 20 more hours whereby they past pretty fast like in a blink of an eye. We are humans after all, do the best but do what you can, don't push yourself to the edge.
Here's what I wanna do in the near future. I hope, really hope after my second surgery I'd be able to do physical activities as before, as I was an army boy back then where by runs doesn't end with an ache in the knee, where my eyes doesn't tire after 8hours of video games. Yes, it's the work of nature thru wear and tear but God doesn't encourage resentment, rather He wants his beings to be strong and face the challenges and that is just what I will do. Life is short, I probably would've have spent half of my lifetime already if I were destined to be alive till 60. That meant I only got 3decades more to enjoy life, of course if I live longer I will appreciate it but I hope if I do, I wanna be as independent as I can. Life is indeed short so why brood over nothing, over negativities when there are so many positivities and posibilities to explore.
I am glad to where I am today. I am thankful to God, Alhamdullilah. I hope to contribute more, I hope to live life to the fullest. I hope to be a good muslim. I hope to be remembered by future generations. It's hard to be 100% positive nowadays but I am trying my best and I hope I emit all these positive energy to the people around me and may they be filled with positivity.
Keep the faith.
100bucks
Usually u'd be delighted when u get a voucher worth $100 but it's actually adding headaches. With the variety of choices of mobile phones in the market, I just couldn't decide which one to get. It'll certainly help if Starhub sells Iphone....ok so it doesn't have Iphone. I'm torn whether should I get a phone at all. Aside from Apple, I love sony-ericsson and I am one who would stick to a particular brand for a very long time if it has no hiccups.
Later I will just head down to TM-Starhub and just try my luck trading in my w380i(cos there are 2 tiny cracks, probably from dropping it a couple of times). If it is tradable and I can use the $100 voucher and retain or renew a mobile plan...I'll get that Nokia-E71 or that Nokia5800 although E71 is way cheaper but I wanna have a look at N5800 first although high possibility I might not get it cos of budget constraints. However it is, I will go to TM-Starhub either tommorow or the day after.
Or will I give in to the darkside? LoL.....
fast in fast out
The phrase 'fast in fast out' is what my fellow race buddies advised me on how to negotiate corners at the track, just to shave on that valuable seconds. That sounds exciting but the phrase sure doesn't sound as exciting when it is applied to your cash flow.
The last post was just filled with joy when I discovered that I got more pay than I usually have. Ouh I begin to realize its not a pay adjustment but its more of a payback of my bonuses they owe me. Cos a non confirmed staff will not get their full bonus, so yeah thats my bonus for working from August to December. Thats like 4months?
So anyways back to the phrase....why it is applicable to my cash flow now? Cos I jus went to an appointment and apparently I need to go for an MRI which will cost me like $300-$475. Depending if I do need a contrast injection or not to enhance the image.
(ouh the bloody security just told me to unplug my charger to my laptop.....damn...I guess I have to fuck off from here then...will be continuing later if my battery goes kaput and I cant find a spot to continue...)
Pay adjustments?
My pay is more that what I usually got. I wonder if its pay adjustments cos I became a confirmed staff. I will check my payslip tomorrow. Whatever it is, Alhmadullilah.....
I so want to race but I have to keep in mind my responsibilities and come June, I have to renew my insurance. So I guess I'll resist the temptation.
I'm going to the orthopaedics later, wish me luck.....I hope I just need antibiotics instead of surgery. It's not the surgery that bothers me, it's the immobility that comes after that.
I'm still contemplating whether to bring up about my finger as well....
mere human
I am after all a mere human being, imperfect by nature.
Although that's no excuse but that is indeed a fact. No matter how smart, how tactful and how knowledgeable you are, you CAN make mistakes.
For me, I was complacent, I should have been more careful.
But what is done, is done and if the guilt do lingers, I have plans in mind.
There's so much for me to do now, I seem to learn things the hard way. I always did.
On Wednesday, 25th of February is my appointment with the orthopaedics.
We are all mere humans after all, we are not indestructable, we are susceptible to illness and diseases. The verdict on Wednesday might put my career path on the line, cos I might be having to take some medical leaves if I do need another surgery.
The appointment with the eye specialist in March is another worry that has struck me. Although it is less serious in nature but eyesight is one of the most important senses to men. I worry only will it affect me in old age. I am barely 30 and all of these begins to surface. Is it a punishment for my past wrong doings? Is it another test from God to see if Mohammed Siddiq Bin Ali is strong to face the challenges in life after the sweet moments.
In life.....everything in front laid before your eyes could go missing in a split second. So while you are able to.....do what you can to help the less fortunate. For me, I did but only till recently, till I join nursing but yet again I could do more. But I guess there is always a part of humans that exists, the ignorance.
I hope God give me the strength, health and guidance to go forward. I am hoping for the best and frankly I am not prepared for the worst but I am glad I have someone to allay all my worries and anxiety. For that, I thank God, Alhamdullilah.....and I thank the people involved too, who made what's written possible.
D-Day
Last night, the sms conversations we had just lifted my confidence in you one notch. thanks.
This morning, my Nurse-Manager actually made my day! During the pass-report time, he actually pointed out me and one of my colleague that's next in line for that advance dip. I don't know what to say, I was speechless when he commended me and my colleague. Although a part of me told me that I did some mistakes that really bothered me but the other part of me just keep telling me to just enjoy the ride and in fact, stride with it so the ride's faster and smoother....I don't even know if that make sense.
My point is, I'm give an opportunity and a 'key' on the table just for me to reach out and open the doors. I need to continue working hard and make sure I do a good job at it and no mistakes or at least minimal cos we are humans after all.
Whatever it is, I am psyched up, I hope nothing screws up, InsyahAllah.
I'm going for that check up later, I hope everything will be fine....
Alhamdullilah for all that I am blessed with...
