Watch the movie as recommended by my wifey-to-be. She's so right that I can relate to the movie so much....LoL. Hella nice movie, you guys should watch. Gnite everyone, nap time before pm shift!
Jahilliyah
30 years of age is what I will be, come 29th December 2009. I was born a Muslim, yet till date I am far from being a good one. I still do not know some of the basics. I once wanted to master the language(Arabic) so I can understand more of my religion but then I strayed away. Today at the mosque I was awaken, I needed to know more, the basic, the 'mandatory' ones are not enough, merely doing for you have to is not enough, I feel the need to know what I am doing, what I am reciting, what the Imam says. Not everything but at least the jizz of it. It was the period of 'Jahilliyah' in my life that caused me to stray away and became ignorant of what I live by and call myself, a Muslim. I can't believe I was shameless enough to call myself a Muslim back then when I not only was ignorant of my religion, I was also doing what is not allowed.
For I am a mere human, my will was weakened by many things in life. But that is no excuse. Now that I realize, I hope I bring myself back to the path laid before me. As this Ramadan awakened me, I hope I will not be swayed and put to the state I was back then yet again when Ramadan ends.
I start to realize and be thankful had it not been for the certain episodes of my life, I wouldn't have left 'Jahilliyah'. For it had not been that the bringing up I got, for it had not been the friends that I met, had it not been for that I met Ain and had it not been for the unpleasant things that happened in my life, I guess I'd still be stuck there.
Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah. Thank God, The one and only God.
Sometimes, someday
Sometimes, I wonder if I am too much. But then I am just living by my rights and I did nothing wrong. In fact I am preventing accidents and unhappiness in the future at my expense. Sometimes I hope people would understand and put to a stop and just leave me alone. Sometimes, some things are better left unsaid, unexplained cos' sometimes explanation means nothing if it's going thru a 24inch thick steel-like barrier. Sometimes it's not worth the effort. Sometimes I wonder why I am even thinking about it. I think cos sometimes it does affect me. Sometimes it's quite unpleasant being unable to 'fight' and just let things rest when real justice has not surfaced. Sometimes yet again, many more important things require this 2 hemispheres in that thick skull of mine. Sometimes my energy and thoughts are better spent on people who loves me and not discriminate, intimidate and victimize me. I am not your punching bag, your scapegoat, your lab-rat. Sometimes you need to watch what's cooking under the pressure cooker, what time does it say on the clock attached to the time-bomb. That's why sometimes I keep myself away.
Am I suffering from ASPD? I doubt so, I get along pretty well with people who loves me, I get along with my colleagues, my true friends, my acquaintaces and those worth calling family.
I am tired of sometimes, I'd rather have always. I'd want to be with Ain always, I'd want to see her always, I'd want to feel loved always, I'd love to be wanted always. I'd like to be treated FAIRLY always, to be respected always and not to be sabotaged always. I'd wish for happiness always, for faith to the One God always, for forgiveness always and for a healthy mind always. I'd want to be strong always, to be resilient always, to be 'fighting' always. There's too many always, always but the point is I wanna lead a positive life.
Nobody is perfect, neither am I but at least I don't live in denial and leave with denial.
Alhamdulillah from bringing Ain into my life. I can only thank you God for without you nothing is possible.
Tired.
Feeling tired but I am driven. Driven by a fuel no fossil could ever produce. No chemist can ever create. No archeologist and ever recover. I am driven by Ain.
Puke!
I'm lucky I didn't go for the CGH route, else I guess I would've puked. I went further today, took the same route but this time round I went to the junction just at the entrance of Expo. Took me 20mins, I can feel my heart palpating. One BIG mistake for today was the pre-run Nutella sandwiches. I took 2 with a huge mug of coffee and I think it's the contributing factor to the puke like feeling. With the tummy filled, it leaves little space for your diaphragm and lungs to expand fully thus the lack of oxygen intake and when you start breathing like a pregnant walrus it forces the lungs to expand thus squeezing the content in your stomach out.....gosh....never again, pre-run makan.
5th day Ramadan, I am missing Ain badly.....uggghhh....
As I was relaxing myself on the cold concrete, just certain thoughts came to mind. What if we can't move in to 709 and stay put at 292, what would our daily activity. I thought to myself since the television outside will be 'conquered', we will definitely need a tv of our own AND a dvd player or even better PS3 or Wii....Hahahahahhaha woooohoo. Else we'll definitely go out alot and spend alot. I'd want us to save up and be prepared for our new flat and maybe a longer vacation! hehehe Europe baby?
Still in Ramadan, I've been killing myself trying to find ways how to tell some of my colleagues what they do is not right and definitely not in the month of Ramadan. Although its leftovers and although its such a waste to throw away, rightfully its not ours and to my point of view, it defeats the purpose of Ramadan at all. I think I'll just get someone else to tell them off in a nice way. Well just my point of view and I hope they get it after repeatedly I declined their offer, not even a spoonful.
New manager coming....hmmm I wonder how its going to be like. I hope he will get me that advance diploma I badly wanted. After that only I guess I'll be motivated for a degree and maybe be driven to try to get a lecturing position. I am already going on 30 if by 35 I don't have a degree, I think I'll just stay put and maybe work for a senior position instead.
Ambitious, yes? I guess that's the nature of Capricorns.....
3km
I've only been running 3.4+km each session...need to up the distance.....
Tomorrow to CGH and back! approximately 6+km....a little ambitious...maybe safer to try that on my off day if no ones for mac ritchie run....
I wanna Run!
I wonder IF I do reside at Tampines Ave7 which is nearer to work(and maybe later on buy a flat near there as well!) will it be possible to run to work? I wanna try one day....I think I am starting to get obsessed like years ago, I think it is also the stress building up cos of all the wedding preps!
Too bad the drizzle and the sniffles this morning, I really regret having that cold cup of chendol last night! Cold drinks at night + less hours of sleep is certainly not for me.
Anyways, I think I will invest in a bicycle and cycle to work should I be able to get a flat near Tampines Ave10. It'll save me loads on petrol and definitely keep me fit. Yesterday I weighed myself and I was about to give in to self denial that its cos of my shoes, keys, phone, etc...but I know that even if I strip naked there and then I would still weigh about 80kg. That means 10kg to go in 4 months. That was very easy in BMT where you were made to run everyday but I wonder if I get a chance to do so now OR have the motivation to do so. I hope so cos I don't wanna be looking like a blob in fotos....
My colleague, Zulkifly got offered a position at Changi Prison as a Psycho-educator, he turned it down despite of the 5 day work week perk cos he'll loose out on all the allowances and would probably earn alot less. I was thinking Changi Prison, 5 day work week, office hours, I'd be tempted but perhaps when I am married, the dough is more important, especially in Singapore. But for me, I think it'll be a tough choice to make as time spent with my loved ones is as important or maybe more than the dough itself.
Ok gotta go, sahur!
Happy fasting all. InsyahAllah good Ramadan ahead for all Moslems!
Truth.
Sometimes its hard to tell the whole truth to someone who's in denial. Unlike with Ain, it's pretty simple cos we've been doing so all the while.
It's just that I don't think till date she realize what she said/asked had a major impact. Nevertheless I am trying to forgive this Ramadan but to forget is another issue altogether.
I hope nobody else tries to break up this 'mosque' myself and Ain trying so hard to build. I hope nobody will again propose daunting questions that is so unnecessary cos for the whole lot who's probably reading please respect our decision to live our life and grow old together can? Just a simple request. It's our choice, we are adults, we know what we are doing.
InsyahAllah......Amin.
All Psyched Up.
It's all in the mind. When you are driven, you will do your best.
I had a goal, to loose as much flab as I can and take this Ramadan as an opportunity to do so. Less snacking and eating means easier to loose. I also started my running regime, from my place to end of Simei near Expo. 1st run on 1st Ramadan, I clocked 19+ mins, today 3rd Ramadan I clocked 17+ mins.
Today rest day, tomorrow morning weight-training and the night after work I am heading to Bedok Reservoir to gauge how far can I run cause there's markers there. I wanna get back to at least 70Kg before my birthday, my ultimate goal is my ideal weight at 65kg but then weight's not everything cause muscles are heavier, maybe should get body fats measured. Hehehe sounds extreme? Hey I wanna look good on my one and only wedding day!
Being unable to know how far I ran makes me so much wanna get a nike+ sportsband and nike+ shoes. But I guess I'll stick to the old school markers at parks or maybe I will get a pair when I get my bonus. Right now, I am contemplating to get which Ipod....I really love IpodShuffle cos of its size but then nike+ only work with IpodTouch, Iphone or IpodMini. Hmm.....
Anyways, wish me luck....I think 70kg is achievable provided I don't start my snacking again after Ramadan....LoL....
Berfikir.
Islam is a wonderful religion, it never did make life difficult for its followers. It's humans themselves that created their own difficulties, what is not required and mandatory they made it so.
So they 'kill' themselves trying to meet these 'standards' they themselves made mandatory. They fear 'people talking' not God. They fear shame not God.
That's just examples.I am not pious for I am still learning AND I repeat, I am not against our culture, I am just weighing the issues as I totally don't agree in 'killing' yourselves just to 'save face' or your so called 'culture'. I just hope in this beautiful ramadhan you realize and hopefully not 'kill' your partner, yourself or maybe your parents in the process of having that mandatory reception of yours in order to carry on culture. I pity those who are made to do all those, trying to meet the standards we created.
Al Ameen
Al Ameen~ The trusted one.
Anyways, with regards to the comment made:
Adat and budaya(culture) are merely culture, it is not a must to do so if someone is financially tight. This is of course with reference to Malay weddings. In Islam, even the feast is not mandatory, it is good to have one IF you can afford it. The 'nikah'(solemnisation) itself IS mandatory.
Islam does not make marrying of two souls difficult, troublesome or burdensome to its ummah. The cultures made it so. If the masses can recognise that culture is not mandatory in Islam, I guess less couples will sin. Why they got married late and in the end commit sins which I shall not elaborate because it is about time they get married, 'legalize' their relationship BUT the pressure of culture forces them to delay in order to scrimp and save just to oblige to people who strongly believes that to carry on the culture is mandatory. These people who delay the marriages of their children in my point of view in fact encourages 'zinnah'(promiscuity) and all that is against Islam itself.
I guess you have to do your own research yourself, cos it is better if you find out and rationalize yourself first.
I am not against 'adat and budaya' but it is what that put pressure so much on couples and delayed their marriage and cause them to sin. Do you want to be responsible for these poor couples who have sinned maybe more and more due to be having to save more money just to carry on the culture or even coming up with the 'market rate' dowry some i've heard even to a whopping 12k? IS IT EVEN NECESSARY IN THE FIRST PLACE? In Islam, the dowry is to help ease the burden of the bride's side to hold a feast but then again, the bride's parents should be aware if the male is able to come up with the amount, if not how much he can afford and hold a feast accordingly within the budget. Not robbing the groom in broad daylight demanding huge amounts as though his wife to be is being held hostage.
For me myself, I am glad my future in laws are of sound mind to ask what I am capable of and what they only ask of me is to take good care of their daughter once she becomes my wife. I will come up with what I am able to(of course I try my best to come up with more because of the rising costs) for the hantaran. And my wife to be is even saving up herself to help with the feast.
The rest, the 'adat and budaya' thingy is totally up to me if I can afford it. My mom too was well enough to understand and let me handle it and do according to what I can afford. There's sponsors, well alhamdullilah, if there's not, minimal is enough.
I think that is the proper way, I don't understand why we need to be slaves to culture. Culture I believe is like an accessory to life where without it you won't go naked. If you can afford, go ahead, if not why kill yourself.
Anyways to all Muslims, let us welcome Ramadhan.
P.S. If you are wise enough to comment, I am sure you are wise enough to leave your name. And don't get others involved in your comment for it is not necessary but if it is me you are pointing out to, my point of view is as above. And for your info, I am doing my wedding within my means, sponsors are out of their own will and as gifts to me, Alhamdullilah. apologies in advance anonymous. :)
You my co-pilot
A moment of silence please for those who never get a chance.
In mine(r'ship) both of us always get a chance, to speak up that is. And had it not been for that chance we provide each other all the time, I guess I'd still be filled with negativity in this place we call earth/home where supposedly civilized human beings reside.
You have indeed been my co-pilot, steering me away from getting myself into deeper shit or trouble.
We learned alot from each other. Love ya Nurain. :)
Yippeeeee!
Got sponsors for 'berkat' and 'kompang'....yipeeeeee!
Anyways it's great that I learned peribahasa back in school cos that was one of part of Bahasa Melayu lessons I enjoyed....
Sayings like 'Kata dulang paku serpih, Kata orang dia yang lebih' will always remain vivid in mind and certainly can apply to daily life, so many can apply....like 'Makan boleh sembarang makan, cakap jangan sembarang cakap'
Anyways I'm laughing my ass off at the antics of some human beings, so......contradicting to themselves....bah....
anyways definition of antics (in case some of you don't know):
1 : an attention-drawing often wildly playful or funny act or action;
2 archaic : a performer of a grotesque or ludicrous part
Okayyyy have a great weekend everyone....love ya'all.....ouh thanks guys love ya'all....
Get Out!
Get out of that box of yours, not everyone's evil. Ouh I am not saying to be naive(apparently one of my colleagues is a spy). Cos if you're naive it'll get you eaten as well! But then again keep an open mind, not everyone's evil ok. And everybody's human, a mistake doesn't make him Satan.
At work apparently there's spies lingering around, being a lame fuck tape recorder and pass what is said to the boss. You know sometimes you can't trust people whole-ly especially those with smiles from end to end. They are not what they appear to be, they have hidden agendas, urgh, disgusting hypocrites. I'd love to wish for their mishaps like they hope for ours but then again, God is great, I'll let him decide. I just hope I don't turn into one of those ugly dumfucks who wishes for calamities upon others. It is so not humane.
Anyways I feel sometimes I waste precious time but then again every little things we do matters cos it does play apart in the end. It does.
I am still considering the degree, although that fear of not studying is always there. I think once everything settled, I'd invest on it and take the risk. I just don't want to stay mediocre, I want to be a little above that. And of course alternatives, jobs that is. I wanna do something I really enjoy not just like which brings income that superceeds the current one, if that happens.....woots! But am still discovering what I am really good at and what can bring in the dough without difficulties, that's a tough one. The thing is, I've always wanted to be my own boss, have my own schedules and decide on what I wanna do daily. That'll be great right?
Hahaha, yeah maybe some of ya would be saying....'yah yah dream on sid....' then again everyone needs dreams to get started.
ok gtg, best wishes everyone,
Hmm
Since you mentioned....
Does that mean the question came from the bottom of your heart and you meant it?
How sad, so sad....but wat to do, to each his own. Sigh~
Let it be...
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