i pity....well not really, i empathize nani.....i can see her new job is really affecting her well being.....she appears gloom not as usual, shes quiet, she looks tired.....i can see shes under alot of stress....i hope she'd be better soon... cos i really dunno wat to do.....i can say im dumb at these things....my attempts only barely made her smile.......
although i know i have neglected her but seeing her like that just now really sadden me and im real concern but i dunno how to help her, except give her advise which i reckoned she would take.....i just hope it doesnt affect her health cos i very well know when she gets sick, she gets real sick.....i hope she gets a new job soon..... so that after completing 3 months she can straight away tender....
i guess love is when u can feel the other party....u tend to feel it too, u worry about the other person.....
gdnite peeps....i will have to slog thru the books again...i was interupted in the afternoon after my uncle n auntie came to invite to next week's solemnisation of their youngest daughter.....the kenduri will be held saturday at toh guan and the actual akad nikah the following friday.....i think among cousins...i mean those ard my age, id be the last to get married.....hahaha....anyways gd nite peeps, biology is a killer, so is sociology and psychology.....2 silent killers...
sad.....
sigh
me taking a mini break, wanted to write me blog yest but jus dozed off...basically the presentation, the project work, rehab at the gym and tennis really tires me out all in one day.....
sum up of yest,
morning...lab practicals got me worrying about next weeks practical and theory test, i tend to forget certain steps that we need to verbalize....for example, checking on the patients facial expressions......the rationale behind each steps...sheesh i need more practice on monday and my classmates are a real help, i dunno what id do if i don not have good classmates or selfish ones....
1205hr butterflies in my stomache, i was a nervous wreck its presentation for andy's class, psychology, we chose a topic on observational theory and have to explain our understanding in depth.....i was super nervous....but it went smoothly, until sundari(the indian pr) started to present her part, they way she spoke was like super hard to understand and i feel her examples was rather irrelevant..... and then andy started asking theoretical questions where some of us got a conflicting answers, in my mind i was like oh shit...waddafuck...........then comes the verdict....phew, andy said......"your presentation was very well done, the activities went smoothly and the class participated and everything went smoothly.....i feel that this group(refering to our tutorial group/the class) is VERY VERY good so far (compared to the other group i presume) i was like so proud and happy all at once.....i felt like jumping up and down.....fellow classmates congratulate us....and my group mates actually said i did well and i was good but i tot i was nervous......but they said i was very good.......kembang giler sak.....i know i can present well, i mean presenting to ppl is nothing new to me, thnks to harimau petrocon services, elken, and ngee ann poly...ive gained presentation skills from there but yest i was super nervous.......but seems like ive done a good job....
after that was more practice on nursing skills then we had to round up of wat to do for the next presentation.......after all was done, i decide to head to the gym for my usual knee rehab, basically strengthening my calves and thigh muscles to assist my weak knees....jus as i was heading to the gym, i saw some of my classmates, they asked me to join for tennis if i wanted....but priorities first, my knee rehab... my career gonna require me to be on my feet for at least 8-12 hours a day.....
i joined them for tennis later...it was my first time holding a tennis racquet....i was so dumb...but got a hang of it after an hour or so and i think its fun.... next friday play again ya? hahahah......was such a stress relieve but wen i got home stress piled up again looking at my diary.....
next week, week 8 tuesday-2 presentation, 1theory test, friday-practical test!...... argggghhh.....tts why im up early on the so called weekend.......wish me luck guys..
time is like gold to me now...
time gets shorter n shorter day by day......i work like a dog....bt then wen i really get to rest 1-2 hours i felt like its a sin after that......cos i know wat ive done is not enough...and im realllllly very worried....anxious, pressured and stressed......
i have no time for my sayang, i told her perhaps once a week only we meet.....i even braved myself up to tell her if its a drag to wait for the 2years, shes free to choose. i dunno if thats the right thing to do anyways.....for me, im just being fair to her. but i dont think we'd part given the fact tt she loves me so much...and both of us being optimistic does help.....
im real stressed.....i guess come saturday i need a break, id like to apologise to my good frens and my sayang.....from now towards the end of the year most probably i cant join u guys for soccer or for kopi sessions and my sayang, i hope once a week is good nuff for us.......i hope u guys understand and be supportive about it..... this is my dream, this is wat i chose, let me live it, let me grab hold of it, not grasp, let me GRAB hold of it....i dont want a half fuck pass, i want to get at least Bs and a few As ....i might be too ambitious but its good to be ambitious rather than to sit where u are and be contented with what is GIVEN to u and not what u obtained....its 2 different things....
i need a study buddy now, i need to find someone who studies in school, alvin does study at school but he's my senior so we're kinda off track.....hmmm....week 10 comes all the tests....urgghhh scary sak....its been a long time since i felt like this!....
next week-3 presentations, 2theories, 1 practical........crazy sak.....madnessssss...
wats happening?
i dunno, she doubted me....i guess bcos of my behavior huh?...i dunno im having mood swings.....i dunno if its the effect of the jab, school, stress, financial woes or watever it is......i dont doubt her at all cos i know she loves me alot....i know im not being a 100% and i wasnt giving a 100% tts wat i felt too....i do love her but i just feel that im not giving a 100%...im glad, im happy that i have someone who loves me a 100%, ive never had someone who does before.....i dunno love is complicated i must say....
fear or respect?
i respect uniformed ppl for their will to serve the country but i guess theres certain ppl tt i rather more of fear than respect....the boys in white....for fear of them would give me a ticket for any stupid 'offence'.. its so obvious tt they are out to get someone to meet their quota i sometimes...the way they look at you & your ride for any so called 'illegal-modifications'....HE actually u-turned......just to take a closer look......and kept looking at his side mirrors.....i mean, i was driving like 60-65km/h on a 70km/h road, so in my mind was like wats the problem? isnt ur job is to look for traffic offenders? not innocent road user who happens to be in ur way and happens to driving/riding a hot or popular vehicle? stereo-typing is another real bad phenomenon(haha wat a word to use) in their job scope....i mean not all sports vehicle users are racers, thieves(stolen parts and vehicles on the rise) or likes to modify their vehicle extensively.....i mean i once saw an apek riding a harley(i dont think he stole the accessories) and a nyonya driving driving a capable LEXUS at a super slow speed that even my brothers bicycle can beat her....i mean my ride was more like a transport and it even has an ugly box behind to put my school books......but why he look until like that? stereotype lor........DAMN.....if i known i wouldve bought myself a less popular bike......id do just tt when i start work....my 'weapon' of choice have always been exclusive but somehow, the trend catches on and it always happen to be something i and ppl like me likes.....for example the vespa....(but im glad now theres less trendist riding tt cool machine...its just nauseating to see them).....anyways back to the issue, i guess in sg theres too much restrictions for the wrong reasons... but i guess the bodies involved are realising better....evidence are the many uprooted skateparks, the ability to use sports exhaust and halogens(provided u got them inspected and approved at LTA), the availability of walls to spray paint legally...
the situation was even worse when i was really living my youth and it was so sad they realised late......if not i guess some of my frens would now be pro skaters i saw their potential and me, i wouldve enjoyed my youth better...but we were kept being chased away by the boys in blue.... i mean we have to skate creatively looking for spots bcos there were only like ONE skatepark in sg and we were school boys with limited cash.....so the neighbourhood was the cheapest playground....but we were chased ard by the boys cos the ppl in the neighbourhood complained cos they thought we are criminals....hahaha.....but now its better la.....haiya....this is life lor.... sometimes u damn suay one....while other ppl are commiting the real offence elsewhere(i actually saw a big sports bike speeding and demonic speed minutes before i was booked), u get booked...just like a couple of years ago, i think 7years ago when i was riding my old px150 and i got booked cos my number plate happens to be of the unapproved one.....sigh....again stereotype matte-black vespas are racing vespas which can go at speed which normal vespas cant.....so he checked for illegal modifications BUT MY BIKE WAS STOCK and so the number plate will do.....uurgggh!
ok im done
im done with research....phew...but hey Albert Bandura is one hell of a psychologist.
kudos to him.....the therapy he came up with actually could make a person who has a lifelong phobia of snakes to overcome it just by observational learning. in case you do not know, observational learning is through 4 basic, main elements, 1.attention/observation, 2.retention/memory, 3.imitation/reproduction 4.motivation/the will to learn. he is really amazing....
happiness is around my nani.....she just got a job with starhub....a 9-5 job somemore coporate marketing.....congrats......its been a long but well deserved wait.
another huge evidence of observational learning is during my skateboarding days, thats how i learn, i observe, remember, and then imitate or reproduce....and of course i love skateboarding so theres always motivation.
and this video im sharing with u (sick of it all~scratch the surface) is the real reason why i got a flat-top haircut(see lou) back then when i was 15 and actively listening to hardcore, here, enjoy this old skool video of sick of it all....
im lazey
im so lazey recently, i spent national day racing on my lambo in nfsu.....it was like from noon till 5pm....okok it was actually before noon!!....but hey i got myself to 5th position.......i own 3 cars, an evo all modded up, a porsche and a wicked lamborgini..........i felt so sinful, i was suppose to study this afternoon
but after the 5hours of racing my eyes felt like popping out.....so i jus flipped thru psychology before i slept...and now i wanna fetch my sayang...ive been a bad bf too....been like abandoning her for days...haha well actually 2days only......haha still i felt like i did...........
ouh im back to my roots, i mean music, wat i use to listen to, hardcore.....it rocks....think integrity, sick of it all, stomping ground, four sides......its melodic, its not metal, its hardcore....throw ur fist in the air and for a moment, high-pitched vocal boys are off my mind, i need the instant adrenaline, the rush, the energy....
hmm how bout lord rul sing for my imaginary band....god i miss slapping on the bass lines......damn.....
ok ok
hmm kay, face it ive grown...hahaha.....i know....im lazee....i pump but i dun run.. sheesh.....ive gained 3kg, although im pretty happy at some parts but im really worried bout the tummy....hahaha....sid2, get ur lazy ass after school to the damn gym, uve been procrastinating since last week......
im stuck on old school........old school music have been blasting of my altec lansing speakers......old school rocks.....think nirvana, metallica, slayer, sublime, rancid, offsprings, rhcp....more n more.....
arrghhh sleep much needed
i very well needed sleep.....but not so early tt i end up waking at this hour..sheesh
okok....i just have to log on,its like a need...hahaha....anyways, sorry sayang i overslept, i tot id take a nap at 930 and wake up at 11pm to go online but i just overshot, i guess i was too tired, especially after my rehab exercise on my knees...
im trying to do them at least once a week....i dont want to be dependent when im old. i wanna be a strong old man, very much independent and grow old with my sayang as i watch my children start their own family....hehehe fikir panjang sak...
anyways, i just had to check out my 2 favourite blogs, shahreil's n of course nani's.
nani didnt want ppl to bother her, i hope im not one of them....hmm, if anything or anyones bothering u pls tell me yeah? my nicks vicious for a reason u know...hehehe
shahreil was feeling rather upset cos he makes effort and no one like appreciate, they more like take things for granted....i hope u dont feel that i am one of them kay? im just too bz nowadays but i do reply to ur msges, even though i was in a middle of a lecture n just now a discussion....its not tt i dun want to play soccer anymore, its jus tt i have so much things to do.....i actually long to play soccer but many factors just tells me to stop for awhile.....one reason is my knee, 2ndly school stuff, 3rdly soccer has gone into the unenjoyable activity region SOMETIMES(perhaps next time i play, i try not to be in ramop's team).
adil smsed me wanting to borrow my vespa bcos he wants to send his bike for a paint job. i declined not bcos im stingy but for many reasons and ouh not becos i dun trust my fren to look after my bike......
u see, my caramella is born in 1970 and still with standard engine and parts, no mechanical modifications watsoever. its delicate in a way cos u cant ride it fast&far and its much more delicate especially when it dons 8inch rims....i had to spend close to 500bucks last year just to repair the flywheel and shaft, cos ive been using it to and fro woodgrove everyday......and wats more its front shocks need replacement, imagine shahreil's px200 sampan.....its just not as bad. its not really safe to ride far and everyday....and the breaks they need replacement, so u see, i have my reasons and i hope ure not pissed tt i declined straight away, cos i know my scooter best. sorry adil.....hehehe wait till i get a harley or tt 540ktm, u can borrow my gilera anytime dude......ouh shahreil actually borrowed my vespa before too, wen the days it wasnt so fragile....
hmm i think id catch some sleep and wake up at 5am for revisions, i didnt do any last night, cos i came back at abt 830 after my assignments, makan n then sleep....
ouh 1st august was nurses day!....my first nurses day!
damn....
its like waddafuck.....no pay?...i called and the hr simply said the payroll dept can only process my pay together with august pay....waddafuck...wad they've been doing sak? sleeping?????? and she said theres nothing she could do.....how inefficient is that? cant she work something out? like a cheque or something? dumb HRs....
and bcos of tt, i have to really budget myself with only barely just 400bucks for a month.....and i have to pay my monthly installments tts like 215bucks... which leaves me with 185 for me to survive on food, petrol and not mentioning bills, which i guess have to be carried forward to next month....now it seems like i have to forgo movies and probably outings and all......fuck the HRs. im very angry here.
fuckstrated
Tomorrow is 1st august liao....and they have yet to pay me and come friday i need the bucks to purchase uniforms....and my funds are running low......seriously low... damn!......im gonna give a call tumoro and hassle them if they delay my pay.... its so fucken fuckstrating.......sheesh!....
anyways lets get on with the good news....the first ICA(in-course-assesment) was done well enough to get praises from the lecturers......haha good actors...haha me is it? well we have to do an act to act out and demonstrate therapeutic communication. phew....i overcame my nervousness and i manage to act it out calmly.. and man was i happy, i recieved positive comments from most of them....yeay.... i hope we got a good score for tt one......thank god.....just hoping that madam chin would give us good marks....
5minutes to slumber....
love makes me happy....i love my nani and she loves me too....
i never expected any gift from her or any sort, cos she is still struggling to look for a new job....and her part time job i guess is only enough for her daily expenses and to contribute to the household.....but today, she sort of suprise me with a bedsheet set....gee...i must admit, its nice, seems like she knows my taste.....
nani, thanks for being by my side yeah....thanks for everything....
nani is the reason i guess im coping with stress and the trumendous workload that the accelerated program has dumped upon us overgrown students.......and its her tt i kept telling myself to keep focus...though sometimes honestly, i do go offcourse and sorta laze or slack......another driving force and my frens who trusted me to do well, and the last driving force is to prove many wrong.... its not tt i cant be where i wanna be, i just take a longer time....like a child growing up, they have different pace, u cant compare a child with another cos they are different, they are special in their own way....they progress their own way.....
life might not be rosy for others and mine wasnt this wonderful before....i pray for all those facing hardships of watever it might be, i pray they'll pull through and tt they will never give up and have faith in themselves no matter how others have given up on them, its never the end until ur heart stops pumping....so keep going...
this goes to myself too......its my way of telling myself its not the end yet...
i have dreams, i have things i wanna do, i have things i wanna achieve......
im going to dreamland soon, jus finished making flashcards so tt id remember my dialogue at tumoro's 1st presentation....and ouh last friday was nurses day!... happy nurses day to wak jumila, wak zainab, ruyani(my fren), siti(nani's fren) and qistina(my cuzzen)....
speaking of qistina, i wish her family the best, although sometimes i do not like wat they do but then again, wat they are facing recently just made me feel sad for them.....its not sympathy im feeling but rather empathy......may Allah bless them with a solution or something....
gdnite peepz.....all my love to my wonderful ppl ard me.....
the longest time together
it was the longest time we spent together last night....from 8pm to about 10am this morning......and it was fun....but too bad both of us were already tired from work and me, from school....
last week, we decided to spend a night together, u know just chill or something... so i scouted for chalets at the last minute but sadly its fully booked at sentosa cos i dun really quite fancy the rest of the chalets.....and aloha is pretty big for only the 2 of us......hahaha....so we decided to camp out....on wednesday we scout for the camping essentials.....of course the tent......but we didnt buy yet cos nani have yet to get approval from her parents tt she is going to a 'chalet' hahaha.....
so after the approval, i went to imm again on thursday, to see the tent at giant....but luckily i came across sports connection and decided to take a look.....and i got a great deal, the tents was on discount and i got a 3men tent for only 21bucks! i grabbed solid fuel & charcoal after i fail to find any gas burner at imm......
friday was the day.....hmm i concentrated in school cos i know i wont be studying after tt....but at the same time im distracted at times by the excitement and i kept thinking wat else do i need or wat to do.....hehehe....
i was about to leave when i saw lighting....in my mind, oh no....but i went ahead and lucky enough we beat the rain......we stopped by katong sheng shiong to get some more stuff(which we never finished) and had our dinner at kfc....hehehe believe me i was excited but was hungry too....hahaha...
it was so comical of me, when we reach east coast, first of all i miss the carpark, the usual spot the gilera boys have their bbq....so i had to turn one big round....
and then we were there, i cant decide on a spot and finally settled for the usual... hehehe....and then, wen it comes to setting up the tent, i was rather slow and i had it wrong the first time, and our 'neighbours' had theirs done although they came wen i was already half way thru it.....hahaha...malu sak...obvious first timer...
finally all set up.....i realised, we were short of speakers and the essentially important lantern or flashlight.....luckily i had my k750i, it helped out abit...
we had nothing to do, we lazed by the hours, scribbling, and tic tac toe and me and my licorice seesha....we couldnt sleep.....so we decided to cook sumthin....haha i always love cooking and playing with fire....and guess wat, i burnt my thumb as i was trying to light the charcoal for my seesha with the solid fuel....imagine my whole thumb in flames...hahaha...lucky nuff i manage to put it out....farnie sak...
good news i wasnt hurt or anything like tt, it was only numb for a few seconds...then it was fine..... after we stuffed ourselves with instant noodles and tuna, we lazed around again, until nani felt sleepy...and she went to sleep first....
:( hehehehehe.....
we woke up early at 6am.....packed up, wash up and had our breakfast at west coast mcdonald's....such a long time since i had breakfast with someone i love so early in the morning.....
overall, i had fun....hmm let me say that again, overall WE had fun.......i love her for just loving me....i love the fact tt she actually want to spend time with me..
i love her for just being her......
although wat we had were so simple but id love to do it again.....thnks sayang...
cells gets old everyday
tts wat dr.san told us, cells get old everyday......hahaha....probably tts why as we grow older our absorption memory is limited.....u cant go on and on slogging on the books......tts why i have to stop after a couple of hours and here i am.....
hmm....im wondering if some ppl are thinking tt im like the "peanut who forgot the shell"(translate in malay!) hahaha....ok its lame.......bout tt issue, i might just be paranoid, for all i know they just dun want to disturb me studying....
hmm i saw farah's pic on shahreil's blog, she's hospitalised, well i dunno for what but i hope she'll be fine....life is really precious u know....and after being in nursing i treasure life even more.....to add on to that, my handicap, my bad knees... i learnt to treasure them more...i told myself, i will only skate when i can afford that sportsbrace which will cost a few hundred dollars....
i dream....and its good to know tt nani dreams of it too, a future together.... and i hope it does come true....
id like to take this opportunity to wish everyone out there the best in watever they do and may luck be upon them, especially my only one nani...i hope u get tt job soon. ure so miserable now at QT.........
to the gilera boys, hey guys, count me out for the bbq thingy yeah......nxt time probably, how bout december during vacation and ummm my bdae....hahahha....
gnite peepz......tumoro, full day of school followed by an hour of knee rehab, packed!.......well, gnite...nurses need to sleep to.....LoL!
yeay
finally ive rectified my computer problems and now, im surfing with ease, i hope i wouldnt have those awful pop ups again....and ouh i strongly recommend "slimbrowser" a web browser i downloaded at download.com, its much faster than ie or mozilla...
i gotta study....study, study......project works is pilling up everyday, so i gotta manage my time wisely.......this weekend is probably the longest ill spend with my b for a day.....looking forward to it.....
shahreil n frens, sori i couldnt join for soccer, reason number 1, my knee problem, reason number 2, school assignments, reason number 3, very bz already....... ill make up at alif sessions during the weekends....hehehe miss u guys....realli....
my sayang, keep on trying, hunt for tt job.....im always here should u need me or if u need my support....i know how frustating it is to hunt for jobs and not getting it and ppl ard u think negatively of u....ive been there........gd luck.....love ya.
i love babies.....
watching the video during our tutorial really made me so wanting to have babies.... it happens everytime i see cute little human beings......just like 2weeks ago when i see nabirul n his brother.........i want some of my own some day.....hehehe.....
im jamming my brains this couple of days....i need a well deserved nap....gnite peepz.
