Congrats you have succeeded. Kudos. Adios.
Deliberate?
I am not happy. I hope it was not done deliberately, if it was, screw you no matter how much I respect you.
Even if it is not, I already am starting house hunting, I spent about 2 hours of my night shift reading through housing issues and something new sounds good to me, we now can get 3-room flats(provided if its from a mature estate) if I interpret correctly, the combined household ceiling income for 3 rooms is 8k. That's pretty good news cos now we don't need a 4rm flat, we just need a place of our own, even if we have kids, it'll be perfect, the kids will be 5years old at least before we are allowed to move, just nice. The issue is if there's a boy and a girl and when they reach puberty, we need to separate them, that's the main issue as a muslim. So for the time being I'd make do with a 3rm flat. It ain't so bad, at least I know my wife wouldn't mind. Anyways it'll be much more comfortable on the payment side, at least it won't totally wipe out off our cpf, at least we got spare maybe for investments or hospital claims, etc...
I am going DIY, if it's too troublesome, I'd seek my friend's help.
My entry yesterday had something about spare a thought for others, clearly nuff some people don't probably cos they don't understand our situation, yes we are menumpang if that's any clearer.
lonely
It's weird maybe its because we just got married.
Today, I know how you felt when I had to go to work and you were all alone at home, lonely, that's how you felt. It's ok if I am on morning shift cos before you know it I'll be home but if I am on PM shift or night shift, I think it'd feel like ages. That's how I am feeling today as I am resting at home waiting for my next night shift, you are away at work from 9 to 6pm and to make things worst, I don't even get to see you for 2 hours like yesterday. But at least I got to see you for about an hour this morning....
Anyways, I am so looking forward to our trips we plan this year. I just hope we be able to make it financially and a flat from HDB would certainly help. Cos for one huge reason, we don't have to fork up any cash, even if we have to it'd be minute as to compared the tens of thousands the open market asking for. And with our own home too, we'd be having much more privacy and can pretty much do whatever we want and not confined to just this tiny room of ours.
I am sorry too, my friends that I can't tag along for the April trip, I very much want to tag but many factors stop me from doing so. I guess it's kinda blessing. The main reason was the pinoys, it's Good Friday, so priority goes to them when it comes to leave.
And the factor is of course, I am saving up for many things to come including our much awaited trip in November, location have yet to be confirmed cos it all depends on the budget and if anything crops up, like the flat. And of course the blessing is, I need not leave my poor wife all lonely, cos from 5th onwards I'd be doing my national service for a week, If I go for the trip, poor thing she'd not be seeing me for a good 2 weeks.
Now I understand how tough my friends had to choose between family and friends, so I guess you singles or those ignorant can self-reflect or spare a thought when we as husband and wife have plans sometimes. Although we are married, that does not mean our life stops there and furthermore for people like me on shifts, time together sometimes are hard to come by. So just spare a little thought kay?
Speaking of which our plans last Tuesday had to be changed a little for many reason. Partly I wasn't feeling too good and secondly my Yai is in High-dependency in NUH. Of course my Yai is my priority, I only wish I have the means to look after him. It pains me to see him in such a condition, I hope there'll be some justice if what he said is true and not only came from the 'confused' him. If what he said is true, I hope there'd be some justice, the 'inhuman' part of me just want 'an eye for an eye' but the civilized me just pray that they'd realize what they had done was wrong. I hope my Yai will be better taken care of after he leave NUH. I think a nursing home is a better place for him cos at least he's taken care of 24/7 and by paid professionals not by half-willing individuals or unskilled maids.
I just hope when I grow old that wouldn't be my fate. Ain told me, 'treat your children like how you want them to treat you', well that can be true but that can be otherwise too cos I still believe in the saying 'spare the rod, spoil the child'. I'd love my kids no doubt but discipline is discipline, the old skool way.
I am still disturbed by issues around me, I just hope some parties wake up. I know I shouldn't say alot but then I am starting to dislike some people here and sad to say they are my family.
I pity those who have to shoulder their burden and responsibilities.
I pity those who have to suffer for them.
I pity those who receive sufferings from them.
It angers me to learn what they have done.
The above 4 sentences applies to various around me, it's kinda private to say who they are cos after all they are family but then please lah wake up. InsyahAllah one day they will, I pray to God. I am unhappy but yes I am helpless cos theres nothing I can do or able to do. I just hope things will be better.
For those with rosy-near-perfect life, please spare a thought for those with many imperfections. Like the pakcik at work told me, 'if you have a bicycle, look at those who have to walk and think how fortunate you are'. Thinking this way. makes us thankful for what we have and makes us understands the not so easy life others might have and also makes us more careful with our own.
Spare a thought be thoughtful, it's not all about fun and accomplishing your 'cool' life and concerns only, when others unable to, think why before letting your anger sets in and then negatively think about them. Likewise with views, we come from different backgrounds, when one is against some stuff, they have their reasons but if you are along the same line, go ahead.
My twilight galaxy
Did they tell you, you should grow up when you wanted to dream?
Did they warn you, better shape up if you wanna succeed?
Well, I don't care really what they say, although I'd be lying if I said it doesn't affect me one bit. But hell yeah, I did things the way I am. I didn't fall into the mould, I did once and I headed nowhere. Engineering my balls. I should've went ahead with my dreams of doodling but now thats a tat too late to do so. So I chosen a different path but this time my own. I did things the way I wanted.
Now, I'm on this with my soulmate and it's only fair we steer this together. It's great enough that she's the most understanding person on earth next to mom. She would evaluate and assess and then give a go-ahead if there's nothing wrong with what I wanna do or give a constructive comment otherwise.
I'm 30 already going on 31 and I still have dreams, my life doesn't stop at having a family and a stable job, I wanna push myself, my own way. The thing is, sometimes I need to focus a little more, I know I can do it, just need a little more focus.
I can't wait to get my own flat, and pretty much settle everything on the 'family' aspect. I wanna settle this quick so I can further my studies and hopefully with more private hospitals coming up, I have more opportunities if my future where I am at seem bleak. By then I guess I would have at least 5years of experience. I am still not leaving out the overseas opportunities options but then, things happening down here kinda part of the factor that kills the keen factor. Like mostly family issues.....I am on a mission to save the weak and bullied, I think I can do something about it or at least contribute.
Life is alot more complex than just earning your meals and to entertain yourself when you are feeling down or much needed it.
If you are just concerned about that, I guess you are pretty much indifferent from the patients I face everyday. It's easy when everything's perfect without conflicts and all. Mine, I grew up with lots of it.
I'm just glad that life seems much better, the future too seems much more promising. I just hope everything falls into place, like the flat and the degree. And hopefully after that, little ones....insyahAllah.....
U have no say!
While printing the wedding fotos for dad, I realized...
No matter what, you're still my dad. If not for you, I'd not be here or even exist.
Blood ties can never be severed.
Thanks for coming all the way from Solo-Indonesia. I appreciate it pak. I'll come visit you someday if time and finances permits. Love you...
Single no more.
You're the one, indeed.
I love you to the core.
Nuff said, the rest is self-explanatory.
You're my side-kick in the journey we had already embarked on...
Surreal
I couldn't believe it I am finally settling down.
I couldn't believe in I am finally listening to someone with none or the littlest doubt, that is my lovely wife to be, Nurain.
By nature, I am very very stubborn, I usually would want it my way but this time round I guess I've changed a little.
I guess marriage is much more than just love...it's a life long 'contract' and commitment. It's taking a vow to stand by the one you love for the rest of your life. I envy some couples I witness, even through thick and thin, even though the other half is a little dysfunctional he still stood by her. Respect to that, I guess the undying hope he puts on his other half.
2 more days, frankly, not boasting but very few things gives me fear and gosh this is one of them...It's nothing compared to getting stitches, going to the OT many times, breaking your finger, crashing and loosing consciousness, being left alone with the supernatural, an attacking psychiatric patient....LoL ok I can go on and on...you get the picture...the fear is however subtle, it doesn't get you but it lingers...it's like a thin-line between fear and worry, I'd rather a fear that stares you straight in the eye than one that lingers around and plays hide and seek with you....
Anyways, wish me luck guys and thanks a million to pals and family for the support. Love y'all. Only God knows how appreciative I am of you guys. Hey beneath the blatant guy I am, I do have emotions you know and to some of ya, you guys don't know me yet.
Taaaa......
feel honored
i feel honored come saturday.....
my late grandpa's brother coming down from malacca.
my cousins from JB coming down...
my step-sister from Jakarta coming down...
and of course Ibu' Yanti and Dad from Solo-Indonesia...
for my wedding day....All Hail the KING! LoL!
No matter...
No matter how many times I profess how much I love you,
No matter how I confessed how I kept thinking about you when we're apart...
All doesn't matter cos frankly I don't know how to describe this feeling that is so strong, that I never felt before.
A commitment I took, without the littlest fear, I went straight to ask for your hand. So sure I was, that what others said, others think doesn't even matter cos yes, like what you said before what matters most is what we know what's in our heart, mind and soul.
To the interferences, funny but I would like to say thanks cos at the end of the day, I long for her more each day. I can't wait for the day whereby we'd have no barriers of being together everyday, whereby external parties have no say about our relationship, whereby the ties are tied with a dead knot.
And because of you too, I realized that some things are not worth fighting and now my task is to fight for you for I will take the vow to protect thee, to make sure of your well being, to make sure you are away from harm, loved, have food to eat, have a roof over our heads while we sleep, have clothes to change and many more.
For I was prepared to take all these responsibilities, I should just ditch all the toils of fighting for the truth, pride and rights for it doesn't matter if it doesn't kill me for God knows best and you my love, you understand me most and nobody else can and I hope you will continue understanding me.
I hope we will guide each other in the journey we will embark together, I hope you will steer this vessel we will be on if I am reckless enough to go the wrong way. We have equal rights in this, we will share this path and it is only right we will have equal control like we always have.
I still remember the times when you defended me, you fight for me in a subtle way.
I still remember when you pick me up, when you console me like you are comforting a child.
I still remember when you tried to calm me down, your touch calms the savage beast within me waiting to be released to defend and fight.
I still remember that look of yours.
Continue what we had love, what we always had.
I love you, like I said, words are only words, only God knows how I feel about you, what goes through my mind, how my heart delays a beat whenever I look into your eyes, whenever I held your hand.
Thank you love for being with me and soon we'll be tied to be together forever, InsyahAllah.
Are we human?
Are we human or are we dancers?
Merely dancing along to the sounds that came from the 'speakers'.
wrong bus home #2
this is the 2nd time i took the wrong bus home....maklumla slalu brar brur naik moto(mom likes to say that).
anyways, on top of the extra exercise i get(which i always needed) it also give me some 'me-time' and sometimes that means self reflection or time to think about what people had said to me. well, for today....i think what ain said was right, why bother what others think about? whats most important is we know ourselves whats happening and we saw, not a pair of eyes in fact 2 pairs plus a pair of specs...LoL...anyways yeah she's right, i got more things to worry about, more important things...heh :) that will probably bring us to the next entry which i will only start tomorrow! cos today i need some sleep cos tumoro morning shift and i wanna see cute yaqyn for the first time, kesian besok kene cukur rambut...hehehehe....tataaa people....
I'm Yours
I love you with all my life. I want to say it out to the world thru this entry. I never knew I'd be this 'mushy' before with the toughie me I try to uphold always. Life has always been a fight for me but with you around, I am much more mellow.
When I found you, I just knew it and I did not hesitate. As time passes on, through many hurdles we skipped, tears shed, laughter filled the air, almost all emotions we had with each other and still we are strong like superglue. We are just simply stitched together and I bet nobody can remove this stitch which had already grown into the flesh.
Sometimes situations shook us, test us and drive us to the ground but we pull each other up. It's either you or me, we share equal tasks of saving ourselves, nobody and really nobody can come between us. How close or how hard they tried, we both came to our senses and realized, we were made for each other.
God made me wait almost decade since I discovered love to finally find you my real love. It's well worth it and the effort I never complained.
I gotta thank God(Alla s.w.t) on top of all and the people around us who helped make it happen and the people who tried to break and create havoc as well cos in fact you guys made us stronger. All is forgiven, all is forgotten.
I wanna start 2010 afresh, no sadness, no negativity, working to a better life. Help me through this God, Help me through this love, Help me through this friends(& family).
Love to all.Peace!
Been Awhile
Been awhile since there's an entry. Busy la, what to do...hehehe. Well not really busy just that the amounting anxiety and stress.
But hey there's some promising news coming up, I thought it'll be quite a some if the rumors are true but hey with my wish list and the upcoming wedding, it's not much already and plus there's Fathi's and (future)Mother-in-law's birthday. Gotta get something, one of course is my brother whom is having not a splendid childhood but of course better than mine and the other the one who takes me as the son-in-law with open arms. A small gift would just be right as a sign of appreciation and love.
I will resist to prevent my desires(wants) consume me, else I will definitely splurge.
I thought of getting my siblings a pc but I will wait till the confirmed news is out. If it is true, MAYBE I'll be getting them a pc, so Fathi's birthday present is pretty much covered BUT if I cannot afford that, probably just a makan session and then shop for his hp.
I also have to remember to put aside to pay for the balance hidden costs for the wedding, like photography, car, sound system. That alone amounts to 1k. Can you believe it? And I have to also bear in mind the 'honeymoon' trip and expenses for January.
Heheh it's pretty scary in fact....I think I can manage but I have to really put aside all the wants....LoL and not forgetting, tires and engine oil need a change soon....
And I almost forgot, I still haven't got my last outfit! LoL....
thoughts
~'I welcome my enemies as I welcome my friends but pardon me when I have to take a stand'
I don't bite, unless you do, I am not hostile unless you are.
And thanks I am learning from you, so pardon me, I am just what you want me to be. Don't blame me.
:)
Freedom
I believe in rights or rather the freedom to choose, because of that, I will compromise and because of that I will also not complain of some of the negativity that lingers. Because everyone have their own right/freedom to do/think what ever they want.
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