Reciprocrate

I feel lazy.......very very lazy......but I kept telling myself to spend my hospitalization leave wisely. Do something beneficial, design, create, read.....whatever that I will not have the luxury or time to do once I am back to work. The thoughts are many, the energy and drive is little. I need the initial drive, the ideas flowing in. Rat has yet to reply my sms, I wonder if the tee-thingy will have a go thingy.

One good news though my dad called, I think he is proceeding with the manufacturing and replication of the parts that we are going to market. I was surprised that dad called, I guess it pays when you put in effort to keep ties tight. I just called him last Saturday and even smsed him later wishing him a happy fathers day.

Right now, I can't help the many thoughts that is flowing thru my mind. I have always been like this since young, if my hands are not busy, many thoughts comes. I was even commented in my report book as 'dreamy, tends to day-dream', LoL.

Isn't it good? Well I guess yeah, except if the thoughts were put to life, reality. Well I did, some at least! And I was delighted to have made several childhood dreams a reality....:p

My first series will be simple, it will be numbers(hint2) but this time round it will not go under the label 'Hallucinate', it will have another label which have yet to be decided I guess. If the partner thingy is off, I will still go ahead but later I guess, I'd concentrate on my decals first. I am going to print a new decal for my Suzie next week and hopefully it fits nicely. Then, maybe I'd leave my comfort zone and try doing decals for cars....maybe, just maybe....

I also want to refresh myself in photography, seems like I've lost touch. Maybe, I will get a book or two from the library later. :) So much time in hands, except no total freedom, else I'd be outside of Sg oredi....LoL

Okla later guys......

By Definition

You can define a year by 365days or 52weeks or 12months. There are several definitions for a year alone, what about life? A meaningful life.

I sent off my dad yesterday morning, with many thoughts in mind. Was it his fault totally? Should I sympathize that he has been through lots? Should I agree with my uncle's and his view? Should I be ashamed of myself that I did not really put in effort to look for him when he first went 'missing' from Singapore to reside in Indonesia? There's still many questions that goes unanswered, there was many more that I regret not asking but I guess that's part of life, sometimes you give some a miss although you do not want to.

Like my dad, I have been through lots and I am freaking grateful here that I can still fend for myself and feed my fairly oversized tummy. I am still glad though my life is far from perfect as compared to my fortunate friends. I am not saying I am not unfortunate cos I am still granted with a stable job which I will have to cherish and really 'look after'. After all the poor economy many companies around are looking ways to 'remove' what they don't 'need'. I do not want to be one of them. Nevertheless, I am looking ways to up my value, a degree perhaps. In actual fact, I am pretty much lazy to study again but I keep telling myself I have to really consider upgrading myself. I was also considering other alternatives as back up plans, I am seriously considering Ratnor's offer to join venture with him and his friend. I also already am working with dad to produce some supermoto accessories which will have price tags that make the branded manufactures hate me.

I know, wealth is nothing but that is not what I am looking for....I am looking for comfort and stability and something to fall back on. The Arabs believe that health comes above anything else, indeed it is, without health there's no wealth.

Today I went for my knee surgery, removing the implants which had got my knee infected. Back to square one, my knee is now 'loose' without that support from the artificial graft in replace of my original ACL(anterior cruciate ligament). I am thankful nuff that I did not get any bone infections, I'm just waiting to recover and strengthen my knee again so I can run. I had lived my dreams of racing, although only a teenie club race but I do appear on teevee. I wanna live my next which I do not know yet if it is possible, I wanna run that marathon(or maybe half) and finish it, what position I finish in doesn't matter. It's just one of the things I wanna do before I turn old and weak. :)

That's for later.....I'm now concerned with the current issue, the flat. I seriously want a place of my own, somewhere where I can call my own. Getting it is not cheap, I really need to save up, although I could've ask dad, I didn't cause that's his money, he earned it and I have no right to it. I don't deserve it. I would rather loan if I have to, If I have to that is. Else, I will have to save and forgo the pleasures in life, like things I don't need, like things that can wait. That's why in the earlier paragraphs the mention of looking for other alternatives to earn.

I just hope that in the future my kids too will be like me and my dad. Independent and would really stretch ones capabilities and abilities to the max. I never really looked up to dad until I was mature enough to think of what he has went thru and put aside his not so commendable deeds. He is human after all like you and me.

Speaking of humanity, the inhumane deeds of some still lingers within my memories. I still could not believe what you have done. I don't know how can you forgive yourself and put that smile upon your face. I'm no hero, neither have I fulfilled my responsibilites but that's because I myself am 'crippled' in many ways but you having that complete family I can't understand why you need to do that.

I don't wanna talk about that anymore. In this life, my experiences have made me a better person and Islam certainly did help me to be a better person. Turn to Him my muslim frens. There's changes in me that I have noticed, although little but it had stuck to me that way now. As days goes, I have seen lots of the less fortunate than me and loose change to me is nothing as compared to those who really need it. Excess food that will go to the bin is better off in someone's empty stomach. A greet, a smile is better off that misinterpertations and silent accussations.

I realise some things are hard to change like my temper at times but remembering Him helps and people around me(ain mainly) and my current profession.

Thank you for guiding me. Alhamdullilah. Leave the path lighted so I don't loose my way again.
Thanks for health, food and what I have now. Syukur.

Been A Looooooong Time

It's been quite sometime since my last entry. Why? Busy la with so many things. Not really la, just that I never set time aside to blog unlike last time. Nowadays my free time are spent either with Ain, busy with work, my hobby, finding ways to earn extra(its never enough), entertaining my Dad who's currently in Singapore and lastly the 'future' stuffs. So you see, I am pretty much occupied. Sometimes I stray away to do things that's not really beneficial like just plain lazing around... LoL

Anyways things seems to fall in place although some did not go the way I wanted it to be. Whenever that happens, I am thankful enough there's always alternatives. I just hope, it does go as planned at least for the core main things I want in life. That shall remain under-covers for the time being, as I do not want to talk about something that's not concrete yet. Look at my class3 license, to date I still have yet to move my lazy ass to get it done and over with. Yes I admit I am lazy about getting that cos I have other priorities which I think are much more important to me, my future. A car is an additional asset that can wait, cos my bike still brings me to and fro work and more.

Savings is another issue currently, a major one. It's tough lah, especially when you're building the foundation to your future and especially when you are just at the start of a new career and especially when you have a rather expensive hobby like mine(though I've mellowed down and haven't been to the tracks to burn rubber) And independence is not as fun as it seems when you're living alone and having to manage everything yourself.

I am trying to get the best for my future, my life....It's been years since I live a proper life. I can't say I hate it totally cos I learned alot and I think the fact that I had to go thru so much had in fact made me very strong. I still remember the times when I survived on bare minimal because being me, I never liked borrowing or relying on others. I still remember the day I had to part with my dear scooter. I remember the day when I sold off all my motorcycle accessories cos I was jobless for almost six months. I remember staying in rental where the fridge's totally empty and having to survive on food at school and bread at home when wallet's dry. But I guess people never know the hard times, they only see the good times, my bike, my holidays, my bonuses and my new stuffs.

I am glad now that things are better although it will be alot better had I got lucky with the balloting thingy. But being me, I've not yet give up, I'm trying alternatives.

Anyways, the past few weeks, I spent certain days with Dad and yesterday I realize there's some similarities... We don't like instructions if we know what we are doing. We can survive on our own no matter how hard it is, we'll find our way. No matter what, we still respect our parents. There's more I bet. One thing I just hope that he try to get closer to the One. I hope my dad will have a better life in Indonesia after settling all that needs to be settled in this few weeks he's here. He gave me words of encouragements yesterday, 'don't be afraid to leave or venture if there's opportunities overseas'. I want to(in my heart) but I already planned something...that will come later. If it meant to be mine, it will, no matter what.

For now as in now-now, I just hope the mid-year bonus is worth even calling a bonus if there is at all. It'll be helpful for me to get certain stuffs cranking and going.

Lastly, I am very thankful I found her. I think without her, I'd feel rather empty, even today being alone, I really feel the void, I really yearn for her company. Now I know how she feels when she yearns for me and I have to work afternoon shifts or nights. I guess she's part of my strength now that keeps me going and dreaming and soon making that dreams a reality.

AND of course to all those who have loads of negativity against me or view me as something unpleasant? Well, have it your way, have all the fun you can, I don't think it bothers me. I do things my way and I know I will be there at my own pace. At least I'm no hypocrite. For in this life, I compete with myself and no one else, its unlike in a race at the tarmac when the first position is the winner. I will be a winner, in my own way. So help me God race thru this one, my own race. InsyahAllah.

Solo-Indonesia

First of all pardon my grammar...

Last Thursday I went to visit my father in Indonesia which I never did for I guess 8 years? Currently he is residing in Solo, Surakarta Indonesia. The place is less developed unlike Singapore, although modernization can be seen progressing through out. You can see malls and the residents are dressed in a more westernized clothings, less batik.

I never miss Dad that much because partly, I was brought up by Mom cos they were divorced when I was only 2years old.

Today my father lives with my step-mom Ibu' Yanti, an Indonesian from Java, which part? I'm not too sure. I'm not so fond of her in the beginning but I guess I am getting used to seeing her around my Dad.

It was my first time visiting Solo and I already have little ideas or thoughts of retiring there. I can get a house as big as my Dad's at mere SGD200k! That's like cheaper than a 3-room flat! Imagine, a garden, a pond, a garage, laundry room, store and even space to start a food stall! Now I know why Uncle-Rawi, the Health-Attendant bought a house in Indonesia and plans to retire there.

The cost of living is super low too...I guess if you save enough to retire, you can retire very comfortably there without even worrying about having to work part time to survive till your death like what most middle incomed here does...they have to work, else it just ain't enough. Especially with people like me who started saving late and having trouble to save because I have to survive on my own. I am seriously considering that(retiring in Indonesia), I can already imagine.

I talked with Dad over there, he told me of his retirement plans which most probably I will follow. He has reached the age whereby he can withdraw his CPF funds. After doing so, he will bank in all of them to an account in Indonesia cos there, they offer higher interests. And with the monthly interest he earns, its enough for him to live by daily and even indulge in his part-time business(selling customized motorcycle parts) and Ibu' Yanti's food business(warong). He got it all planned and he even plans to buy another land on top of the house he is going to buy to build another house and rent it out. Gosh, although far from relatives but I can imagine how comfortable life's going to be. I think if I were to do the same, I can also bring mom along together, I'm sure there's ample room.

In Solo-Indonesia, there's nothing much to spend on.....there's not much to splurge...life's pretty simple there, pretty basic, if you say there's no entertainment...there's always nature or you can always turn on your pc/mac to blog(LoL) or surf or watch cable....I just want a comfortable life before I die in my old age, I don't wanna slog to my death or count my savings everyday and really budget to ensure I don't outlive my savings. For those whose already comfortable perhaps don't worry too much but for me, I do, cos I know life ain't getting any easier, that's why the investments and I am even considering to get a life investment on top of what I already have.

Some people say I think too much but look where am I now, I didn't think too much back then, thats why now, there's quite a struggle. Had I forgo the life I had, I would've not be so panicky now, although I know I can make it but I know I am balancing on a tightrope with the help of an umbrella and a net below offered by people close to me. Had I thought of the future, the umbrella and net would've come from my own pocket. Therefore now, I still can't say I am independent although 90% I am, that 10% is the safety net in case anything happens....LoL

Back to the trip, I'm glad it happened although during the trip....I lost my ipod shuffle, the baggage crew tore part of my bag, I got cut from the stand of my dad's bike, I left Ain's camera case in Solo and I finished all IDR2.1million, leaving only IDR2k. AND I discovered my rear tyre got punctured when I reached home. And surprisingly although frustrated, I am not 1bit angry....LoL.....

Why I am glad? The bond I never had with my father, my grandmother, my stepmom and my auntie. The trip got us closer, we joked, we talked bout serious issues, we shared ideas and many more....above all we know we care bout each other....I know at least my grandma care about all of us. I love u nenek, ouh thanks for the airfare...next time round, I pay for the flight...:)

I thought I could be all alone, start a whole new chapter on my own with Ain but now I realise, no man is an island. Family will be family although some part of family is not worth calling family for what they have done. However being a muslim....forgive and forget, always keep an open mind...I'm no saint, I do admit, I still can't forget....

Time flies....though I got lots more to say bout my trips(Phuket which I had yet to mention) I gotta go to bed cos tumoro I gotta get that rear tyre fixed.....gnite peeps.

Love you all....nites.

8th April 2009

I have always looked on the positive side at all things. At the same time I am a mere human being and sometimes I just can't help but be pulled in to the negativity and sometimes it gets worse that I can get paranoid.

I was suppose to go for my appointment with my specialist today to review my MRI and yet again it was postponed cos he took urgent leave. It was rescheduled again to 2 weeks later. The uncertainty is so not pleasing as to how or what the outcome will be base on the MRI they took.
Anyways, being positive, I think this is God's ways of helping cos probably by then I can use my policy to pay for my hospitalization bills and probably by then the bonus is already in and probably by then it won't jeopardize my career advancement.

Anyways let us just wait and see....whatever it is I am hoping for the best. InsyahAllah.

Today I get leaky nose and I always get this when either I drink too much cold drinks the day before or I haven't had enough rest. I think this time round is a combi cos yesterday morning I ran 7km and I never took any naps and went to work a couple of hours later. At work the humid weather caused me to drink loads of chilled water and even when I reached home I drank some of that thirst quenching raspberry 7-up. So yeah, blame it on myself. LoL

Today a colleague of mine is getting married. Congrats Wu Longjiang, hope you have a happy married life with Ning yu. He also asked me to help out by ordering food for the lunch he will be providing tomorrow in our ward and a card to invite all the staff. I hope I was of help to you. I don't know if I will miss the free food tomorrow or not cos I'll be on course, I hope they'd leave some for me so that I can eat during my lunch break...hehehehe...

Today also, Ain's friend Shikin told her of something exciting but yet again it's quite uncertain, so yes I'm going to check out the site again on Friday. I am still hoping cos I still want my own home no matter what.

And last but not least, I can't wait to go Island hoping come this weekend....6days in Thailand, here I come.....woots!

Hope

Hope: some say hope is merely a comforting factor for human beings, they hope to comfort themselves.

For me, hope is something that might come and if it does, Alhamdullilah for it is He who made it all possible.

On Thursday afternoon, my SNM had a meeting with us, the 2 wards on level 2 will be separated, meaning Ward72A will be a specialized ward. I so look forward to be chosen for this ward and perhaps a post-basic aka advance diploma nomination. He also mentioned that 1 will be selected to be doing office hours. There's pros and cons to it...

Pros: I will be able to plan more stuffs off work.
I will be able to meet my friends and family more regularly.
Health will definitely be better for not working shifts.
And in the future should I have a family, I will definitely have more time for them.
I don't have to wake up so early and I can have time and not rush thru subh'

Cons: I will loose out on allowances
I will have more work to do and miss all the slacking on night shifts.

I guess there are more pros than cons.....although the dough will be lessen but....

Anyways I'll let fate decide....should I get chosen, Alhamdullilah, should I not get chosen, Alhamdullilah as well for I believe what ever that happen not in favor has a blessing in disguise or is probably a test from Him.

Okla, gotta sleep....running 6km tumoro, good night everybody.....

Blog hopping

I just felt like blog hopping....I blog hopped my friends' blog and there was one post on the regular questions that thrown onto singles like I am...."Bila nak kahwin?" and there's a following reason that they(the one who questioned) made up themselves like:
"Tulah sibuk sangat.."
"Tulah cerewet...."
"Tulah takmo simpan duit..."
and probably many more reasons but then I laughed when I read that cos I got myself one hell of a funny reason as to why this soon-to-be 30year old has not tied the not yet. She was asking her daughter what I was working as ....the answer was of course I am a nurse.....then on another day she asked which hospital am I working at....the answer is of course "IMH" and this was what she said after that " Ooooo patutlah tak kahwin2....." in english "Ooooo that's why la he's not married yet..."

LoL......farnie.....at my expense....

6 habits, lean mid section

Taken off men'shealth magazine. 6 habits for a leaner mid-section.

1. WAKE UP TO WATER
Imagine not drinking all day at work – no coffee, no water, no diet soft drink. At the end of an eight-hour shift, you’d be pretty parched. Which is precisely why you should start rehydrating immediately after a full night’s slumber. From now on, drink at least 450ml of chilled water as soon as you rise in the morning. German scientists recently found that doing this boosts your metabolism by 24 per cent for 90 minutes afterwards. (A smaller amount of water had no effect.) What’s more, a previous study determined that muscle cells grow faster when they’re well hydrated. A general rule of thumb: Guzzle at least 3.8 litres of water over the course of a day.

2. EAT BREAKFAST EVERY DAY
A University of Massachusetts study showed that men who skip their morning meals are four-and-a-half times more likely to have bulging bellies than those who don’t. So within an hour of waking, have a meal or protein shake with at least 250 calories.

British researchers found that breakfast size was inversely related to waistline size. That is, the larger the morning meal, the leaner the midsection. But keep the meal’s size within reason: A 1,500-calorie plate of fried noodles is really two breakfasts, so cap your intake at 500 calories. For a quick way to fuel up, try this recipe: Prepare a package of instant oatmeal and mix in a scoop of whey protein powder and half a cup of blueberries.

3. AS YOU EAT, REVIEW YOUR GOALS…
It’s important to stay aware of your mission. University of Iowa scientists found that people who monitored their diet and exercise goals most frequently were more likely to achieve them than goal setters who rarely reviewed their objectives.

4. …AND THEN PACK YOUR LUNCH
This habit should be as much a part of your morning ritual as showering. Here’s what you can pack into your cooler:
• An apple (to eat as a morning snack)
• Two slices of cheese (to eat with the apple)
• A 500- to 600-calorie portion of leftovers (for your lunch)
• A pre-mixed protein shake or 450ml of milk (for your afternoon snack)
By using this approach, you’ll keep your body well fed and satisfied throughout the day without overeating. You’ll also provide your body with the nutrients it needs for your workout, no matter what time you exercise. Just as important, you’ll be much less likely to be tempted by the office candy bowl. The rule is simple: Don’t eat anything that’s not in the cooler.

5. EXERCISE THE RIGHT WAY
Everyone has abs, even if people can’t always see them because they’re hidden under a layer of flab. That means you don’t need to do endless crunches to carve out a six-pack. Instead, you should spend most of your gym time burning off blubber. The most effective strategy is to combine weightlifting and high-intensity interval training. According to a recent University of Southern Maine study, half an hour of
pumping iron burns as many calories as running at a six-minute-per-mile (1.6km) pace for the same duration. And it has the added benefit of helping you build muscle.
What’s more, unlike aerobic exercise, lifting has been shown to boost metabolism for as long as 39 hours after the last repetition.

Similar findings have been noted for intervals, which are short, all-out sprints interspersed with periods of rest. For the best results, do a total-body weight-training workout 3 days a week, resting at least a day between sessions. Then do an interval-training session on the days in between.

6. SKIP THE LATE SHOWS
You need sleep to unveil your six-pack. That’s because lack of shut-eye may disrupt the hormones that control your ability to burn fat. For instance, University of Chicago scientists recently found that just three nights of poor sleep may cause your muscle cells to become resistant to the hormone insulin. Over time, this leads to fat storage around your belly.

To achieve a better night’s sleep, review your goals again 15 minutes before bedtime. And while you’re at it, write down your plans for the next day’s work schedule (as well as any personal chores you need to accomplish). This can help prevent you from lying awake worrying about tomorrow (“I have to remember to respond to Raymond’s e-mail”), which can cut into your quality snooze time.

broke no worries

I am near broke and I am not 1bit unhappy although a little worried la, cos I need some dough for the Phuket and Jakarta trips (although my flight's sponsored for Jakarta!) and for the insurance renewal come June and not mentioning my new insurance plan monthly and my savings plan...
Whoah....I guess I'll be losing alot of weight come next month....LoL

And why I am so almost broke yet happy? Many reasons babe....

Yesterday Chris Martin and the gang made my day! Awesome...although I am not a HUGE fan but I still like their songs and the closest to 'Live' I've only watched their DVDs and yesterday was ubber awesome. They rock, no words can describe how I felt yesterday, it's like a musical orgasm.
Those who weren't there, you don't know what you have just missed....hehehe. Even just now, I was frantically searching for my CDs which I stashed somewhere and my guess is, it's probably still in Bukit Batok.

And life has been pleasant lately....even at work....
Everyones been nice to me....even the patients....
My eyes, nothing wrong with it, after the specialist check up...it's only tired eyes...
My knees, less pain although I will still need the op.
Everything's just so kind to me. I'm just so blessed lately. Alhamdullilah.

So you see, it's not about the money......that's secondary although it's necessary....:)

shields

After solat, I head to DBS bank to open a new account. I decided, I need to discipline myself to start saving. One way is to open another account, whereby the funds there would not be touched unless in case of emergency. I also signed up for health-shield by Aviva, cos I'll be going for 2 surgeries, at least with this policy, it'll help me pay my hospital bills and because of it, I wouldn't be using my medisave solely which might be needed when I get old. for a small sum per year, I think the coverage for hospitalisation is pretty worth it.

I'm also considering the Mysavings account cos it has double the interest of an ordinary account. However that will have to wait till next time. Next is the travel insurance, I'll get that for my 1week trip, just in case.....hehehe...

I also am considering for life insurance....I don't know yet, I'll consider that before my 30th birthday. That can wait. cos now at least I'm covered with the health-shield for hospitalisations and medical treatment.

soak up the sun hombre....

Running is mainly to keep fit and keep off the pounds from calling your body home. To me my morning run is alot more than that. It keeps my sanity to an acceptable level.

Somehow, running is a sort of therapy for me. Running by the beach in the morning soothing sun helps is just so relaxing. Plugging in to my mp3 to rad tunes from my itunes and just enjoying the push. Of course the priority is to shed pounds and keep myself fit especially in my line of work as a nurse and especially in a psychiatric setting, whereby you need to be vigilant, alert and fit. But the end of the routine is alot more than just that.

My running routine would start off psyching myself up to the tunes, focus and try to improve my fitness and stamina every run at the same time enjoy the beach, the sun and people watching. After the run, follows the hearty breakfast...like today the hotcakes were fresh and ultra yummy....that is satisfying and it compliments the achievement to shed almost a minute off my 4.5km route.

The walk back to where I park my bike is where all it happened. The thoughts, the deep, deep thoughts. Self-reflection, plans and thoughts for the future. It's like an emotional rollercoaster ride. My life ain't perfect and the many imperfections made me wonder sometimes why....but then I always pull myself back up to think that theres alot more souls out there whose worse off. Then came the happy thoughts, the people around me, the people who stood by me, the people who made me happy. Then came the angry thoughts, the people who pissed me off, the hypocrites, the faith-monger, the tales-teller, etc but then I always end that by reminding me what goes around, comes around......God is great. Then came to my physical state, bad knee, bad eyes....I want to be in the pink of health, fully mobile, I wanna skate, run, race, I wanna do what I love to do and perhaps God will answer my prayers....Then came the plans for the future, what should I do, what can I do better, what I shouldn't wait so long to do.......

After all that, it makes me feel alot better cos I get a bigger, better picture of my whole life....With all that, I am starting to enjoy my morning runs cos it benefits me alot more than just being fitter but also happier. Though running with Ain is alot of fun too cos now, she's my joy, she's the one that kept me up, kept me going and most of the time prevented me from being down. Unknowingly she helped me alot in life, she kept me focus, she too sometimes bring me back to reality.

Theres alot to say, alot in mind but we only got 24hours a day that God granted us and out of that 24hours 4-6 hours is already spent on shut-eyes. another 8 odd hours at work and that left us with 20 more hours whereby they past pretty fast like in a blink of an eye. We are humans after all, do the best but do what you can, don't push yourself to the edge.

Here's what I wanna do in the near future. I hope, really hope after my second surgery I'd be able to do physical activities as before, as I was an army boy back then where by runs doesn't end with an ache in the knee, where my eyes doesn't tire after 8hours of video games. Yes, it's the work of nature thru wear and tear but God doesn't encourage resentment, rather He wants his beings to be strong and face the challenges and that is just what I will do. Life is short, I probably would've have spent half of my lifetime already if I were destined to be alive till 60. That meant I only got 3decades more to enjoy life, of course if I live longer I will appreciate it but I hope if I do, I wanna be as independent as I can. Life is indeed short so why brood over nothing, over negativities when there are so many positivities and posibilities to explore.

I am glad to where I am today. I am thankful to God, Alhamdullilah. I hope to contribute more, I hope to live life to the fullest. I hope to be a good muslim. I hope to be remembered by future generations. It's hard to be 100% positive nowadays but I am trying my best and I hope I emit all these positive energy to the people around me and may they be filled with positivity.

Keep the faith.

100bucks

Usually u'd be delighted when u get a voucher worth $100 but it's actually adding headaches. With the variety of choices of mobile phones in the market, I just couldn't decide which one to get. It'll certainly help if Starhub sells Iphone....ok so it doesn't have Iphone. I'm torn whether should I get a phone at all. Aside from Apple, I love sony-ericsson and I am one who would stick to a particular brand for a very long time if it has no hiccups.

Later I will just head down to TM-Starhub and just try my luck trading in my w380i(cos there are 2 tiny cracks, probably from dropping it a couple of times). If it is tradable and I can use the $100 voucher and retain or renew a mobile plan...I'll get that Nokia-E71 or that Nokia5800 although E71 is way cheaper but I wanna have a look at N5800 first although high possibility I might not get it cos of budget constraints. However it is, I will go to TM-Starhub either tommorow or the day after.

Or will I give in to the darkside? LoL.....

fast in fast out

The phrase 'fast in fast out' is what my fellow race buddies advised me on how to negotiate corners at the track, just to shave on that valuable seconds. That sounds exciting but the phrase sure doesn't sound as exciting when it is applied to your cash flow.

The last post was just filled with joy when I discovered that I got more pay than I usually have. Ouh I begin to realize its not a pay adjustment but its more of a payback of my bonuses they owe me. Cos a non confirmed staff will not get their full bonus, so yeah thats my bonus for working from August to December. Thats like 4months?

So anyways back to the phrase....why it is applicable to my cash flow now? Cos I jus went to an appointment and apparently I need to go for an MRI which will cost me like $300-$475. Depending if I do need a contrast injection or not to enhance the image.

(ouh the bloody security just told me to unplug my charger to my laptop.....damn...I guess I have to fuck off from here then...will be continuing later if my battery goes kaput and I cant find a spot to continue...)

Pay adjustments?

My pay is more that what I usually got. I wonder if its pay adjustments cos I became a confirmed staff. I will check my payslip tomorrow. Whatever it is, Alhmadullilah.....

I so want to race but I have to keep in mind my responsibilities and come June, I have to renew my insurance. So I guess I'll resist the temptation.

I'm going to the orthopaedics later, wish me luck.....I hope I just need antibiotics instead of surgery. It's not the surgery that bothers me, it's the immobility that comes after that.

I'm still contemplating whether to bring up about my finger as well....

mere human

I am after all a mere human being, imperfect by nature.
Although that's no excuse but that is indeed a fact. No matter how smart, how tactful and how knowledgeable you are, you CAN make mistakes.
For me, I was complacent, I should have been more careful.
But what is done, is done and if the guilt do lingers, I have plans in mind.

There's so much for me to do now, I seem to learn things the hard way. I always did.

On Wednesday, 25th of February is my appointment with the orthopaedics.
We are all mere humans after all, we are not indestructable, we are susceptible to illness and diseases. The verdict on Wednesday might put my career path on the line, cos I might be having to take some medical leaves if I do need another surgery.

The appointment with the eye specialist in March is another worry that has struck me. Although it is less serious in nature but eyesight is one of the most important senses to men. I worry only will it affect me in old age. I am barely 30 and all of these begins to surface. Is it a punishment for my past wrong doings? Is it another test from God to see if Mohammed Siddiq Bin Ali is strong to face the challenges in life after the sweet moments.

In life.....everything in front laid before your eyes could go missing in a split second. So while you are able to.....do what you can to help the less fortunate. For me, I did but only till recently, till I join nursing but yet again I could do more. But I guess there is always a part of humans that exists, the ignorance.

I hope God give me the strength, health and guidance to go forward. I am hoping for the best and frankly I am not prepared for the worst but I am glad I have someone to allay all my worries and anxiety. For that, I thank God, Alhamdullilah.....and I thank the people involved too, who made what's written possible.

D-Day

Last night, the sms conversations we had just lifted my confidence in you one notch. thanks.

This morning, my Nurse-Manager actually made my day! During the pass-report time, he actually pointed out me and one of my colleague that's next in line for that advance dip. I don't know what to say, I was speechless when he commended me and my colleague. Although a part of me told me that I did some mistakes that really bothered me but the other part of me just keep telling me to just enjoy the ride and in fact, stride with it so the ride's faster and smoother....I don't even know if that make sense.

My point is, I'm give an opportunity and a 'key' on the table just for me to reach out and open the doors. I need to continue working hard and make sure I do a good job at it and no mistakes or at least minimal cos we are humans after all.

Whatever it is, I am psyched up, I hope nothing screws up, InsyahAllah.

I'm going for that check up later, I hope everything will be fine....

Alhamdullilah for all that I am blessed with...

Blessed

I am blessed....

-With a job with an iron 'rice-bowl'
-Faith is still in me.
-Great mom.
-Great partner.
-Great friends.
and so on.....

Although life ain't perfect, I'm glad I'm still doing better compared to many unfortunate souls.

Although I am not in the perfect health with knee-problems, poor eye-sight, etc....I am still glad, I am not disabled or down with chronic illnesses....

I'm just thankful, my life seems better....seems like its improving in many ways...

And it is even better to be accompanied by wonderful people around me. Currently Ain, has been accompanying me thru my journey.

The listening ears, the understanding, the faith in me she give is beyond anything I could've wished for. To think that there's many possibilities of shouldn't haves, we are like fated. Thanks to the people who made it possible and of course thanks to the One I believe in.

In short.....Alhamdullilah...

And may YOU guide me further.....InsyahAllah....

Shoppa

I went shopping! Yipee...

Well, nothing fantastic that I got myself....just...
At Ikea...
-a lime green ikea stool (for me to sit on when im surfing).
-black bath towel (cos my lime green one already have holes in them).
-1 ikea wall clock (my room lacking of one).

Collected from Thomas:
-1 MCCT for my bike for my next race(hopefully).

At Giant:
-1kg tub of mixed berries yoghurt (for calcium and good digestion).
-2litres of promegranade soya bean milk (for that calcium and protein intake).
-1 clorets ocean mint (to keep me awake in the seminar tommorow).
-1 bottle of Nescafe (coffee is my steroid).
-3kg of Fab detergent (cos it was on sale and supply running low).

At CK-Department Store
-Pantene shampoo
-Gatsby Lime green deodorant
-3 Oral-Bs
-Darlie triple pack Lime-mint toothpaste.
-Stain removing tooth paste.

Wah long day.....gonna clean up a little my room and then go to bed....

Miss my Ain....see u in about 18hrs or so.....

Gnite peeps.....

hopes

i wonder....if i would be in trouble....im just keeping my spirits up, hoping nothing goes wrong...

disappointment

i think she is disappointed in me, she should be and i am too at myself. i was well aware but then i gave in, i crossed the imaginary line.

to me now, she is the most important above everything.....yes these are mere words but then again, almost everything i strive for nowadays are not only for myself but with her in mind.

it's not wise to say i'm a mere human, cos i knew but i gave in. but then again, i am human.

i dunno wat else to write.....i only know i got myself to blame.